Being proactive doesn't mean you have to be happy, cheery and positive every single day. It just means you know your place in the world outside of any other person, alive or dead. No particular job is needed to define you. You don't have to be an executive for a Fortune 500 company to feel worthy or talented...or, get paid.
Within you, there is a sense of purpose ONLY YOU can define.
You define your purpose by nurturing yourself. Nurturing yourself allows you to recognize your gifts, helping you to bloom, grow, evolve, and expand beyond the social boxes others built for you before you were even born.
When you take care of you, you automatically become more self-aware.
Once you can see yourself for who you really are, you wake up each day with purpose, knowing that no matter what happens--whether you lose a job, a relationship, a friend, a home, or become injured--you are still you and that means, your gifts and talents are still yours, too. You have ownership of your own life.
You have a sense of authority.
Knowing who you are helps build confidence and self-esteem. If you know your value, you'll be less inclined to accept behaviors and/or attitudes from others that take you for granted.
When someone stops speaking to you despite your importance to their life, let them go. Especially if you have reached out repeatedly and your attempts to reconnect were met with silence. It's self-sabotage to try to connect (or reconnect) with anyone who prioritizes problems over people.
A person who truly loves and cares for you--whether family, friends or romantic partners--will always seek solutions.
If an individual focuses on negatives or problems instead of seeking solutions (or resolutions), that person is your enemy. Jealousy, envy, greed...these are the usual underlying causes.
It's hard to love people who always put you in a position where you have to defend yourself--which is wholly different than being defensive. When you have to explain who you are over and over again, you are falling for what is commonly known in psychology as "baiting."
Defensive people will attempt to bait you by challenging your otherwise unchallengable integrity.
Consistency will always be your best defense in such circumstances. And, distance. But leveling up also requires discernment.
Discernment is knowing when you are being manipulated by people who wish to distract you from the truth in order to keep you vulnerable in some way.
When you know who you are, you feel connected and can live a purpose-driven existence based on your talents--which in turn equates to your ultimate victory over the negative influencers in your life. That's what "discernment" means: Understanding who you are and using that self-knowledge as context in any social sphere, including professional, domestic, romantic, and familial.
If you feel like you have to shake everyone's hand, you aren't being very discerning. You lack confidence and anyone who is discerning will see that. You aren't sure of who you are, or you wouldn't be so desperate for the acknowledgement of others. The moment you feel as though you "need" someone's attention, it's a psychological "red flag" letting you know you are at least feeling vulnerable in some way.
Needing attention is not the same as wanting to give someone attention--those two things are often confused in romantic relationships.
In a love relationship, it can be tricky to appear too eager, especially early on. Be very careful to observe the reactions or responses from the person you are interested in. If they are responding to you regularly and matching you in terms of expressions of excitement, you're on the same page--even if it seems like you're always the first to reach out. Keep things balanced, including your perspective.
Confident, self-aware people are also eager and grateful individuals. We know what we want and aren't afraid to effectively act on those feelings.
If you want to give someone attention, do it. If you need the attention of a particular person, think carefully about the relationship and why you developed what is a clear codependency. Healthy relationships on any level include freedom and independence of the individuals involved. No one should ever want or need a relationship based on fear--if you feel you need change but fear that expressing your needs will ruin the relationship, you're in the wrong relationship.
Married, not married, engaged, dating...whatever your romantic-status, when you want someone other than the person you're with, the relationship you're currently in is not meeting your needs.
A healthy partner (and relationship) is open to discussing anything without casting judgment.
But when we're in an unhealthy relationship, our first thought is often that there is something wrong with us when we aren't satisfied or fulfilled. Any sign of over-responsibility is a red-flag that we are being abused. Our lack of satisfaction comes from a lack of affection or attention, and usually points to a controlling partner.
Here are some signs that your love-relationship is based on control and/or fear, rather than love and affection:
-You try to talk out your feelings with your partner. But when you share your perspective/context, the other person becomes defensive and effectively shuts down the conversation, usually by saying things like, "You always bring up the past," or, "I can't talk to you because I'm always wrong so why bother saying anything at all."
People who shut you down without offering context (or listening to yours) are trying to hurt you. Any person who prioritizes problems over people will never be able to return real love or affection.
