Cancer's prevalency in the 21st century has desensitized us to both critical illness and chronic disease. We've become accustomed to it. And anytime we become used to something like perpetual sickness, it should raise a big red flag. While dealing with physical health issues like cancer are extraordinarily difficult, there's a definitive treatment program that, if detected early enough, renders good results. But the quiet killer in the background is mental illness. More than 25% of Americans have it. And because it's harder to identify, define, and, treat, it's not understood as easily.

I grew up in a world dictated by mental illness. It caused tremendously negative ripples in my life pond, and still does. As an adult, I've been able to separate myself to a certain degree, but it's still a part of my life. And as people age, mental illness, particularly if gone untreated, doesn't get better. It only exaggerates.

The pervasive nature of mental illness is hard to describe if you've never had any experience with it. It goes beyond neglect and abuse. Because mental illness largely goes undiagnosed, or, is misdiagnosed, and, is ultimately hard to define, you can have high-functioning individuals who may be a big-wig in the workplace, but in every other area of their lives, behave irrationally. In fact, one of the trademarks of a successful CEO or Executive is having a mild form of sociopathy, or, lacking a social conscience. So it's not a surprise to see that the number one city for adult mental illness is Washington D. C., followed closely by New York and Massachusetts.

As a child, it was surreal. To know that the adults you depended on were somehow off but to have no real ability to help them, or, yourself. And inevitably, mental illness, after years of exposure, has a negative effect on otherwise healthy people. Whether the embarrassment of bringing home a friend only to find 12-inch piles of crumpled napkins and papertowels covering every kitchen surface, or being told over and over again that something you know to be unequivocably true isn't--like the color of your eyes-- exposure to mental illness can be maddening. There's so much wrong with your everyday life, that you begin to question your own sanity. It's like living with people who whole-heartedly believe the sky is red, even though  it's very clearly blue. And you can't argue with them. You have only two choices: walk away, or, more sadly, join in the fantasy. And as a child, you can't walk away. You may try--very hard--to help those affected to see reality, but that's the tragic part of mental illness: there's no infection site to treat--it's nebulous in nature and has many different contexts, each as legitimate as the next. You're ill-equipped to deal with what is now a shared reality. There are moments of safe-haven though. Because in these rare moments, other people will acknowledge your struggle and ease the burden. 

The difficulty with mental illness is that it makes otherwise criminal actions seem almost sympathetic. But if you've been victimized by someone with a mental illness, your experience is still a legitimate experience, even if the people who hurt you were not always in their right minds. Things you may not otherwise forgive, you may feel obligated to overlook. And that isn't healthy. For anyone.

Ultimately, once you've done all you can do to help, and treatment is still refused, you must walk away. It sounds hard and horrible, but there's nothing more you can do. To continue to attempt to save a drowned man is a form of self-punishment itself; that kind of irrational behavior means you've been infected, too. In order to get better, you must walk away. If you want to quit smoking but have friends who smoke, you can't see them anymore. Alcoholics are encouraged to stay away from those who enable drinking. If you have depression, you cannot socialize with negative people. And it is the same with mental illness. It can be infectious, even though there is no physical "germ" that contributes to the condition.

If you feel you're working for someone with mental illness, your best defense is to try and get another job within a new department or leave your place of employment altogether if at all possible. It's the same with friends or family who may suffer from undiagnosed or untreated mental illness. You cannot save them. You can only save yourself.

Our society glorifies mental illness with reality television shows meant to entertain; things like Hoarders or Doomsday Preppers reflect the public interest in mental illness, but not in terms of helping these poor people--only to put them on public display--to make them a focal point for Facebook status updates and Twitter hashtags. That, in and of itself, is mentally ill. Like the KAYAK commercial that makes light of brain surgery.

