You actually have to BELIEVE in what you want. You also have to believe in YOU.
When I work with my clients, I use hypnotherapy techniques to help people visualize what they want in their lives. I call it "wish fulfillment." But in order to visualize what you truly desire, you have to first be honest with yourself.
Being honest with ourselves is hard. Self-honesty often requires change. Once we know who we really are and what we truly want, we can't return to our old lives. But the thought of making that kind of transformation can be daunting. Especially with all the current uncertainty surrounding the pandemic.
The thing about change is, it's already happening. At least, on the inside. Evolution doesn't stop, no matter how much we may want it to. And when you delay the inevitable, you only really hurt yourself.
No one likes change. In fact, we humans loathe it. But we LOVE the illusion of permanency. Comfort and familiarity are part of what we long for. We want it. Bad. But at what cost?
Codependency leads to toxicity. It's easy for a codependency to form when there's a lack of balance in any relationship--physically, fiscally, emotionally, and/or psychologically. A partner who may have more power (through income, job status, gender, physicality, a large family network, or any combination thereof) initially creates that crucial lack of balance. But a codependency can only stay a codependency when a partner requires we remain vulnerable in order for the relationship to continue. If your relationship is out of balance, you can communicate that to your partner. And, if your partner has your best interests at heart, s/he will restore whatever balance was lost. However, when abuse is present, you will find yourself having the same conversation over and over again without seeing effective change. That's when it's time to think about an exit strategy. Because, a controlling, abusive person will not allow you to leave. And as you express your strength and independence more and more, you may find that the abusive partner becomes more and more threatened. A person who is threatened by even the idea of an equal partnership is dangerously insecure (easily defensive, often blame-shifting rather than holding themselves accountable).
Imbalance in any relationship is a red flag for abuse. In order to experience happiness, love, peace, joy, and success, the vulnerable party must break free of any and all codependencies in their life. Assuming self-responsibility is part of being honest with yourself. Until you're ready to be independent, you can't (and won't) move your life forward.
Our fear of impermanence holds us down and back. We create attachments early in our adult lives so we can feel safe, especially if we lack familial support and/or faced moments where we did not feel safe as children (a traumatic event, etc.). That need for safety comes from feeling vulnerable. We will do anything to survive. But when we're only focused on surviving, we aren't thriving. Vulnerability to a partner or family member means we aren't free to make healthy choices for ourselves. That creates a cycle of fear. It also leads to depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts...even physical health concerns that can long-term chronic issues.
Are you really willing to give up your health, safety and longevity so you can avoid change??? Think about it carefully. Because, that's what you're doing when you remain in a codependent relationship.
Operating from a place of fear instead of faith always results in failure. No one wants to admit to failure. Deeply rooted shame from childhood often creates a sense of unworthiness. That sense of shame comes from trauma. And trauma is at the root of feeling hopeless and helpless (vulnerable).
The effect of trauma on an individual isn't just psychological, it's neurobiological. In other words, when we experience trauma as children yet lack the support needed to cope, it has a domino effect throughout our lifetime. This causes both psychological and physiological harm. Being honest with ourselves allows us to start healing from those early traumas--at least emotionally. When we are able to tell ourselves the truth, we are operating from a place of strength--not vulnerability. That's the beginning of true independence because it's also the beginning of self-awareness.
Increasing our mindfulness allows us to heal. Compassion for ourselves (and others) quite literally improves brain function. The more we exercise compassion, the greater our ability to heal (inside and out). Letting go of old attachments that no longer serve us is part of that acceptance.
What are we accepting? Our humanity. And everyone else's, too.
No one is perfect. We can be good people and still do things frowned upon by society. Though we have to work within the general guidelines of our communities, our communities do not have to live with the consequences of not doing what is right for ourselves (for the sake of others). Once we begin to recognize our own disconnects, we can move beyond fear-based decisions, letting go of old beliefs, attachments and narratives that no longer support us. Those patterns were created for a weak person--not the strong person you have become. You are no longer vulnerable so cannot and will not remain in codependent relationships. When you choose yourself over what's familiarity, you are embracing your authentic self.
Unconditional love of the self is our shield and our guide. The moment you love and accept yourself, you can love and accept others, too.
Compassion and self-love are the secrets to manifestation. When you release the old belief systems that felt safe because they were also familiar, you can truly bloom and grow into your full potential.
BECOME A MASTER MANIFESTOR
If you could look into a crystal ball and see yourself in five years, who would you be? What would you be wearing? Who's standing next to you? Do you live in a house or a condo? Is it near a lake? The ocean??? Are you living overseas? What kind of car will you be driving? And, how do you see yourself earning money?
Every answer to the questions above can be transformed from thoughts and images into reality. One of the first steps to making that happen is showing compassion to yourself by letting go.
How do you do that? Keep reading!
I want you to visualize two large bags. Now, open them up and pack away all of your burdens, all the old hurts, the injustices, the pain, the obstacles, the bad memories...once you've put all those negatives away, zip up those bags. In your mind, see yourself carrying them to the end of a pier. The water is very deep off of that pier. So deep, you can't even see the bottom. The bags full of your burdens, full of pain, full of hurt are heavy. Very, very heavy. You want to let them go, if only for a moment.
Go ahead...you can let go of the bags. Give yourself permission to release your burdens. Let them fall into the water. Watch them sink below the surface. Deeper and deeper. You watch as the bags disappear into the depths. The second those bags are no longer visible, you feel free.
Take a deep breath. It's time to start living your life again.
To book a hypnotherapy session with me, click the link below...in just a few sessions, you'll start to see a change in yourself and your life. You'll begin moving toward the things you thought were impossible...and it all begins right here:
*original photo copyright Rebecca A. Housel 2020