Today is May 29th; "29" is an "11" in numerology (2+9=11). When we add "29" simplified as "11" to the year, a "9," we get another "11." In 2016, all dates that add up to "11" will also be an #1111 day as a result (2+0+1+6=9; 9+1+1=11). Anytime #1111 is present in a given date, it's a power day for #TwinFlames, but also, a day full of energy to help everyone come into awakening. That's what I want to talk about today.

Awakening is a process. It does not happen overnight. Nor should it. When you begin to awaken, it is but the beginning. Every day, you will learn more. Even those who feel awake now have so much more to learn. Feeling "awake" is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Your life will eventually match how you think and feel as a result of awakening. But it takes time.

When we expect ourselves or others to "wake up," we tend to have little patience for what is a process. When you physically wake with a start or have to get up at the urging of an alarm but haven't gotten enough sleep, being "awake" is slow-going. You may even take longer to get things done because you weren't really ready to wake up yet. And, the rest of your day is low-energy, too. You may rally toward the end of the day, depending on what you eat and how much sunshine you get, but the day itself is never quite right.

When it comes to waking up our infinite-selves, we need to be patient, not pushy. For, it is not the soul that is newly awake. It is us. Our minds. We are just learning how to open what we were taught since birth to keep tightly shut. Deprogramming is not easy. It's not quick. If you want it to stick, you have to process everything that's happening to you. You have to see it all, recognize it, acknowledge it, think about it, let yourself feel about it--and, that all takes time.

No one hears a ticking clock louder than cancer patients. All we hear is the tick-tick-ticking of our lives. For a few blissful years, well, really, just over one, #Love allowed me to feel free. #Love frees us, you see. Yes, there are lots of #TwinFlames out there running from it, and non-#Twins, too. #Love can feel scary because people feel unworthy. All the old baggage from not just other romantic love-relationships, but your first love relationship with your mother, your father, your siblings, and other family members, colors your relationships as an adult. Even decades later.

As you awaken, you begin to see patterns in your life. You are then more free to choose how your life unfolds because your mind is now aware of how and why you make the choices you make, even down to the people you are attracted to. Here's an example; like all my examples, it's taken from "real" life:

A young man's first choice in a life partner is made at a young age (around 20) before he has any real life experience. The young woman he chooses is attractive, smart, ambitious...she seems to be family-oriented, seems to have her priorities straight. But she comes from a dysfunctional home led by a malignant narcissist who found quiet ways to hold her down. One of her parents is emotionally and/or physically absent; no matter what this young woman does, it seems the world is against her. Because, essentially, it is.

The young man is attracted to this young woman, not only because he finds her green eyes attractive, but because she represents one of his parents on some level. The young man unwittingly chose a person that felt familiar to recreate and work through aspects of his own family dynamic. It's why the young woman made him feel so comfortable upon their first meeting. And, because he was unaware of what was behind his choices--or, not yet awake--his choice to be with her was not really a true choice. As a result, the relationship, though it feels like "real" love, becomes toxic. But he does not want to leave, feels almost compelled to stay. And, he does. It takes literal years to disentangle, causing emotional scars, financial problems, not to mention the fact that the young man did not continue his education and had worked minimum wage jobs ever since. The drama and difficulty in the toxic relationship caused him to feel as though he could not trust himself. His confidence was shot. But thanks to supportive parents, when he finally decides to leave, he is free to do so. Once he feels safe and stable, he re-evaluates his choices, rebuilds confidence and makes a better decision when faced with what is "real" love.

Some of you may see yourselves in this example. But it's actually a family member--the kind I'm related to by DNA.

We are not all as lucky as our young man in the example. Most of the time, when we choose a life-partner, we are essentially stuck. "Waking up" may happen after five or six years, but unless you have supportive family who can help you, you cannot make a drastic change because you are now at least financially, if not also emotionally, co-dependent on your spouse or partner (please see the June 2015 archives for an essay on what being codependent means). Even if real love finds you, and you know it's the best thing to ever happen to you, you may choose to stay in a toxic relationship, not just because you lack the emotional, physical and financial support to truly break free, but because you do not recognize why you made the choices you made in the first place.

Today, the young man in our example may still not fully recognize why his first love relationship felt so right when it was so wrong, but through the support of his family and friends, he is now free to choose a new life partner who supports his dreams, makes him want to be a better man, helped him get healthier and stay healthy, helped him rebuild his credit and become financially independent, rebuilt his confidence, and generally, makes his life a happy life every day. If our young man did not have good familial support, his first choice of life partner could have ruined his life, or at least the first 10-15 years of it. But because he had people in his corner, regardless of whether or not he understands the psychology behind his decisions today, the young man was able to get out of a toxic relationship, heal, and, not only find real love, but have the courage to keep it. Cherish it. And, live a happy life, which includes plans for a happy future, home-ownership, starting his own business, going back to school, and having a family.

