My home in Atlanta was #229 (2=11; 2+9=11), which simplifies to #1111--the number for #TwinFlames. It's no surprise that the house with #TwinFlame numbers had #twin-everything! Twin dormers, twin cathedral windows, twin garage bays, twin sinks, twin posts on the front porch, even a tub made for twins...I miss it. Very much. The name of the suburb my #twin house was in had a visual #11 in its spelling through a double lower-case "L.". It was my "dream" house in many ways, not because it was a mansion either. Far from it. No, #229 wasn't just the place I dreamt of, it was the place where I made my dreams come true. It may be the only time in my life that happens for me. So, I'll never take it for granted...not ever. I call that walking "between the raindrops." Though I was forced to leave my lovely home behind, and all the dreams I created there, I still cherish every single day, every hour, every minute, and every second I spent at #229.

By the way, numerology wasn't something I even thought about when I first found the house 2.5 years ago. It was the second house I found, too. The first was closer to the city but  lacked the light. It also didn't have a forest in its backyard. But I was starting my job in a week so put down a big deposit. Then, like a miracle, I saw #229 online. Funny to think that it was less than a year ago that I learned about numerology and began recognizing the numerical patterns in my life. That epiphany came #18 months after my initial journey began; #18 is derived from #99, which is the number for completion. Wholeness. If you aren't yet a fan of Einstein's Relativity, you should go to your local library and start reading! It will help you understand the language of our Universe. It will also help you understand that there are no coincidences.

I was 42 (yes, that's right, Douglas Adams fans!) when I finally had the chance to realize my dreams. Make them real. That's perhaps sadder than not having a twin-chance for twin-happiness in the future. But better than never having tried for happiness at all, eh? And, every day you survive is another day closer to trying all over again.

We are all responsible for making our own lives into the most positive lived-experience possible. But that's not what society teaches us. We learn to squeeze ourselves into tight boxes built for us before we're even born. It's the only way we get social acceptance (aka financial support). You can't even get a job unless you comply with social "norms." Don't believe me??? Just ask anyone who would be considered "the other" by society. Protests happening in the States right now are connected to social acceptance of "the other." I always applaud those who have the guts to do the right thing, because inevitably, those same people risk being punished for it. One way or another.

But when it comes to love, what is the "right" thing? And, how do we stop ourselves from continuing to self-punish by denying what's in our hearts???

The answer is simple. Easy, even: In love, you must always do what your heart tells you. That may mean facing more than one social obstacle. Just because you know what your heart wants, does not mean your social circle will agree. In fact, it's rare when that happens. Sadly, the more common response from family and friends when you decide to make a change--to live your dreams--is resistance. Those who challenge you are typically afraid...not for you, for themselves. You leaving the life they protect devalues their choices. It's threatening on some level. But honestly, who cares what family and friends think of your choices??? They don't have to live with the consequences. You do. When you martyr yourself for others, you don't earn more respect as a result. You get treated like a doormat instead. Like garbage. Expected to be there at everyone else's convenience, and when you aren't, you're discarded. It's pretty awful, but also amazing at the same time.

Human nature. It's predictable. Love, however...not so much. That's perhaps why so many gravitate to the #Twin narrative, and, the math behind it.

I get a lot of queries and questions regarding #TwinFlames (also referred to as #TwinSouls), particularly for predictions from those who identify with the ancient human narrative of love and loss. My best piece of advice for #2017--to everyone reading this right now--is to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Once you make that rather significant choice, things tend to fall into place. 

#2017 is your chance to really create change. Love is a miraculous connection between two souls. When it's real, it goes nowhere. And, when you have the person you love more than anyone or anything else in the world by your side, there isn't much else that matters. Finding real love by making that connection is the best change-agent humans can have. Love turns monsters into men. But there's so much fear surrounding real love that many of us have suffered more loss than love in our lives. I'm laughing a bit as I write that. Know why? Because, even when you "lose" someone, if the love was real, it's always real. It never goes away. The fear that caused separation will though. When it does, go find your real love. We always feel it. It's a prevalent theme right now in #PopCulture, too.

Whether you're a fan of TV shows like #ThisIsUs #VampireDiaries #Nashville or #TheRoyals, you can see examples of lost love trying to be recaptured. I just wrote about how the Nashs (made famous by the film, #ABeautifulMind) divorced in 1963 but remarried nearly 40 years later. That's what real means. No matter how much time passes, the two people who feel the love always feel it--regardless of anything or anyone else. The truth is like that. It stands. A lot can happen over decades of  time. So, I'm not advocating you wait. I'm telling you not to.

