You have been with me for a very long time now...2019 is RebeccaHousel.com's 10th year of creating original content to help people live their best lives. But none of it would matter without the two-million, eight-hundred and thirty-two thousand, six-hundred and seventy-four of you (and counting!) from 148 (!!!) countries (so far!). In the last three years, writing for each of you has helped me express social truths that need to be expressed because many of those supposed "truths" are actually based on lies. And, the lies have to stop.
We lie to ourselves when we blame others for our problems. We lie to loved ones when we are vulnerable or dependent. We lie to people we work with, or, support the lies of others at our jobs, to keep food on the table for our families. We live with lies every day we are alive. The need to do so feels so real. But it, too, is a lie.
If you feel miserable in your life, it's because of lies. You aren't with the person you love because maybe that person is 3,000 miles and an ocean away and you can't imagine HOW that kind of an obstacle can be overcome...so, you settle. You live with whoever is either closest in proximity or most familiar, usually an ex. But that person is not someone you are in love with. No matter how much money you have or how many vacations you take, or, the number of other people you try to get close to, when you've met the love of your life, nothing else will feel as good. If you deny yourself that kind of happiness because it would take "too much" effort to make change, it goes without saying that you'll be miserable. Why? Even if you "love" the person you've settled for, you are not in love. That lack shows up in ways that are hidden by more lies. Feeling familial love is similar to how you might love a sibling, a cousin, maybe even a parent. You don't want to fuck any of your family members, so why would you want to fuck a partner who's biggest draw is the convenience factor? People are not 7-11's. They're not drive-thrus either. People we love via familiarity are comforting simply because that person is there. After enough time has passed with you hiding and/or burying your real feelings, apathy sets in. Once that happens, things are over anyway--it's just a matter of time.
When you accept the lie that nothing can really change, you'll feel hopeless and helpless--that opens the door to addiction. And, just like when you beat your addiction, undoing the lies you've allowed yourself to live (and even believe at times), will also take a period of recovery--or, hard work and sacrifice for an extended measure of time. All change requires self-responsibility. And, patience. If you attempt to make a change in a long-term relationship, people in your social circle might judge you, providing ample resistance. Similar to going through any addiction recovery program, one must build a strong support system to be successful. If you have a strong support system outside of family and friends who may not want you to change, you can endure the social resistance you'll encounter as you attempt to live your best life. Well-meaning therapists, counselors, friends, and family alike will all feed you the lie that you "have to be realistic" and just be happy with the life you have. These same people will tell you to stop looking for "miracles." Stop believing in "the impossible". You may even hear something like, "You have all you need...why isn't that good enough???"
Because, "good enough" is NEVER good enough....
It's self-sabotage to deny your feelings because of "obstacles" that probably aren't really as much of an obstacle as you think. Perceived obstacles aren't real--they're based on belief, not facts. So, you keep feeling miserable. Keep self-medicating, feeding your addictions, hurting your body and your mind...but most of all, hurting your soul. How can you resolve any issue when the people you depend on to help you believe it's something you can't fix? The limits of others create your limits by informing how you perceive of both people and problems. But anyone who is a true survivor understands that there is no such thing as a real problem--problems are artificial, created by others who want to perpetuate their own victimhood. And, yours. Solutions, however, are real.
Solutions remove victimhood because solutions derive from self-responsibility. When you recognize the artificial nature of any problem, you don't have to forget about the person you love, your feelings, or any of the joy and peace you feel when you're with that individual. There's no need to "move on" from someone you love because they're not convenient or accessible--that's simply avoidant behavior. Whoever said love was supposed to be convenient??? Love is completely inconvenient. It's love...it never happens when you expect it to. And, that's okay. Expectations are social perceptions, also known as LIES. There are no rules in life, love or sex. The only "rule" is happiness.
When you deny yourself happiness, you end up denying everyone else theirs, too.
"I let everyone down," or "I always disappoint the people who care about me," are common refrains by those who are denying their feelings by living a lie. My blog tells you it's OKAY not to live that lie. My words encourage you to be honest with yourself and others. You have the strength you need to overcome ANY OBSTACLE between you and your happiness. If you've found a person you can trust, a person who understands you, a person who doesn't ask anything more of you than friendship, a person who sees the real you and loves you anyway--you need to build up your confidence and start working toward a future with that same individual. No excuses. No fear. No whining. Go for it.
You live this lifetime but once. Why accept an adequate life when you can live an extraordinary one???
It's okay to give yourself permission to be happy. When you stop letting your past consume you, you can truly move forward. You can be happy. When we let the past (or our abusers from childhood) control our thoughts and feelings, we will never be happy. Because we can only ever react. Being reactive means you are not in control. The moment you become proactive is the moment you take charge and that is the very same moment you begin living your best life.
Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Love is no exception. It's the same for every area of your life where you have become complacent. Domesticated. Beaten-down. People always encourage "acceptance." I don't. I encourage you to stand up for yourself and your life. You are mortal--but you don't have to accept that you'll die. If I accepted what doctors told me 27 years ago, I would have given up. I never accepted that cancer would define me, kill me, stop me, or, slow me down. Even after it came back and I was told I had two years to live, maybe four if I was lucky. Know what I did instead? Told my doctors to fuck off. No joke. I read studies. I researched everything. And, I changed what I ate, how and when I moved...essentially, I adapted. Evolved. And, guess what? I turned two years into eighteen.
I NEVER accepted the obstacles others rolled into my path. NEVER.
You shouldn't either....
Imagine all I would have missed in the last 18 years if I had let myself believe death was the only option--the only future. And imagine who would have missed me! I've changed a lot of lives for the better in the last 18 years. None of that would have happened if I had accepted what I was asked (and expected) to accept. I don't want any of you to accept ANY obstacles either. Find ways around, under, over, and through those obstacles. NEVER, EVER ACCEPT DEFEAT. NEVER, EVER ACCEPT "CAN'T." Because, you CAN beat the odds. But you must first BELIEVE you can.
Once you believe in yourself, your willingness to do what others will consider extreme shifts the odds in your favor considerably.
My cancer came back after 10 years. The first time, I let fear dictate my course of treatment; the second time, I stopped excusing myself. Stopped feeling sorry for myself. Stopped justifying stupidity through fear. How do you beat a deadly cancer? Remove it. ALL of it. But when that high-grade malignant cancer is in your brain--as mine was--it means removing brain tissue as well. For me, that meant removing part of my motor cortex and risking permanent disability. And yes, I have a small limp today. But at first, half of my body wasn't working. Yet I knew that if I was willing to work hard, I could regain most of it. Train my body to move again. Lifting weights, doing Pilates, Yoga, and Acupuncture. Physical therapy. Getting out in nature--hiking, canoeing, swimming. All are tools in my arsenal.
When a wolf is caught in a trap , it has two choices: To die, or, chew it's leg off. A wolf will almost always chew its leg off rather than die. I did, too. And, the life I've lived the last eighteen years is WELL worth the efforts I've made to survive...because, you see, when you're alive, you have the chance to thrive. If you accept death (or any limits) because choosing life would mean working a little harder and being responsible for yourself, you're accepting defeat based on statistics and the perception (or lies) of others. DO NOT ACCEPT ANY NEGATIVES FROM ANY SOURCE. It may be easier to accept what others think and say as the truth--whether it is or it isn't--but the moment you allow negatives (or lies) to color your perception (and by extension, your life), you are inviting in defeat, sadness, strife, derision, division, depression, confusion, illness, anger, victimhood, loss, and grief.
Having the faith that you can (and will!) beat whatever odds are against you isn't about a higher power. It's about YOU. YOUR confidence, self-esteem, and feeling like it's okay to have authority over your own life. You'll feel all of that when you finally feel unconditional love for yourself--first and foremost. Then, and only then, can you truly love another and effectively act on that love.
Nearly three-million readers from the majority of countries on Planet Earth come to my blog to read about how to beat the odds, how to get around social obstacles, how to overcome your past, how to defeat self-sabotage, and ultimately, how to live your very best life. Every syllable contained in this blog was forged by the fires of my own experience. Every idea, punctuated by real problems I've faced and continue to face as I live my real life along side each of you. We are in this together. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day. For almost a decade now. That's part of how you know you can trust me--I'm consistent. Dependable. Reliable. I do what I promise to do. I've never disappeared. I don't make radical changes or shift content to match social trends. The truth isn't always trending. It's not always sexy. It won't always sell. But the truth is still the truth. And, as long as there are people who want to read it, I am willing to write it. This site is free, so you can be, too. It's my gift to the world. As are my words and my experience. And, always, always, the unconditional love I feel for humanity.
You can be from any country. Believe in any god (or no god at all). Come from any culture. Love whoever you want to love. You can be educated. You can be uneducated. You can be rich. You can be poor. You can be young, old, or, somewhere in between. My words are for ALL...every human on Planet Earth.
Today, I want to thank those who take the time to come to this website, visit the blog, and read an average of 13 pages of essays a day. I want to thank you for giving my words meaning by reading them, writing to me, submitting your comments, sending me emails, connecting with me on social media, and ultimately, believing that "better" is possible...because, it is. People tend to want to accept life as it is. It's hard to go outside of what you know. It's hard to say, "No, I won't accept an okay life. I won't accept a bad relationship. I won't accept hate. I won't settle for "good enough" because others tell me to. I won't accept (or participate in) abuse of any kind. I won't accept disrespect. I won't accept false friendships. I won't accept (or ask others to accept) lies--especially lies about love."