Had our example young man stayed in a relationship that proved toxic, he may have been in his mid-to-late 30's before "waking up" with the wherewithal to start over. But by then, the young man, no longer "young," would be so abused, so damaged, it's likely that even if he did find real love somehow, he'd be unable to keep it. That is the real secret to awakening your mind. You must stop apologizing for your truths. Forgive yourself for the sins you committed because of the cage you were kept in. Embrace who you are--not who people want you to be, not who society says you should be, and not what a person you married when you were only 20 feels you are obligated to be. Be who YOU actually are.

It is hard to wake up. That's why it takes so long sometimes. Shannon Alder, who comes from the Mormon community and writes non-fiction, has this great quote that applies to why awakening can be such a process:

"Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in."

When we make decisions as young people, unless we have supportive family members, those decisions are reflexive. Based on the psychological "cages" we were kept in by mostly well-meaning family and friends. We are not living an authentic life, just an automatic one. Based, not on experience that we do not yet have, but on what we think the world is supposed to be. THAT is our "cage," as Alder puts it.

Psychological development takes time. Being "legal" at 18 does not mean you are ready to make major life decisions at 18, 19, 20, and so on; it only means the Federal government needed to legalize an acceptable age for military recruitment. We do not really come into our own until well after 25, often closer to 30. That is when true choices can be made, but only if we allow ourselves to recognize why we make them, who we are, what we want, and where we wish our futures to go.

Without familial support and/or financial independence, awakening can be a frustrating, painful process; it requires patience. Balance. But, even if you find yourself awake yet unable to act because of lack of support or financial resources, you should know that you have awakened now because you have the tools to find and build what you need. To become independent. Develop a support system outside of your genetic family if their version of support is not so much about building you up, but holding you down. Remember, if there is one clear theme in this Universe, it is that there are no coincidences. Synchronicity abounds. So do the signs.

It's easy to find people who are like you, live around you, have a similar background...they're a dime a dozen. Imagine the kind of connection that has to exist when you meet a person not because they happen to drive by the spot where you were standing, but because your souls connect against all odds, across space and time. The Universe itself seems to create opportunities that remove 1,000 miles worth of obstacles in order for you to meet. And, when you do finally meet, it's not like, "Hi, how are you?" It's more like unparalleled joy at recognizing a face you've known for 1,000 lifetimes: "It's really you!" endlessly echoes into eternity, like two mirrors facing each other in an infinite series of visual "echoes" that can be seen and heard by all of Heaven....

Yup. When you've experienced what I have, there's no denying this Universe is much greater than we know or can even begin to understand. I used to call people who talked about the things I now embrace as "hippies."

Let me just put it out there:

I have been humbled. Many times over now. I lay before you all, prostrate, naked, vulnerable, yet unafraid. If you are reading this, it is because you need to. It is because there is some truth in my story meant for you.

I was given the tools to tell stories. To narrate chaos. Create order. And, the karmic debt that would strip me bare in order to translate that experience in an accessible, engaging and informative way for each of you. My former students will recognize that recipe for success. Who knew I was really teaching you all, not as people, but more as souls??? Well, I guess we all knew that on some level. We all improved each other's lives so much. And, continue to. Like magic.

I love you all. I'm proud of you all. Every single day.

And, I'm proud of you, too. The stranger reading my words to improve yourself. You are looking for light. No matter what you did in your past, or how "bad" you think you are, you are now on a different path, or you would not have found me.

Be well. All of you. Even those who I would consider enemies (because you shot at me with arrows and broke into my home repeatedly and killed and hurt and abused others as well...). Yes, even those. Live long enough to let life wash over you. Baptize you in a torrent of karmic debt, cleansing your soul while filling your lungs until you can't breathe. You are given life to create joy. If you have created misery, you also have the capacity to create the opposite. We live in a world of opposites. Reflections of our shadow-selves. Kindness becomes cruelty. Love becomes hate. The most tender, compassionate lover becomes a hard-hearted, hateful destroyer. It does not often happen in the opposite direction, where a sinner becomes a saint. But, it can....

Hey, if I exist, so, too, can you.

#Possibilities


#TwinFlame Post-Script: Happy birthday to my fellow #Twin, Keri...rock on girl! You've got this!!!  #1111

Today is an "11" day: 24 is 2+4=6 , added to May as the fifth month, and you have "11." Of course, 2016 equals "9," and when you add "9" to "11" in numerology (9+1+1=11), you get another "11." Happy #1111 day to all my #TwinFlames around the world!!! A 57th country popped in to the blog yesterday: Welcome to my Peruvian audience! One of my beloved nephews in from Peru. He's now a Marine, too. So proud of that kid, though, he's nearly 27-years old and no longer a "kid" at all. I have several books published in both Spanish and Portuguese. In fact I was contacted today by a journalist in Brazil (Hi, Nina!), writing an article about superheroes. She came to the right/write place!

