Yeah, that's me. I'm in a $5 bikini I purchased from Target at an end-of-season sale. On my body, that $5 bikini looks like a designer original. And I'm 43.
If you're a straight guy between the ages of 19 and 90, that body, and my face, are pretty much your ideal. And I cook, too! Not to mention my fun, open, generous, and adventurous spirit. Oh, and lest I forget my professional prowess. I'm also pretty hilarious--like, an actual comedian. I've stood on stage with amazing talents from your favorite television shows, comic books, and movies. My books are published in nine languages and sold in 30 countries. Did I mention I can whip off 30 or more miles a day on the bike??? Stellar stamina, people. There's no man (or gay woman) on the planet who'd be moronic enough to say no to any of that. I mean, if someone did say no, they're either truly stupid, completely insane, or some combination thereof.
I have lots of lesbian fans, too...ladies, I haven't forgotten you! But we all know I like men. And men like me. A lot. For good reason, too. My boobs have their own celebrity fan club. Even got a standing ovation at Atlanta Comic Con. They are fabulous after all....
How does any woman follow an act like me? You can't. Its like bringing a bow to a gun fight.
I haven't had many lovers in my life; but I guarantee each one fondly remembers our time together. And when I say fondly, I mean that when that select group of men think of me, a raging, well, you know, is the likely result. Just like the fan boys taking screen shots of my bikini-selfie above right now, those few lovers undoubtedly still recall with total clarity special moments with me, perhaps even when they're with their wives, or alone in their bathrooms while the family visits grandma. Sorry, ladies, everyone has to deal with the gorgeous ex that got away. Even me. Although in my case, it was the girl next door deal. But I've never been threatened by any other woman. Because I have no reason to be. And neither do you. Insecurity is unproductive. It's also rather ugly.
My arrows may not be able to pierce steel, but they don't have to, do they? I think it was Manu Bennett (yes, THAT Manu Bennett) who once called me "sexual napalm." And while that comment certainly made me laugh, I'm very much human. With plenty of physical flaws. Like the scars I've endured from cancer treatments. Or the fact that one leg is slightly smaller than the other, also a result of cancer treatments.
The things that make me beautiful, sexy, and ultimately, something every sane, heterosexual man (and gay woman) from 19-90 will always want and never forget, are the things you can't see. Things that will never grow old, never die. Things you can't kill. Like the fierceness I show in both loyalty and love. If a man shows me the same, he is lucky indeed. But when I'm taken for granted, I know my value and will demand it be recognized. My character is what I'm describing. I have endless courage, and will honor my word. I'm unshakable. I will protect the people I love to my dying breathe. And once I am your friend, I will forever be your friend. Until you decide you don't want that friendship. Even then, I will remain true.
That's why I'm unforgettable. No matter what is done to quash the memory of who I am, my legend will live on. You can kill people. But you can't kill ideas. And it is the idea of me that makes me immortal--no vampire fangs needed.
No one can compete with that....
If you're a straight guy between the ages of 19 and 90, that body, and my face, are pretty much your ideal. And I cook, too! Not to mention my fun, open, generous, and adventurous spirit. Oh, and lest I forget my professional prowess. I'm also pretty hilarious--like, an actual comedian. I've stood on stage with amazing talents from your favorite television shows, comic books, and movies. My books are published in nine languages and sold in 30 countries. Did I mention I can whip off 30 or more miles a day on the bike??? Stellar stamina, people. There's no man (or gay woman) on the planet who'd be moronic enough to say no to any of that. I mean, if someone did say no, they're either truly stupid, completely insane, or some combination thereof.
I have lots of lesbian fans, too...ladies, I haven't forgotten you! But we all know I like men. And men like me. A lot. For good reason, too. My boobs have their own celebrity fan club. Even got a standing ovation at Atlanta Comic Con. They are fabulous after all....
How does any woman follow an act like me? You can't. Its like bringing a bow to a gun fight.
I haven't had many lovers in my life; but I guarantee each one fondly remembers our time together. And when I say fondly, I mean that when that select group of men think of me, a raging, well, you know, is the likely result. Just like the fan boys taking screen shots of my bikini-selfie above right now, those few lovers undoubtedly still recall with total clarity special moments with me, perhaps even when they're with their wives, or alone in their bathrooms while the family visits grandma. Sorry, ladies, everyone has to deal with the gorgeous ex that got away. Even me. Although in my case, it was the girl next door deal. But I've never been threatened by any other woman. Because I have no reason to be. And neither do you. Insecurity is unproductive. It's also rather ugly.
My arrows may not be able to pierce steel, but they don't have to, do they? I think it was Manu Bennett (yes, THAT Manu Bennett) who once called me "sexual napalm." And while that comment certainly made me laugh, I'm very much human. With plenty of physical flaws. Like the scars I've endured from cancer treatments. Or the fact that one leg is slightly smaller than the other, also a result of cancer treatments.
The things that make me beautiful, sexy, and ultimately, something every sane, heterosexual man (and gay woman) from 19-90 will always want and never forget, are the things you can't see. Things that will never grow old, never die. Things you can't kill. Like the fierceness I show in both loyalty and love. If a man shows me the same, he is lucky indeed. But when I'm taken for granted, I know my value and will demand it be recognized. My character is what I'm describing. I have endless courage, and will honor my word. I'm unshakable. I will protect the people I love to my dying breathe. And once I am your friend, I will forever be your friend. Until you decide you don't want that friendship. Even then, I will remain true.
That's why I'm unforgettable. No matter what is done to quash the memory of who I am, my legend will live on. You can kill people. But you can't kill ideas. And it is the idea of me that makes me immortal--no vampire fangs needed.
No one can compete with that....
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