Curiosity is a nice way of saying "nosy"--if you want to actually learn more about mental illness, stay away from reality TV. Instead, check out the National Alliance on Mental Illness:
http://www.nami.org

Or, The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH):
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/statistics/index.shtml

Mental illness affects 1 in 5 Americans. It's real. So there's a very good chance that you know, work with, or are related to a person suffering from mental illness. The problem is, unless that person publically displays their mental illness, no one will force them to get help. Anyone would rush to help a person bleeding to death. That's why treating mental illness is so difficult. It's not always as obvious to identify as physical illness. Hard to deny you're sick when you're puking your brains out. But if you haven't slept in your bed for months because you're a hoarder, no one may ever know.  

The best way to counteract mental illness is to regularly see a therapist, eat well, exercise daily, and as Joseph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss." In other words, live well.

Living well isn't about material items or the number of dollars in your bank account. It's about prioritizing yourself. You cannot help anyone else if you yourself are not whole. Want to help the world? Start with you. And even if you feel you're in a good place, maintain your physical and mental health by not over-commiting, squeezing out things like healthy eating and exercise, and, by steering clear of negative people and situations. Instead, walk the Earth with mindful compassion. 

If you put yourself first, everything else will follow.

My spring Comic Con tour started in Toronto and ended in Boston. If you're not in the know about all-things-Comic-Con, then you probably don't consider the "man behind the curtain," or, who puts these things on.

Wizard World puts on Comic Cons all over the country, including Toronto, Philly, Chicago, Mid-Ohio, Austin, and New Orleans. Their latest acquisition is the "Big Apple" Comic Con for 2013, but that's not the same as the New York Comic Con. Comic Cons in other areas of North America are put on by other companies, like the San Diego "International" Comic Con and, of course, East Coast Cons like Baltimore and Boston.

The Boston Comic Con was a lot of fun. Toronto had a ton of celebs and so, was more about individual fans of individual celebs...and, Yu Gi Oh. There were lots of tween, teen, and young adult boys looking for the opportunity to play in tournaments. You had Artists' Alley, of course, but there were more browsers than buyers because the crowd was more interested in celebrity-sightings and photo opps, using the vendors as a sort of time-filler/killer. In Boston, the focus was on comic books themselves. The celebs? Guys like Al Jaffe of MAD magazine. There were also a ton of families--including mom, dad, and older teens with younger siblings. There were great costumes at both Boston and Toronto, basically, fans who dress up as characters from everything to Star Trek and Star Wars, to X-Men...there was one Merlin from the SyFy show of the same name in Toronto, and one Katniss Everdeen in Boston.

The space was different in Boston, all encompassed in one long, very wide hallway, or branch, of the Hynes Convention Center. The Hynes Convention Center is accessible via the Prudential Center and Copley Plaza off of Boylston Street. Great location near high-end shopping and eateries, as well as more family friendly venues, right in downtown Boston. The hallway was lined with vendors selling all kinds of interesting things, but also, lots of comic artists and indie film-makers, as well as people in costume for photo-opps with fans. On the right side of the hallway, or plaza-level, there were separate rooms for speakers like me, as well as a zombie movie-marathon, while the left had a very large space used for Artists' Alley. There were artists from all the major Marvel and DC groups, as well as Th3rd World and the artist for Cinderella, a great female-hero driven graphic novel. There was about 8,000 fans trolling the Boston Comic Con, mostly in costume. There were no lines, plenty of space and lots of friendly, smiling faces. There was a real fun-vibe happening at the Boston Comic Con. And I was there on the second day. Which tells the whole story, doesn't it?

In Toronto, the speaker rooms and celeb Q&A's took place in one wing of the Metro Convention Centre in downtown Toronto, also near  restaurants as well as the famed Rogers Stadium and CN Tower; the featured rooms were in the center of the wing with hallways and access doors on both sides. Further down, you could find tournament rooms and on the second level, there was Artists' Alley--a warehouse-sized space that had food vendors all around the perimeter, artists and authors in the center and at the back, celeb photo/autograph stations. Like the Boston Comic Con, Toronto had two main rooms for speakers--one large (480-person capacity) and one smaller (350-person capacity). I was originally scheduled for the smaller space, but like Boston, we made a few last minute changes to accomodate the show. Wizard World offers VIP ticketing so for every event or speaker over the course of the day, there were two lines--one for VIP ticket-holders and one for people with general admission day passes. There were two long lines of people waiting to enter the room for my show...which somewhat freaked me out when I realized what was happening. I've had large audiences before--but never people willing to stand in line for 20 minutes to see me. And in Toronto, unlike Boston, no one in attendance was a family member or friend--but I did meet plenty of fans of my books, and, of vampires in general, and, of the supernatural, and, of paranormal romance, and, of superheroes...so it was a real mix that made for a very enthusiastic, engaged audience.

