Your friend is diagnosed with cancer. A relative is facing a recurrent health issue. Perhaps it's a neighbor, your minister, or a colleague. People get sick. And chances are extraordinarily good that if a person has a chronic disease--which can include anything from the autoimmune category, like Lupus, to diabetes, to cancer--other health issues will follow. Sick people need sensitivity; sick people need support. Sick people do not need to be reminded they are sick. Believe me, they know. The sick are suffering levels of hell that healthy folks can't imagine, but that doesn't excuse insensitivity. Ever.

School is out. Luckily for you, the Doctor is in.

The twenty-first century has brought with it international unrest, a rise in negative social attitudes like anti-Semiticism, natural disasters the likes of which haven't been seen in hundreds of years, a global economic down-turn, wars, terrorism, increases in violence against women on a mass-scale described by the World Health Organization as a "pandemic"--and even more terrible, monstrous things. And yes, some good has come out of the new century, the most important of which are technological advancements. Improving technology helps promote mass communication, education, and of course, medical research. While all of these things are social-positives, it should be noted that though "new" cures for things like cancer seem to be on the verge of discovery every ten years or so, there is still no cure. Nor is there a cure for diabetes. Heart disease. Or things like seizures. There is, however, a global rise in all chronic disease. In other words, you may hear about how less people die from chronic disease because of new medical research, but that is not an indicator that diagnoses have diminished.

So, more people--not less--are sick. And will continue to be. The chances of the average healthy person having to write a get-well card or email, or make a sick-visit to a relative or friend, is quite high. About 50% of you will have to do this unpleasant but necessary social-task in 2012. And when you do so, you should be aware of what to say, and, when to shut-up. Because nothing feels worse than being sick, and while sick, having to deal with socially-inept imbecilic behaviors from "well-meaning" people. If you actually mean someone well, make the effort to learn how to appropriately do so. Otherwise, don't bother. Pity is never a friend to anyone.

First, make the effort to send a card or email immediately. Not a week later but right away. Follow up your card with a phone call. Not everyone has the time to visit, and that's perfectly understandable. Not acknowledging the sick-person's suffering is not. When you do pen that get well card or email, be sure NOT to say how "terrible" or "horrible" it is that the person has the disease. They already know and do not need any reminders from you. What they do need is a compassionate statement of acknowledgement: "I'm so sorry you're dealing with this; I can only imagine how difficult it is. Please let me know what I can do to help."

If you do add in that last offer to help, again, follow up with specifics: "I'm free on Tuesday night and can bring dinner for the family," or "This Wednesday I have the day off and can do your grocery shopping when I do mine." Don't over-extend yourself; that helps no one. But making a specific offer to help tells the sick-person that you recognize how the sick person's life is being effected while also understanding that the sick-person has enough to deal with and will not be able to respond to a vague offer--which in reality, isn't truly an offer at all.

Never say, "I know how you feel," or "I know what you mean," if you yourself have never experienced the same diagnosis as the sick-person. Never. It's insensitive; it's an untruth, and worse, it's incredibly rude. You also want to avoid judging the sick person's progress, or lack thereof. Doctors may give a general time-frame for when a person should begin to heal, or feel better, or complete a prescribed treatment, but medicine isn't a literal art. Basically, one size DOES NOT fit all. So be positive and encouraging, no matter what.

During your phone call or email or in-person visit, do not burden the sick-person with your problems or overwhelm them with negativity from your life. Doing so is like mixing the sick person's food with the contents of some petrie dish contagion or injecting the sick person with slow-acting poison--essentially, you and your negativity are toxic. Sterilize yourself and neutralize your negative "germs" before doing your good deed. The sick-person is a captive audience. Taking advantage of this fact is reprehensible. DO bring your smile. DO help the sick-person to see beyond their suffering by asking about positive future goals or
plans, or paying the sick-person compliments about their home and family to remind the sick-person there are still good things in this world. Something easily forgotten when sick.

And keep track of the sick-person's progress, even after your visit, call, and/or email; check in either through email or by phone every three days or so. Don't forget about the sick-person. Being sick is socially-isolating. Maybe the sick-person is bedridden at home; maybe the sick-person is in the hospital. Whatever the case may be, the sick-person is stuck. The ENTIRE reason behind having a society is not so that we may all be selfish gits getting on with our own business; other people are our business. We tend to forget that sometimes in 21st century life.

"Do unto others"...because without them, health (and wealth) are meaningless.

When you go into the mall this holiday season, or a restaurant, or a theatre...who do you see? How many physically-disabled people? Any physically-disabled working in the stores? Restaurants? Theatres? How many physically-disabled patrons are there? What about in your own work environment? There's always the token guy in a wheelchair or senior with a cane employed as a public statement of EEOC compliance. So even if you have one or two visibly disabled people at your workplace, how many more are not? In other words, what is the percentage of physically-handicapped in comparison to non-handicapped? One percent, or one physically-handicapped person for every 100 non-handicapped? I'm close, aren't I? And I bet that you're thinking you never really noticed that before.

