Three things happened this past weekend: 1) I was carded for the first time in 20 years at a restaurant  2) While at a college sporting event, a group of male students thought I was someone's girlfriend (instead of their mom) 3) A college administrator who I had never met before thought I was a student and told me I'd need to come back another time when I showed up for our appointment. Win!

It's not Botox. It's all about context. When I'm with my guy--ten years my senior--I look my age. But when I'm with 22-year olds (I'm a college professor, not a pervert--although those two things aren't always mutually exclusive), I look about 25 or so. Sparkly manicures, hair highlights and updated jeans don't hurt either. But this was all so remarkable to me because, prior to this weekend, I had accepted my age and how that somehow defined my appearance. No "mom" jeans for me, but I certainly let myself go a bit--gained extra pounds and didn't worry too much when I had to go up a size. I'm "old," aren't I supposed to be frumpy???

Absolutely not.

My age does not define me--that much was made clear this weekend. Good genes and wearing sunblock have helped, but it's more than that. It's attitude. An easier smile. A more confident approach to how I walk. It's dancing in your seat when a fun song comes on the radio. Not judging people. Being more open. And staying away from Genie bras! Those things make you look like gravity hasn't just taken hold, it has a death grip on your girls. And yes, I just called my breasts "girls"--deal with it.   

Facial fillers aren't necessary. Tummy tucks? Forget about it. Strive for joy. When you do, you automatically appear more youthful, more hopeful, and ultimately, more alive. Accepting your age does not mean settling for whatever label society has chosen to give that decade of your life. Over the hill? Heck, I OWN the hill. I can hike up and down and all around that hill and not slow down. Why sit, when you can stand?

Move. Feel the rhythm of life all around you. And no matter how old (or young) you may be, your youth will never age.

 

The first annual Wizard World St. Louis Comic Con was A-MAZING! More than 15,000 people attended the two-day event that kicked off on Friday evening, March 22rd and ended on Sunday, March 24th. Your #PopCultureProfessor performed nine shows over the course of that time, starting with a comic book artist panel featuring Chris Samnee, Jason Craig and Freddie Williams II! Rock stars, to be sure. The insert, left, shows my own audience for VAMPIRE MYTH & SUPERNATURAL SUPERHERO LEGEND, a show that is totally unique among other Comic Conventions. You won't find it at Emerald City, or Boston, or San Diego...but you will find it wherever I am! And in 2013-2014, that's Wizard World!!! The intimate group of 400 or so from in and around the greater St. Louis area enjoyed one of my best shows yet, covering thousands of years of myth and legend right up to the 21st century. For about an hour after the show, I entertained questions and comments from a small group of interested fans who wanted to talk more about all-things-supernatural. Moments later, I was on stage with none other than Henry Winkler!

The Fonz is incredibly smart and talented; he spoke about his early life and how he got started as the Emmy-winning powerhouse and pop culture icon he is today. If you get a chance to join me in Philly 5/30-6/2, be sure to make time to sit in the audience for Henry Winkler's Q&A. He is awesome and so inspirational--you'll walk away feeling ready to take on the world.

James Hong was next on my roster and the 57-year acting veteran has played over 500 roles in that time. He is a true Hollywood icon and an extraordinary talent. He actually called an audience member on stage to lead us in a round of "I'll see you in St. Louis"! Hong is amazingly funny and did some hysterical impersonations, including George Takei. If you have a chance to see James Hong anywhere--go!

One of my favorite people on the planet is Jason David Frank, or JDF as I like to call him. We were reunited in St. Louis and it was a blast! JDF is an MMA champ, world record breaker, owner of his own dojo in Cali, 7th degree black belt, and of course, BIG star from movies and television shows like THE ONE WARRIOR and MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS. JDF has a cult following of AWESOME fans who lined up for an hour just to say a few words to one of the coolest guys I know. One excited fan even did the Green Ranger Kata! Definitely stop by and see JDF at Philly 5/30-6/2. He's worth his weight in gold.

Morena Baccarin was so much fun, as always. The graceful and poised star of HOMELAND, V, FIREFLY, and SERENITY is always a crowd favorite. She and I share a love of dogs--especially rescues. Her Lowchen  usually accompanies her but this time, Rudy stayed home with Dad--Morena's hunky husband and talented director, Austin Chick. Morena has some new irons in the fire. She's also psyched for a new season of HOMELAND, which received a SAG nom in 2013. The Julliard-grad has an abundance of both beauty and brains. For Morena, it's all about going after what you want. A favorite quote from the evening: "If you have a fall back position, you'll always fall back on it."