You don't have to live the lies (or lives) of others. You're only responsible for yourself. That's it. When you love yourself unconditionally it means you are now self-responsible. And, when you take responsibility for yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions, you will be happier, healthier. The people you love will be, too. That's how happiness happens: Honesty, self-love, self-responsibility, consistency, trust, reliability, loyalty, kindness, compassion...all of which are 100% guaranteed to make your life better!
Ask yourself these two questions:
What makes you happy? And, WHO makes you happy???
Those are the only questions you're ethically required to answer AND act on. If you're afraid of hurting people when the answers you get to those two questions require actions that will change the lives of others, act with humility. Act with grace. Act with honesty. Act with courage. Act with moral fortitude. Act with fairness and patience and compassion. And, you can (and will) greatly minimize any negative consequences to others.
Change doesn't have to be full of pain and hurt. Ego and pride cause those difficulties. Being honest about your feelings doesn't mean being cruel--that's what you do when you yourself are afraid, jealous, envious, angry--all negative emotions derived from bruised egos and misplaced pride. Take responsibility for yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, and your life. When you do, yes, you will temporarily "rock the boat," but as long as you act with compassion over judgment and kindness over cruelty, you can not only help yourself live your best life, but everyone connected to you will have better lives, too.
When you "settle" in any area of life because it's "easier" than being honest, you are hurting yourself AND others. You will never find peace, love, joy, happiness, or fulfillment if you are not honest with yourself first and foremost. The number of people I hear from every day who are living lies because of some social and/or financial vulnerability is staggering. We are ALL vulnerable to each other to some degree, And, it's true that you often have to live with "good enough" until you can afford to venture out into the world on your own. When you do, there will always be some obstacle or other that presents more challenges. That's scary. Daunting. Intimidating. But, the BIGGER CHALLENGE is actually unraveling the lies you tell yourself to survive your own life. That's not how it's supposed to be.
You're not supposed to just survive...you're here to THRIVE.
I want you to thrive. Survive-to-thrive, yes, but if my words are resonating with you right now, it's time to figure out a plan on how to turn surviving into thriving in 2019 and beyond. We are on this same journey together. The insights we developed this year on overcoming self-sabotage will help us to not just move our lives forward, but to PUSH our lives forward. We all need a push to get started. I am here to help you gain that momentum.
You WILL be victorious in 2019. You WILL free yourself from unnecessary vulnerabilities by achieving financial independence. And, you WILL live your best life from the moment you accept responsibility for the truth behind your real thoughts, feelings and emotional attachments.
No more self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, cars, clothes, shoes. No more seeking acceptance from enemies who have hurt your life. No more martyrdom. No more self-sabotage. Only success. Only love. Only prosperity. Only peace. Only joy. Only positive energy from here forward.
I support your efforts to live your best life because I believe in your future victories and in your present potential for success. If anyone questions your abilities and potential, that person does not love you, never has and never will. Cut out people who deny you past, present and future victories. You deserve better. We all do.
This is my THANK YOU to each and every one of you. My gratitude for all you have given me by allowing me to give to you. That's what a healthy relationship looks like. Mutual support. Mutual respect. Mutual friendship. And, in the spirit of that support, respect and friendship, I will acknowledge every country that appears in my analytics. The list isn't alphabetical; it's based on the number of hits from each individual domain or country/territory. Fair warning...there are 148. I am absolutely floored by the support of so many beautiful people from so many beautiful places. As long as you keep coming to my website, I will keep writing new original content to help you live your best life. And, it will remain free to all. At this time of year, no matter what you may be celebrating, giving to people we care about is customary. I care about all of humanity--and I care about each of you. So I'm giving you the best gift I have to offer. Your gift to me is your continued friendship and trust--thank you for that. Thank you for everything. And, thank you for being you:
- South Korea
- New Zealand
- Puerto Rico
- South Africa
- Hong Kong
- Finland (Suomi)
- Saudi Arabia
- United Arab Emirates
- British Virgin Islands
- Sri Lanka
- Easter Island
- Cocos (Keeling) Island
- American Samoa
- St. Vincent and the Grenadines
- Bailiwick of Jersey
- Turks and Caicos
- Dominican Republic
- Northern Ireland
- Papua New Guinea
- St. Helena, Ascension & Tristan da Cunha
- Isle of Man
- Chagos Archipelago--British Indian Ocean Territories
- St. Martin
- Saint-Barthelemy (Ouanalao)
- Burkina Faso
- Kingdom of Bhutan
THANK YOU to each and every person from each and every country, kingdom, territory, archipelago, and island! No matter where we are from, we are all HUMAN. And, because we are all human beings, what drives us is the same. We all want and need love, affection, the ability to earn, to support ourselves and our families, and the power to live and love the way we choose.
I look forward to traveling through 2019 with you--our tenth year together. May all good souls have peace, protection, prosperity, light, love, luck, and joy in the new year, and for many years yet to come!
I believe in you! But you must believe, too....