Neither did I. Until I became part of the 1%, and no, it's not the same kind of 1% people have been protesting in the "Occupy" movement all over the States.

Maybe you feel that there are no physically-handicapped people qualified for the job. Maybe you believe there just aren't that many visibly disabled people in the world today. Maybe, but you'd be dead wrong.

Now you're thinking, "But don't physically-disabled people have social security? Why do they need to work?" First of all, social security isn't like winning the lottery; the average monthly income for a person on social security is approximately $1,000/month. Could you live on that? Of course not. It's absurd to even think so. Secondly, not all disabled people want to be on social security; what we want is to work. Our bodies may look different, but that doesn't lessen our intellect or ambition...or, sense of pride. But sometimes, a physically-handicapped person truly cannot work. Yet social security turns down 60% of the applicants claiming permanent disability. The thought that physically-disabled people are taken care of by "the system" is not only entirely naive, it's outright ludicrous. The irony of our social security system is that it's being crippled by people who have been declared permanently disabled...and the majority of those people are not physically-handicapped. They are depressed. Depression can be debilitating; I've experienced it myself. But it's rather different than someone who say, can't stand up in the shower, cross the street, or walk without assistive equipment like a wheelchair or walker. There's no anti-handicapped drugs. Nothing to "abilify" a physically-disabled person's paralysis.

We are a society who judges mainly on appearance. Even the idea behind a college degree is to earn a piece of paper that provides the appearance of being an expert. Have you met any graduated college seniors lately? Half of them can't find the local mini-mart without using some variation of electronic device, like a GPS, let alone use a simple map to find a street one town over...and these people are experts??? Surely not. But that piece of paper says so. That piece of paper, along with a nice suit purchased for them by their mothers, makes unprofessional people seem, well, professional. It's all about how things look on the surface. If it weren't, there'd be no need for advertising or staging or any kind of aesthetic sensibility at all. The size of your car or home wouldn't matter. Make-up would be non-existent and fat women would be supermodels. 

I ask you once again, WHY is it  that there are tiny percentages of visibly-disabled people working? WHY is it that there are slightly larger but still infinitesimally small percentages of physically-handicapped patrons in malls, restaurants and theatres? 

I know, I know...you're too embarrassed to answer. Please, allow me: The physically-handicapped aren't pretty to look at. Some of us are rather a mess with shriveled limbs, disfigured faces, and all kinds of mechanical paraphenalia getting in the way of "normal" folks. Having a pitiful handicapped person like I describe in your store or restaurant or theatre is depressing; no one wants to see human wreckage on display. Face it. Because if you don't today, you'll have to tomorrow.

Ah. You may be thinking: "But I won't be disabled." Hopefully not. But take a look at your hand. Is there flesh covering those protruding bony extensions we call fingers? Yes? Then you're human. And being human means being vulnerable. One day, you may find one of your legs shriveled. You may look in the mirror and see your face disfigured. That hand you just glanced at--gone.

Welcome to your physical humanity...and mine. Now that we've established the vapid nature of humankind and the innate vulnerability, therefore, very real possibility that one day, you, too, may be disabled--let's get to the main point:

To run a marathon for someone with two healthy legs is not remarkable; to run a marathon with one leg is. To live each day whole and still manage to be happy doesn't deserve congratulations; to live each day with a broken body and still smile does. It takes incredible resourcefulness, creativity, innovative thought, moral character, courage, and personal strength to live with a physical disability. To shun us from productive employment, discourage us from the public sphere and generally perceive us as less-than because you think we're ugly is not only a total fallacy, it's an outrage.

Our physical appearance doesn't make us ugly--but you judging us for it is.

We need to not only redefine physical disability, we need to recognize it for what it truly is. Because though you may believe you're somehow exempt from the human equation--unless you die tragically young--you're not. Your candidacy for becoming physically handicapped increases with every year you've lived. So if you're a healthy 25, you have a 25% chance of acquiring a physical, and therefore visible, handicap over the course of your lifetime. If you're 45, a 45% chance. And when you do become physically-handicapped, do you think you will somehow be a different person? Do you suppose you will cease to know or feel all that you do now simply because your body works differently? Do you believe you'd enjoy less entertainment? Do you imagine you'll no longer need  to earn? Because of your physical difference, will you no longer be able to think or work within established moral principles?

The absurdity of how physically-disabled people are not only seen, but thought of, spoken of, and treated is despicable. Plain and simple. To ever give a visibly-handicapped person anything but the utmost respect is not only ethically-corrupt, it's a pathetic statement that speaks to an immense lack in societal self-esteem. In short, it's social bullying. Or, putting down those who are more physically-vulnerable than you are to make yourself feel better. And I, for one, am tired of being bullied by people who may appear whole, but lack more substance than I, or any other physically-handicapped person, ever will.