Shutting down communication is a defense-mechanism meant to conceal feelings of incompetency/insecurity. To be completely blunt, that person does not love you and for whatever reason, is unable to say so. If there's a lack of intimacy or enthusiasm for intimacy, or a lack of general affection, it's a broken relationship and can't be saved. You can limp on together if emotionally and/or financially codependent, but neither of you will be happy and resentment will eventually end things anyway. If you've tried to communicate with a person for months or even years and have been met with no response or hostile responses, it's time to leave. Maybe you can work it out once your partner wakes up to the fact that their behavior was hurting you and the relationship, but it's unlikely.
-Declarations from a partner of "unhappiness" and that "things need to change" followed by the silent treatment or withdrawal of affection are narcissistic behaviors meant to try to control and manipulate. This can be taken even further and expressed as a discard based on unilateral decision-making from your partner: "I won't let you talk about your feelings or needs, and have held you emotional hostage as a result, but I've now decided you aren't worth my time."
It's hard for people to be honest with themselves when a love-relationship they're invested in has reached an end. At some point, one or both parties will begin seeking whatever is missing from their current relationship elsewhere. The impetus to end an unhealthy relationship typically comes when you meet "the right person," HOWEVER, it's obviously a more productive choice to be honest with yourself and your current partner about your feelings BEFORE engaging in a new relationship. Working with a former partner who desires closure is the ethical way to end long-term partnerships of ten or more years. You may not be in love with one another, but you should still treat each other with respect. Being self-aware (and therefore, consistent) helps here, too--people who have respect for themselves can give it to others.
People who don't have self-respect can't give it to anyone else either. That's when things like starting rumors, and other attempts at social sabotage, happen. If a former partner tries to isolate you, withholds monies from you, or attempts social sabotage with family and friends, you don't owe that person anything more than you've already given.
When one or both partners lack confidence and self-esteem in a relationship without financial or emotional codependencies, apathy can put the relationship at risk. Apathy is insidious. You just don't care anymore. Intimacy isn't a big priority. While you may be completely independent adults, your partnership devolves to convenient companionship. If apathy is allowed to flourish, the relationship will eventually end. At least one of the parties involved will develop an opportunity to move on to a more fulfilling, productive and caring relationship--that's when the apathetic relationship will finally come to its natural close. Otherwise, people who generally lack confidence and self-esteem are willing to "put up" with almost anything to avoid having to start over or risk being alone--hence the initial apathy.
Discernment is a valuable skill acquired over time through multiple experiences with family, friends and colleagues. SO MANY people feel the need to lie to survive, but it is our lack of honesty that is killing us.
To truly come into your own power, you must be honest with yourself and be who you truly are.
You should never feel the need to apologize for who you are or what you want. If the people around you make you feel "crazy" or "less than" just for being you, those individuals are simply not at your level.
Being consistent with yourself and others is your best chance at living a life of happiness, peace, love, and fulfillment.
No one said it would be easy to break-free of the negatives in your life, including self-sabotage. But the more self-aware (aka more honest) you become, the easier it will be to discern friends from enemies and claim victory over your own life.
So, what do you say? Are you ready to #LevelUp???
I believe in you! But you have to believe in yourself to effectively create positive change in your own life, as well as the lives of others.
You got this....
Within you, there is a sense of purpose ONLY YOU can define.
You define your purpose by nurturing yourself. Nurturing yourself allows you to recognize your gifts, helping you to bloom, grow, evolve, and expand beyond the social boxes others built for you before you were even born.
When you take care of you, you automatically become more self-aware.
Once you can see yourself for who you really are, you wake up each day with purpose, knowing that no matter what happens--whether you lose a job, a relationship, a friend, a home, or become injured--you are still you and that means, your gifts and talents are still yours, too. You have ownership of your own life.
You have a sense of authority.
Knowing who you are helps build confidence and self-esteem. If you know your value, you'll be less inclined to accept behaviors and/or attitudes from others that take you for granted.
When someone stops speaking to you despite your importance to their life, let them go. Especially if you have reached out repeatedly and your attempts to reconnect were met with silence. It's self-sabotage to try to connect (or reconnect) with anyone who prioritizes problems over people.
A person who truly loves and cares for you--whether family, friends or romantic partners--will always seek solutions.
If an individual focuses on negatives or problems instead of seeking solutions (or resolutions), that person is your enemy. Jealousy, envy, greed...these are the usual underlying causes.
It's hard to love people who always put you in a position where you have to defend yourself--which is wholly different than being defensive. When you have to explain who you are over and over again, you are falling for what is commonly known in psychology as "baiting."
