As the Pandemic wanes, you're FINALLY able to meet someone. And, you actually like each other. A lot. You both feel that spark. There's A TON of chemistry. A real connection. But things are still moving slow. Real slow. As in, glacial speed. Everything seemed to be progressing until communication kinda...faded. So, you reach out with an exploratory, "Miss you," text.
This is what you get back:
"Yeah, I've been busy."
Unless you're dating a neurosurgeon or world leader, no one is THAT busy.
Humans aren't the most honest of creatures. Sometimes, we lie to protect ourselves and those we love. Sometimes we lie because certain information is irrelevant to a given situation and would only create unnecessary conflict. Other times, we lie because, well, we're juggling.
Ah, juggling. My personal favourite. Maybe we're juggling people. Maybe we're juggling jobs. Sometimes, we're juggling both. No matter what we're trying to balance, we can forget to prioritize ourselves. When we do that, important people in our lives start to feel as though they're optional, too.
Luckily, the world of Divination provides a marvelous analogy for this all-too-common situation(ship):
In Tarot readings, the Suit of Cups represents love. A Page of Cups is "read" as an immature offer--there's only one cup (and it usually has a dead fish in it--no thanks!). A Knight of Cups is a more promising start; you're still only being offered one cup but it's delivered with the promise of more. The King of Cups is considered a step up from the knight, true, but he generally just sits there on his throne, unmoving, expressionless, and inaccessible. There's love there with long term potential, but whoever is dealing with this particular king should be prepared to do all the heavy lifting. Just having someone there isn't a relationship. There has to be equity or it becomes toxic--a codependency. Then, there's the Queen: The Queen of Cups is vastly different from the other members of her tribe: She's abundant, attractive, loving, and kind. She let's you know where you stand by communicating with clear intentions and is consistent in her affections. That's a high-quality companion: Someone who doesn't leave you wondering. Someone who is able to both give and receive the deep, abiding love you deserve.
Gender is fluid in Tarot readings (and, in real life as well...). No matter who is offering you their "cup," make sure that person is treating you with respect, too. If you come in as the Queen of Cups and are met with Page of Cups energy, communicate your concerns to the other party. Give that person a chance to correct their perceived neutrality. Hopefully, you'll see a transformation. But if you don't, it's up to you to set up your boundaries. Far too often, we leave it up to others when the responsibility is ours, and ours alone.
Don't want to be taken for granted? Tell your person. You can make clear that you have feelings for them, but their inability to communicate consistently shows, at the very least, a lack of interpersonal effectiveness. That alone indicates failure. Sure, they could be "the one," but they may not be ready for that role just yet...and, may never be. It's up to you to decide if you're willing to wait it out for what could be a really, really, really long time (possibly never), or, move on to find a warmer, more genuine soul who can reciprocate in kind--an altogether rare, but very welcome treat.
#TruthBomb:
We all get the relationships we want. If you're relationship isn't what you want, you haven't taken responsibility for whatever it is you desire. You have to be able to define AND own that desire in order to move forward. If you wait too long to articulate and/or act on your desire(s), you lose little pieces of yourself for every moment you continue to compromise your needs...until you forget you have any at all.
When one has familial (and, hopefully, friend) support, as well as a stable job, one can safely leave a relationship that's no longer working. Even if you don't have an abundance of social and/or financial capital, you can still leave, it just may take you longer. Be prepared--being in an unhealthy situation will take a greater toll on you. However, we don't always have much of a choice. So, hold your head high. Be patient. Work hard. And, pray. Things will get better.
PRO TIP: There's never a "right time" to make change. You just have to put yourself and your happiness first. Because, you can't disentangle from any relationship and still remain "whole." It's going to hurt--one way or another. That said, never put yourself in a position where you could become homeless; barring help from family and/or friends, continue working on achieving financial stability until you can afford to leave.
Communication is the first step in creating permanent, positive change in love (and life!). But if things don't improve after you've communicated your needs (or, seem to have gotten worse), then you're dealing with a Page of Cups. Age doesn't matter much when it comes to commitment, but I do find that people of a certain age tend to recognise the value of time more, so generally won't waste yours.
The worst offense in any relationship is knowingly wasting someone else's time. Your best bet at finding real happiness in a relationship is to clearly communicate your needs and if those needs still aren't being addressed, it may be time to compassionately and ethically exit the situation.