My #Twins out there asking me if there will be reunions this year need to focus on improving themselves and their lives. I say this with total love and compassion: Please stop obsessing over an otherwise absent person's possible decisions. In the #Twin narrative, there's always a runner and a chaser. It's like that in love (and life, too), no matter what narrative you believe in. Yin and Yang. Good versus Evil. That innate duality Joseph Campbell talks about transcending in order to transform human consciousness (meaning, in order for people to stop being a big bag of dicks).

For the runners, it's likely that after some time, you'll recognize your mistake. You just may not know how to fix it. You keep waiting for that magical moment to arise, but waiting gets you nowhere fast. Years may pass, and so will the precious time you could be spending with your #Twin. My advice to the runners of this world is to stop running. Be honest with yourselves. Be honest with the person you love, too, by taking responsibility for what you did. Get in touch. Go from there. If the person you feel real love for is your real #Twin, nothing will prevent you from coming together again.

For the chasers--stop chasing. And, live. Find happiness. Find peace. Actively seek joy. Having a #Twin (or, person who completes you) does not guarantee a fairy tale ending. If it's been years since you're runner disappeared, it's time to let go. Be happy in yourself. I know that, somewhere inside, you'll wait forever. That's okay. Just don't deny yourself the opportunity to love and be loved while you do. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear--that you and your #Twin will be reunited within the next year--but I can't. When your runner is ready, nothing will stop them from making things right. Until then, know that you don't need another person to make you happy. You can still find love and joy, but it will not feel the same. And, that's okay. Different isn't deficient...it's just, well, different.  I'd rather you have any kind of love and companionship in your life than none at all. Love is a skill after all. You have to practice it to keep it sharp.

I hope this helps to answer most of the concerns readers have expressed regarding love in #2017. In terms of the numbers, it's a creation year;. I think it's likely that many find what was lost (even if it's not in the way you expect it), opening the door for a new period of awakening in #2018 (#11), followed by a year of manifesting your dreams into reality (#2019=#111). And finally, the ultimate #Twin year, #2020, which breaks down to #1111, will see you enjoying the abundance of all you create this year in order to manifest your awakened thoughts in the next two. Don't be surprised by serious hardship right before your breakthrough--things are always darkest before the dawn. The double "2" in 2020 may ask humanity to raise their overall vibration somehow--"2" is a number of partnership, but also, of codependency. 

While numbers don't lie, people do. I can't say it often enough: Don't wait! If you know you love the person you left behind, tell them. Soon. Remember, positive energy comes from being proactive, not reactive. Your anger or negative emotions are always reactions to your environment. But you can rise above and stop being a victim. You can take control. Call your #Twin. Send an email, or a letter. Don't wait for an impossibly perfect scenario to happen--that's just self-sabotage. The perfect moment is now. "Perfect" is simply having the courage to say how you feel with no expectations outside of giving love to a person who deserves it.

All human beings are here to open doors to unconditional love. First, you have to find it. Finding it happens when you give it. The karma of our "runners" is to learn unconditional love by returning balance and finally coming "home." But not with any expectations. Unconditional love means accepting whatever has happened in your absence. Being patient and kind. Being a consistent friend again. Until, one day, another hand reaches out for yours. That's your big moment. Grab that hand, and never, ever, ever let it go again.

May all good souls who promote positive energy in this world find prosperity, peace and protection. Your mind will give up long before your body...that's why it is so important to stay physically healthy. Your physical health promotes mental and emotional clarity. Stay positive! And, you will rise....

#BetweenTheRainDrops

#AwakeLife #TwinFlames Post-script: Today is 29 January 2017, or, an #1111 day; 29=2+9=#11; 2017=2+0+1+7=10 and 10+1 (January=1) is the second #11.

Numbers...when I look at the world, that's what I see. To me, numbers are like road signs. I find it reassuring to see certain numerical patterns over and over again. Because, unlike people, numbers don't lie. 

I was deeply distracted earlier today, working on my laptop. Working on numbers. So absorbed, in fact, I didn't even notice that the TV was on. It had been muted; someone else in the office was likely looking for weather. Or maybe, sports news. Either way, I generally don't watch TV outside of the research I do for my books as the #PopCultureProfessor. When I did finally come out of hyper-focus mode, A Beautiful Mind was on the screen. And, I couldn't help but cringe a little.

