I was rummaging through my drawers earlier. Searching for something I need, yet can't seem to find. It's a weird theme in my life. Karmic debt is like that. But these rabbit holes always seem to lead to treasure of some kind. And, today was no different.

When wishing people a happy birthday, I used to add, "And may you always find what you need before you need it." Because the things (people, etc.) that I need always seem to go missing, I really couldn't think of a better birthday-gift, or wish, for that matter. But now, there is something even better:

Mementos....

As I tore apart my house seeking that which is clearly lost, I found other things. Things I'd nearly forgotten about. Letters, cards, pictures...a plethora of reminders about a life well-lived. Not to mention, a life full of pain.

Pain isn't something you forget exactly. It's just easier to live with over time. But it never really goes away, does it???

If you have pain from your past (or, in your present), try this exercise:

Either speak or write what you want the party who caused your pain to say to you. Put it on paper or in a recorder. Then, listen....

When you hear yourself playing the part of the reckless soul who hurt yours, what do you hear? Do you hear grief and sorrow on their part? Perhaps you even began channeling some tears as you reversed the roles???

Not every situation warrants this kind of attention, of course, but it is extremely helpful to "hear" what that other person would say if their own insecurities and fears didn't hold them emotional hostage. Once you've listened to what you need to hear, it's your turn to respond. Record that, too. Or, write it out in a letter. No one but you will ever hear it, read it, or see it. You can erase all this immediately after you finish the exercise. But first, pay attention to your response. Is it what you expected???

Listen to what you had to say to the person who caused you pain. Where are your disconnects? When you identify the things that most bother you, you can begin the work of healing or recognizing and acknowledging your own needs. In other words, you will be taking responsibility for yourself and your feelings. You will no longer be a victim. You will, in fact, increase your personal power. No matter how helpless you felt when you were victimized, by completing this exercise, you have reclaimed agency over your pain, and, the person(s) that caused it.

What I found fascinating about performing this task was how surprised I was at what came out when I both played the part of my abuser(s), as well as in my response to the imagined-acknowledgement. I once had a colleague, a psychologist, ask me why I wasn't more angry about a particularly vexing situation. You see, it's not that I'm not angry...I'm just not reactionary. We all react to shocking news, of course. But, for the most part, I am rarely shocked by forever-disappointing human behavior. Also, I'm a woman. Being lied to, used, abused is something I've gotten rather used to. It's no longer a surprise, like it was even seven or eight years ago. I suppose I've  outgrown the fairy tale that people will choose love over greed. That's not as sad as it may sound. Realism is not pessimism. Being realistic helps you survive. It's the disappointments that take us by surprise that are the most hurtful. I call them social bombs.

Have you ever had a doctor tell you your head was full of cancer and you would die in two years? No??? Just me then...right. Well, if you had that same unfortunate experience, you would understand why social bombs suck. It's easy to dish them out when you haven't a clue about your own faults and foibles. But once mortality checks your coat at the door, you'll find your awareness of how others feel increases exponentially.

I don't care how many times you have to record and re-record the conversation you'd like to have but won't get any other way--just do it. Like Nike. But without spending $200 on a pair of sneakers. Or even breaking much of a sweat. Though, you may shed more than one tear....

Whether a parent, a boss, a spouse, or, that frustratingly narcissistic ex, give yourself the gift of closure. Waiting for those who hurt you to help is self-sabotage. And, as we wind up our half-way point of June 1st for #AwakeLife in #2017, it's important to increase our self-awareness in order to better achieve future success.

However, if the person reading this wronged another, causing pain and suffering...this exercise is not for you. Breathing is not for you either. You don't deserve to fill your lungs if you can't take responsibility for your own actions. Period. So, either apologize, or join a monastery, if they'll have you. You need to stay far away from other people until you have earned your humanity.

And, you will. I guarantee it....

When you hurt a person's life, you hurt yourself. It creates a boomerang effect. Eats away at your insides. Even if you're a narcissist. I once watched a documentary on a man who killed for the mob. He claimed to feel nothing. Of course, he was incarcerated, and had been for a very long time. That's what typically happens to destroyers. You eventually get caught in your own web. There is no escaping it. And, because you caused pain, I can also guarantee something else: 

You are an unequivocal coward.