Your only responsibility in life is to manage your own happiness. Your partner, whether they've got one foot in or out, is not responsible for that. You can choose to stay and wait for something that may or may not happen...or, you can decide to find a person who can at least meet you halfway.
Noncommittal types are unwilling to share themselves or their lives. It's good to invest in yourself and wonderful to feel confident and independent without a partner, but don't be selfish--if you know someone else wants more than you do, tell them outright that you're not interested. Don't get involved with people who want a commitment if you don't, and if you already are involved, gently end things--sooner rather than later. .
Committment-phobes "test" potential partners for sometimes years at a time before giving them what they've wanted and deserved all along--and, that's just not fair. To anyone.
Healthy, balanced individuals understand that partnerships are the key to success in both love and life. After this pandemic, if you encounter ANYONE who doesn't understand the value of your time, energy and/or efforts in a relationship (or situationship), consider finding someone new who cares enough to communicate consistently. Your happiness will increase tenfold when you do.
There's no room in love for aloofness or neutrality. People who really want you will let you know how they feel. It's true, some of us have been traumatized and need to go slower than others--but that's something we can successfully communicate to a romantic partner. Asking for patience with purpose is not the same as asking someone to make a solid investment just to "explore things." "Exploring things" is deliberately vague and translates as indecision. Only people who see you as an option want open-ended situations. But we don't live in that world anymore. Those who keep things casual are usually stringing the other party along, waiting for that ex to return or someone "better" to show up.
Do you consider yourself an option? If the answer is "no," then do not allow ANY intimacy with a person who does. Cut things off. You are strong. So, be strong!
There's nothing wrong with going slow--but there's a BIG difference between going slow and not moving at all. The pandemic certainly put a kink in everyone's plans for the last year or so, but eventually, most people will be vaccinated and things like travel (and dating!) will be possible again.
Maybe you were displaced by the pandemic. Maybe you lost your job a year ago. Maybe both! As a result, you may also be working on relocating when things open up again. And, that takes a toll on your time and energy. But it doesn't mean you can't still talk to someone you care about. That doesn't equate to you not making plans. It's when people expect you to invest in making (and seeing through) those plans--without giving you their time or investing in you in any other way--that the gaps become more apparent. Those gaps shouldn't exist. Because, if those gaps exist, the "relationship" doesn't. It's an illusion. And, believing in illusion does not serve your highest good, or, highest self.
Be strong!
You got this....
This is what you get back:
"Yeah, I've been busy."
Unless you're dating a neurosurgeon or world leader, no one is THAT busy.
Humans aren't the most honest of creatures. Sometimes, we lie to protect ourselves and those we love. Sometimes we lie because certain information is irrelevant to a given situation and would only create unnecessary conflict. Other times, we lie because, well, we're juggling.
Ah, juggling. My personal favourite. Maybe we're juggling people. Maybe we're juggling jobs. Sometimes, we're juggling both. No matter what we're trying to balance, we can forget to prioritize ourselves. When we do that, important people in our lives start to feel as though they're optional, too.
Luckily, the world of Divination provides a marvelous analogy for this all-too-common situation(ship):
In Tarot readings, the Suit of Cups represents love. A Page of Cups is "read" as an immature offer--there's only one cup (and it usually has a dead fish in it--no thanks!). A Knight of Cups is a more promising start; you're still only being offered one cup but it's delivered with the promise of more. The King of Cups is considered a step up from the knight, true, but he generally just sits there on his throne, unmoving, expressionless, and inaccessible. There's love there with long term potential, but whoever is dealing with this particular king should be prepared to do all the heavy lifting. Just having someone there isn't a relationship. There has to be equity or it becomes toxic--a codependency. Then, there's the Queen: The Queen of Cups is vastly different from the other members of her tribe: She's abundant, attractive, loving, and kind. She let's you know where you stand by communicating with clear intentions and is consistent in her affections. That's a high-quality companion: Someone who doesn't leave you wondering. Someone who is able to both give and receive the deep, abiding love you deserve.
Gender is fluid in Tarot readings (and, in real life as well...). No matter who is offering you their "cup," make sure that person is treating you with respect, too. If you come in as the Queen of Cups and are met with Page of Cups energy, communicate your concerns to the other party. Give that person a chance to correct their perceived neutrality. Hopefully, you'll see a transformation. But if you don't, it's up to you to set up your boundaries. Far too often, we leave it up to others when the responsibility is ours, and ours alone.
