A reader in Hawaii contacted me yesterday, struggling with her #TwinFlame connection. She is in her early 30's and "woke up" after having what she felt was her first #Twin encounter a few months ago. I have to admit to being a little jealous; I was nearly 42 when I finally woke up. And now, two years later, I still feel behind. Always trying to catch up, as it were.
Awakening--whether you believe in #TwinFlames or not--is similar to coming out of sleep to discover morning has arrived...even if your morning is starting a bit earlier than you expect. Like mine often do. And, I wouldn't have it any other way....
For me, there is always a voice who helps me feel less alone, more confident. In those moments where I'm falling into old patterns of negative thinking, that voice is the brick wall that won't let me pass into the land of pity-parties. I'm my own worst enemy and have sabotaged myself with the best of them. My particular stars have made it difficult for me to recognize, accept, and, acclimate to the unseen. Though I'm highly connected to the Universe, there's a realism streak from heavy energies surrounding things like cancer and abuse that sometimes re-route me back to those neural pathways, no matter how much I have overcome, including time itself.
The idea of being "behind" is one of those self-sabotagers, pulling us back to wanting comfort rather than face a new challenge. When I was the same age as my reader in Hawaii, I had just finished a two-year cancer treatment course that laid me flat. Literally. Little-by-little, I regained my footing. I was just remembering recently how, as I physically healed, I was healing spiritually, too. As my spirit got stronger, I became increasingly aware of everything. Sometimes I felt insane as I began to see things like synchronicities...but it's just part of increased self-awareness. When you become self-aware, your awareness of everything around you increases as well.
No matter where you are on your journey, know the Sun is shining, even on a cloudy day. That was perhaps one of my best discoveries during frequent air travel. Amidst the most miserable weather, there was always a higher elevation that took us above the fray and into nothing but bright sunshine and blue skies. It's true for our spirits as well.
Moving to higher levels of thought, leads to higher levels of action. More positive. You create light and warmth in your own life, regardless of the weather. Easier said than done, I know...just remember, changing how you think for even an hour is a step in the right direction. Progress, however "slow," is still progress....
Forgive yourself first and foremost. People make mistakes. We all do. It's part of learning. The very word implies a "miss" that requires a second "take." It's often hardest to forgive others when you have yet to forgive yourself. Just remember, negatives only surface to be cleared. Without exception. That's when the "real" work begins. It's okay if you're tired and want to rest a little. Catch your breath. You'll keep taking small steps in the right direction until, one day, you're ready.
Ready for what? Whatever it is you have to face.
We all have "loose ends" to take care of. About a decade ago, I used to write myself daily lists. Just the thought of that today makes me feel sick. No matter how organized, how motivated, how "together," I was, I never finished all the tasks on my list. I'd feel so upset, every day, because "nothing" got done. Except, everything a human being could possibly do in 18/24 hours was getting done. My "lists" were just impossibly long. No single individual could have finished everything I scheduled for a day, in an actual day. Once I recognized this, I narrowed my list down to only three priorities a day. Even that was a challenge sometimes.
Today, there are no lists in my life. Know why? Because, I forgave myself. I never needed a piece of paper to remind me what to do. All the "lists" really did was serve as justification for my failure. Yes, that's right. I actually built failure into my day. Almost every day. For years. Why? Because I always feel like I'm catching up. When, in reality, I'm way ahead of the curve.
Old patterns from childhood are hard to break. No one made me physical lists as a kid, but I always felt like I was behind everyone else. Slow. Not very bright. None of us are born with insecurities, by the way. Being insecure is a learned behavior. Someone taught me that I was stupid. Of course, smart people are the only ones who can learn. And, I learned quite a lot. Quickly, too. I was over 40 with four degrees, including a Doctorate, and ten published books, as well as a long career teaching college students, before I realized I was actually intelligent.
What did I think I was before that? Someone who tried hard. Really hard. I believed perseverance alone earned every intellectual accolade I'd ever received. Even that's a sign of intelligence: "I may not be good enough for any of this, but I'm going to try anyway because I have the will to succeed."
Somewhere inside, I knew the things I'd been taught about myself were completely wrong. And, the people who were my teachers? Terrified of the power I had inside me. Even as a kid. That's why the truly powerful are the ones often abused, betrayed and neglected. Others only wish to oppress that which they fear. Fear, not because we are "evil" or "bad," but because we are better than them in some way. If you are feeling social resistance of any kind, you know you are doing something right. People only start congratulating you when you're failing, saying things like, "you did the right thing," and, "it's for the best."
If it's "right," why does it feel so wrong? If it's "for the best," why do I feel worse???
Good things make you feel good. Happy. Excited. Motivated. Hopeful. Everything else is bullshit. Apologies if that language offends. I don't have a contract with Disney. At least, not yet.
Last spring in Atlanta, I was on my way to campus when I passed a church that always had these tremendously negative messages on a lighted board. I was so incensed by what I saw on the sign that day, I almost pulled over to give a free diction lesson. The sign read, "The courage to do the wrong thing isn't courage."
First of all, when you apply the word "courage" to any action, it means that, despite your fears, anxiety and reservations, you are, in fact, doing what is right. It takes courage to say, "I've had enough," and walk away from what is comfortable and familiar into the unknown. It takes courage to make a decision, a choice, on your own. To do something that makes you happy, and no one else. You are not here to make the world happy; none of us are. We each have one life, and only one. THAT is the one and only life we actually can make happy. Similar to my lists, it's an impossible task to complete otherwise. When you try, you set yourself up for failure. But unlike my lists, the people who ask you to give up pieces of yourself will actually complain when you decide to stop. You'll hear things like what I read on that church sign. And, for the record, social pressures meant to change any life-decision by a healthy adult over 30 is just plain wrong.
Even a church is not God. Nor, should it be. Church is where people go to celebrate their mutual faith in God, not to become gods over each other. Sadly, that church sign told me it was a building full of people who lost their faith and decided to take judgement into their own hands. Last I checked, every human being bleeds. Therefore, no human being may judge another. Whether you stand at a pulpit or sit in a pew.
People who truly care about you will support any decision you make that makes you happy. That's the bottomline. Even if your decision makes family and friends unhappy; if they truly love you, they will let you go and find your bliss. When they don't, go find your bliss anyway. Believe me when I say, you do not want to wake up 10 years down the line and wonder why your life is not where you hoped it would be. The reason inevitably has nothing to do with the people who held you back. Because, in the end, it wasn't them. It was you. You allowed people other than you to influence your life-choices. Guess what? When you do that, you will not be happy. Everyone else might be. For a little while. It's not too big of a leap to look ahead now and realize there is more. And, that you want it.
The biggest obstacle we each have to overcome in life, whether we are #TwinFlames or not, is ourselves. That's why forgiving yourself is the first step in loving yourself. And, loving others. There will always be critics to tell you you're wrong. But how often do we find a cheerleader? How often do we meet that person who inspires us to be better people? It's rare.
Maybe you were a cheerleader for someone else. And, that person became yours, too. You were miracles to each other. Angels.
Let your mind go back to that positive place. Feel your wings again. And, fly! Don't worry about being too early or too late. Whenever you get to where you're going, it will be exactly the right time.