But, who has the time? The energy? Or, the inclination??? I certainly don't.
When someone doesn't want you, that's it. You should never need or want anyone who does not also want you to the point where you would hurt yourself or others. That includes staying in bad relationships. When you feel stuck, unhappy, your natural reaction is to seek out comfort. But people aren't band-aids. And, that's exactly what you will use another person for if you're unhappy.
Before looking to others to make you happy, you must first learn to make yourself happy.
As a society, it seems frowned upon to "give up" on a relationship. Or, anything else for that matter. But, what is it costing you to stay in what is an unhealthy situation--whether it's a love relationship, a particular job, or any social obligation?
First, look at the nature of the relationship. If it's a love relationship with a legally binding contract (aka marriage), you have to attempt to resolve whatever the issues are before inviting any other people to connect to your world. Period. Because, even those with the best of intentions will end up hurting whoever the "outsider" is. Marriages don't end easily. But if you connect with a person outside of the marriage while still fully engaged in that marriage, you, as well as the person you connect with, can fall in love. And, if it's real, that love will never go away. But if you're married, the person you love (whom you are not married to) will have to leave. It's painful. And, hard. Not for six months. Not for a year. Not even for two years...for a lifetime. BUT, if you deal with the issues in your marriage, and you have come to a mutual understanding with your spouse about those issues, THEN, and ONLY THEN can you include other people in your world.
Everyone is always afraid of being alone. Sometimes, if we sense the end of a relationship is close at hand, we may be tempted to find a "replacement." But that's not healthy. Or, fair. Any decision made from a place of vulnerability, like fear, loneliness, or desperation, will be made in haste; it will never be a true choice, nor a good decision. That's part of loving yourself. You have to be self-aware enough to recognize what drives you. To ignore your motivations (or, your past--the root of all the decisions you make both today and tomorrow), is total and complete folly. You will hurt yourself and everyone connected to you. And I do mean EVERYONE.
With marriage, money keeps people from just walking away. Divorce is expensive. Especially if there are children involved, shared assets and property--which, any remotely successful partnership of ten or more years will most certainly have. But being unhappy is equally expensive; it can lead to depression, anxiety, addiction, even suicide. Unless you're financially dependent on your spouse, find out if you can come to a mutually beneficial understanding to either rebuild whatever you lost since you said, "I do," or find a way to amicably separate. If it's not amicable, find out why. It usually means one party feels unacknowledged in some way. Just because you are no longer in love does not mean you cannot still be friends. People matter more than any problems you may have. Never abandon anyone you made lifetime commitments to. Never ignore anyone you once claimed to love. And always be willing to help make right anything you may have contributed to the wrongs in another's world. No matter what the outcome, it will always be better if you let people know they matter.
Isn't that what you would want for yourself? To know you matter??? Of course it is. It's what every human craves at their core. When you're finally honest with yourself, you can be honest with others, too.
With a job or business situation, people still matter, but money is the determining factor in any business relationship. If you work hard at a job but never get compensated or recognized for your work, it's time to find a new position elsewhere. Unlike a marriage, there is no reparation that can be made. If you're not treated fairly, you never will be. It may even be part of the company business model. I work in Entertainment. It's a high-turn over industry. If you have a contract for a year and no money is made, the relationship has to change. Again, you're still dealing with people. People always matter more than anything else. But you can't put in $40,000 worth of time with no return either. Which happens in my business. A lot. But no one can afford to work for free these days. Try to help people you're connected to find stability before you change the relationship. For employers, that's offering letters of recommendation and references for future employment. For employees, that's giving appropriate notice and training others to continue your work. In my industry, it means continuing to look for opportunities for ANY person you've ever worked with, whether you're still connected or not. If I see a job that would be a good fit for someone I worked with three years ago...guess what? I call or text or email that same person. Always. I'd want them to do it for me.
Helping people earn is one of the highest callings anyone can have. As is loving another person. Never take either for granted. Which means, living with gratitude, not attitude. People who are positive tend to love themselves and others, so, they're grateful for what they have. When you're negative, you create problems as a way to avoid or abandon or ignore or hurt people. Nothing is right, nor ever will be. I'm not saying positive people don't have problems. We do! Plenty. But we constantly work to improve those problems. To find solutions.
After nearly 30 years, I identified an event from my past that has driven nearly every adult decision I've ever made. And no, I'm not exactly happy today. But at least now, I know why. It's already helped me to willfully avoid social pitfalls. In the short-term, I'm still suffering from a sense of loss. But I'm hopeful that my increased social IQ means earning long-term gains. It's just about advocating for yourself. Not letting people take advantage of you. If you're vulnerable, you have to recognize that vulnerability. While you work toward changing your situation, avoid connecting your life to new people. Seeking temporary happiness and freedom is tempting, but if you want real happiness, you have to become completely independent. Every problem I've ever had, including things like cancer, is because of dependency on others. I'm not saying you can't depend on anyone. I'm saying you can't depend on anyone more than you can depend on yourself.
Today is an #888 day. It represents abundance. It's a "9" month and year, which represents completion and wholeness. We are all situated to do things today, and for the rest of 2016, that will lead to future abundance by completing the cycles we are currently in so we might prepare for the good headed our way. 2017 is a "10" year. That represents the cosmos itself. Creation. Evolution. But it also means chaos. That's where evolution comes from. Creation leads to awakening. 2018 is an "11" year. We have but a few months left to complete the old cycles in our lives that have kept us down. Kept us unhappy. Next year is all about using the divine light within each of us to create the changes needed in order to fully participate in #AwakeLife, beginning in 2018.
We're in a cosmic window. Saturn is pushing us all to be accountable now that Jupiter has set us up for expansion. That means, it's time to fly.
Ready??? Aim! Fire....