If you truly care for others, love children, want to help senior members of our society, and appreciate animals, nature—you’re warm-blooded. But if you ruthlessly act on your own best interests, even if it means hurting others (animals, people, the environment)—you’re reptilian, or cold-blooded. But, how can you tell who’s who when considering future romantic partners???
The simple answer is, you can’t....
There are plenty of chameleons out there: reptiles who literally change their appearance to suit their environment. In other words, the (seemingly) single dad you’ve been dating who appears sensitive, sweet, attentive, and kind—he’s probably married with two kids under 10 and a baby on the way. Folks like this perhaps read too many comic books (and watch waaay too many movies) when their core belief is that by simply wearing dark-rimmed glasses, no one will recognize who they truly are (a la Clark Kent).
What are the tell-tale signs that can help poke holes in any well-honed reptilian façade?
The first on that list is pretentiousness. Yes, if they’re sharing obscure jazz and articles from The New Yorker on the regular, they’re about as one-dimensional as a forgotten movie set on the Paramount lot.
When someone works hard to impress others, it likely means they have no ability to back it up. They’re merely acting like someone who they think is educated, erudite. But people who are actually educated don’t need to prove it by pretending to be something they’re not. Being an intellectual means never prioritizing problems over people by looking beyond the surface for answers. These solution seekers focus on original thought, not regurgitating the wit and witticisms of others.
At least the Clark Kents of this world put in a little effort on their road to ruthlessness. It’s the people who are blatantly vicious through outright lies and thinly-veiled threats that are the very reason Ring doorbells were invented. They may appear human, but there’s no humanity left in those otherwise empty husks.
Here’s an example:
You meet a great person. Things are going really well. It's been six months or so. He (or she) invites you to have a romantic weekend together. Yay! You're excited. They're VERY excited. And, after ordering some Door Dash, Bae is on you like stripes on a tiger! You two move the party into the bedroom. You're kissing. The lights are down low...and, so is Bae. You kiss Bae again and tell them how much you love them.
"I love...f***ing you."
Um, wwwhhhaaattt?!?!?! Talk about ruining the moment.
Sadly, if you can relate to this scenario, you were dating a reptile. Within days of that little social-bomb, "bae" tells you they need time to think. A week later, you haven't heard a single word. Oh yeah...you've been GHOSTED.
In Psychology, things like the above example are an attempt at gaslighting as well as baiting—not so coincidentally, both are traits from the Dark Triad. Most “reptilian” or cold-blooded behaviour derives from the Dark Triad, which includes Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Machiavellianism and Psychopathy.
The master-baiters out there may likely have a variation of NPD—whether overt or covert, they’re still reptiles. The best way to diffuse a narcissist is to ignore them. They are attention seekers because even if they appear confident, they’re incredibly insecure. Rewarding their attempts to hurt you through confrontation is exactly what they want. They may keep pushing you until they get it, too. That’s why you need an exit strategy—one that gets you as far away from the narcissist (aka “energy vampire”) as possible.
When it comes to dating a reptile, time, patience and intelligence are your friends—use them wisely.
The (un)single dad who pretends to be something he’s not? That’s classic Machiavellianism. Communication patterns that use vagaries, avoidance and deflection are all red flags. Pretty much all manipulative behaviours fall into this category. I call people with such traits, “joy stealers”—like those old Hollywood movie sets, any joy you may receive from ruthless types isn’t real. But you’ll really miss it when you discover it was all just some jerk-off’s fantasy, and never meant for anything more. Or, if it was meant for “more,” it doesn’t include a house with a white picket fence nor any sort of real commitment.
So, how did you go from utter happiness with tons of potential to feeling isolated and alone?
Your Machiavellian reptile made you *think* that sending you 100 years worth of love songs was real, just to get you to cooperate. He never thought of you as anything more than a toy—something he could pick up and put down at his own convenience. These joy-stealers also love to steal your time. Yeah, that’s a big bag of “no.” Whether five years ago, today, or 15 years in the future, the answer will always and forever be unequivocally, “No.”
No one wants to be an option....
