Today is my maternal grandmother's birthday, Mary Gertrude (Conley) Thomas. She would have been 96 today; she passed away in March. Three months earlier, I lost my paternal grandmother. And as my regular readers know, there were many other losses both before and after, including my beloved Auntie Helena in July. Not a day passes where those I've lost aren't present in my mind. But one cannot live in the past. It is up to those left behind to continue forging a path toward our future, as difficult as that may be without the people we love. And it is difficult. It's made more so when compounded by the anxieties of 21st century life, like a failing economy or empty job market. 

I recently read a book called SUPERPOWER by M. Keith Booker (Bison Books 2010); it's all about how American culture requires spontaneous, supernatural or paranormal evil between the lines of reality and fiction to explain how certain things go wrong--in our current society, and looking backward in our history. It's a very interesting book. I found it striking that our present and future are so very defined by our past--even outside of our direct action. The truth in Booker's words are evidenced all around us. Next month is Halloween; ghosts, vampires, ghouls, devils, superheroes, and other "monsters" will be running around asking for candy. We think that's just one day a year, but in reality, it happens every day.

Turn on your TV and you'll find a plethora of ghosty-ghouls to choose from--from vampires to supernatural freakdom of all kinds--featured during primetime any day of the week, even Saturdays...even Sundays. While Damon from Vampire Diaries isn't asking for candy directly, he is asking you to accept him as a sweet substitute for reality, a reality where humans are the real monsters--there is no evil of any kind gumming up the works in society...sorry, M. Night Shyamalan. We have only to look in the mirror to see what "evil" lurks in the darkness: Corporate greed. Bullying. Mobbing. Murder. Rape. Kidnapping. Robbery. Drunk Driving. Abuse. Exploitation.

No fangs required. No zombies need apply. 

And when we face that reality, without the safety net of some imagined, unexplainable evil, it becomes even more difficult to deal with in the midst of our losses...like the friends and family who passed this year, like the loss of a job, career, or even personal relationship with a spouse, child, friend, or other family member. And loss is the name of the human-game! If you're human, you've experienced loss. If you're lucky enough not to have had any yet, then brace yourself for reality--if I could take it away, I would. If I could save humanity from the pain and suffering of loss, I would. But that's beyond the scope of my abilities. All I'm able to do is offer words of encouragement.

While impermanence is an inextricable part of the mortal coil, we can "rise" above it--like a phoenix reborn from the ashes of death and despair. How? Keep moving forward. As you move forward, seek connections. Avoid unnecessary turmoil by choosing your battles wisely. Don't let the minutia of life cause you anxiety--the wheel turns, and so will you. Patience is a virtue and meditation can make you virtuous. Honor those people you lost by doing these things. And even in the midst of an evil-less society, where there is no one and nothing to blame but ourselves, you will succeed. You will prosper. You will not just survive, you will thrive.

Hope breeds fear, which in turn breeds hatred. Act by moving yourself forward in the continuum. Don't let yourself be paralyzed by hopes and fears and hatred OR pacified by popular culture. Be strong. Be courageous. And reclaim your personal power.

Thousands of years ago, a scholar named Hillel asked, "If not now, when?"

If you find you have no answer to that question, then you already have your answer.

If these are my last moments on Earth, boy, do I have a lot of regrets. My head's pounded for days. And right now, it feels like it could explode. Even hitting the keys is a torture...the sound. But I'm compelled. It's my best form of expression. And if these are some of my last moments on Earth, I'm going to express, damn it, even it hurts.

There's no joke that can cover reality. I'm going to die. So are you, but what makes us different is that my death could be anytime...literally. I suppose the same holds true for you, too, if you're not careful. For me, extra care simply doesn't matter.

And because of who I am--a phoenix, as a friend calls me--other people who don't have my problem are actually jealous. It sounds insane, and you may think it's my pounding head talking and not the rational, educated, writer-philosopher I am. But it's not the pounding talking to you. The pounding tells me I'm right.

