"Rebecca, you're not broken."
Can't help but cry a little, just thinking about that kindness. Yes, kindness. Those words. So simple, yet so powerful. Do you know, very few people call me by my name? That's what got my attention. At first. It shows how unworthy I really feel...of even my own name.
You see, my whole life, people have told me that I'm a problem. Just for existing. It's part of being a woman, I suppose. We're considered difficult if we aren't deferrential. Submissive. Fifty Shades Darker, anyone??? The basic premise of that concept is that "good girls" who do what men say get rewarded with a life of wealth and privilege. Tens of millions of readers (in the States alone!) agree. Don't believe me? See for yourself. The second film in the franchise comes out in early 2017. Despite the voting majority of #PantSuitNation, ticket sales will still be high. No wonder I feel broken....
After a moment or two of hearing the words, "Rebecca, you're not broken." I just kept repeating it in my head:
I'm not broken???
I'm not broken.
I'm. Not. Broken.
I am NOT broken!
And, neither are you....
We all do "bad" things. It's part of the human condition. Yet, we tend to forget that little detail. Easier to judge one another. It makes us feel better. To point a finger. Distracts us from our own inadequacies. The first person to get angry is always the one covering something up. Usually, that "something" is insecurity. Or, actions related to it.
Did you ever have someone tell you that they loved you? That, despite your best efforts, they were "all in"? Have you felt the constant, steady heart beat of another soul, holding your hand, holding you...no matter what?
I have. And, you know what??? It's worth melting for. It's worth letting those walls crumble--the ones you built up to protect yourself from pain. I'm not saying pain won't happen. Life is pain; it has meaning because of it. Death is every human's ultimate destination. We're all on the same journey. You can travel light, with joy and peace and love. Or, you can over-pack. Slow your progress. Weigh yourself down.
The thing to remember about getting hurt is, it never goes away. It never gets easier. You just learn to rise above it by learning who you are. Because of the pain. However, you are not pain. Or rather, you don't have to be. You have a choice. We all do. You may feel you deserve pain. But none of us are here to suffer. We are physical to clear negatives. Create love...the unconditioal kind. Every time we unload a piece of our pain (aka clear a negative), we can help heal others. And when we heal others, we heal ourselves. Little by little. Bit by bit. You just can't give up. On yourself. Or, anyone else.
Pain completes us. Because, it teaches us compassion. Humility. You could even argue that being spiritually whole or complete is only possible when we have physical loss. I just got a "yes" knock to that, and in that same moment, the clock turned #1212. In #Numerology, #1212 comes from awakening the master builder within. It's a call to service. A confirmation that you have a higher purpose. A reassurance you are on the right path. It is also thought to be a spiritual doorway.
The date 12.12 through 12.21, when the winter solstice happens, is a gateway for #Light. My son decided to come into the world on 12.12--two weeks early! Thirteen hours later, he was born on the 13th day in what used to be the 13th month of the Sumerian calendar. In case you're keeping track, three thirteens become #444, the number for arch angels. Like me, my son has a soul number of #4. Every place I've ever lived has an address that simplifies to or derives from #4, which, in and of itself, simplifies to four ones or #1111, the number for #Awakening and #TwinFlames.
Two years ago, I lost my daughter on 12.12. She decided to come into the world on 12.11, and was born the next day. Both of my children came during the full moon cycle and both were born under the Geminids. There are no coincidences in this world. #1212 adds up to #6, of course. Both of my children had fathers with that soul number. #33 (which simplies to #6) is also derived from #1212, and that is one of #Numerology's "master numbers" indicating "master teacher." While adults often believe themselves to be "master teachers," it is children who teach the greatest lessons in life. You do not have to be a parent to learn those lessons. Just make yourself accessible to children. All children. And, you will learn.
Improving the lives of children has been my purpose since entering adulthood. I am better for it. Every single day. Though I have only one living child, I am "mother" to thousands upon thousands.
No, I am not broken. I never was. I just believed what other people were telling me...about myself, and them. Anyone who makes you feel small, less-than, is a person begging for release. You must let that person go, too, but not through anger or hatred or fear. Let them go in peace. You give it to yourself when you do. We cannot judge the actions of others. That's not our job. Our job is to manifest unconditional love in the world. In other words, our job is joy. Creating it. Being it. Giving it. Receiving it. A good thing to remember at this time of year.
When we believe what the world tells us, we forget who we are. We believe we're broken when we're not. I don't know if anyone reading this has wings. But I do know everyone has the same chance to earn them.
Best wishes for a very happy, healthy holiday season...there are more than one this month after all. Whatever and however you celebrate, you are bringing more light into this world when you do. And, that's a wonderful thing.
*The video below was posted on #1111 of 2015....