While I love talking to people all over the globe about pop culture (and philosophy), I'm going to be honest with you, as is my custom:

This is not a test drive, people; this here is real life. If you are in love with someone, do not hold back another moment longer. Shout it from the rooftops! If you need to apologize, balance the karma scales, maybe recognize another person's efforts you took for granted...DO IT. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not in six months, or a year. Waiting for any reason is, frankly, unreasonable. We are not permanent fixtures on this planet; we die. A lot. It happens quickly. Maybe you think that your connection is so strong, you'll know if the person you love (but are somehow separated from...ugh) is gone. I'm sure I would. But, why is knowing helpful when the person you love is already dead? You've lost the opportunity to say the things you know you'd like to say and hear the things you'd like more than anything to hear. Even if I felt it happen, I'd likely talk myself out of knowing it anyway. Some things are just unknowable. That is one of them.

My angels are always asking me what I want. I can never give a direct answer. I talk about what I need, and what the people I love need. I talk about the world, society, nature, peace, joy...but find it incredibly difficult to be straightforward about what I want. Me, personally. Not the things I want because I'm vulnerable or scared...a real choice. One that does not stem from vulnerability.

At just the thought of answering that question, I suddenly began to sob. In between my sobs, came unintelligible sounds that roughly translate to what I truly want. Not for my son. Not for my nephews. Not for my friends, neighbors, cousins, uncles. Not for my brother. Not for my dog. And, not for my ghosts. For me. Just me. I made that same wish at this same time three years ago. Though I did not know it, every step I took from that moment forward brought me closer to awakening. Life has never been the same since.

My #1111 revelation for the day came when a boy I grew up with, even dated as a teen, celebrated his birthday. "Drew" was my first crush. I think I may have been his, too. Why? We are both #TwinFlames. I just realized that today. Our birthdays add up to the same thing, in both the Gregorian and lunar calendars. He's also the reason I have an unreasonable attraction to gingers...why, hello, Ed Sheeran! No coincidences....

There is no doubt we are connected. Though, it is interesting to note that we are not talking either. Drew and I have not had a real conversation outside of Facebook since serendipitously seeing each other at a Def Leppard concert in 1988; sadly, I couldn't even really talk to him then. I was on a date with another boy. It was a little awkward. But when Drew came running over, all I wanted to do was tell my date to scram (can you tell that I recently watched Roger Rabbit???). Drew was a boy I'd literally known since we were born. Probably why Drew always made me feel safe, comfortable. Made me smile, too. But I was with some asshat who made me stand in line for the Def Leppard tickets at a record store in THE WORST area of Mattapan. That asshat never paid me back either. And yet another pattern emerges!  

Drew and I dated for a brief time when I was 16 but it was a non-sexual relationship. I mean, we kissed. I probably let him touch my boobs, too, but I was still a virgin. And, wanted to keep it that way. Which is probably why he "cheated" on me with an ex who would allow him to do whatever he wanted. Yup, another pattern. Those patterns become our past, present and future, though at 16, I thought Drew was just being a stupid boy. Little did I know, the next 27 years would be full of stupid boys pulling the same shit, just on a different day. It's a depressing thought. Only because, it's come true.

As you might imagine, whatever pain I felt at Drew's "betrayal" was short-lived. I went on to meet lots of nice people, and some not-so-nice people, too. I had my son, moved to New York, went to college, got married, coached Little League, hockey, soccer, made Halloween parties, birthday parties, anniversary parties, pool parties, cocktail parties...LOTS of parties! I traveled all over the world--even to Australia. I got a PhD. I got cancer. More than twice. I learned how to walk again. Also more than twice. I created charity movements. Raised tens-of-thousands of dollars. Helped people. Many. More than 3,000 over the course of my adult life...probably more than that, but those are specific individuals I know directly and, for the most part, still speak to. I wrote a bunch of books translated in a bunch of languages and sold in a bunch of countries. I became a professor, then, coined, branded and trademarked the #PopCultureProfessor. I've stood on stage with more than 200 pop culture Hollywood icons. I mean, for fuck's sake, I know freakin' Stan Lee! And, I made every single one of those celebs laugh. Even the stalwart Michael Madsen, who you all know from not just Reservoir Dogs, but the recent Tarantino hit, Hateful Eight. A few even cried with me. Most blushed. Hey, if there's an envelope, I'm gonna push it. I became hot again. And, blonde--one of the best decisions I ever made, because it opened doors to the most fun I've ever had. I also got to live my life-long dream when I moved to Atlanta--even if it was a modest dream.  Even if it was just for a little while....

I'm grateful for living what can only be described as a kick-ass life. But there are still a few missing pieces. Big ones. Because, they belong to my heart. I've become the wounded healer. Life as a Leo has been great. Intelligent, open, fun, generous, attractive, loving...I'm literally on fire every day.