The fans for my Boston show numbered upwards of 120 or so. In Toronto, my audience was almost double that. Of course, the room in Boston seated about 120 (as opposed to Toronto--which seated 480!), and yes, there were people standing up in the back in Boston. Now, what made the Boston audience even more awesome was the surprise. What surprise? Let me explain:

I was scheduled for a room without a projector; the problem there is part of my show at all Comic Cons depends on a multi-media presentation I made specifically to go along with my talk. Without the visuals and sound  to go with my presentation, it would be like serving pancakes...without the syrup. Dry. And tasteless. So, the promoter for Boston had offered to rearrange the zombie movie-marathon so I could do my show properly. Very generous of him, because it meant tweaking the schedule. Unfortunately, we weren't able to make the changes in time to get into the program. So as I spoke to a full room yesterday, while the fans were just awesome and super-engaged in my talk, actively asking questions and sharing comments, I mistakenly thought most were in the room for the zombie-flicks. After I closed my talk, and the kind applause resounded around the room, not only was I bombarded by pop culture enthusiasts, but I realized as we cleared the space before getting George Romero's Night of the Living Dead on the silver screen, that the room was empty of all but five people. That crowd, the people who squished-in, even stood up, to listen to my talk weren't just being polite, they were there specifically to see my show. I am a Native Bostonian and there were five people in attendance who knew me--so what about the other 110 +/- folks???

It was awesome to see so many people pack the room just for my show. I loved my time in Toronto, too--don't get me wrong. It was fabulous. But being in my hometown and having people who didn't know me show up just to see me was pretty amazing. I was humbled, and grateful.

My Comic Con tour continues this fall. Stay tuned for more details! What am I doing in the meantime? Well, for starters--TED. No, it's not what you think. I'll be presenting in the field my Doctorate is in, Medical Humanities, for a TEDx talk in New York this June. I'll also be participating in an event at Yale this summer. By September, I'll be back on the Wizard World Tour for at least two of the three fall Comic Cons scheduled in Mid-Ohio, Austin, and New Orleans.

So what's the big deal? Why are hundreds of people packing into rooms at these Cons to see me? Well, you'll just have to see it for yourself. I can tell you that I do have a book chapter coming out on vampires in popular culture in the definitive book edited by Jody Pennington, Evil in Pop Culture, coming out next year. And yes, there are other projects in the pipeline. A hint? Sure!

Things aren't always black and white...sometimes, they're in Shades of Grey...and other colors, too: Purples, golds, reds, blues, but I've already said too much. ;)

So, you want the dish? The insider-info on all the dirty details??? Sure, I can help you there. Hang on to your hat!

CW-darling, Torrey DeVitto, who plays Melissa Hastings on Pretty Little Liars and Dr. Meredith Fell on Vampire Diaries, is as sweet, nice and TALENTED as you would imagine her to be. She has natural grace under pressure and handled difficult fan-questions during her Q&A with husband of one-year, Paul Wesley, like a champ. Yes, I was moderating the panel. And yes, Torrey was sitting next to me. She was wearing a super-flattering black and white jacket and killer heels. Donning the in-style of darker hair with light-ends in loose curls, she shined. Plain and simple.

DeVitto and Wesley married a year ago this month on the 16th; DeVitto's talents go way beyond the silver screen to her violin. Yes, she's a terrific musician. Her father was a drummer for Billy Joel and her middle name is in Joel's honor. She even played her fiddle for Christie Brinkley at Brinkley's wedding to Peter Cooke.

