It's important to recognize our psychological context. When we don't, we fail to understand our motivations. This is particularly relevant in matters of love. The conditions you set on your relationships are connected to the limitations others put on you in the past. While you can't change what happened yesterday, you can change your tomorrow by being mindful--or more self-aware--today.
For example, someone asking me out on a second date always translated as them wanting to use and/or abuse me. Of course, that's simply not true. That was just a knee-jerk or reactive response based on fears developed during childhood. My inner-cynic derived from daily negative messages received in the first 17 years of my life--and, that had more of a stronghold than I realized.
Maybe some of you can relate....
I had to learn that if I didn't want pride, ego or negativity back from the person I loved, I also couldn't give those things. Love only derives from love. Spiritualists call it "matching energies." But all that really equates to is getting back what we put in. We see ourselves as wanting love, giving love, so being ready, willing and able to receive it. But when we let our inner-cynic come through, we aren't as ready for love as we think we are.
Giving love means believing in it, unconditionally. If you want to receive unconditional love, you have to first give it. That means being open. Having faith in someone. We tend to mirror each other in love relationships. It can cause a lot of confusion. Especially when we fail to see how our expectations, or the conditions we set on love, are based on our past.
There are no conditions with real love. Love is unconditional by nature. We "inherit" how we view relationships. And, if we want to improve our chances at love, we have to shift our perspective. But we can only do that if we quiet our inner cynic, effectively cutting off the past from influencing our present.
Unilateral decision-making removes the other person's agency. We cut people off at the proverbial pass yet somehow still expect miracles. We're asking for our person to see beyond the surface. To fight for the connection, even when we seem to no longer be holding a torch. All of that is self-sabotage. We are behaving like victims--or covert narcissists--when we expect people to read our minds. Instead of being honest with our connection, we use ego and pride as our guides. When we do that, we are not in control--our past is in the driver's seat.
Quieting our inner-cynic is not easy. But if we want to break free from old cycles that are no longer serving us, we have to. If you regret disconnecting from someone you love, reach out again. Be honest when you do. It's okay to express when you feel a boundary has been crossed--maybe you did not appreciate being ghosted. Maybe you translated a past action incorrectly. ASK your connection for clarification. People are complex--there may have been something happening you didn't know about.
Honesty really is the best policy in matters of love. When we approach love from a place of cynicism, we trick ourselves into mistaking that cynicism for cleverness. But the only person we are outsmarting is ourselves.
Extending an olive branch to your connection shows faith, trust and an openness to love. You can't control what other people think, feel or do--you can only control how you respond. Waving the white flag is never a bad thing. Neither is applying patience and kindness in matters of love. Remember, if you want to receive those things, you first have to give them. That's how you make your own luck.
Want to manifest love in your life? Give it. And give it freely. Don't focus on negatives. Keep the lines of communication open. No more issuing judgement instead of compassion. Kindness is free. So give it freely, too, especially to the person who is your wish-fulfillment.
Good luck! And, stay safe....