Simply because I soar instead of sink despite my torturous daily life--and it is--make no mistake, people. Try taking a shower when half your body doesn't work. No? Try getting dressed. Still no. Try dancing. Try running. Try crossing the street. Getting in (and out) of your car. And I'm this way, not because I was drunk and hit a tree, not because someone else was drunk and hit me instead of a teee, but because of circumstances beyond my control. Deadly circumstances. Fatal, even.

Everyday is a gift...why? Because I'm awake. I'm not dead. That's a gift???  Seriously? It's no gift to live each day knowing you're on God's timetable, as one doctor told me. Why can't I be on my own timetable? I earned it. And yes, I've earned your respect, too--even if you don't know me. Why? Because I lived through hell--I didn't choose it, it chose me. And I lived. But that's not all.

I made people's lives better. Every single day of my survivorship (as ludracrous as that term is--for now, it will have to suffice). I'm deferential, concilliatory, respectful, and all kinds of patient--with others, others who don't show me the same respect, though it's hard for me to take a step, and my life, such as it is, will be infinitely shorter than a person of equal health and age. And by the way, the joke is, I'm actually healthy--my heart is as strong as a 25-year old male; blood pressure, cholesterol, even blood sugar--extraordinarily healthy. Respiratory system--like that of a person 15 years younger. Perfect vision. Muscle-mass of a 25-year old, fit, healthy woman. I can lift more weight than most men. Teeth are healthy. No periodontal problems. And obviously, my brain is highly functioning--I can not only string more than a few sentences together, I can ponder everything and anything--from super-string theory to literary theory, from Dante's Inferno to Dante's Peak. I can write well in all genres and have published in all genres. I can calculate tips...in my head. Impressive, I know. But that's the REAL problem, isn't it? I'm healthy, except for a few bumps in my life-road, I could be like anyone else on the street...who wears a prosthetic brace and uses a four-wheeled walker. 

And you know what? That stuff--my disability, my cancers--as awful as it is, NEVER depressed me. I kept marching along, trying to help others, trying to do good--I was both eager and grateful to be alive and I wasn't afraid to show it. But then something happened about 18 months ago--something that shouldn't have broken a person of my unfortunate fortitude, but it did. I say "unfortunate" when speaking of fortitude because needing it means you've lived through tough times...probably more than once. And that's always unfortunate. 

Eighteen months ago, I was ripped in half. Eighteen months ago, because I was a healthy disabled person, an upbeat sick person, a well-adjusted, non-miserable, productive person despite my circumstances, I was discarded like garbage. Now, the little things that we all have to deal with, seem disproportionately large to me--almost insurmountable. if someone is nasty, as humans tend to be, what I normally would have brushed off without a thought now feels like being speared through my gut. Sorry for the violent analogy, but that's how it feels. My ability to see the good in people isn't gone, if it were--I'm not sure I'd still be here. But I don't believe in people anymore...or, maybe a more gentler way to put it is, it's deeply difficult to do so. And I'm very sorry to report that people haven't let me down in that regard. Not even once.

How I would love to expose you--even the rude person in the parking lot last week. So why don't I? I've had plenty of opportunities. But being in miserable circumstances doesn't make me equally miserable toward others. It would be easier for me if it did. I'm not sure why, but in this lifetime, easy is not something that comes easily.

And you'd think that it would be obvious. That people would understand, be compassionate, sensitive, and respectful of all I've been through, all I've done to overcome it, and unfortunately, all that's yet to come.

Think about it: You're 40, for example. About half your life is over, maybe a little less, if you're lucky. Outside of a broken bone here or there as a kid, the Chicken Pox, and a bad flu one season--you're relatively healthy. Maybe you have a few extra pounds--maybe you don't. But you've never had cancer. You don't have diabetes. You don't have any autoimmune diseases. NOW, you tell me--are you scared? Do you worry about how long you'll live? Do you think about when that ticking time bomb will explode? OR, do you think more about putting away for your retirement--because, see, you'll have one. Do you ponder that 20-year anniversary with your spouse coming up in the next seven years--putting a little bit away each year to go on that second honeymoon? Do you think about your children growing up, getting married, envisioning yourself there at every major milestone along the way, like the birth of your first grandchild? 