Cowards cause pain as a preemptive strike against what their own fear and insecurity prompt them to expect from others. It's sad. Pathetic, even. Such creatures end up alone. Like the man who abandons the love of his life, only to read every word she writes for years upon years. Desperate to see himself somewhere between the lines. Forever relegated to the periphery, a mere footnote in her margins. But he relishes the chance to remember the light he will always miss. Miss, because he was too afraid to fight for what he really wanted.

Most abusers act like victims--it's part of their cover. But all willfully choose to irreparably damage another human being. I get that such individuals are warped by their own deep pain and grief, but if I can somehow get up each day and put positive energy into the world, anyone can. You just have to want to. That means taking responsibility for your own life.

I've written so much about how to win at love...and yet, there is still a great deal of loss in my world. Finding the letters and pictures I found today in my search for what was missing helped me see that I have been searching for the same thing for a very, very long time. Irony...the one accessory I never lose! But I did manage to find multiple pairs of sunglasses today. #Winning!!!

Maybe I'm low on #TigerBlood these days, although the tiger-motif is very hot right now in high-end fashion. Perhaps I will avail myself of one or two of those ferociously chic-reminders. If I have a daughter in the future, I plan on including "Tiger"  as a memento in her name. That way, she will never forget who she is...nor will anyone else.

Good luck wrapping up your goals for June 1st this week! I believe in you...but you have to believe, too, in order for this miracle-thing to work. Think of this as your reminder to do just that.

#MementoMori

Epiphanies seem to happen in an instant, but in reality,  it can take decades of experience in order for the brain to collect enough information for that "aha!" moment. Life is meant to be lived, after all. We can try to hide, maybe even run away, but the things we need to learn will eventually catch up to us. That's not much of an epiphany, of course, but it's not supposed to be. The big epiphanies are about big things...like love, and, what it really means to feel it for another person.

I really feel it. Love. And, I was feeling it when my big epiphany struck around two o'clock this morning. What preceded my "aha!" moment? It was a song written by Taylor Swift, of all people. She didn't sing it, but she felt every word. I find that remarkable. Because, Taylor Swift is only 27-years old. I'm 18 years older than Swift and I didn't feel or understand the words in her song until today. I think that means I've been the one hiding, or at least avoiding truly living my life. That's not anyone else's fault but my own.

We all want partners-in-crime, a person we can share secrets with. Someone to dream with, plan with, and laugh with. A person to share joy with. Create peace with. And, ultimately, find bliss with. We may find such an individual--perhaps more than once. But, we may also find people who are Trojan Horses.

Obviously, Taylor Swift did....

A Trojan Horse looks like a gift from the gods, but in reality, that person is just an empty shell hiding a host of enemies on the inside. When you let your guard down, those enemies come spilling out all over your life. Ugh.

For some of us more loyal types, it can be hard to see that your gift from the gods was anything but. We want to give the benefit of the doubt, even when we catch someone red-handed. When you're in-the-moment, it's easy to see denial as forgiveness. But, denial is self-sabotage. Maybe it's driven by ego or pride or a little of both, but we refuse to see the truth. Some things are just unthinkable. So when the unthinkable happens, you have to accept that your "gift" is not the real deal.

When love is real, it encompasses not just smokin' hot sex, laughter and fun...it's the whole enchilada. You want to care and support and raise up the person you love. You will move whole mountains, turn 0.02% chances into guarantees, and generally make the impossible, possible. When love is real, so is your unbridled enthusiasm to not only make your own life better, but better the life of the person you care about, too. Love is patient and kind. It's compassionate, not judgmental. It seeks solutions instead of problems. Love uses a gentle hand and an even gentler tongue. It is considerate, thoughtful, and forgiving. If you give that kind of love but get the opposite in return, you have yourself a Trojan Horse...and, I am deeply sorry for that.