I'll write all this out. Publish it. Let you, my dear readers, basically see me naked. Yet again. But nothing will change, even if everything has changed. Sometimes, I cry to my angels to let me go home (though in reality, it sounds more like this: "Fucking kill me already!"). Luckily, my angels are patient. Wise. They push me to grab a tissue, my dog, and go hike in the fields. Walk in the woods. Climb hills. Cross dales. And, just when I think I can't take another step without breaking down, a cloud formation shaped like a heart appears smack-dab in front of me. Inside that heart is an open window with a rainbow peeking through.

I mean, I can't make this stuff up. Not even if I tried.

#WonderTwinPowers....ACTIVATE!

Picture this, if you can: Hitler, who had been holding me captive, was suddenly helping me to not only escape, but provided the means for me to get away. True, he put a ticking time bomb in the car he intended for me to drive, but told me it was only there to help me drive faster. Yes, I'm describing a particularly vivid dream. The dream then changed to something else as I drove away from the Furor, but when I woke, the song, "Renegade" by Styx was still playing in my head.

Styx was a bit before my time. But I looked up the lyrics when I woke. A wanted man is caught by the law and is about to die for his crimes. He's far from home, but in that final moment, is reaching out to his mother. Maybe the song was on a recent episode of Supernatural, so was also in my head...because, outside of my bills, no one is looking for me. Though, last night, I was in the bathroom when it sounded like little stones were being bounced off of the window. The moon was almost full; it was very bright out. Even at midnight. It happened twice. I looked twice. But no one was there.

When I looked up the Styx lyrics, another song popped up by Johnny Cash called, "Wanted Man." Johnny was singing about being wanted by women in multiple cities and states, as well as by the law. Sounded like he was having some memory trouble, too. You might think it was because ol' Johnny had himself one too many shots of whisky, but a study published five days ago in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, a team effort between researchers at Northwestern and Harvard, showed the human tendency for what is now being called "unethical amnesia."

People from every walk of life have treated me rather poorly, then, attempted to rewrite history. That may be part of the reason why I became a writer...so that I might document the truth in the face of things like unethical amnesia, prejudice, inequality, and other social crimes,  Like what??? Misogyny and gender-bias, but also, anti-Semitism--and, frankly, being loyal, smart and competent hasn't really helped either. Almost every time a person does the unthinkable, I'll attempt reasonable communication toward a resolution. I mean, negatives only surface to be cleared, right? But, while it only takes one person to cause trouble, it takes two to fix it.

It's natural to want answers, even when they're obvious. The truth is, when someone does something other people would consider heinous, that individual knows it. But they almost never remember their actions accurately. At least, that's what the new study (listed above) proves. Those results are backed up by decades of personal experience on my end.

The study estimated that only in situations where strong consequences were enacted, did participants "remember" when they cheated, lied or did other negative behaviors, like abandonment. But all participants used "unethical amnesia," or what psychologists would call, "selective memory," to justify their actions. It was easy for participants to remember in full detail behaviors that were socially acceptable or perceived as ethical. But when they lied or cheated, the details were not only fuzzy, in some cases, participants claimed not to remember them at all.

The research theorizes that the brain will change its own chemistry to lower bodily distress. Emotional pain caused by acting in a severely negative way (or, counter-intuitive to the wants, desires and feelings of the participant) was speculated as providing  even more cause to "forget" unethical behaviors, especially if those behaviors potentially ruined lives. I don't know about you, but that doesn't make me feel any better about the people who have hurt me. And, it's not supposed to.

Whatever the initial undertaking of the study, it does help to explain what is otherwise classified as narcissistic behavior, connected to the "dark triad" in psychology. Study participants claimed to forget negative behavior, or, remembered it as completely different than the way it actually happened. But, that's not an excuse. It's a red flag. A sign of losing one's mind. Imagine what that can do to a person after years? Their brain, not just their memories, will be full of holes.

When you compromise yourself, usually because of financial and/or social vulnerability, a certain reliance on selective memory, dissociation, and, what is now being called "unethical amnesia," is almost necessary. Of course, this is not helpful to the people who are hurt by the unethical behavior. On quite the opposite end of the spectrum, we cannot ever forget when someone has acted unethically, hurting our lives, livelihood, and in some cases, ability to earn. It certainly explains why communications about negative (unethical) behavior can be so...clouded.

We're not talking about little white lies...we're talking about seriously ruthless decisions. Like abandonment, for example. If someone chooses to do something as wittingly unethical as abandonment, they are already well-aware of the potential negative consequences on another's life prior to enacting their choice. Which also means the abandonment (etcetera) was not a panic-moment or mistake. In fact, any sign of unethical amnesia suggests deliberation:

The unethical amnesiac was (and still is) aware of the unethical aspects of their decision(s) to such an extent, physical distress can cause debilitating emotional pain. The extremity is so severe that the only way the unethical individual can live with themselves is to literally "forget" what they did.

Would that I could forget insult and injury as easily as unethical amnesiacs forget their offenses....