I ponder those things, too--because I hope that, despite my circumstances, I will be there to retire, to go on that second honeymoon, to see my first grandchild. But hope is the red flag of fear. I can only HOPE while you, on the other hand, can DREAM.

Big difference.

So the next time you see a person who is disabled or elderly or military or a woman wearing a kerchief on her head because she's obviously going through chemotherapy--you'd better be nice to that person. You'd BETTER show that person respect. Because that person, whoever that individual is, deserves it--more than you.

It's easy to walk when you have two healthy legs--you don't get congratulated for that. But the people who rise above the crappy circumstances of their life, whether health, poverty, or social disadvantage...now those are the people you should be raising up. Those are the people who should be congratulated.

It's a New Year. I'm casting my sins away. My biggest sin? Silence.

What's yours? 

 

So, in August, I went off the tech-grid for eleven days. I later wrote an essay cataloguing the things I did while not distracted by technology--published here on this blog. This is a follow up to that social experiment. Why a follow up? Because a good nonfiction writer is a responsible writer. My time off the grid continues to influence the way I now live daily life. And I feel full disclosure is necessary. Evolutuon doesn't stop so I plan on continuing to write follow ups to this experiment for  the next year. It's amazing how one small change can make a BIG impact on your world. Perhaps one grain of rice can change the world after all....

It's been just over a month since I conducted my "off the grid" social experiment. I told you all about my evolution during those eleven days--but how did it continue to impact my daily life after the experiment ended? Did I go back to being totally engrossed in technology? Did I lose out on any opportunities if I stuck to my decreased time online (the result of my August experiment)? Hopefully, the answers will get you thinking a little bit harder about limiting your time on the grid.

The transition back to the grid was tougher than I expected. After learning what life could be like off the grid, I resented having to re-engage in what I now thought of as a black hole of energy, effort and time--all of which is precious to our quality of life. Yes, technology makes many things possible--like working with other writers from all over the world to bring an important anthology to life. I've edited and contributed to about ten anthologies, including two encyclopedias--and of those ten books, I've met only a handful of the 100+ authors and editors I've worked with. That's pretty miraculous. And it wouldn't be possible without technology. Another positive for technology as a writer is that I can easily send paperless queries and proposals to publishers, agents, literary magazines, and editors. As a working author and editor, people from places like the Huffington Post, Woman's World magazine, Inside Higher Ed, In Media Res (a media journal), Redbook magazine, the Democrat & Chronicle, Rochester Review, and Marie Claire have all communicated with me through technology for interviews or article requests. Every book review I've ever written has been requested and delivered via technology. Come to think of it, without technology, I wouldn't even have a writing career at all!

That said, it is still too easy to get "swallowed up" into the black hole that is technology. Part of the reason is exactly what I describe above--opportunity exists through technology and if you're even remotely ambitious, you know you have to find those opportunities to take advantage of them...hopefully, moving closer toward increasing your income. Dollars and cents, my friends. But that's not all of the appeal. Social interaction, even if only in cyberspace, is a big part of it, too.

My student family includes thousands but on a weekly basis, just over 300 regularly keep in touch through mediums like Facebook and Twitter. I have students living all over the world, including Dubai, China, Malaysia, Kuwait, Brazil, Saudi Arabia, and the list goes on and on. I have other students living all over North America including San Francisco, Seattle, North Carolina, Colorado. Massachusetts, Alabama, Washington DC, Chicago, British Columbia, Toronto, Detroit, South Carolina...and how could even begin to keep in touch with everyone outside of social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter...even LinkedIn provides opportunities. My Doctorate was earned at the University of New South Wales in Sydney; I keep in touch with people from there on social networking sites. I keep in touch with all of my far-flung family and friends through social networking sites. I even touch base with local friends that way, too. So while technology appears to suck your time and energy like some kind of cyber-vampire, it does have more rewards than just dollars and cents. I can CONNECT with the world in a way that would be nearly impossible without the help of technology.