Sorry because, I know how hard it is to reprogram your brain. It's not easy or simple. You go backwards more often than you'd like to admit. But, I'm writing this to you now so you know that, no matter how many times you "forget" your Trojan Horse is a Trojan Horse, you will come to recognize one day how much you love yourself--and that's something you'll never forget.

Today's message is about not giving up on yourself or your dreams. No matter how awful, how terrible, how lonely, how sad you may feel, remember that because you have the ability to love with such ferocity, you yourself are lovable. You, and all that love you feel, exists. And, because you exist, so does your equal. 

Believe in yourself...move those mountains just for you! Make the impossible, possible. The improbable, probable. And the next time you look in the mirror, you will see both your inner and outer beauty shine. Once you do, others will, too. 

#Epiphany

*The video is not the Taylor Swift song I refer to above...today, it's just a song. 

We can learn a lot about our waking lives while we sleep. This morning, I woke from a dream with the song "Bones" by Little Big Town playing in my head, the name John Varvatos on my tongue, and the memory of a familiar hand on my smooth, sun-kissed thigh. I was also made aware that although I was waking up to May 21st (or #521), tomorrow was May 22nd (#522...or #226 with the "1" from 2017). While tomorrow is another day, the feeling of my sexy dream stayed with me all morning. If I'm honest (and I am), that electricity is still there...and that is happy indeed!

What was the dream about?

Bonnie meets her Clyde all over again. Turns out, he kept his engine running for her, admiring her legs, her face, her smile, her eyes...his hungry gaze never leaving hers. His heart stayed with her as well. Bonnie was kind of oblivious to all this, or at least she pretended to be, that is, until Clyde got up close and personal with his partner-in-crime:

"Glad to see those legs haven't changed," he whispered lustily in her right ear. 

Bonnie couldn't help but blush, even if she wanted to be angry at her lover for leaving her behind to take the rap on the last job they pulled together. Cheeky bastard....

Throughout the dream, a beetle was on my right shoulder. Why a beetle? Tutu, or Tithoes in Greek, is the reason...and so is Ra. Yes, I mean the Egyptian Sun god. Tutu is the god of dreams, protector of the dreamer; he is also referred to as the "One Who Comes When Called" and "Master of Demons." The beetle was sacred to Tutu, and images of Ra show he was often pictured as a giant beetle. By the way, the word "tithoes" literally refers to a variety of beetle.

Tutu's followers made the ancient Egyptian city of Kellis the center of his worship. An individual who was from Kellis was referred to as a "Kelli" during the Byzantine period. Kellis was in Upper Egypt on the African continent abutting the Tropic of Cancer. All of which are synchronicities in connection to my life.

Another Egyptian deity, Khepera, god of renewal, the power of the unseen, and, creation, was present in the dream. The beetle was there representing Khepera, who dons the head of a beetle. Khepera is an aspect of Ra through the rising Sun; the word "kheper" (pronounced "kheffer") in Egyptian means to "come into being." It may be of interest to the reader that my initials spell "Ra." Last names change, but my first and middle names will always be the same. It is perhaps not a coincidence that I was also born under Leo, whose ruling planet is the Sun. 

In the last two days, I have protected, saved and shown kindness to three beetles. One found its way into my home and was on its back when I found it. Turning it over, I gently brought the terrified creature outside to my garden. It gratefully found a broad leaf and scurried on its merry way. The next day, I found an injured beetle on my porch; at first, I thought it dead and put it in my hand so I could take him to my garden and place him under the Irises. But when he went into my hand, I saw that he was still alive. His wing had gotten stuck somehow and he ended up upside down. Once the little guy got  outside, he was able to right himself. While hiking later that day, I saw another beetle trying to scurry across the gravel path; two other hikers were behind me, headed right for the beetle. I blocked them to protect the innocent creature just trying to get back to the safety and shade of the grass. The other hikers looked at me like I was mad...but all life matters. And, because all life matters to me today, the old gods my soul once knew well helped me.

How does John Varvatos fit in???