The big elephant in the room, of course, is that there is no way to determine if study-participants had really forgotten unethical behavior, or, if a person who had already been proven to be dishonest, was simply lying again in an effort to make themselves look better. My gut says it's the latter. And, my gut is never wrong.

Selective memory works in the same way as the newly coined "unethical amnesia." A person only remembers what they want to after doing something negative. Which is really what this new study points to.

The bottom line: You not only jeopardize important social connections through unethical or negative behavior, you jeopardize your mental health--which is isolating, causing emotional pain and physical distress. Both of which can lead to serious health issues. But, it's not fair that an unethical person gets to forget; unethical decisions don't just hurt them, it directly effects other people. People the unethical decision-makers care about or their memory would not be so selective. What happens to those unfortunate people? The ones who suffer abuse, the guilt of which is relieved for the abuser by "unethical amnesia"? Do they just disappear, like the bad memories of the bad behavior from a "bad" person???

The answer is in things like the recently released statistics for an increase in domestic violence in the States. More than 71,000 women asked for help from women's shelters on any given day during 2015, but nearly 40% were turned away because of lack of funding, most significantly, the loss of Federal funding. Domestic violence is not limited to being slapped around; abandonment is also a form of abuse. So is stalking. It takes years to rebuild a life destroyed by domestic violence, neglect and abuse. Loss of employment, loss of your home, bankruptcy...not to mention the inevitable depression that follows such loss, and including suicidal thoughts, are all the results of negative (unethical) behavior. How can anyone recover from something like abandonment or other abuses when the abuser has conveniently "forgotten" what's really happened??? The short answer is, you don't.

The ability to remember the truth as the truth is imperative to correcting otherwise devastating social errors. Even if those "mistakes" were pre-meditated....

It's small consolation to victims of forgotten negative behavior when an abuser feels so much distress at deceiving you, it causes "unethical amnesia." As an academic, the study makes me question how useful the results might be in connecting ruthless social behavior with childhood abuse and consequential adult mental illness. And, perhaps through questioning how socio-economic vulnerability can lead to ruthless behavior (like lying, cheating, stealing, and drug use), which can then lead to a variety of compromised mental (and physical) health conditions.

As important as all those questions may be, the part of me that has been on the wrong end of heinous acts wishes that, instead of studying why assholes act like assholes, institutions like Harvard and Northwestern might find it more valuable to study the victims of "unethical amnesia." Perhaps to show how unethical behavior can cause severe emotional and physical distress--severe enough to not only lead to things like the loss of a child in an advanced stage of pregnancy, but to actual cancer diagnoses. Now THAT would be a hint more interesting (and useful) than labeling what is already recognized as unethical behavior as "unethical."

Of course, you can't expect a nation of sociopaths to actually hold themselves accountable for their own wrongdoing. All one can expect from a sociopath is an attempt to create excusable packaging for what is otherwise inexcusable. Maybe even do so with a hearty helping of humiliation so as to avoid being questioned. How humiliating? As humiliating as being victimized in the first place but later reading that your liar and cheater believes himself to somehow be a sympathetic, albeit flawed, character who isn't really "bad," he's just drawn that way.

Hitler, had he lived long enough to face the consequences of his unethical (and heinous) decisions, may have said the same thing. Every Nazi who stood trial after World War II certainly did. Something to think about....

#JessicaRabbit

On the first day of May, it was raining. By the third day, it was still overcast with brutal thunderstorms taking us into the morning. This spring has been as cold and cloudy and wet as the winter was warm. The month of December had higher temperatures than April. And, it may be all my fault.

April 30th was brilliant and sunny and warm. I was, too. Because, I took a small chance. In the last year, I've only taken one other like it. Why? I'm scared now, sad. Sick from sorrow and grief. For the first time in weeks, my dreams before waking on May Day were thankfully not full of fear, but instead showed how connected I am. All the signs, symbols and synchronicities I've been experiencing are real...have real meaning. I was in the woods, watching the skies, walking with one of my angels. The dream conveyed that things are moving in the right direction. The trees agree. So do the clouds. And, the tall grass in the fields.

Angels prefer open fields. So do I. Not only can you feel the sunshine, but you can spread your wings. That's never a bad thing.

The moment I woke on May 1st, I smelled cigarettes. I could not only smell the brand, but also feel a burn in my throat and chest. Like now. Being connected isn't as magical as you might imagine....

 Did you know that spitting on people you care about is a real thing? It's believed to ward off evil spirits. Another knock. By the way, I am the only human in the house. My dog is here, but she is sleeping on me. When the knock happened, her ears pricked up. But she's 14 and too old to "wake up" for a random noise. However, if sausage were happening, she'd act like a spry puppy again. It's interesting when my dog reacts to the knocks or "sees" things other humans can't. She also smells the cigarette smoke, often sniffing out through her nose loudly as if in disapproval. Can't blame her. I'm not a fan of smoking either.