But even with all the positives, I now find technology to be a drag on my existence. I walk away from the computer feeling drained of energy. Because, of course, our bodies are not meant to sit in one spot and stare at a computer screen for hours. You begin to produce less seratonin and dopamine--the feel-good chemicals necessary for feeling healthy, balanced and not feeling depressed. You also sleep better if you have good dopamine and seratonin production. During my time off the grid, I spent a great deal of my daylight hours outside doing a variety of activitites--including just sitting and observing the world. And guess what? I became addicted to the high I felt after connecting with nature more than I connected with technology. I can't wait to go outside now--I feel a bit like I did when I was a child; my whole focus was getting outdoors as soon as possible. How long has it been since you felt that way?

If I have a lot of computer work ahead of me on a given day, my mood becomes more depressed knowing I can't spend as much time outdoors.

Recent studies have found that being outside in a natural setting reduces stress levels. Even taking a ten-minute walk on a nature trail or in a park can do the trick. And of course, we need to be in the sun for at least 15 minutes a day to help our bodies produce necessary vitamin D, without which, are bones would be greatly weakened. And, you can't get enough from food sources alone. Vitamin D has also been the subject of recent studies concerning weight loss. If you're outside, your stress levels decrease, helping you sleep better--which also increases your metabolism. Too much cortisal, a stress hormone, can signal the body to produce more abdominal fat--thought to be an evolutionary residual affect from our fight-or-flight instincts. Spending time in nature, in the sunshine, is an imperative for good physical and mental health. But most of us spend the majority of our daylight hours in front of computer screens, in cubicles or sitting at desks--indoors.

My caveat with going off the grid is this: Be careful--because you may not want to go back after you're done. But life requires us all to do so. The result may be increased anxiety surrounding the required usage of technology which can increase your stress--the opposite of what the experiment was meant to accomplish. Of course, the flip side is you'll hopefully walk away from your time off the grid addicted to the outdoors and all the benefits therein--providing a counter-balance to what I call the "black hole effect" technology tends to have on our lives (despite the positives it provides).

Have I lost out on any potential opportunities since limiting my time on the grid? The short answer is no. One of my essays will be available exclusively on Amazon for people buying True Blood & Philosophy--this happens in October. I'll also be editing a number of essays that will join mine on Amazon for True Blood fans. My interview with Woman's World will be published in their October issue. And I've been able to stay connected with my friends, student-family and other family members--though I'm no longer having FB chats for hours at a time. I've submitted five book proposals in the last month. I've started two different novels. AND, I've still been able to spend time outside each day...admittedly, a day like yesterday was only 30 minutes. But I have days where, by working early in the morning or later in the evening, I can spend more time outdoors during daylight hours. And my time outdoors does not include technology. I've made the outdoors a technology-free zone. No laptops, iPhone, netbook, Nook--nothing.

One of my good friends, finishing her Masters this year, read my essay on going off the grid and wrote to me with some great thoughts on how people like her, whose school and work keep her connected to technology, can limit their daily time on the grid. Her main suggestion was making home a tech-free zone. Yes, you have to do homework at home as a student--but keep the internet research at the school library. Tell your classmates and teachers that you cannot get email at home--only through your school account--so not to expect you'll receive class emails any other time except during the school week before say 5:00pm, when it's reasonable that you would no longer have access to email. Take the "text" service off your cell phone. Trade in your iPhone, Droid or Blackberry for a model that can't access email or the internet. You think this will make your life harder but you're wrong--you'll be relieved from the constant nagging of technology. You'll no longer feel obligated to constantly check for email or other technological communications. Go off the grid every weekend--without exception.