John Varvatos is an American designer of Greek heritage; he is responsible for the creation of boxer-briefs after he cut off the legs from a pair of long-johns and thought it looked comfortable. Varvatos began his career at Polo in 1983. Seven years later, the designer was hired by Calvin Klein, where he would make pop culture history. Varvatos conceived of what is still one of the most iconic images in advertising today...fellow Bostonian, Mark Wahlberg, naked, except for his Calvin Kleins. Since then, Varvatos has featured many creative-talents in his ads, including the late, great Chris Cornell, who died not even five days ago. Cornell was someone I wrote about it in my last essay, #RabbitHole. However, until I looked up John Varvatos this morning, I had no idea Varvatos and Cornell were connected.

Varvatos happens to be responsible for the preferred undergarments of Clyde as well (a la Bonnie and Clyde). Clyde particularly likes to don blue boxer-briefs and given the way he was eyeing Bonnie's legs, it was clear his answer to the age-old question, "Boxers or briefs?" was going to be, "Neither." Bonnie looked pretty happy about that fact, too.

The song, "Bones," by Little Big Town was playing in my head when I surfaced to consciousness this morning; you see, I began watching True Blood again this weekend. From the beginning. The first episode of the first season closes with "Bones" rolling along with the end-credits. Interestingly, Stephen Moyer and Joe Manganiello, both stars of the HBO hit from Alan Ball, are also connected to John Varvatos. There really are no coincidences. I happen to know Manganiello, meeting him for the first time at a swanky rooftop lounge in Toronto in July 2013. My book, True Blood and Philosophy had come out  in 2010 with a second edition hitting shelves in 2011. I worked with Sam Trammell in 2012, too, interviewing him live on stage at Philly Comic Con. I believe Sam's character even turns into a beetle in an episode of the show (along with a dog, a fly, and a bull, but I digress...). Talk about synchronicity! 

According to Little Big Town, bones, ghosts and demons are all waiting for the Sun to go down. My ruling planet is the Sun. And, I am quite literally Ra. What's interesting is, June 1st is a deadline I created a few months ago to help move my life forward; my Sun will either rise or set by midnight. The beetle's presence in the dream would indicate a rising Sun with the beetle-faced god, Khepera. While Khepera is the aspect of Ra as he rises, Atum or Atem is the aspect of Ra that finishes the world. It is Atem who provides the ka or soul to every living creature--the part of your soul that makes  you feel alive. Perhaps even electric. The Book of the Dead describes Atem as having ascended from the waters of Chaos. I wrote a piece on August 25, 2015 called #GoingDown (like Atem's sunset) that personifies Chaos. When I wrote it, I had no idea of its connections to ancient Egypt, or, to me.

Besides having 15,000 years of human-story stored in my brain, the exact meaning of my dream  is something that hints at my past, present and future. The beetle is a symbol of all three, having a body comprised of three main parts. The three parts must move together, in unison. You cannot separate one from the other without causing death and destruction. And yet, we humans spend a good deal of our time trying to do just that.

Shukran ("thank you") to the old gods who protect me to this day. A'nekh djet!

Did you know the angel, Raziel, is connected to Ra as well? Whether gods or angels, we all get what we want in our dreams. Be sure to make yours a reality...not tomorrow, TODAY. For, none of us can know when Anubis, the son of Ra, will weigh our hearts against his feather. When he does, what will your regrets be? Those are the things you need to change....

Here's to a summer full of sexy sunrises, sultry songs, tan thighs, and partners-in-crime!

#BoxerBriefs

*Completed on the cusp of 2:25 & 2:26...no, I'm not kidding

What's your favorite rabbit hole??? We all have at least a few. Those places you go to hide in order to procrastinate. Fear is a powerful foe, after all.

We are all afraid of failure. We're also afraid of success. Why? Change. Impermanence. Also known as mortality. The irony, of course, is that we go into our individual holes to hide. But, holes are where we go when we die--that's no way to live.

Rabbit holes are essentially psychological neural pathways. Neural pathways are carved out of our brains by repetitive behaviors, the way rabbits carve systems of tunnels in the earth. You can create new neural pathways to divert the old habits, however, the original neural pathways that support those old habits remain.