One of the most brilliant women I've ever known was a life-long smoker. She was beautiful, too. In her sixties when I met her,  we were at this swanky restaurant in New York when she drew out an elegantly long cigarette, starkly white against her cappuccino skin but bringing out the highlights in her steel-grey locks. She herself was steely. I think it's why she smoked. Agency. One of the few areas of her life where she could prove she had free will. Even if it killed her.

That's not why most folks smoke. They're compelled. Can't help it. And, it gets worse under stress of some kind. Having to smoke a cigarette in the morning when you get up, or at night before bed, is not using smoking as a coping mechanism. Or, to symbolize your free will in a chaotic world. It's a sign of addiction.

Addiction removes agency or choice. When you feel compelled to act a certain way, like with an addiction, that's an effect of limitations, or, negative energy. It's the same context when you walk away (and stay away) from a person you love. You don't do something like that because you're addicted to the love or to the person you left behind. Addiction is when you can't help yourself; it's the real reason you walked away. Whatever your addiction was, it called you home. But you stay away, not because of addiction, but because of guilt/shame. Wow. Loud knock to that!

Addictions cause you to make choices, not based on your happiness, but because you feel compelled, obligated. Regret, however, does not negate the initial choice, even if made for artificial or forced reasons. A choice one must remake each day. And, its a terrible choice indeed. If forced by vulnerability, it's the reason you still regret your decision. But there is always hope; you can make a new choice with each new day. The caveat is that until the compulsion that forced you to make such an awful decision in the first place is cleared from your system, you will never have true agency.

When you make a choice because it makes you happy, that's true agency. Decisions not based on vulnerability are real. Authentic. You're not vulnerable when you choose happiness. You're only vulnerable when you allow others agency over your life; this is typical with any kind of financial and/or chemical dependency. In order to choose happiness, you must be able to financially support yourself. You cannot rely on anyone else or you will be vulnerable to their limits. And, imposed limits never lead to happiness; such imposition destroys happiness. It destroys life, too. But that's a topic for another essay....

I made a big breakfast last weekend after waking from dreams of walking with angels...my gourmet cheese grits, scrambled eggs, fresh whipped cream made with Georgia honey, orange zest and bourbon, and piles of colorful fresh berries. Pineapple-mango bellinis garnished with blueberries were the perfect finish to an impromptu brunch. And, I even baked up a loaf of fresh bread! Nothing like pipping hot bread from the oven...the smell alone could make butter melt in your mouth. It was glorious. Tomorrow, even though I'm a mother, too, I'm making Mother's Day brunch: Tri-color tortellini salad with fresh mozzarella, basil and organic tomatoes, sliced cantaloupe, potato and ricotta pie, chicken Caesar salad with grated Parmesan, balsamic and olive oil, and, home-made croutons from bread I made myself, not to mention home-made focaccia pizza, all served with limoncello punch garnished with fresh raspberries, and, for dessert, tiered white cake decorated with piles of Georgia honey-glazed blackberries, blueberries and raspberries.

Don't you wish you were invited???

I used to cook like I describe above every day at my old house in Atlanta. That is, three meals a day, every day. And, I loved every second of it. But I'm more than just a gal who can cook; I'm also an international author and blogger, a CEO, and, a nationally-recognized pop culture expert quoted in print newspapers like the LA Times and USA Today. You can love to cook, keep a clean home, yet still be professionally-accomplished and still have a hot bikini body...even at 44. That's the beauty of being unlimited.

Being limitless means you can be everything you want to be: A blonde bombshell with boobs to match yet intelligent and, more importantly, have that intelligence recognized (and read) by people in 54 countries around the globe. You can be  a good mom, great cook, and clean your own house, yet not be a frumpy home-maker...unless you think butt-hugging yoga pants and cleavage-loving tank tops are frumpy. And, when you're built like me, they're not. You can even be 44 and look 34 without ever getting a single shot of Botox or fillers, or, any kind of plastic surgery. You can survive cancer for 25 years, too, and still be a joyful, happy and positive person. Only people confined by limits believe otherwise.

Haters are who I mean when I refer to people confined by limits. Haters are gonna hate, y'all...but their limits are not your problem. It's theirs. When you're unlimited, your biggest problem is deciding what you're going to do next.

Being connected to the Universe (also known as being unlimited) also means you can forgive easily. You meet offensive behavior with compassion, not reaction. You live when others die. You stay when others go. You love when others leave. You rise when others fall. You're loyal when others betray. You're brave when others fear. You can be everything and anything. Because being unlimited--being connected--also means being positive. And last weekend, I practically glowed with positivity. It was as if the entire world could see it.

Find happiness and everything you could ever want will suddenly be possible. Because, happiness removes limits....