Reclaim your life, an your time, and your energy. You can do this! You have to. Especially if you want to feel better and live better. And who doesn't want that?

*SPOILER ALERT*

Robert Rodriguez and Troublemaker Studios put on a fabulously fun campy romp that tackles relevant political questions, particularly immigration laws and enforcement tactics by conservative politicians like Senator John McLaughlin, played by Robert Deniro, a character clearly drawn from lines left by the last election. Actors like Don Johnson, Steven Seagal (avec hair piece), Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin (avec ganja), and Michelle Rodriguez round out this action packed cast as well as the star--Machete himself--Danny Trejo.

I laughed so hard I could have cried: Lindsay Lohan bares her boobs during an incestuous threesome. Michelle Rodriguez bares her mid-riff (and amazing abs) while wearing an eye patch and shooting a bazooka. Don Johnson has a Tex-ass accent, long side-burns and leads a group of border vigilantes while driving a, yes, you guessed it, Hummer, and wearing a cowboy hat. Jessica Alba is nude in the shower--nothing more needs to be said there. And ridiculous amounts of copious fake blood and graphic machete-slashing of body parts lead the charge to hilarity. A more perfect 21st century parody of our parodic lives, one could not find!

Entertainment Weekly uses the term "Mexploitation" when describing Rodriguez's latest lampoon. The roots of the exploitation genre began in the 60's and 70's with sexploitation specialist, Russ Meyer, whose naughty nudies always had hardcore issues at the heart of every sex-matter. Other popular takes on the exploitation genre include Blaxploitation films like Shaft (1971) and Blacula (1972). As with Machete, Russ Meyer and other exploitation film directors, used the medium to empower the "exploited" subject--and the irony is, the subject wasn't being "exploited" by the director, but was already the subject of social exploitation. Russ Meyer was even called a feminist because of his strong, empowered, if not nude, female characters--similar to using someone like Sarah Michelle Gellar to play Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Lucy Lawless to play Xena, Warrior Princess. Exploitation films were the beginning of the postmodern parody. And with writer/director/producer, Robert Rodriguez--one of the unquestionable kings of 21st century exploitation films--Machete is no exception!

September 3rd was the release date for Machete. But the theatre was practically empty when I went on September 4th. Like with Grindhouse (the origin of Machete, one of the fake trailers in the 3-hour magnum opus by Rodriguez and Tarantino), mass audiences don't always seem to appreciate the satirical nature of the exploitation genre. We've been programmed to be politically-correct in the States and so, there's a definite discomfort among audiences when it comes to parodying people of different cultural backgrounds or ethniticies, like Robert Downey, Jr.'s character in Tropic Thunder or Borat's portrayal of...well, pretty much everyone. Television shows like South Park and Family Guy use the same kinds of exploitation techniques, but because audiences can watch (and react) in the privacy of their own homes, the medium affords the luxury of a comfortable (and comforting) anonymity that going to a public movie theatre simply cannot provide.  

That being said: Go see MACHETE. See it more than once. And laugh out loud when you go, even if the other people in the theatre don't. And why should you do what I say? Because the boss says so. Who's the boss (...sorry Tony Danza, it ain't you...)? MACHETE! 

MACHETE earns a well-deserved 10/10 on the Housel-scale.

PS: Robert Rodriguez, if you ever need a crazy, campy, pop culture professor-turned-writer on your team at Troublemaker (my middle name, btw), give me a jingle!!!

*SPOILER ALERT*

Second time's the charm? After an hour-and-a-half writing up my review, cyberspace ate it...and just like that, poof (!), it vanished into the ethernet. (vile swearing under breath ensues)

I tell you, it is not vampires that are evil--it is technology. It swallowed up my time, energy and effort because of some unknown nuance that not even the most qualified of computer scientists could foresee or prevent. Stupid computers...but back to reality, and, the review:

My how time flies...and vampires! We're less than two weeks from the big season finale. And though True Blood was nominated for Best Drama at this year's Emmys, which aired simultaneously to the 11th episode, there's always next year....