John Forbes Nash, Jr. was one of the most brilliant mathematicians the world has ever known. From a small town that was no more than nine-square miles in West Virginia, Nash made it through the rigors of academia to sit amongst Princeton's best and brightest. Not an easy feat, let me assure you. Though, it's no wonder Nash was later diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia; the pressures of academic life can be both rigorous and vigorous, all on their own.

I wrote an essay about the disease in January 2015 called, "Truth Serum: Schizophrenia," after experiencing one of the most bizarre turn of events in my entire life. Whenever something unthinkable occurs, make no mistake, mental illness is involved. Not mine, mind you. No, I was the one attacked. With arrows, no less. Paranoid schizophrenia encompasses the feeling that people who know and love you want to also harm you. Delusions, accompanied by voices in your head, help feed the sense that people you know are "out to get you."

When you lose a person to mental illness, it's as if they truly died. There's no discernible trace of your loved one left. It's both shocking and surreal. You see, mental illness is not a disease unto itself; it stems from social resistance like childhood trauma and abuse. This often leads to continued vulnerability as an adult, including a predisposition toward addiction, and, the codependency that goes with it.

For nearly two years, it felt like a piece of me was missing. Because, it was. But life has a way of rolling ever-forward. Today, I count myself lucky. Not just for surviving, but for finding the ability to open my heart again. To imagine living again. 

Numbers kept me sane in between then and now. It was the same for John Nash. He made sense of the world through numerical patterns. Like the Nash equilibrium. When balance went missing from my world, it was all in the numbers. The accounting error was in rightly assuming it would not benefit the other player to change his strategy. Because, it wouldn't. You never subtract a positive integer. It's like taking every dollar you have and burning it to stay warm on an August day in Georgia. 

The Nash equilibrium depends wholly on the players in any game making the best possible decisions. If there's even a hint of madness in the mix, economic disaster will always follow. Sadly, I've had the opportunity to experience the proof of Nash's equation first hand. And yet, it is not Alicia Nash I relate to; it is John. That potential for greatness. But potential isn't enough, is it? Potential is just a fraction. A tiny piece of a larger puzzle. As it turns out, it is accountability, not accounting, that adds up to a whole number.

Alicia and John divorced in 1963, after only five years of marriage. But, as I've come to learn, the real deal goes no where. The couple reunited, remarrying nearly 40 years after their initial divorce. This time, the two remained together until dying in a car crash about a year and a half ago.

John Nash pinpointed the beginnings of his illness as manifesting after his wife became pregnant. The pressure of responsibility was too great. Or rather, his lack of desire to be held accountable, accounting for the multiplication of the cracks in Nash's already fractured psyche. 

I now recognize that what happened to Alicia Nash, also happened to me. Irony...the one accessory I'll never lose. Well, that, and sunglasses. I have more than 20 pair stashed in my car. Mainly because I break them and/or lose them with such frequency, I need a host of spares. If only it were that easy with people....

The numbers show me that what is referred to as a Reimannian manifold, named after German mathematician Bernhard Riemann, was isometrically embedded in my Euclidean space; I just didn't see it. Perhaps it might be better to say, I took it for granted. That's part of Nash's theorems, too. Isometric simply means maintaining the length of a particular path. Inside the manifold is a family of inner products called a metric. Reimannian metrics are what identify the angles, the curves, and, the divergence of any two vector fields. You see, each field or space can be equipped with a family, or inner product.  That "family," by design, restricts the space. Places limits. The limits are meant to keep a certain geometric order. You can think of it as equivalent to genetics, or even, familial social patterns. Whether from Nature or Nurture, the limits work in the same way.

Of course, humans are not numbers. We have the ability to expand beyond our inner products, to bypass the path our genetics and familial social "metrics" have in store for us. At least, in theory. Nash thought of it like folding a piece of paper and pressing it down, creating a crease. The paper represents Euclidian space, and the crease is that isometrically embedded Reimannian manifold. It's an analogy for the human condition. At least, that's what I see in Nash's math.