What I loved about the couple was how Wesley generously shared the spotlight and limelight with DeVitto. There were about 400 screaming females of all ages in the 45-minute Q&A that took place at 3pm EST at the Metro in Toronto. The "talent," as celebs like Wesley and DeVitto are called at events like this, enter the room a few minutes after the session starts. Because, as moderator, I had to lay down some ground rules first. And, get the crowd even more frenzied for their brush with Vampire Diaries fame. Tough job, but someone's got to do it.

The two came running in after my intro and got right to work, engaging with excited fans. Wesley had no problem joking easily with fans, even when one made a comment about how small Wesley is in person. DeVitto picked up the question, explaining how television cameras add height and width to people. And she's right. A television camera adds about ten pounds to a person's perceived frame, and, because of perspective, adds a few inches as well. Wesley also admitted to having slacked a bit on his daily Vamp Diaries work outs, saying playfully, "What do you want? I'm tired...," followed by his signature James Dean-like smile.

DeVitto and Wesley were tight-lipped about next week's season finale, hinting only that Stefan develops a new relationship.

Another interesting revelation was when a fan asked Wesley if he'd ever watched the evolution of Joss Whedon's Angel to prepare for his role as the Ripper. Wesley stunned us all by saying he's never seen Boreanaz's work. Ever. We were all a bit disappointed to learn that Wesley isn't a fan of the genre he's a part of. But that's what acting is all about, isn't it? As fans, we'd like to imagine the people who portray some of our favorite characters are just as enthusiastic as we are.

Wesley also revealed that if he wasn't acting, he'd be writing. I found this of particular interest as a writer and writing professor, and almost handed him my card right on the spot.

DeVitto said she always knew she wanted to be in show biz while Wesley said it was something that evolved over time for him. His favorite movie: Goodfellas. DeVitto, on the other hand, named three--including Newsies.

Now, in case you're wondering, the schedule for a celeb at Comic Con is rather grueling. You're meeting and greeting people for several hours in the morning; you get a short break for lunch before prepping for your next appearance--usually a Q&A--followed by more photo opps with fans. Your hand is cramped by day's end; your throat is dry. You can only see blue spots before your eyes because there have been cameras flashing in your face the entire day. You don't have time to change, so you're sweating--all day--with only brief moments of privacy to touch up and refresh on the go. You have to smile constantly. You can never slouch. And eating or drinking is out of the question because press and photogs are always looking for that "everyday" moment to sell to mags. Even walking down the hallway is a chore because you can't do it without being followed by flashes and promises of eternal love. And the thing is, these actors are just people. Like you and I. They simply embody the ideas writers pull their thinning hair out to develop for you, the fans. And yes, I pull my hair out on a daily basis.

Speaking of hair, Wesley claims to do his own trademark spike.

As moderator, I had to wrap the session at about 3:50pm to get the next celeb (Gerry Ryan) in the room on time; not an easy thing to do, given that the Q&A line at the mic was still 20-people deep. But Wesley and DeVitto were very personable with their fans, giving each question careful consideration and elaborate answers--the kind that you wait in line for 45 minutes to hear. Luckily, Paul Wesley was gracious enough to offer to do further meet-n-greets in his booth stationed along Artists' Alley on the upper level.

Before Torrey DeVitto left the stage, she looked for me to shake my hand, thanking me for my work. She cued Wesley to do the same before their hasty departure. I was holding my cane in my right hand and wasn't quite ready for the back-handed hand-shake so Wesley apologized and shook my other hand, also thanking me before being deluged by fans asking him to stop and take a picture with him. He was being ushered out by his manager and bodyguard, even though it was clear he loved his fans and would have stayed in the room all day chatting them up if he could.

Wesley and DeVitto's first-class flight to Toronto wasn't as easy as one might imagine; not only was Joan Rivers a passenger (so one may find their fashion choice of the day under scrutiny on her next episode of Fashion Police), but the couple had to endure their plane being struck by lightening! DeVitto said it sounded like one of the plane engines had died when they were first hit; she thought the plane was going down. While Wesley joked that he knew they'd be fine, having previously read about how a plane's construction is meant to hold up to lightening. He laughed as described the odd way the pilot came on the speakers, commenting about how it was Friday the 13th so weird things were bound to happen. Indeed.