Don't want to be taken for granted? Tell your person. You can make clear that you have feelings for them, but their inability to communicate consistently shows, at the very least, a lack of interpersonal effectiveness. That alone indicates failure. Sure, they could be "the one," but they may not be ready for that role just yet...and, may never be. It's up to you to decide if you're willing to wait it out for what could be a really, really, really long time (possibly never), or, move on to find a warmer, more genuine soul who can reciprocate in kind--an altogether rare, but very welcome treat.
#TruthBomb:
We all get the relationships we want. If you're relationship isn't what you want, you haven't taken responsibility for whatever it is you desire. You have to be able to define AND own that desire in order to move forward. If you wait too long to articulate and/or act on your desire(s), you lose little pieces of yourself for every moment you continue to compromise your needs...until you forget you have any at all.
When one has familial (and, hopefully, friend) support, as well as a stable job, one can safely leave a relationship that's no longer working. Even if you don't have an abundance of social and/or financial capital, you can still leave, it just may take you longer. Be prepared--being in an unhealthy situation will take a greater toll on you. However, we don't always have much of a choice. So, hold your head high. Be patient. Work hard. And, pray. Things will get better.
PRO TIP: There's never a "right time" to make change. You just have to put yourself and your happiness first. Because, you can't disentangle from any relationship and still remain "whole." It's going to hurt--one way or another. That said, never put yourself in a position where you could become homeless; barring help from family and/or friends, continue working on achieving financial stability until you can afford to leave.
Communication is the first step in creating permanent, positive change in love (and life!). But if things don't improve after you've communicated your needs (or, seem to have gotten worse), then you're dealing with a Page of Cups. Age doesn't matter much when it comes to commitment, but I do find that people of a certain age tend to recognise the value of time more, so generally won't waste yours.
The worst offense in any relationship is knowingly wasting someone else's time. Your best bet at finding real happiness in a relationship is to clearly communicate your needs and if those needs still aren't being addressed, it may be time to compassionately and ethically exit the situation.
Your only responsibility in life is to manage your own happiness. Your partner, whether they've got one foot in or out, is not responsible for that. You can choose to stay and wait for something that may or may not happen...or, you can decide to find a person who can at least meet you halfway.
Noncommittal types are unwilling to share themselves or their lives. It's good to invest in yourself and wonderful to feel confident and independent without a partner, but don't be selfish--if you know someone else wants more than you do, tell them outright that you're not interested. Don't get involved with people who want a commitment if you don't, and if you already are involved, gently end things--sooner rather than later. .
Committment-phobes "test" potential partners for sometimes years at a time before giving them what they've wanted and deserved all along--and, that's just not fair. To anyone.
Healthy, balanced individuals understand that partnerships are the key to success in both love and life. After this pandemic, if you encounter ANYONE who doesn't understand the value of your time, energy and/or efforts in a relationship (or situationship), consider finding someone new who cares enough to communicate consistently. Your happiness will increase tenfold when you do.
There's no room in love for aloofness or neutrality. People who really want you will let you know how they feel. It's true, some of us have been traumatized and need to go slower than others--but that's something we can successfully communicate to a romantic partner. Asking for patience with purpose is not the same as asking someone to make a solid investment just to "explore things." "Exploring things" is deliberately vague and translates as indecision. Only people who see you as an option want open-ended situations. But we don't live in that world anymore. Those who keep things casual are usually stringing the other party along, waiting for that ex to return or someone "better" to show up.
Do you consider yourself an option? If the answer is "no," then do not allow ANY intimacy with a person who does. Cut things off. You are strong. So, be strong!
There's nothing wrong with going slow--but there's a BIG difference between going slow and not moving at all. The pandemic certainly put a kink in everyone's plans for the last year or so, but eventually, most people will be vaccinated and things like travel (and dating!) will be possible again.
Maybe you were displaced by the pandemic. Maybe you lost your job a year ago. Maybe both! As a result, you may also be working on relocating when things open up again. And, that takes a toll on your time and energy. But it doesn't mean you can't still talk to someone you care about. That doesn't equate to you not making plans. It's when people expect you to invest in making (and seeing through) those plans--without giving you their time or investing in you in any other way--that the gaps become more apparent. Those gaps shouldn't exist. Because, if those gaps exist, the "relationship" doesn't. It's an illusion. And, believing in illusion does not serve your highest good, or, highest self.
Be strong!
You got this....
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