Habits are like rabbits, burrowing into our brains. That's why change is so hard. You have to want to. Sadly, change isn't as easy as saying, "I want to." Real change is powered by actions. Ritualistic actions, that is.

You don't have to sacrifice a virgin...that's not what I mean by "ritualistic." You beat bad habits by committing to new, healthier ones. By repeating healthy behaviors each and every day, like a ritual,  you will create new neural pathways that divert you from going into auto-pilot, falling back on those bad habits.

Rabbit holes are a maze of interconnected tunnels; it's easy to get lost once you decide to disappear into one. The internet is a favorite place to hide for many. YouTube alone is an amazing labyrinth that offers hours of uninterrupted content. Videogames are another such rabbit hole. My affinity for numbers sucks me in to the world of analytics for large blocks of time--my favorite rabbit hole at the moment. But, there are others....

If you have been using rabbit holes to avoid success, or failure, or, living "real" life, maybe finding happiness, love, joy (take your pick!), it's time to create new neural pathways. In just 21 days, you can burrow healthy habits into your brain. Repeat the behaviors you want to have stick each and every day until it's automatic. No, it's not easy. You have to want to change. For real.

Want proof???

On May 17th, Chris Cornell passed away. That was just two days ago. One of the original architects of Grunge, Soundgarden's front man beat addiction one day at a time by replacing unhealthy habits with new behaviors. As a result, he had a long-term stable marriage that not only produced two children, but also created a charitable foundation to help kids in need...not much different from my #EMMA initiative. Cornell was quoted as saying how life got a lot better after the alcohol and drugs went away, "...the bottom line is really, and this is the part that is scary for everyone, the individual kinda has to want it...not kinda, you have to want it and not do that crap anymore or you will never stop and it will just kill you."

Cornell's above quote is from an interview in 2007, ten years ago. Hours before he died, I read a tweet from Chris saying how relieved he was to have landed in a city he really loved. Not exactly the words of a man who wanted to die. But this is where the seemingly innocent rabbit hole becomes a dark place where you may never see the light of day again.

If you have ever suffered depression, you can relate to that sense of sinking. You go down, down, down, further and further until you cannot breathe. Cornell had established neural pathways that led him down a rabbit hole of no return. The thing is, Cornell is one of many creative-performers who was likely dealing with decreased D2 receptor densities...in other words, Cornell produced dopamine like everyone else, but unlike others, he had less dopamine receptors in his brain. Less receptors means an individual would need to do more risky behavior to flood their existing receptors with dopamine, just to feel normal. However, a 2010 Swedish study discovered that a decrease in dopamine receptors allow for more divergent thinking. That's where creative genius comes from. And, Cornell was such a genius.

The downside of increased creativity thanks to fewer dopamine receptors is an unfortunate association with psychosis, including schizophrenia. Having less receptors creates a constant chemical imbalance. That imbalance is what often prompts a need for things like drugs and/or alcohol.

So, what does all this really mean???

Basically, it means that anyone prone to addiction is also prone to self-sabotage, thanks to your genes. As a result, aligning your thoughts with your actions is even more important. Procrastination is the least of your worries if your brain chemistry is cueing certain neural pathways to wake up.

Have you ever avoided something you needed to do for so long, you woke up two years later wondering why you never accomplished that goal? I have. It's scary to see how much time can pass with little-to-no progress. You may not even be aware  of why. You see, self-sabotage isn't just psychological; it's bio-chemical, too.

Rabbit holes may seem like a fun diversion, but they often support self-destructive behaviors that are detrimental to not just your health and well-being, but your very life. Self-awareness is crucial to avoiding roads that have no return. You may not feel suicidal, but you may be killing yourself in other ways--like staying in toxic or abusive relationships, over-eating or over-indulging in food, alcohol, cigarettes, and other drugs, as well as avoiding financial and/or familial responsibility.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with you if you recognize yourself in this essay. I'm writing it because it's an issue I've dealt with in myself and others. How do we move our lives forward if we keep circling back to old patterns of behavior? The simple answer is, we don't. The lesson of Chris Cornell is that, even when you think you have it beat, an old neural pathway can activate, negatively affecting your thoughts and deeds. Chris isn't the first person I've known to die in the way he did. Though he had just performed at a concert, the high influx of dopamine from the performance itself flooded the existing receptors in Cornell's brain...the effect? For people with more receptors, you might feel scared. For creatives like Chris, you'd feel happiness. Joy. "Normal." But the moment you step off stage, it can mean weeks of depression. I experienced this while on tour...and, I wasn't alone.