Defensive people will attempt to bait you by challenging your otherwise unchallengable integrity.
Consistency will always be your best defense in such circumstances. And, distance. But leveling up also requires discernment.
Discernment is knowing when you are being manipulated by people who wish to distract you from the truth in order to keep you vulnerable in some way.
When you know who you are, you feel connected and can live a purpose-driven existence based on your talents--which in turn equates to your ultimate victory over the negative influencers in your life. That's what "discernment" means: Understanding who you are and using that self-knowledge as context in any social sphere, including professional, domestic, romantic, and familial.
If you feel like you have to shake everyone's hand, you aren't being very discerning. You lack confidence and anyone who is discerning will see that. You aren't sure of who you are, or you wouldn't be so desperate for the acknowledgement of others. The moment you feel as though you "need" someone's attention, it's a psychological "red flag" letting you know you are at least feeling vulnerable in some way.
Needing attention is not the same as wanting to give someone attention--those two things are often confused in romantic relationships.
In a love relationship, it can be tricky to appear too eager, especially early on. Be very careful to observe the reactions or responses from the person you are interested in. If they are responding to you regularly and matching you in terms of expressions of excitement, you're on the same page--even if it seems like you're always the first to reach out. Keep things balanced, including your perspective.
Confident, self-aware people are also eager and grateful individuals. We know what we want and aren't afraid to effectively act on those feelings.
If you want to give someone attention, do it. If you need the attention of a particular person, think carefully about the relationship and why you developed what is a clear codependency. Healthy relationships on any level include freedom and independence of the individuals involved. No one should ever want or need a relationship based on fear--if you feel you need change but fear that expressing your needs will ruin the relationship, you're in the wrong relationship.
Married, not married, engaged, dating...whatever your romantic-status, when you want someone other than the person you're with, the relationship you're currently in is not meeting your needs.
A healthy partner (and relationship) is open to discussing anything without casting judgment.
But when we're in an unhealthy relationship, our first thought is often that there is something wrong with us when we aren't satisfied or fulfilled. Any sign of over-responsibility is a red-flag that we are being abused. Our lack of satisfaction comes from a lack of affection or attention, and usually points to a controlling partner.
Here are some signs that your love-relationship is based on control and/or fear, rather than love and affection:
-You try to talk out your feelings with your partner. But when you share your perspective/context, the other person becomes defensive and effectively shuts down the conversation, usually by saying things like, "You always bring up the past," or, "I can't talk to you because I'm always wrong so why bother saying anything at all."
People who shut you down without offering context (or listening to yours) are trying to hurt you. Any person who prioritizes problems over people will never be able to return real love or affection.
Shutting down communication is a defense-mechanism meant to conceal feelings of incompetency/insecurity. To be completely blunt, that person does not love you and for whatever reason, is unable to say so. If there's a lack of intimacy or enthusiasm for intimacy, or a lack of general affection, it's a broken relationship and can't be saved. You can limp on together if emotionally and/or financially codependent, but neither of you will be happy and resentment will eventually end things anyway. If you've tried to communicate with a person for months or even years and have been met with no response or hostile responses, it's time to leave. Maybe you can work it out once your partner wakes up to the fact that their behavior was hurting you and the relationship, but it's unlikely.
-Declarations from a partner of "unhappiness" and that "things need to change" followed by the silent treatment or withdrawal of affection are narcissistic behaviors meant to try to control and manipulate. This can be taken even further and expressed as a discard based on unilateral decision-making from your partner: "I won't let you talk about your feelings or needs, and have held you emotional hostage as a result, but I've now decided you aren't worth my time."
It's hard for people to be honest with themselves when a love-relationship they're invested in has reached an end. At some point, one or both parties will begin seeking whatever is missing from their current relationship elsewhere. The impetus to end an unhealthy relationship typically comes when you meet "the right person," HOWEVER, it's obviously a more productive choice to be honest with yourself and your current partner about your feelings BEFORE engaging in a new relationship. Working with a former partner who desires closure is the ethical way to end long-term partnerships of ten or more years. You may not be in love with one another, but you should still treat each other with respect. Being self-aware (and therefore, consistent) helps here, too--people who have respect for themselves can give it to others.