Before DeVitto and Wesley's session was set up, SyFy's Being Human cast members, including Meaghan Rath, Sam Huntington and Sam Witwer were doing their own Q&A. I was prepping for my spot with Paul and Torrey so was unable to sit in on their session but did rub elbows with Huntington, Rath and Witwer as I was getting on stage for the Vampire Diaries show at 3pm. The chatty threesome, particularly Huntington, were super-friendly with fans and staff. I didn't have time to get too involved but can tell audiences that as I was prepping on stage, Witwer gave me a good, hard, long look. Up. And down. Witwer is six years my junior so I was terribly complimented, especially given his rumored connection with the gorgeous, Alexa Davalos. Three people were responsible for my look that day: Kate Somerville (and her insanely good skin care), my colorist, Jason (who made my hair absolutely perfect for the occassion even though I'm the worst client in the world), and of course, the indominable Roberto Cavalli (for his Moorea batwing blouse that not only helped me keep my cool all day long, but helped me look the part as well). Oh, and lest I forget to mention the adorable, Dr. Irwin Smigel, who has helped celebs like Kelly Ripa keep their smiles whiter and brighter for years--thank you for your generosity.    

Three years ago, I went through a terrible trauma. More cruelty than anyone can imagine. It caused me to have health difficulties that included neurological symptoms like losing feeling on my left side, decreased mobility, weight gain, and depression. So as I stood on stage yesterday with the talented, generous and kind Paul Wesley and his lovely wife and co-star, Torrey DeVitto (whose million-watt smile is even more dazzling in person than on screen), and felt a bit like the vampires I so passionately study, write, and speak about: Born again. Into a new life. A better life. One where dreams can come true. And the cruelty that has caused not only me, but all of humanity, to turn to fanged-monsters as our saviors, has disappeared.

My one regret? Not having the time to tell Torrey and Paul that they'd be perfectly cast as Ana and Christian in the upcoming movie production of Fifty Shades of Grey. Oh, and by the way, if you are a fan of James' work, I can only hint at connection to an upcoming project surrounding the now infamous "mommy porn"--the dominant to Ana's submissive, as it were.
 
More to come on Toronto Comic Con 2012!!! And stay tuned for next week's reflection on the Boston Comic Con:

Must. Eat. Brains.

You know how, sometimes, when dealing with a problem--which inevitably includes dealing with people--you get the feeling that the circular answers you continue to hear when proposing solutions aren't really answers at all? That's called the "run-around."

In Latin, the term is "cum hoc ergo propter hoc," or, "with this, therefore, because of this." Basically, a false argument or logical fallacy attempting to state that with, let's say, approval from a supervisor, therefore, because of that approval, a decision may be finalized. The technique is used to exhaust and confuse the opponent. It gives the opponent false hope that ultimately leads to  the opponent's temporary pacification. And by "opponent" I mean that person the argument is being used against. That person, poor soul, may not even know they're being opposed because of the style of argument being used. Nevertheless, it's still an argument. And ultimately, still the run-around.

It's hard to know what to do when faced with someone giving you the run-around. You may want to say, "Look, just tell me what's going on here," but that's a question you already have the answer to. If you're getting the run-around, you're not likely to get any satisfaction out of the situation--whatever it may be.

You have few choices in such a situation, but they are still yours to make:

The first, and most obvious, is not to give up. Don't let the run-around run you into a tizzy. Keep your cool. You'll outlast the roadblock. Because at some point, the person giving you the run-around will run out of excuses. And yes, in the meantime, you may want to pull out your hair...or theirs. You may want to shout out, "Will you just cut it out! I'm not stupid!!!" But you can't. Because for whatever reason, the miserable sod making your life difficult has more than likely been asked to do so by a superior. Today, SOP for any business is to push everything to its limit and see what happens. People often become frustrated in the interim, giving up. That's the best result the run-around can produce for the person deliverying it. Because then, there can be no blame.