Star Trek's Will Wheaton aka Wesley Crusher and I had quite a long discussion about this very thing during New York Comic Con. It's not even like being on stage gives you a rush...you just feel normal. Imagine that for a moment: "Normal" only happens when you get on a stage in front of thousands for three solid days. How do you live every day life if that's the case? 

In my experience, increasing creative outlets is helpful and perhaps even more fulfilling than standing on a stage. I don't just write all day every day...I also paint. I cook. I bake. I take photographs. I dance. I go hiking. I bike 15-20 miles a day. If it sounds like I have ADD, you'd be right. That's also associated with having fewer dopamine receptors. I have boundless creative and physical energy. While that may seem ideal to some of you, there is a downside. Literally.

Chris Cornell is a terrible loss to the music community. The way we can bring meaning to what feels like a meaningless death is to recognize the need for increased self-awareness, as well as the connection between brain chemistry and self-sabotage. If you know your brain misfires and leads you to some dark, scary places, you can be more aware. Which means you can build in daily activities or routines that keep your creativity moving you, and your life, in a positive direction. Meditation has helped me a great deal in this regard. You can even plant suggestions for yourself by creating and using trigger words or phrases, like #NoMoreFear.

There's a reason positive energy is so important...one day, it could save your very life. Something to remember before indulging in whatever your favorite rabbit hole may be at the moment.

Sending prayers and healing to the family, friends and fans of Chris Cornell...he will be greatly missed.

#RabbitHole

Today is #511...my day. And, yours. A question came in from a reader about #TwinFlames, and since it's the eleventh--the number that represents #TwinFlames--I thought I'd take a few minutes to talk about what it really means to feel unworthy of the person who holds your heart.

Whether or not you prescribe to the #TwinFlame-narrative, we can all relate to feeling insecure in a love relationship: "She's beautiful and I'm not...why would she want me?" Or, perhaps it's age before beauty: "He's 24 and I'm not...why would he want me???" The list of insecurities in connection to love will always be rather long. But, the long and short of it is, when we are insecure, it's because we want to be. 

We all feel it once in a while--the sense that we don't belong. That, somehow, we are not who people think we are. Let me stop you right there. When you begin  to feel unworthy, you are essentially looking for problems instead of solutions, choosing judgment over compassion, cruelty over kindness, and attitude instead of gratitude. When you make choices like the ones I describe, you are also choosing victimhood. The reason? On some level, you feel it will be easier to play the victim rather than take responsibility for your own worth...not to mention the innate responsibilities of having and keeping love.

#RealTalk: Do yourself (and everyone else) a favor and cut the crap. No more crying about how bad your life is. You're human...that means nothing is permanent. If you're over 30, impermanence shouldn't be news. Life is pain a la scholar Joseph Campbell. But, that's okay. Because, the benefit of your humanity lies within that complex brain and opposable thumbs of yours. Yes, your genes may have a certain fate in store for you. Even being born under specific stars comes with a side of karmic debt. HOWEVER, regardless of DNA or where Venus was on the day you were born, you have the power to choose. So, choose better.

You're not worthy of the person who loves you??? You're right. You're probably not. I mean, if you were, you would just be grateful for the love itself and not question why you have it. Here's a thought...instead of whining about why you have no value, put that same energy into increasing yours. That's right. You heard me:

Make. Yourself. Worthy.

When you truly love another soul, you will do anything to protect and cherish the person you care for. By saying you don't feel worthy of that person, all you're really doing is providing yourself with an excuse to remain a victim. Which means, you're also excusing yourself from taking responsibility for your own life.

