He called me "Lover"
And, even though he could not see me, I blushed
A soft pink hue, the colour of my tongue
He whispered,
"You're a goddess given human form..."
His hand slipping down my back
Lower and lower (and lower still...)
Maybe it was while the Pyramids at Giza were being built
Or perhaps during the Ming Dynasty
But I think not...
Celtica became Gaul (before the Roman-fall)
Escape was the only option
I went with the women and children--you, with the men
We rushed (hushed) into tiny boats
Fleeing for our lives
Knowing we would not (could not) return
With rough seas ahead
We left our lives behind
Braving the wild ocean until separated by a storm
I landed in what would later become Ireland
You landed on the shores of Spain
We both waited
Watched
Hoped
And, prayed
Together in our dreams, even if apart
Never giving up...at least, not on each other 
It's still the same today

He called me "Lover"
Under the haze of mo(u)rning dew
The stars still twinkling, even if lost in the blue
Your eyes, like that same sea
The one where we got lost

He called me "Lover"
But I call him "Magic"
Like that cabin in the woods
Nestled away amongst fall's fallen leaves...
And now I, I have fallen, too

I used to be a wolf...
Forests, mountains, fields
That's where I belong
Where do you belong?

Do you even know your own name???
Not the name you were given--
Your real name...
They're not the same thing at all

I used to be a wolf...
What were you?
When your feet touch the soft grass, can you feel it???
That other lifetime...the one where you were free?

I feel it
I remember
I remember you, too
We who were wolves always do....

“Are you...attached???”

It’s the question everyone dreads asking (and answering). In the dating world, third party situations are a total nightmare. But attachments begin long before you move in with someone:

Attachment Theory includes four broad categories of attachment for adults: Secure, Anxious/Preoccupied (Insecure), Fearful/Avoidant (Insecure), and Dismissive/Avoidant (Insecure). There are two people whose research really helped create and define Attachment Theory: John Bowlby (1907-1990) and Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999). Though ladies usually get the courtesy of going first, it was Bowlby’s early work that later influenced Ainsworth’s research.

John Bowlby was a British Psychiatrist. Bowlby himself was raised by two nannies in an upper class home. His father was a surgeon to the King and was often called to military duty. His mother was a socialite—common for ladies of her socio-economic and -cultural class of the time—and only saw her children for an hour a day in the afternoons. Bowlby lost his primary caretaker at age three, later likening it as equivalent to the loss of a mother. After that, his care was left to a less nurturing member of the staff until he was sent to boarding school. It’s no wonder then that so much of Bowlby’s work focused on the need for healthy attachments during the first three years of a child’s life, and how the attachments we do form later affect our relationships as adults.

Yes, you read that right—interactions with parents and other care givers during our infancy (that we probably don’t even remember) can inform why and how we behave as adults. So whether you are actively dating, are in a relationship, or have been married for decades, understanding adult attachment styles can help shed light on relationship patterns that we (often mindlessly) have on repeat.

Mary Ainsworth was a North American Psychologist born and raised in Ohio until her family relocated to Toronto, Canada. Unlike Bowlby, Ainsworth had a well-rounded childhood with two college educated parents and the constancy of a stay-at-home mother. As a result, Ainsworth was a very secure child (and adult). By age 15, she had decided to pursue a career in psychology. Ainsworth’s “Strange Situation” is a research method designed to observe and identify attachment in children as young as nine months. “Secure Attachment” is credited to Mary Ainsworth.

Attachments form in the first three years of life. How we are treated after that can certainly influence us as adults as well. Any trauma at any age has lasting psychological effects. That’s why it’s really important to practice mindfulness in order to increase self-awareness. Every action, every word, has a cascade effect on not just other individuals, but the world. Humanity is a great web of interconnected strands. True, we cannot see that pattern or how connected we really are whilst a part of the intricacies of the design itself, but we can still be aware of those connections. And, with every movement, we feel the web vibrate ourselves—as the upcoming American Presidential elections exhibit rather well—so we must remember that it is the same for others. The importance of being proactive instead of reactive has never been more pertinent than right now. Today. Understanding your attachment style can help you get a handle on your fears and anxieties. And in a year punctuated by the uncertainty of a pandemic, learning more about yourself and others is worth the next ten minutes of your time :