No matter who you are, where you're from, or what you've done, we are all unlimited, because we all have souls. It's easy to get caught up in the limits of the physical world. I cry about it on a daily basis. My losses. So many. So severe. So heartbreaking. And, it doesn't go away. Real love is like that. I guess I'm learning that it doesn't have to go away for me to be okay. Even if I still have a long way to go. But at least I now know that the imposed limits I've had to live with haven't changed my unlimited nature. I can have visible scars and flaws, but still be beautiful. In fact, it is those very scars and flaws that make me beautiful. Life-tattoos, I call them. Designed by the Universe. The marks of a life well lived.

Keep those unlimited, positive thoughts in mind...even on days like today, where the sky seems endlessly gray. I used to say that it didn't matter when it rained, because I walked between the rain drops. Now I know that getting wet when it's raining isn't a sign of failure...it's a sign of courage. A sign I'm actually living my life.

Are you?

#Alive

PS: Happy Mother's Day to all the strong women and mothers out there who teach children to be ethical adults, who support their kids' happiness, who encourage their sons and daughters to be independent, confident and strong, and, who protect their babies from harm...even if it means walking away from an abusive partner. You are not always appreciated, but you are loved! Sending #PositiveEnergy to each of you....

You can't win for losing with some folks. They just don't like you. And, no matter what you do, they won't like you. You can be sweet,  kind, caring, generous, compassionate, supportive, loving...to no avail. "Haters" hate because they are full of fear. Every time a positive person smiles, a hater wonders why. How can anyone endure tremendous difficulties yet still shine so brightly??? That makes a hater VERY uncomfortable. Threatened, even.

You can't be beautiful, smart, attractive, popular, talented, and/or successful and not be hated. The moment any of the gifts that make you special are recognized, you're in trouble. Jealousy is just another form of envy, greed. There's no beating it either. You can be humble 'til the cows come home...it won't make a wit of difference to people who look at you through green eyes.

Little fish don't like to swim in a big pond. Little fish want to swim in puddles, even it means the water could dry up and they'll die. Swimming in a puddle makes a little fish feel bigger. While positive folks look at a big pond, unafraid, even if they're the tiniest fish on the planet, and think, "Awesome! Look at all the space I can grow into!!!"

It won't just be people you don't know either. Haters will often be the ones you care about most.

For positive people, the negative doesn't compute. We're not programmed for problems; we only ever see solutions. Silver linings. The bright side. Golden opportunities. We're perpetual cheerleaders whose resourcefulness makes us valuable and likable. We can survive almost anything the world throws our way as a result. When we love, we love with abandon. We live life to the fullest, too. And we're not apologetic about it either. Because, we're unlimited. That's what positive energy does--removes limits.

Negative energy is the opposite; it imposes limits. Because we're all connected, even positive people can be affected by the negative energy of others. Here are a few examples:

-It hurts when you love and support a person with everything you have only for that individual to sneak away while your back is turned, with no plans to tell you, or, ever even speak to you again(!).

Yeah, that really hurts. Bad. But the true message is this:

"I'm a liar and a cheater and I don't want to admit my guilt/shame to you because you're honest and loyal--which makes me feel bad about myself. So, instead of accepting responsibility for my failures, I'm going to turn it around on you for being better than me by running away. I'll get congratulated for doing "the right thing" by the sycophants in my circle who previously abused me but now need me to do things like fix their homes and cars for free. Dumping thousands of dollars of responsibility onto you while you're 500 miles away and completely unaware is acceptable behavior because people I've told lies to about the situation say so. Oh, and, you'll be humiliated by all this, too...which is meant to crush your spirit, in case the other things don't. PS: I was jealous of you and your life, even though you gave me everything you had, so I'm leaving you to die alone because then I can have a pity-party about losing you for the rest of my life even though I was an asshole and you deserved better than what I gave...also, it's easier to walk away and pretend to be angry than to actually do what I promised: Spend the rest of my life making yours better. That takes effort. And, I'm not used to making any effort at all. "

Being abandoned hurts less when you recognize what's really being said by the empty drawers, still half-open because the person who left was in too much of a hurry to bother closing them. There is implied meaning in the deafening silence that inevitably follows, too. The person who runs is running away from himself. It may take time to uncover all the lies, but the lies are the reason for the abandonment--not you. Small consolation--I know. You still have to live with the consequences of another's unilateral decision-making. Yet, you are now free from an individual who did not love you. You may feel grief at your loss, but you can still find light in the darkness. You can also find love and a joy for living.  

Ready for the next example??? 
 
-It hurts to make celebrations for milestone events, holidays and birthdays, to support people in crisis, to be thoughtful, considerate and loving, for a quarter-of-a-century no less, and still be told you're not welcome to come on a family vacation.

That doesn't just hurt...it stings. And, it was meant to. The underlying message?