Your beloved has a Doctorate and you don't even have a high school diploma? I can see how that may be problematic. But, there's always a solution to every problem: Get your GED, sign up for classes at a community college, and obtain your degree as an x-ray technician, dental hygienist, paralegal, or RN. In just two years, you'll be making double the salary you can earn without a GED or two-year degree. And, for very little investment. Depending on where you live in the States, the average cost of tuition at a community college ranges from $3,000-$6,000 a year. Just so we're clear, at many four-year institutions, you would likely pay $3,000-$6,000 per course. In a given academic year, or 30-weeks, you would be required to take three-to-four courses every fifteen weeks to be considered a matriculated student. If that's not opportunity knocking, I don't know what is. You'd see it as an opportunity, too, if you shed your victim-suit long enough to spread your wings.

Maybe you feel unworthy because your life has included some unfortunate pitfalls like addiction, a common problem in the 21st century. The simple answer is, of course, to quit your addiction. Get help. Get clean. Stay clean. And, continue to make healthy choices. But, kicking addiction to the curb is neither simple nor easy. You'll need to enlist the help of family and friends. You'll also need to discontinue any association with people who support an unhealthy lifestyle. Start going to the gym, hiking, running, walking, biking...just get outside in the sunshine. Find a good therapist you can talk to; learn what the underlying cause(s) of your addiction may be. Once you do, break that cycle into a million pieces, making even James Frey jealous. Smash it like you're the god of Thunder himself.  

Whatever obstacle you are focusing on, stop. Think. Is what you consider to be a deal breaker a real problem? Or, are there real solutions you can pursue??? Wherever you see a problem, there are always at least three solutions. It's like a puzzle, or a math equation. The answer to any question can and will be found the moment you start believing in a solution.

If you have real love, you are worthy. Whether you believe it or not, another person believes in you. So much so, that person feels genuine love for you. Love is the miracle of humanity after all. Will you let a miracle pass you by, just because you were too afraid to step up to the plate and take responsibility for your own life?

There is never a "right" moment or the "perfect" time. We don't get to choose when love finds us. We only get to choose if we wish to accept or reject the miracle that it is. You may not feel ready for love and so use the excuse of being unworthy to justify rejecting what is not even a once-in-a-lifetime guarantee. That's classic self-sabotage. Because, you will regret not seizing the opportunity to love and be loved by a person who chose you out of the seven-billion people walking on Planet Earth.  

By playing the victim (or, feeling unworthy), you are giving up. You don't want to make yourself better. You'd rather pine away for a person you love than hold them in your arms every night. You may even resent that person on some level and find joy in knowing your rejection caused that person pain. Whatever the reason, every single human being who breathes behaves the way they do because that individual gets a reward for their particular behavior. Victims are only victims because they make themselves vulnerable. While it's true all of us may be victimized, no one has to take that punishment laying down. You can stand up. You can speak up. So, stop pretending you are a child. And, grow up.

You're unworthy because you want to be. That's the truth. No matter why you feel unworthy, you only feel it because it defers taking responsibility for yourself and the person you love.

I pity anyone in love with an insecure person. When you see self-destructive patterns or signs of self-sabotage--run, don't walk, in the opposite direction. Any individual willing to hurt themselves won't hesitate to hurt you, too. If you want to have a good life, find people who are self-responsible. Surround yourself with them. And, eventually, your strength of character will pay off.

No settling! Be patient. Giving up on yourself is not an option. You will never live this particular life again, so live it fully and well.

#Worthy

*completed at 2:47, or #1111

Ironically, I've been putting off writing about our collective journey toward self-improvement, marking June 1st as our half-way point. Despite the fact that I'm the one writing about it, I find myself overwhelmed  that the first week of May is already over. The second week of four starts today. That means that June 1st, the deadline that was once months away, is now a mere three weeks from being a reality. Which begs the question, are the goals you set for yourself in January three weeks from being real, too??? 

You're not alone if the answer to that question is "no." While I have been consistently working toward all of my goals, there are a few areas I wish I had progressed in further. And, that's ultimately why I'm writing this today.