People who don't have self-respect can't give it to anyone else either. That's when things like starting rumors, and other attempts at social sabotage, happen. If a former partner tries to isolate you, withholds monies from you, or attempts social sabotage with family and friends, you don't owe that person anything more than you've already given.
When one or both partners lack confidence and self-esteem in a relationship without financial or emotional codependencies, apathy can put the relationship at risk. Apathy is insidious. You just don't care anymore. Intimacy isn't a big priority. While you may be completely independent adults, your partnership devolves to convenient companionship. If apathy is allowed to flourish, the relationship will eventually end. At least one of the parties involved will develop an opportunity to move on to a more fulfilling, productive and caring relationship--that's when the apathetic relationship will finally come to its natural close. Otherwise, people who generally lack confidence and self-esteem are willing to "put up" with almost anything to avoid having to start over or risk being alone--hence the initial apathy.
Discernment is a valuable skill acquired over time through multiple experiences with family, friends and colleagues. SO MANY people feel the need to lie to survive, but it is our lack of honesty that is killing us.
To truly come into your own power, you must be honest with yourself and be who you truly are.
You should never feel the need to apologize for who you are or what you want. If the people around you make you feel "crazy" or "less than" just for being you, those individuals are simply not at your level.
Being consistent with yourself and others is your best chance at living a life of happiness, peace, love, and fulfillment.
No one said it would be easy to break-free of the negatives in your life, including self-sabotage. But the more self-aware (aka more honest) you become, the easier it will be to discern friends from enemies and claim victory over your own life.
So, what do you say? Are you ready to #LevelUp???
I believe in you! But you have to believe in yourself to effectively create positive change in your own life, as well as the lives of others.
You got this....
Level Up
by Ciara
Five, four, three, two, one
Leggo! (watch me)
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Them old mistakes are gone, I won’t do them no more
That’s old news, there’s new news, I done did that before
I turned nothing to something, my comeback on one hunnid'
Less talking, more action, you just gon' CiCi coming
I just keep elevating, no losses, just upgrading
My lessons, made blessings, I turned that into money
Thank God I never settled, this view is so much better
I’m chilling, I’m winning, like on another level
Oh, you can talk all you want
See me, I see greater
Nothing I’m afraid of
And I can have it all
Five, four, three, two, one
Leggo! (watch me)
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Fake friends get dropped like weight
Team love, don’t want no hate
I’m grindin', I’m shinin'
Up, up, up on my way
Thank God I never settled
This view is so much better
I’m chilling, I’m winning
Like on another level
Oh, you can talk all you want
See me, I see greater
Nothing I’m afraid of
And I can have it all
Five, four, three, two, one
Leggo! (watch me)
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
All this oh so level, on another level
Elevate your level, le-le-le-level
Graduate your level, there’s no one on it
Nah, nah, nah (ay)
All this oh so level, on another level
Elevate your level, le-le-le-level
Graduate your level, there’s no one on it
Nah, nah, nah (ay)
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy (uh!)
Songwriters: Theron Thomas / J.R. Rotem / Ciara Wilson
Level Up lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
by Ciara
Five, four, three, two, one
Leggo! (watch me)
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Them old mistakes are gone, I won’t do them no more
That’s old news, there’s new news, I done did that before
I turned nothing to something, my comeback on one hunnid'
Less talking, more action, you just gon' CiCi coming
I just keep elevating, no losses, just upgrading
My lessons, made blessings, I turned that into money
Thank God I never settled, this view is so much better
I’m chilling, I’m winning, like on another level
Oh, you can talk all you want
See me, I see greater
Nothing I’m afraid of
And I can have it all
Five, four, three, two, one
Leggo! (watch me)
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Fake friends get dropped like weight
Team love, don’t want no hate
I’m grindin', I’m shinin'
Up, up, up on my way
Thank God I never settled
This view is so much better
I’m chilling, I’m winning
Like on another level
Oh, you can talk all you want
See me, I see greater
Nothing I’m afraid of
And I can have it all
Five, four, three, two, one
Leggo! (watch me)
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
All this oh so level, on another level
Elevate your level, le-le-le-level
Graduate your level, there’s no one on it
Nah, nah, nah (ay)
All this oh so level, on another level
Elevate your level, le-le-le-level
Graduate your level, there’s no one on it
Nah, nah, nah (ay)
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up
All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy
You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy (uh!)
Songwriters: Theron Thomas / J.R. Rotem / Ciara Wilson
Level Up lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
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