1. Secure Attachment: Caregivers are responsive to the infant. As adults, those with secure attachments are considerate, loving, dependable, and loyal. Committed relationships are more appealing than multiple flings or affairs. Secure adults aren’t jealous or petty—they’re relatively unconcerned with how others perceive them or what others may or may not have. Score-keeping is not relative to these folks, but seeing unhealthy behavioural patterns is. Unless a secure individual is compromised by a future partner, they tend to gravitate toward individuals who are also stable and secure.
   
   
2. Anxious/Preoccupied: Caregivers are sometimes responsive, sometimes not, leading to emotional confusion in the infant (which creates clinginess). As adults, this translates to an intense need for approval from romantic partners. They may even change core beliefs, patterns of speech, religious and political views, clothing and hair styles, to “fit” with their partner. There’s also a tendency to glorify the inconsistent parent(s) in a continued effort to get approval/acknowledgement (that will probably never come).
   
   
3. Fearful/Avoidant: Caregivers generally don’t meet the needs of the infant, so the infant stops communicating their needs altogether. Children want the caregiver within a certain proximity to feel safe but keep their distance to avoid rejection. As adults, this same pattern is repeated with romantic partners and can replace that partner’s former attachment style (so someone who was secure can become insecure/fearful/avoidant if involved for three or more years with a partner who regularly fails to meet their needs).
   
   
4. Dismissive/Avoidant: This category can be a “catch-all” for children raised in unstable, abusive homes. As adults, they tend to be independent because they are unable to fully trust. This extends to themselves as well—they often believe they aren’t dependable via “victim” mentalities. When in a relationship, they may do whatever they want but are highly focused on what their partner is doing, where their partner is, etc.. Possessive/jealous behaviour is common.

You may see pieces of yourself in more than one category. If you had more than one caregiver before age three, you may have experienced more than one attachment style. And as adults, when we start to choose partners and depend on others, we can take on traits from a partner, especially if that partner is employed and you’re not, or earns more money, has more resources (including a larger family, etc.). That’s why reducing vulnerability (in an effort to create equity/balance) in any relationship should be a priority for both partners. When there is an imbalance or lack of equity, there is a greater risk for neglect and abuse of the more vulnerable partner. This can lead to mental health issues like anxiety, depression, insomnia, weight gain, suicide ideation...just to name a few.

In order to take back control, one must become proactive, not reactive. This may be a time of great uncertainty, but the one thing we can always count on is our ability to control our thoughts, feelings and actions.
If you’re with a partner who regularly puts you in vulnerable positions and does not consider your future health and well being—physically, fiscally, mentally, and/or spiritually—it is your responsibility to remove yourself from that relationship as safely and quickly as possible.

Your primary obligation is to have compassion and love for yourself. When you do, you can truly feel compassion and love for others. Life gets a lot better after that.

Why???

Because you’ll have finally achieved your balance....

​

*picture insert courtesy of TCM, "Love Affair" (1939)

No vaccine. No definitive treatment. New CDC findings now show eating inside restaurants increases your chances of getting COVID-19. If that's the case, movie theatres are risky, too. As gyms reopen across the country, it's just a matter of time before the extent of those risks can be fully documented and understood. And, to quote Game of Thrones (which now seems like one big foreshadow for 2020...minus the dragons): 

"Winter is coming."

Which brings us to the collective question on the tip of seven-billion tongues around the world:

"When is this going to end???"

The simple answer is, it's not. 

No one wants that statement to be true, yet it's still the truth. Even if a vaccine happens sometime in spring 2021, more than half of Americans claim they won't get it. Regardless of how many people decide to participate in vaccination, there are multiple kinds of vaccines that will eventually be approved and released on the world market...and, they're not all created equal. 

Realistically, we're looking at a two-year window--minimum--before life even begins to resemble "normal" again. During the next several years, we'll experience quite a few growing pains, too. Things like understanding vaccination windows and how none of us will be on the same cycles so all of us will have to continue to social distance and wear masks well into the future. Then, there's Canada's recently released findings on the dangers of kissing...a real shame, as it was one of my favourite things to do. 