The other choice is to confront it head-on. Let the person giving you the run-around know you're savvy to their ploy...because that's what the run-around really is, a ploy. This can quickly diffuse the situation, or, it can turn sour...fast. The person issuing the run-around may become defensive, or threatened. Instead of owning up to what's going on, the individual balks, hard. And if you're being given the run-around by a man and you yourself are a woman, you may not want to take the direct approach; inevitably, you'll get the defensive stance. But a man calling out another man has a shot at the, "Yeah, you're right. Let me see what I can do to fix this," response.

Sorry, ladies--but facts are facts. We give birth to men and that forever puts us in the unenviable position of being fucked. Male egos often need the artificial reassurance that their greatness has no end, and what has no end cannot have a beginning. Yet every penis first forms within a womb. That not only implies a beginning, but a female superior. So yes, it means that women are more likely to get the run-around from men, and when that happens, it's almost always going to be an uphill battle. Almost.

There is one other possibility when dealing with the run-around: Go above their heads. What that does is let the superior giving the direction to your runner know that you know...and then, the jig is really up: "Oh, that warranty we said had run out? Yes, here we go...you do have three more months." My personal favorite is the flat, insincere and unsympathetic, "We apologize for the confusion; it will never happen again."  

Yeah, right.

The run-around is a game about financial responsibility and legal liability. Unless you're Oprah, JK Rowling, Donald Trump, or, the Queen of England, you're bound to continue getting the run-around for most of your life by people and businesses with more money than you.There's no clearer sign of the separation between economic classes then the prevalent use of legislative run-arounds...things like the ADA come to mind.

The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) is a farce. If you're a business, you don't have to accomodate anyone if it isn't economically feasible. So if you're in a wheelchair or have impaired mobility, you pretty much depend on the kindness of others to say, go to the bathroom, or even enter a building at all. Without accessibility buttons, those in a wheelchair don't have the proper center of gravity to pull open a door. Even if they could, how are they supposed to open that door, and, wheel themselves through it at the same time? Cum hoc ergo propter hoc--with the ADA and therefore because of the ADA, all disabled people are protected. Uh-huh. And if you believe that, I have this snake oil I can sell you...real cheap.

I've been getting the run-around for three weeks. And it's not fun. Hopefully, the people doing it read my blog and will now cut the crap...one of my mother's favorite expressions. She has a littany of cliches in her arsenal. When I'm feeling particularly frustrated, they tend to come out. And I'm glad of it; always nice to be reminded of one's humanity...one's beginning. The implied end is scary, certainly, but no less of a relief in the scheme of things. Things like the run-around.

The bottomline is that the run-around isn't just a frustrating pro-forma corporate game, it's insulting. It says, "We can do this to you because you're too stupid to recognize it."  Even if you're not. 

April didn't just bring showers...it's a veritable storm. My wish for you, given the inclement weather, is that, like Louisa May Alcott, you have learned to sail your ship so do not fear the stormy weeks ahead.

I have. But it's not fear of the storm or my sailing skills that darkly broods amongst my weary worry lines--it's the ship itself. One can only do so much--my ship's not a water-tight yacht. Thanks to a myriad of unfortunate circumstances that had me hypothesizing about my soul's connection to Jesus, all I could afford when the flood arrived was a lousy, leaky raft. I'm still affloat, but barely. Opportunity reaches up from the waves, and when I bend over to pull it in, I take on more water!

The solution would be to get rid of the raft somehow; grow fins and a tail and jump into the sea itself. Or, I could wait out the storm. All beginnings have an end and all endings start with a sunrise. Life's conundrum is never ending. And neither is the implied humiliation. If only I could meet Professor Johnson on equal footing in the classroom--go back to 1996. Make him eat his bullying words by having him choke on a few choice ones of my own. Today, I could spank a Brit with my wit. Yestertday, I was still learning what that meant. Tomorrow, I hope not to care anymore.

Does apathy bring you closer to death? I hope so. The apathetic are a curse on humanity.