Mathematics are like a ballet of sorts. A beautiful dance. Graceful. Poised. If I applied Nash's theorem's to my life, I would know that there are three possibilities to my equation. One allows for the counterintuitive to happen. Two is the foundation on which the most likely outcome stands. And three, or what is known as the real analytic theorem, guarantees the uniqueness of two fixed points in space and time. That uniqueness provides a constructive method for finding those fixed moments, no matter what.

I believe humans call that level of mathematical mapping, magic....

#Homestretch

After today, there will be 360 new days remaining in 2017 to fix your life. That may seem like a long time, but there are only 146 days from here until June 1st. Not much time at all. If you put off whatever it is you need to do to improve your life for even 60 seconds, you're doing yourself, and anyone else connected to you, a great disservice.

Lost love is one of the hardest things to deal with in a New Year. I don't have to explain why to anyone; it should be obvious. We all need love from other people to have purpose. You can love yourself as much as you want, but if you don't have anyone outside of your person who truly loves you, emptiness will begin to creep up behind you. If you've ever given everything you had to a person you loved, only to have it rejected, you know what I'm talking about.

Usually, rejection stems from insecurity. Deep-seeded fears that go back to childhood. Mommy and/or Daddy were absent in some way, or simply vacant and ineffective. Later in life, when faced with "true love," a person traumatized by the rejection of a parent during what was likely an abusive and unhappy childhood, may end up rejecting their personal miracle of real love. There is nothing so frightening as making yourself vulnerable to another human being. Except for clowns, perhaps....

Whatever the reason is that you walked away from the person you love, forgive yourself first before asking for forgiveness. Then, muster up the courage to tell the one you love how you really feel; I guarantee that individual will forgive you, too. There's nothing I respect more than courage. Anyone who has the guts to express real love gets my respect, at the very least. And, frankly, my forgiveness, too.

But, sadly, we cannot forgive people who don't want to be forgiven. We can only forgive ourselves for loving a person we likely knew would eventually abandon us. Until and unless we are asked for forgiveness. That is your moment of truth. Do you really believe in your convictions? If you feel like people are always more important than problems, you do. And, when that person from your past comes forward with honesty and love, you will not ignore them. You will not stay silent. You will smile, hug them, and say, "Thank you."

Gratitude over attitude goes both ways....

Yup, the invisible "mark" that narcissistic parents leave on the "scapegoat" child has lasting effects. Adults who were scapegoat children are too eager to please others in hopes of permanent acceptance. We tend to go into debt to "buy" love from people who ask without asking. In other words, your spouse may not ask you to pay for an expensive vacation every year, but it is understood that you are expected to pay, and probably make all  the arrangements, too, because the trip does not happen otherwise. Maybe you even get "punished" for not making the vacation happen through "accidental" bruises and cuts and scrapes and burns, not to mention the always-fun verbal abuse...and, lest I forget, withdrawal of physical affection. 

Charming, isn't it???

No, it really isn't. The person who treats you like that "loves" you as long as you do what they want. The moment you vary from their self-directed program (which always revolves around their parents, siblings, friends, and work, making you a perpetual after-thought because you are a possession, not a person), you will be devalued through verbal, emotional, financial, and/or physical abuse. It's easy to discern a pattern if you have been with your spouse or partner for at least a year or more. Unfortunately, no matter how much you may love that person, their behavior will never change. You will just get older, sadder, less motivated to breathe. In these situations, it's "normal" to seek out support, friendship and love from other sources. If you fear abandonment, you will want a "guarantee" that someone will be there for you when you muster the courage to get out of what is entirely abusive. After enough time living like that, if you don't get out, you may even begin to experience PTSD symptoms or develop a dissociative disorder. Depression, anxiety, addiction, and thoughts of leaving the world are also common. So, don't wait. It may not feel like a matter of life or death over the course of a typical day, but those days become years. And time spent in a social prison will wear on your spirit. You can't fully appreciate the negative effects of feeling stuck in an unhappy relationship until you see your friend of 20 years choose death as the "better option" rather than continue to live amidst negativity.

It's a new year, and people love to start something new by denying the old. That's simply absurd. We are always composed of our past in our present. And, the past will always affect our future as well--especially when we attempt to sweep it under the proverbial rug.