"We never needed an excuse to hate or humiliate you, despite the piles of generous gifts and lovely things you've spent the entirety of your adult life doing for our family, though we've never reciprocated and never will, and, let's not forget the fact that we go out of our way not to support you, even through something as sympathetic as brain cancer, which makes us feel like the big bag of divisive dicks we are. So, we're turning it around onto you, singling you out, like we always have...and, because you are good and kind, you'll never say anything anyway. Neither will the people closest to you. Which will hopefully convey that, deep down, we mean more to them than you ever have, or, ever will. We also hope you understand that everything you've done for us has never been appreciated, so you have essentially wasted your life, which removes any meaning from your existence. PS: In case we haven't made ourselves clear over the last 25 years, we'd rather you were dead than ever make you feel welcome in our family...so, why is it you won't pretend to like us anymore??? Since you're not yet dead, we need you to play along. You know, for the kids."

Betrayals, like the above examples, are designed to cause personal pain and humiliation by rewarding positivity with negativity, which in turn creates the desired social chaos...also known as DRAMA. Such acts of social aggression are meant to destroy, not repair, relationships. Why choose negativity over positivity? There is no answer to that question, except, when people are abused, they become sick with fear. Negatives are all they see. They cannot sleep or eat normally. They only see the world through skeptical, paranoid eyes. Yet, these are people who may be "high-functioning." In other words, narcissists who can hide their disconnects well enough to maintain long-term relationships, work in leadership positions, even have achieved post-graduate degrees. People that have a family, money, a job, and a house. People who should be happy. Grateful. But whatever happened in their early life to cause their fear, carried over into adulthood. No matter how many times you show these folks that the glass is neither half empty nor half full--because it's actually refillable--they won't believe you. They simply don't want to.

Never forget, being a hater is a choice....

Haters are uniquely insistent on remaining victims of circumstance, often unwittingly causing negative cyclical patterns in order to perpetuate their own victimhood. It's a social form of Munchausen Syndrome, where a person repeatedly and deliberately acts sick, even when they're not. Munchausen-by-Proxy is where a person repeatedly and deliberately insists another individual is ill when not, which in turn causes true illness, sometimes resulting in death. Suicide is actually an off-shoot of this psychology; it is always blamed on the person who took their own life, but the context is often ignored, or, rewritten because that person is now gone. Everyone is so worried about the "survivors" of a suicide no one stops to ask why an otherwise healthy person decided dying was better than taking another breath. More often than not, the "reason" a person would go to such an unreasonable extreme is connected to their social circle. I know it would be for me...and, given the few examples above, the reader may well imagine why.

I can't say how many times negative, nasty people have made me feel so hopeless and helpless, that I began to wonder if there was any real meaning to my life, outside of being used and abused. Because, as far as my experience has shown, the only purpose is to constantly fight the inordinate amount of social resistance and reluctance to any individual pursuing their right to happiness.

But, I refuse to believe death is the answer. How can it be when the wonders of the Universe unfold all around us, every single day??? I've known miracles. Real miracles. I have the capacity for unconditional love...do you know how rare that is? How unique??? I wear a smile, regardless of how bad life gets for me. I make people laugh, say the right things when they cry, and give everything I have to make the lives of others better. I love life. Despite my pain.

Do the haters out there really believe deliberately hurting another person is ever a good thing? Wishing evil on another's life? Humiliating? Bullying? Making someone feel less-than for no other reason outside of their existence??? And, most of these people are parents, aunts, uncles...what kind of a role model are you when you go out of your way to hurt someone else? Especially if you are healthy and whole, and the person you're picking on isn't??? This is a big part of why our world currently has the highest number of people on anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and sleep medication. It's also why the numbers for attempted suicide, as well as successful suicide, are higher than at any other point in human history.

Existentialists believed that in the absence of better choices, suicide may be valid under certain circumstances.Though we all can end our own suffering anytime, if we are here in the first place, it is not to suffer. It is, in fact, to be happy. To be loved, To create opportunities for love. For joy. For peace. For ourselves. And, for others. Negatives only surface to be cleared, not to cause paralytic fear, derision, and strife. Shame on anyone who does otherwise. You don't deserve your humanity.

Being positive amidst the negative people is frustrating. But for every hater, there are at least ten strangers who will appreciate you and your light. Your existence improves the lives of other people, even if you don't always know it. If you operate from a place of positive energy, positively effecting change for others is inevitable. I just had a student contact me through Instagram yesterday, saying how I always improve their day with my positive messages, and, that my class is still one of their favorite life-memories, despite the fact that I have not had them as a student in almost seven years. None of my haters can claim that. Not one. 

So, why is it you haters feel you're better than me again??? 

It's a rhetorical question. Intelligent people recognize destructive behavior and generally refuse to react. Because, no one wins when someone dies, regardless of what the haters want you to believe. We only win when life is happier. Better. When we feel loved. Supported. So, don't ever stop being loving, kind, compassionate, and/or generous. The moment you do, the haters win. And, they don't deserve to win. You do.

Haters want you, and others, to believe there's no place for you in this world. That you and your positivity are a "problem."  I'm here to unequivocally let you know that, the moment someone tells you you're a problem, throw yourself a fucking party. Because, guess what...you know you're doing something right.

#KillEmWithKindness