And that brings us to the psychopaths. These folks look for vulnerable people to prey (and profit!) on. If you catch their eye and you’re not vulnerable, they’ll work on you until you are. If you don’t comply at some point, expect fun things like Visine slipped into your cereal, the irreparable damage and/or disappearance of anything you have an attachment to (including people and pets, but also clothing, pictures, decor, jewelry, anything unique or irreplaceable...the list sadly goes on and on). There’s also the spreading of rumours about you in an effort to isolate you further, as well as outright stalking—both virtually and in real life. All of which sabotages your employment or potential for employment, your health and safety—including your mental health, and of course, your financial stability. It’s systematic. Meant as a kind of torture. Misery does love company, after all:
When there are two people in a long-term relationship but only one is successful, fit, employed, has healthy savings and no debt, you have yourself a classic reptile. Warm-blooded people who think they have no real resources fail to see that energy itself is a resource. If you have it in abundance, you will attract all manner of reptiles. Have you ever seen a snake sun itself on a sidewalk? Same thing. They’ll slither out from whatever rock they were under to soak up your warmth as they bask in your light.
Warm-blooded types care about you as a person. They want equality in their relationships. Balance. Anything less feels unhealthy. Open, kind, generous—the warm-blooded are the givers of this world.
Givers have to learn not to be taken. Being open and giving on a planet full of reptiles has its disadvantages. You are at risk of being eaten alive...and, it won’t be quick. It will happen slowly over time. You’ll escape one only to find another, and another, and, another. I’m not sure where the intelligence comes in with the “design” of Planet Earth and its inhabitants, but even if our creation is laced with deliberate cruelty, we can still make choices in who we spend our time with, and, how we spend it.
If you’re warm-blooded and currently dealing with a reptile, cut the proverbial cord! It’s hard to do if you’ve been manipulated or made to feel dependent on them in some way. No contact is the best way to go if you’re dating a reptilian type. However, if you’re already in a committed relationship and living with a reptile, as their primary source of light/warmth they won’t let you go so easily. Develop your exit strategy as safely and quickly as possible.
Once you can leave, never ever look back....
Signs the person you’re interested in (or are already with) is “warm-blooded”:
Someone truly interested won’t “breadcrumb” you with two-second texts and expect an Oscar. Instead, they will make a conscious effort to get to know you through sustained, consistent efforts that include not only calls, texts, emails/letters, and FaceTime (or the equivalent)—they will want to see you in person, too. They also want to meet your family and friends as well as introduce you to theirs.
A person who cares will never deflect responsibility for nonresponse by using excuses like, “I’ve been busy,” or “Everything is a blur because of work.” Unless you’re dating a world leader or a neurosurgeon, chances are decent that your person has the time to get in touch at some point during the day. When someone disappears for a day or two (or more), be aware that you may be dealing with a reptilian heart—one that will gravitate toward any source that provides “warmth.” So, if the guy who was sending you love songs every day for eight months is now “too busy” to get in touch, he’s found another source of energy to use and abuse. Count yourself lucky (even if lonely) when that happens. Now, you can move on to someone who actually makes time for you in their life:
When you have a misunderstanding, a person who truly cares for you wants to return balance to the situation so will never prioritize any problem over you or the relationship. However, reptiles will always prioritize problems over people, holding on to negativity as a punitive measure (when you get upset, you generate energy or “warmth” through anger and sadness; reptiles feed off of that energy—it doesn’t have to come from a place of happiness on your end to make reptilian types feel better about themselves).
Open, honest communication is the solution to nearly every and any issue in a relationship. A warm-blooded person will strive for clarity. They will be forthcoming with their feelings, as well as their needs, and will be interested in you sharing those same things with them. A person who cares will never make or keep you vulnerable. If you ask to talk, they’ll listen. Not two weeks later—you’ll get a call right away, or a text asking you when a call or video chat will be most convenient.
Warm-blooded individuals let their intentions be known upfront. They will share emotions in a direct way, too—encouraging you to do the same. People who are truly your friend will not ignore you or your questions—they will answer you quickly and honestly. There’s no need to “find the words” or “the best approach” unless someone is trying to buy time in an effort to cover up the truth. Honesty requires no such effort. It’s just the truth, and saying what’s true is easy unless a person is attempting to hide lies aka trick the object of their “affection” into providing more “warmth” (or, supply).
To the reptiles of this world, feel free to scurry back under the rock you crawled out from under. Because, it’s hunting season. And my proverbial pen is more accurate than Annie Oakley. Btw, so is my aim....
Players who want to play with fire will always get burned. You’re in my world now.