Mary Gertrude (Conley) Thomas, or as I called her "Ma," died last night; she was 95. She was also my maternal grandmother, my son's great-grandmother. I feel like I lost the last person on the planet who loved me in a way I will never be loved again. A grandmother's love is different than any other kind.
Forty of you read my blog today before noon; over 100 of you (so far) visited in the last two days. You know then, as mentioned in my previous blog, I lost a very lengthy, very emotional entry about my maternal grandmother yesterday. What you may not know is that the very moment the blog entry about her disappeared, she closed her eyes for the last time. Still believe in coicidence?
Today's entry will be short (for obvious reasons). A great many things will be short today, I fear. Last night, I felt numb--losing nine people in twelve months, I was worried I'd become desensitized somehow. Of course, that's not true, not possible--thanks to my oh-so human heart. Our humanity protects us from becoming monsters. And I'm grateful everyday for it--even when it means I have to grieve for nine wonderful souls, even if it means I can't sleep at night, even if it means I'm vulnerable to things like cancer and disability--the heart is WORTH it.
Ma had such heart. She helped me to develop mine--to be strong, independent, courageous, compassionate, confident, and fiercely so. No, not the way the word is used in popular culture--but truly fierce. I've lost some of that ferocity in 2009, amongst the dead, amongst the living. In her honor, I will retrieve it--make it a part of me once again.
Ma's favorite bird was the American bald eagle; she soared when other people would have sunk like stones. She struggled mightily in the last three years; I wanted her to find peace. Not knowing what any of us find beyond earth, I hoped for her, she could finally be free to soar...and today, I believe she is. I've never seen bluer skies--they are the kind of skies you'd expect to see the silhouette of a great bird in, flying high on the thermals, wings fully extended, circling the sun.
Until next time, dear readers. Until next time, Ma....
Forty of you read my blog today before noon; over 100 of you (so far) visited in the last two days. You know then, as mentioned in my previous blog, I lost a very lengthy, very emotional entry about my maternal grandmother yesterday. What you may not know is that the very moment the blog entry about her disappeared, she closed her eyes for the last time. Still believe in coicidence?
Today's entry will be short (for obvious reasons). A great many things will be short today, I fear. Last night, I felt numb--losing nine people in twelve months, I was worried I'd become desensitized somehow. Of course, that's not true, not possible--thanks to my oh-so human heart. Our humanity protects us from becoming monsters. And I'm grateful everyday for it--even when it means I have to grieve for nine wonderful souls, even if it means I can't sleep at night, even if it means I'm vulnerable to things like cancer and disability--the heart is WORTH it.
Ma had such heart. She helped me to develop mine--to be strong, independent, courageous, compassionate, confident, and fiercely so. No, not the way the word is used in popular culture--but truly fierce. I've lost some of that ferocity in 2009, amongst the dead, amongst the living. In her honor, I will retrieve it--make it a part of me once again.
Ma's favorite bird was the American bald eagle; she soared when other people would have sunk like stones. She struggled mightily in the last three years; I wanted her to find peace. Not knowing what any of us find beyond earth, I hoped for her, she could finally be free to soar...and today, I believe she is. I've never seen bluer skies--they are the kind of skies you'd expect to see the silhouette of a great bird in, flying high on the thermals, wings fully extended, circling the sun.
Until next time, dear readers. Until next time, Ma....
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