Hope you're all keeping well and staying safe in the midst of the pandemic. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your families during the current crisis.
We're all stuck at home these days and that's reflected in the number of queries I'm receiving, particularly on the subject of twinflames. I sometimes get similar questions from readers on the same theme. Unfortunately, given the volume, individual responses aren't always possible. But I can offer some general insights that will help the majority of those seeking answers in this time of great uncertainty. I'd also like to take this opportunity to remind everyone of the personalized Skype sessions now available in my areas of research within the disciplines of psychology, mental health, sex, and relationships--the twinflame phenomenon is part of that overall research:
Ready to get down to business? Me, too!
"I think I met my twinflame, but we're both married (I'm not sure if she still is--but I know she was before we met and think she was maybe separated (?) at the time, but never really asked). We haven't spoken in about four months--my fault. Meeting her was unexpected and very intense. I felt confused so backed off, figuring I'd circle back at some point. It was never my intention to totally ghost her--just wanted to figure things out and didn't know how to tell her that without sounding like I wanted to break up. But a few weeks ago, she surprised me with a message saying goodbye. Think I may be depressed because I get overwhelmed every time I try to respond. Thought we'd be able to talk in person again in a few weeks--she was going to be working near me, but that's not happening now with C19. I think of her everyday and want to reach out but feel like it might be a mistake now--I can't leave my situation (for many reasons) and feel it will only hurt more if we stay in touch. Any advice would be appreciated."
"Thanks for reaching out. Sorry to hear about the depression--you're probably right about that. Keep an eye on it; depression can be situational but you should talk to your GP when possible and consider getting a referral to a licensed psychologist.
Regarding your potential twinflame: Essentially, what you're describing is an affair. People have them when unhappy in their current relationship. My best advice to you is to examine your own motivations. Did you start the affair out of loneliness/boredom? It's common for people who frequently travel for work to get bored/lonely while "on the road." Maybe unintentional feelings developed from there, but if you're generally dishonest with yourself, you'd find it difficult to be honest with anyone else, too. Nonresponse is easier than explaining to someone who may have indicated otherwise that you are somehow confused/conflicted, despite also being in love.
We can't discuss your new partner's motivations without her input, but if she took the time to acknowledge you after you basically disappeared for 120+/- days, safe to say she had some deep feelings. The "goodbye" wasn't so much for you as it was for her--you failed to give her closure, proving yourself impotent (unable to finish what you started), so she gave it to herself. In so doing, she exhibited a depth of emotional intelligence you have yet to prove on your end. She didn't see you as an affair partner, but as a potential new partner in love and life and showed you that by deeming you worthy of a graceful exit. Without knowing more about your specific relationship, and completely from an outside perspective, I'd say you missed the boat on that one. You need to think more about why you continue to choose unhappiness despite a chance at the opposite finally presenting itself--that's part of your overall confusion and sense of conflict. Social obligations tend to muddy the relationship waters. I think a hearty dose of honesty will help clear all that up for you.
We get comfortable where we are--or, complacent. Leaving a marriage means starting over. But, where will you live? And, who will do the laundry? Who will make dinner? Who will be there to listen to your complaints? Your current spouse not being there is only a small part of the problem because, once you two are no longer together, she could more openly/actively sabotage you/your life. It's very daunting to consider, but if you fear those kinds of repercussions from a current spouse, it signals an unacceptable level of toxicity in the relationship. You can't stay with someone out of fear and expect to ever be happy or find peace. Even if you let your new partner go, you'll simply look for her in others because your current relationship can't meet your needs, leading you to eventually seek affection elsewhere again, repeating the same cycle of misery.
The COVID-19 crisis will eventually end. And with it, your chance at being with someone who apparently loves you. If it's only been a few weeks since her last message, you have a shot at reaching out and apologizing. At least have a discussion. An HONEST discussion. Tell her how you feel and what you'd like to happen in the future. Don't hold back--you have to make yourself vulnerable. Match her courage in kind, or you won't get very far."
The twinflame conundrum in a nutshell: You've met someone with whom you have unprecedented chemistry and feel a deep, abiding connection, yet, the other party is somehow absent, silent, or has disappeared (either completely, or, comes and goes--think "Jasper" in The Holiday (2006) with Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black, and Cameron Diaz).
The situation I'm describing (above) is not indicative of your soul's other half--it's indicative of a reactionary, fear-based response. Also, it's likely there is a previous attachment on the other party's end. Maybe yours, too, but perhaps you're in a healthier head space. When a relationship has run its course, it's no one's fault. But people are generally afraid of change, so wait for something (or someone) to justify starting over. If you've met a partner who makes you feel whole, even when already complete within yourself--you've struck proverbial gold. Don't let that person go, for any reason.
The key to happiness is simple:
1) Tell the person you're in love with that you love them.
2) Be honest with yourself and others.
People who are in unhappy relationships can feel stuck and may seek temporary refuge through sexual connections with others. It's an incredibly irresponsible way to behave if you're aware that the individual with whom you are seeking that refuge has feelings for you, yet you have no intention of returning those same feelings.
I wish I could tell you that there is someone out there amidst the 7-billion on Planet Earth who is, in fact, akin to a twinflame. What I can promise is that if you remain open, you will have more opportunities to find love with an individual who can return your feelings. It boils down to what we really want. Remember, Destiny is always a choice.
ADVICE FOR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS
No one of worth will tolerate being seen as an option. To avoid drama, amp up your self-awareness with regular meditation. You're no good to anyone if you continue to fail to recognize the reasoning behind why you think, feel and act as you do. For example, if you've suffered any kind of childhood trauma or difficulty, self-sabotage may be motivating you to do things like ghost a person you're in love with for the sake of someone else who makes you (and keeps you) unhappy. All things to work on with a therapist or life coach--someone with PhD is a good place to start.
Please check out my available sessions with the link below and use this time during quarantine to improve yourself and your future. I look forward to talking to you soon!