Three weeks isn't a long time, it's true, but in three weeks, you can shave two inches off your middle and permanently lose five pounds, if not a few more. You can improve your strength, your stamina and your muscle tone. You can write a book. You can paint a canvas. You can tile a bathroom. You can learn (and cook!) a new recipe, then, make it all over again and share it with neighbors. You can binge watch Jessica Jones, Daredevil, Luke Cage, AND The Iron Fist to prep for the August 18th premiere of The Defenders on Netflix. You can also volunteer and raise money for a good cause...or, simply write a check. You can make plans to travel, or, actually go somewhere. Get in your car, truck, or on your motorcycle, and just start driving. You can also meet a new person in three weeks--someone you never expected but who comes with the promise of joy (yes, please!). You can get a new job. Or, complete three-to-six job applications for a new position in maybe a new city or state or both. In other words, three weeks, or 21 days, may not be forever, but it is enough time to make positive, permanent change in your world, and everyone else's, too. 

So, instead of getting overwhelmed at the prospect that June 1st is 21 days away, we must embrace our deadline--and all the possibilities therein. Rather than talk ourselves out of losing those two inches because "there's not enough time," get up and start moving your body...today, and every day for the next 21 days! You will see noticeable changes in the first five days alone. To make the most impact, use both cardio and lifting weights every single day. Use the machines at the gym and rotate your arms and back with your legs and core. Get on a bike or treadmill (or whatever your favorite piece of equipment is) and really get your heart rate in the fat burning zone for at least an hour...yes, every single day. If you don't want to go to the gym every day, find ways of getting that cardio outside or at home. Use ankle and wrist weights and dance your ass off for an hour (I like Pitbull for serious booty-shaking...) or find a local trail and hike using hiking poles to burn more calories or use hand weights and get your heart rate going with some power walking. As a writer, I'm sedentary for long periods of time, so I use common household things, like a kitchen chair, or the bathroom sink, to help me do deep squats, deadlift bends, modified crunches, and push ups. We forget sometimes that moving our body is free and can be done anywhere, anytime. If you combine consistent movement with reducing processed foods and high sugar/fat in your diet, you'll look wholly different in just three whole weeks.

I was traveling for three weeks in May 2014, but still went to the gym every day and found a partner for extra sessions at night and, guess what? I lost more than two inches...try two pant-sizes! I couldn't believe it. I'd eat a bowl of Kashi cereal in the morning, grab a Lara bar and a liter of water and head to the gym. I'd bike for an hour (or more) and use some of the weight machines each day, stretching in between. I'd go back to my hotel, make calls, do emails, go to meetings, and write (of course), incorporating extra cardio sessions with a partner at night. I never ate out for dinner and stuck to simple meals like whole wheat baguette with cheese, fresh fruit and nuts. And, dayum, did I look good after three weeks away from home! Not only that, but I got a new job, too. A great deal of the time spent in those three weeks changed my life, and, my future. It's all about perseverance, also known as not giving up. The mind will always give up long before your body...a good thing to remember in not just health-pursuits, but in any area of your life you wish to change in the next three weeks.

Ask yourself what the one goal you really want to achieve by June 1st is. Begin working toward that goal today. Spend time each day for the next 21 days making that goal a reality, and, you WILL succeed. I guarantee you will be closer to your goal by June 1st and ready to take on the next big thing you want to achieve. For me, my goals center around the same things--book projects, financial security, staying healthy, and, the one thing I want more than anything else in the world, love. If you can break down your top priorities into four categories, you'll feel less overwhelmed and will be more likely to work a little more on each one, each day.

No matter what your day job is, your "real" job is making your own life better. When you do that, you improve the lives of everyone else around you. That's a big deal. Like Anchorman, but without the 70's stache or polyester suit (milk wasn't the only bad choice in that movie...).

You may live more than one lifetime over the course of your existence, but one thing is absolutely certain: You will never live this one lifetime again. Don't just plug into social ideas of "normalcy," take risks. Be brave! This is your shot. Make it count.

I believe in you...isn't it about time you did the same??? 

#ThreeWeekWin