So, for 2017, know that you have 360 more days to correct those relationships. Whether it is having the courage to say goodbye to a person who has controlled you instead of loved you, or hello to the heart you may have broken yet still love beyond measure--this is your year. Make June 1st your "deadline." Try to a/effect change in the next 146 days. Don't wait until tomorrow. If you are reading this blog, chances are excellent that you have some need to increase your self-awareness. Begin a list today of what you need to do to accomplish your goals. Make phone calls, fill out job applications, talk to friends and relatives and get support for the changes you need to make. Get up earlier. Exercise each day. Brush your teeth. Floss. And eat a healthier plant-based diet. Listen to uplifting classical music, like Vivaldi's Four Seasons. Stay elevated by raising your overall vibrations--which just means, making healthier choices to see positive changes.

Once you know what you want, focus your thoughts on only positives. Absolutely no negatives! You must not let a single negative thought enter your mind. If you have negative family members that you can't abandon, rise above their negativity. Minimize the time you're in their physical presence. Don't let a negative person bait you into participating in their misery by holding you emotional hostage. Just calmly express that you do not want to participate in unsupportive behavior and walk away. Get outside if you can. Or, if winter is making the outdoors less accessible, get lost in positive social media feeds, like the #mthrwrld or #motherworld hashtags on Instagram. Immerse yourself in nature and you will find more peace, joy and light.

This is not the year for excuses. The world will not reward you because you exist. You have to earn your accolades. Backing up your promises--past, present and future--is a good place to start. For yourself, and the person or persons who truly love you. Doing things when you "feel like it" is simply procrastination. If you are serious about change, you'll start now. Today. The first step to real success is to stop excusing yourself. "Trying" to be better assumes that because you try, you never have to actually succeed. Or, fail. That's naive, at best. Because, effort alone will never add up to results unless you set a schedule and stick to it. It's about checks and balances. Self-responsibility versus self-entitlement. Fortune 500 companies set stratregic goals, both short-term and long-term; their profit margins provide overwhelming proof of the effectiveness in what is essentially making annual resolutions. Denying the value in assessing yourself and your goals at the start of each new year is denying an opportunity to succeed. And, there are enough people in this world who want to impede your progress without your help.

Remember, living your best life is your primary job. #2017 can be your year if you work as hard for yourself as you do for others. The key is to be self-aware. That means being honest with yourself. Acknowledge your mistakes. And, instead of looking  to blame others by seeking out problems, seek solutions. Look for the good in people. It makes it easier to see the good in yourself. 

2017 adds up to creation and miracles through awakening. There is an undercurrent of karmic cause-and-effect this year as well; if you have been held down or back, it is up to you to overcome whatever (or whoever) that obstacle may be. Once you do, you are guaranteed to see abundance in 2018 and beyond. That is your karma. Let your abusers face theirs as you move forward, minus the heavy chains put upon you by others.

#LostLove


#AwakeLife #TwinFlame Post-script:

To start making positive change, realize what you truly need, not what you believe is socially accepted/expected of and for you. When a negative family member or friend is exploitative, it makes you vulnerable. People who really care for you will be supportive, no matter what. A person who loves you will be consistent in their message of love and ecouragement to help you succeed in attaining whatever your goals may be. But a negative person makes you feel vulnerable to enable your failure in order to justify or validate his own negativity. Threatening to withdraw "love," affection, and/or his  physical presence is meant to manipulate. Control you by throwing you off balance. Sometimes literally. And, even then, you are expected to constantly meet outrageous demands, no matter how badly you have been treated. But, nothing you do will ever be good enough. You see, real love doesn't disappear; it is understanding, patient, kind. So are rational, supportive individuals who are generous with not just their love, but usually every resource they have, including their time. It is only sociopaths who aren't.... 

Sociopaths, or narcissists, hold those who are inextricably attached to them emotional hostage, often threatening to disappear or cut out their victim completely. But social isolation can kill. It's serious, as serious as heart disease, depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide...all of which decrease productivity and income while increasing morbidity. Legally, the term is abandonment. Even the law acknowledges the fact that there is no real way to socially cut a person out of your life without causing irreparable financial, physical, emotional, and psychological harm. That is why one should never reward threats or negative behavior of any kind. Even if you are somehow dependent on the person who is hurting you, you do not have to stay silent; you can express that, because you are supportive, you have the reasonable expectation (and often, legal right) for similar support in return. Once you have made that statement, your only obligation is to move yourself forward.

If you can relate to what I am describing above, 2017 is your chance to create a new world--one where you never have to hear yourself explaining to another adult why you deserve respect, loyalty, love, and emotional support.