James Marsters is really fantastic--we've worked together for about a year now. I love how James is such a story teller. He's another fan-favorite for exactly the same reason. James is gracious with fans, even accepting momentos from the crowd, like an oragami heart made out of a $2-bill by a fan who drove all the way from Mississippi just to see him. The BUFFY and ANGEL star always gets questions about his on-screen kiss with John Barrowman from TORCHWOOD. James appeared in the first episode of the latest season of WAREHOUSE 13, which aired on Monday, April 29th on SyFy. He's also an unbelievably popular musician, especially across the pond; his band, GHOST OF THE ROBOT will be touring this summer and new T-shirts are up on the website!  http://ghostoftherobot.storenvy.com/ Come see James and I at Philly 5/30-6/2...we can't wait to hear the CRAZY questions you come up with. James says you can't embarrass him, but boy, does he LOVE to watch me turn red when fans ask questions like, "When you played Spike, did the carpet match the drapes?" Oy.

For once, I got to be a guest on a panel! Comic Con blogger, Tony Kim, hosted "How to Write a Compelling Story" and I was honored to join him, along with comic book writer, Jai Nitz, and young adult author, Fiona Paul. We had a wonderful audience who asked all the WRITE questions. Someone from the audience even sketched a picture for me!  

I also got to organize and host three comic book artist and writer panels, including talents like Jason Craig, Rick Burchett, Jorge Molina, Freddie Williams II, Brian Hurtt, Chris Samnee, and Tyler Kirkham, whose work on SUPERMAN with writer, Scotty Lobdell, recently hit shelves.

All in all, St. Louis was AMAZING. St. Louis, I love you! And I'll be back in 2014 with Wizard World--the KINGS of POP CULTURE!!!

The other night, I dreamt I was being squeezed by people on either side of me while sitting on a bench. They were squeezing me so hard, I couldn't speak, let alone breathe. Before I passed out in the dream, I woke up. But the feeling of being squeezed, or suffocated, lingered.

Life is not for the faint of heart. If you're a fan, you've heard this before. Not only do you have to deal with the bad and difficult things that happen to you as an individual, your social contract with others requires you to smile and do whatever is deemed necessary when the bad and difficult happens to them. Unfortunately, many do not keep up their end of that silent yet implied bargain. Even if you do. Without fail.

The interesting thing is, the better you are at keeping your social contracts, the more resentment you may feel from those who fall down on the job. In other words, you will be taken for granted, used. And when you fail to meet the exhorbitant expectations of the users in your life (for these people, low social input always equals high social expectations), you are scrutinized--even by the people who claim to love you. Even if you are nearly broken by the social burden you've consistently carried on their behalf.

Ultimately, the crux of this social issue is that you are not a victim. Even when victimized. You do what's necessary for youself and everyone else--that's your crime. Hardly something to be blamed for, but there it is. And if you happen to be female, the resentment goes even deeper.

Women are expected to be nurturing, to care about people big and small, young and old. All the time. With no rest, no breaks. Where do you think the role of nurses come from? Until the last thirty or so years, nurses were primarily female. As were teachers. And for the very same reason.

Regardless of gender, if you do not act like a victim, you will encounter those who treat you poorly for rising above your perceived human station. The problem is, being a victim is a very negative existence. And you should not have to apologize for having character, strength and courage. Again, it strikes me that if you are female, you will likely have to (apologize) throughout your lifetime. A nuance that is lost on about 49% of the population, unless blatantly pointed out. Apathy exists for a reason. And it exists regardless of anatomical parts and brain chemistry.

Squeezed. Breathless. Suffocating. Woman or man, you may be caught between two unrelenting people, or forces, or social groups, or any combination thereof. You may feel alone, scared, scarred, beaten up--and down. I wish I could tell you that the solution is as easy as removing yourself from the situation. But it's likely the people who most take you for granted, who most resent you for who you are, are those closest to you. Shame on you for making bad social choices? No, it doesn't work like that. And unless the world undergoes a major psycho-social evolution, you are likely a rarity among the masses. We cannot cloister ourselves. We must live, and live in the world where we are. But it does not mean we have to react to that negativity. Self-punishment is nothing more than self-sabotage. And that only leads to one place--a place most of us try to avoid.

Be proactive, even if you live with reactive people (and, even if those reactive souls drive you positively mad). Proactive living is self-responsible living. If bad or difficult things happen to you, you handle it--perhaps not alone, but you do not expect others to go beyond your delegation. When, of course, there are people actually willing to help. Because you are proactive, you do not wait for anyone but you to show up. You move forward, no matter what.

Even those of us who live a proactive life can still feel squeezed; and when you do, it is time to renew your social contract with yourself. Let other people pick up the social slack. You are one person. And if you are not appreciated, feel resented, or suffocated, it's time to focus on you. You cannot help anyone if you do not first help yourself. You may be called selfish by your social circle for doing so; ignore it, even if that emotional betrayal hurts. Because if the people who resent you and under-appreciate you also feel you are selfish, you are living with ingrates who are not worth your time, energy or effort. Move forward, with or without them. No matter what your various social contracts may be with the individuals in your world, you cannot allow yourself to be stunted by their lack of growth. If your social circle sees you take those crucial steps to a more positive, happy life, perhaps they, too, will have the courage to do the same. Perhaps not. Either way, you are the only person who can take the squeeze off your life. If you can't breathe, move yourself toward open air.

No one will do it for you.