If you doubt a single syllable of what I'm saying, do this experiment: Go to a public restroom. Put a chair in front of the door. Now, try to open the door from your seated position. Public restroom door handles are made to be opened from a standing position...but why, when not everyone can stand? The reason: Putting a bathroom door handle where only "normal" or non-handicapped people can access it is blatant social discouragement and oppression, like having only four handicapped parking spaces at a multi-plex movie theatre, or creating store displays that leave less than three feet of maneuverable space around them, or, creating pub seating in a restaurant so that the tables are too high for someone seated in a wheelchair to actually reach...you know, for the purpose of eating. It is a restaraunt, after all. 

Once you start to see the truth, you won't be able to stop looking. Have courage! And open your eyes...before they are opened for you.

-Dedicated to the indomitable spirit of Christopher Hitchens, 13 April 1949-15 December 2011-

The holidays. We eat too much, drink too much, spend too much. And why not? It's the American way. Capitalist consumerism at its finest. Part  of the merriment of the month of December is the sending and receiving of holiday cards. Joy to  the world! The cards have come....

Some cards are heartfelt wishes of hope, health and happiness for the holiday and new year, while others
are vehicles of shameless self-promotion, like the ever-popular picture cards and my personal favorite, the holiday letter:

"2011 started with a bang when we flew off to some tremendously expensive and fabulous vacation that you can only dream
of--wish you were there! Then, the job promotion--too bad you lost yours two years ago. Oh, and our kid got accepted to Harvard--sorry yours flunked out of community college...blah, blah, blah...we're winners! Too bad you're not. Happy holidays!"

Right.

Holiday greetings are truly wonderful; they offer a physical presence in the homes of family and friends sending wishes of happiness and love. But have you noticed that in the last three years--the last three years where joblessness has reached
an all-time high and the American dollar, an all-time low--that holiday cards contain less cheer and more sneer???

So here are the rules of holiday-card engagement...because less really is more in the 21st century:

1) Don't send all your family and friends a group email to say, "Merry Christmas!" The only thing a group-email says is: "You don't matter enough to me to take the time, effort and energy to actually send an individual card or email."

2) It's great to wish your Facebook friends everything merry and bright in a status update, but that DOES NOT count as a holiday card. Do not pass go. You will not be collecting $200. Try again.

3) If you choose to send a holiday card--a gift in and of itself these days--be sure postmark it before December 15th. If you send it any later, say, December 24th--all it communicates is that you were compelled to send your cards out of some vague social obligation, not because you really wanted to. Thanks, but uh, no thanks. 

4) You decide to send holiday cards after Thanksgiving, complete with photos of your cherubic children...to ALL 50 people on your mailing list. Listen, if you're not part of my immediate family and you send me a 3x5 of little Johnnie--it goes in my trash on December 26th. What do you imagine people do with the 50 pictures of 50 different children who aren't even related to them...every single year? 

5) Writing year-end letters to close family is a great way to catch everyone up on your world. It's nice to hear about what your sister and her family did over the summer or read how Grandma surprised everyone by reliving her days as a gymnast, doing not one, but two(!) cartwheels across your lawn at the Labor Day BBQ. But if you're not my sister, brother, or close relative--please don't ask me to read about the tedium of your life...twelve whole months worth. And if you do insist on sending a letter to people who aren't part of your immediate family--skip the showing off, pare down on the ego, and especially at this time of year, have some humility. Some of the people on your holiday-card mailing list had a really terrible year...about 25%, according to recent government stats. Maybe it was the loss of a job, cancer diagnosis, loss of a family member, divorce, bankruptcy...or some combination thereof. Even if you had the best year of your life, remember that there are other people in the world besides you. I know it's hard to believe that some people couldn't care less about your two-year old's new pooping talents...but the holidays are about giving--not receiving. Give the gift of humility. Be charitable when writing and sending your holiday letters by remembering that not everyone is on top of the world at the bottom of 2011.

It's more important than ever to be sensitive and compassionate during the holidays--and no, throwing a $5 bill into the red bucket as you enter your local mall does not cover it. December has one of the highest suicide rates than almost any other month. Live in reality...even  though every retailer and media-mogul out there asks you to do otherwise. Remember that not everyone's life looks like a Norman Rockwell painting, or magically becomes one, simply because most of the population throws lights on plastic pine trees. People genuinely suffer during the month of December because, though it's touted as "the most wonderful time of the year," baby, it's cold outside. Really cold. Divorce is on the rise. Bankruptcy. Joblessness. Cancer diagnoses. Get the picture? The world doesn't stop because we want it to. If it did, I'd be perpetually 35. Yup, 2006 was a good year. But it's not 2006...it's the end of 2011 as we know it and the majority of Americans do not feel fine.

This isn't a bah-hum bug a la Dickens. It's a simple request. Fulfilling it is the best gift you can give, or, receive this holiday season. What it says to people is that you truly care about them and their lives at this crucial time of year. And really, that's how the tradition of sending holiday greetings was born. 

So Merry Chanukah! Happy Christmas and Kwanza! And may your holidays--whether you celebrate one or all--be filled with the warmth and light of good family and loyal friends.

From my "home" to yours, best wishes for a peaceful holiday season and a happy, healthy 2012....