Denis O'Hare is mesmerizing on screen. His visciously vital Russell Edgington certainly does have an edge through O'Hare's masterful performance. If I were an agent or TV producer or director, I would snatch him up for his own series in a hot minute. Man, that man is talented! No Emmy nods this year for O'Hare but damn those Emmy people to vampire hell if they don't give Denis O'Hare his due in 2011. He deserves it--weeping with joy at the prospect of seeing the sun after 3,000 years of darkness. Bravo, sir, bravo.

Eric, the Viking vamp with the mostest, tricks Russell into going into the light by handcuffing himself to the vampire king while they both burn. Oh no! Will Eric die??? Set your minds at rest, dearest Truebies. Eric has yet unfinished business with Miss Sookie Stackhouse.

Sam has a break down--and he is, after all, a "broken" person. Take it from another "broken" individual, it's difficult not to become overwhelmed when circumstances beyond your control keep popping up. Of course, the bad part of Sam's break down wasn't just the angry, co-dependent sex he and Tara were engaging in, but the betrayal of Tommy--who had JUST gotten some normalcy in his life. Well played by actor, Marshall Allman. The 26-year old actor's defiant face washed with innocence as his new-found older brother, Sam, emotionally betrayed the vulnerable Tommy. But that dog don't hunt, Sam...and I have a feeling it will come back to bite you. Too bad the writers took Sam's evolution in this direction; I would have liked to have seen the beaten-up, beaten-down Sam Merlotte take a different path.

Arlene's witchy abortion attempt goes south...literally. She fears she's carrying the evil spawn of a serial killer, not having any memory of her earlier orgy-exploits with Terry from season two. But the doctor keeps referring to Arlene's baby as a "critter"--it may be more than just Southern charm talking...stay tuned!

Jason and Crystal(meth)...it's a head-shaker. "Let's go back to your Deliverance-esque town full of werepanthers to "save" them from a fictional DEA raid that was only a brief possibility an episode ago." Oy. In the books, Jason is kidnapped by a jealous werepanther who repeatedly inflicts bite-wounds on Jason to share the curse. Jason, unlike the other residents of Hotshot, is not a full werepanther but turns into a half-man, half-panther creature after the heinous attack. How will this be translated in True Blood? I have a feeling we'll find out in season four....

Jaguar Jesus...more than meets the eye? "La-la" played by my fav Nelsan Ellis has enhanced intuition after his V-induced exploits through he and Jesus's magical pasts. The symbolism was beautifully done--Jesus wears a masque in real life, revealed by a masque of his true visage on screen. But is Jesus really evil? My money is on "yes."

Jessica Hamby, my favorite can-do girl-vamp, is practically predatorial as she climbs Hoyt's chest toward her first taste of his true blood. New relationships are complicated enough without adding in the sucking of life-blood...we'll have to wait and see where this goes. But it is True Blood after all--so we can be sure the "fun" will side
with dys-fun-ctional.

Count down the days, Truebies! It's September 1st--only eleven more days until we see the finale. And only nine more months until season four premieres.... ;)

Stay thirsty for the True Blood, my friends!

PS: True Blood & Philosophy: We Wanna THINK Bad Things with You (Wiley 2010) is available at Barnes and Noble, Borders, Amazon, and all major bookstores everywhere! Pick up your copy today. Fan of other vamps, too? Check out Twilight & Philosophy: Vampires, Vegetarians and the Pursuit of Immortality (Wiley 2009) on sale WORLD-WIDE and online at all major book sellers and in seven languages! Loving your Nook or iPad or e-book reader???  Buy Twilight & Philosophy or True Blood & Philosophy as an e-book! Audio version of Twilight & Philosophy is also available through Audible, an Amazon company (see the pics of my readings in the recording studio on the "Pics!" page).