Drive-In movie theatres are awesome outlets during the pandemic, but people who live in areas with cooler autumns and blustery winters are looking at having no way to safely socialize--even at a distance. The long-term effects on mental health will be as unprecedented as the pandemic itself. And, though I'm loathe to point this out, all the hardships we've faced in the last year will look like a walk in the park in the not-so-distant future if corporate culture doesn't shift their focus from money to people.

​To all the wanna-be Wall Street Gordon Gekko's out there: 

Greed is not good...it's actually what got us into this mess in the first place. 

And I haven't even touched on the anticipated sh*t-show of the upcoming American election this November.... 

So, how do we gird our proverbial loins through the next several years of socio-economic, socio-political and socio-cultural disappointment???

Finding a good therapist or coach to talk to at least once a week is going to be paramount to surviving--maybe even more so than donning a mask. It doesn't have to be me, but it should be someone. I'm currently operating in the US, Canada, UK, and Ireland. If you want to sign up for a general session, please use the link below:

General Session  https://www.rebeccahousel.com/store/p25/generalsessionII.html

Not big on traditional therapy? Try Guided Meditation/Hypnotherapy:

Hypnotherapy Techniques: Heal the Mind, Heal the Body 
https://www.rebeccahousel.com/store/p24/hypnotherapy.html

Ayurveda is a 5,000-year old medicinal system that relies on "dinacharya" or "daily routine" and a better understanding of our "prakruti" or "constitution." The basic premise in Ayurveda uses things like meditation, movement, food, herbs, and spices as "medicine." And, guess what??? It works! I've survived high-grade cancer for nearly 30 years because, for nearly 30 years, I've been practicing Ayurveda. If you want the secret to surviving literally anything (like a pandemic!), click the link below and start to feel like you're in control of your life again:

Ayurveda: A Holistic Approach to Wellness  https://www.rebeccahousel.com/store/p28/ayurveda.html

Interested in the more mystical/spiritual side of things? Try a Tarot reading with energy cleansing:

Tarot Reading with Energy Cleansing & Oracle Cards 
https://www.rebeccahousel.com/store/p27/tarot.html

There are sessions for PTSD, Anxiety, Grief, Stress, Families and Couples, Patients dealing with Chronic Illness, and much, much more! There's also a new Spiritual Wellness Store where you can find spiritually-healing products and talismans (a la Joseph Campbell) to get you through the upcoming trials, including lucky red string and chakra bracelets, prayer candles, crystals, smudge kits, Tarot decks, Tibetan prayer flags, singing bowls, and coming soon: Hand-poured Intention Candles (made with organic soy wax, pressed organic florals and natural crystals) as well as a line of Custom Essential Oil products EXCLUSIVE to RebeccaHousel.com:

Spiritual Wellness https://www.rebeccahousel.com/store/c5/Spiritual_Wellness.html

Things may look bleak as we hesitantly peer into our immediate future, but it's ALL temporary. And, you CAN survive. It will just take patience, perseverance and a hearty helping of resiliency. I've just listed five different options above on how you can hone ALL of the tools in your survival arsenal. I call myself "a strength trainer for the mind" because I have not only helped thousands of other people leave their past in the past while improving their present (and futures!), I've done the work myself.

Yes, I've been sick. Really sick. I've even died! Lost the use of half of my body, too. I was told I had two years to live...that was 20 years ago. I've lost everything, even a child, and yet, I'm still here. There is absolutely NOTHING special or different about me either. The only advantage I've ever had was a determined willingness to think outside of the box and, of course, applying CONSISTENT effort. 

No, change isn't easy. But it is possible...and perhaps more importantly, probable. You just have to want it. 

Click ANY of the links above to make an appointment. You are not alone. I am here to help as we continue to bravely face the uncertainty ahead.  

Can you sense my hand outstretched before you? You don't have to take it...just know it will always be there whenever you're ready.

So. Will. I.

That's a #PROMISE!

^original photo Copyright Rebecca Housel 2020