Whether or not you prescribe to the #TwinFlame-narrative, we can all relate to feeling insecure in a love relationship: "She's beautiful and I'm not...why would she want me?" Or, perhaps it's age before beauty: "He's 24 and I'm not...why would he want me???" The list of insecurities in connection to love will always be rather long. But, the long and short of it is, when we are insecure, it's because we want to be.
We all feel it once in a while--the sense that we don't belong. That, somehow, we are not who people think we are. Let me stop you right there. When you begin to feel unworthy, you are essentially looking for problems instead of solutions, choosing judgment over compassion, cruelty over kindness, and attitude instead of gratitude. When you make choices like the ones I describe, you are also choosing victimhood. The reason? On some level, you feel it will be easier to play the victim rather than take responsibility for your own worth...not to mention the innate responsibilities of having and keeping love.
#RealTalk: Do yourself (and everyone else) a favor and cut the crap. No more crying about how bad your life is. You're human...that means nothing is permanent. If you're over 30, impermanence shouldn't be news. Life is pain a la scholar Joseph Campbell. But, that's okay. Because, the benefit of your humanity lies within that complex brain and opposable thumbs of yours. Yes, your genes may have a certain fate in store for you. Even being born under specific stars comes with a side of karmic debt. HOWEVER, regardless of DNA or where Venus was on the day you were born, you have the power to choose. So, choose better.
You're not worthy of the person who loves you??? You're right. You're probably not. I mean, if you were, you would just be grateful for the love itself and not question why you have it. Here's a thought...instead of whining about why you have no value, put that same energy into increasing yours. That's right. You heard me:
Make. Yourself. Worthy.
When you truly love another soul, you will do anything to protect and cherish the person you care for. By saying you don't feel worthy of that person, all you're really doing is providing yourself with an excuse to remain a victim. Which means, you're also excusing yourself from taking responsibility for your own life.
Your beloved has a Doctorate and you don't even have a high school diploma? I can see how that may be problematic. But, there's always a solution to every problem: Get your GED, sign up for classes at a community college, and obtain your degree as an x-ray technician, dental hygienist, paralegal, or RN. In just two years, you'll be making double the salary you can earn without a GED or two-year degree. And, for very little investment. Depending on where you live in the States, the average cost of tuition at a community college ranges from $3,000-$6,000 a year. Just so we're clear, at many four-year institutions, you would likely pay $3,000-$6,000 per course. In a given academic year, or 30-weeks, you would be required to take three-to-four courses every fifteen weeks to be considered a matriculated student. If that's not opportunity knocking, I don't know what is. You'd see it as an opportunity, too, if you shed your victim-suit long enough to spread your wings.
Maybe you feel unworthy because your life has included some unfortunate pitfalls like addiction, a common problem in the 21st century. The simple answer is, of course, to quit your addiction. Get help. Get clean. Stay clean. And, continue to make healthy choices. But, kicking addiction to the curb is neither simple nor easy. You'll need to enlist the help of family and friends. You'll also need to discontinue any association with people who support an unhealthy lifestyle. Start going to the gym, hiking, running, walking, biking...just get outside in the sunshine. Find a good therapist you can talk to; learn what the underlying cause(s) of your addiction may be. Once you do, break that cycle into a million pieces, making even James Frey jealous. Smash it like you're the god of Thunder himself.
Whatever obstacle you are focusing on, stop. Think. Is what you consider to be a deal breaker a real problem? Or, are there real solutions you can pursue??? Wherever you see a problem, there are always at least three solutions. It's like a puzzle, or a math equation. The answer to any question can and will be found the moment you start believing in a solution.
If you have real love, you are worthy. Whether you believe it or not, another person believes in you. So much so, that person feels genuine love for you. Love is the miracle of humanity after all. Will you let a miracle pass you by, just because you were too afraid to step up to the plate and take responsibility for your own life?
There is never a "right" moment or the "perfect" time. We don't get to choose when love finds us. We only get to choose if we wish to accept or reject the miracle that it is. You may not feel ready for love and so use the excuse of being unworthy to justify rejecting what is not even a once-in-a-lifetime guarantee. That's classic self-sabotage. Because, you will regret not seizing the opportunity to love and be loved by a person who chose you out of the seven-billion people walking on Planet Earth.
By playing the victim (or, feeling unworthy), you are giving up. You don't want to make yourself better. You'd rather pine away for a person you love than hold them in your arms every night. You may even resent that person on some level and find joy in knowing your rejection caused that person pain. Whatever the reason, every single human being who breathes behaves the way they do because that individual gets a reward for their particular behavior. Victims are only victims because they make themselves vulnerable. While it's true all of us may be victimized, no one has to take that punishment laying down. You can stand up. You can speak up. So, stop pretending you are a child. And, grow up.
You're unworthy because you want to be. That's the truth. No matter why you feel unworthy, you only feel it because it defers taking responsibility for yourself and the person you love.
I pity anyone in love with an insecure person. When you see self-destructive patterns or signs of self-sabotage--run, don't walk, in the opposite direction. Any individual willing to hurt themselves won't hesitate to hurt you, too. If you want to have a good life, find people who are self-responsible. Surround yourself with them. And, eventually, your strength of character will pay off.
No settling! Be patient. Giving up on yourself is not an option. You will never live this particular life again, so live it fully and well.
*completed at 2:47, or #1111