It's true. You are now connected to all those souls through this very website. The important part of that sentence, however, is: "You are now connected."
We're all connected through the great web of humanity. Each of us, a strand linked to another, and another, ad infinitum. As individual strands, we cannot see the overall design of the web. Does it ever strike you then, that God is perhaps not anthropomorphic, but more akin to an arachnid?
Wouldn't it be the grandest of ironies if the biggest sin a human can make is taking life for granted? Not yours. Or, mine. But the lives we see as less-than. Like the lives of spiders. Insects. And all other animals, fish, amphibians, birds, lizards...you get the idea. A day in Hell for every spider you've crushed? For every insect you've obliterated???
Terrifying thought, isn't it? All in the spirit of what is referred to as Halloween in the States. Boo!
No shock that Americans--arguably one of the most obese nations on Earth--celebrate the ancient day of the dead by giving small children candy. Piles of it, too.
Halloween is quite fun, despite how the holiday disrupts DNA, laying the foundation for future fatter generations. But no one thinks about epigenetics when being given free candy by friendly neighbors. Seeing people big and small dressed in costume is a genuine joy, because it's an act derived from genuine joy. You'll see whole neighborhoods decorated with pumpkins, corn stalks, hay bales, and scare crows. And, let's not forget the pop culture! Watching horror movies, creepy movies, and movies that make you cringe is easy and (mostly) free.
Amidst all the celebration surrounding the dead, there are still living ghosts among us...simple humans who think disappearing is a good idea. Humor aside, there's nothing fun about living a true nightmare. Being h(a)unted, stalked, scared, scarred--I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. That is why I want my lovely #TwinFlames out there, many of whom may be counted among the two-million readers (and rising...thank you!), to embrace self-love, not self-sabotage.
Any human being who acts unethically, putting you, your life, your health, your finances, your job, and your home in jeopardy is not a person you can ever, ever allow back into your world. Even if you believe with every fiber of who you are that said individual is THE ONE. There are more than seven-billion souls on the planet, nearly 5% of whom all gather here on this blog. You can certainly find at least one soul mate out of seven-billion. Probably more than one.
Trick or treat??? Pick "treat." Stop tricking yourself into believing a person who abandoned you did so at the mandate of some ancient cycle--not because he or she is a narcissistic egomaniac with Machiavellian tendencies and a list of pathologies longer than your right arm. Instead treat yourself to some of the unconditional love you seem to save for an entirely unworthy body. You deserve to love and be loved without worrying about coming home to an empty house.
Halloween is about allowing your true self to come out. The parts of you that you typically hide from the rest of the world. One of those pieces is that small voice you've buried...the one that tells you you're worth so much more than you allow. It's true, we are not all masters of our own fates. Life has a way of rendering us helpless at times. But, take heart, if this describes you, too, just know that your helplessness is completely temporary. Though, in order to stop being victimized, you must release those things that hold you back and down. Including the person who abandoned you.
Hey, I get it. You loved with your whole heart. You would not have done that for just anyone. And so, in order to forgive yourself, you decide that the person you chose was actually special because this great lost-love was your #TwinFlame. You simultaneously justify and validate your feelings for a person who turned out to be completely unworthy when you do. By applying the #Twin label to the person who abandoned you, you also give the abandonment a kind of mythological value. You make what is otherwise an unforgivable act, not only forgivable, but "normal." Something that was "supposed" to happen. Now, you can further justify and validate your sense of longing, of prolonged loss, and your inability to move forward after what was nothing more and nothing less than treachery.
Waiting for your #Twin's return a la the #TwinFlame narrative is self-sabotage. It's part of the psychology of abandonment. You unconsciously repeat the pattern of betrayal your abuser thrust upon you. If you were honest with yourself, you might see that such a pattern started before you met the person you call your #Twin. And, one of the likely reasons you found your #Twin so attractive was because you recognized traits that pointed to their eventual abandonment, thereby keeping yourself stuck and sad, sad and stuck.
I continue receiving queries from readers about things like experiencing illness when you meet your #Twin, and, questions surrounding the limits of unconditional love. If a person makes you feel sick, stay away from that individual. If you feel sick after a person you love leaves, that is totally normal bio-chemistry that fuels both your psychology and physiology. When we have loss, we run low on dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin...things we all need to feel happier, healthier and connected. Physical activity increases all three. You'll feel better if you move your body each and every day. When you strengthen your physical heart, your emotional heart gets stronger, too. As you get stronger all around, you'll feel better. And, feeling better makes you more open to finding a love that will not leave...for any reason.
As far as the limits of unconditional love...there are none. It's unconditional. No limits, or conditions, may be placed on real love. However, I will explain here that loving a person unconditionally should never mean devaluing yourself. Compromise is one thing. Helping a partner deal with things like illness, debt, joblessness is part of your commitment. But a partner who abandons you? Abuses you??? That is not love. You can still love and forgive a person who did terrible things to you, but that love and forgiveness does not mean you have to stop loving, forgiving, or protecting yourself.
If you're capable of unconditional love, give it to yourself--first and foremost. When you have loved a person who left you, that love will never go away on your end. Your heart is true. That is a beautiful thing. Of course the person who left you will one day return--you gave that individual unconditional love. Unconditional love is rare in this world. Maybe it takes months, or even years, but the narcissist who discarded you will come back to get the "supply" from you he or she can get no where else. No matter how much you love that person--when he or she returns, love yourself enough to say, "No."
Stop betraying yourself and you will find that others stop betraying you, too. Because, when you stop betraying yourself, you no longer include toxic individuals in your life. You'll only allow in people who value themselves enough to stay healthy--not just physically, but emotionally, psychologically, and financially, too. You are worthwhile and worthy. You deserve stability. But, in order to attract that into your life, you must empower yourself through self-responsible. Educate. Fix your debt. Find rewarding employment. Use your body every day. Only people who are toxic will be threatened by this--those are the people you need to separate from.
Thank you, again, dearest readers, for all of your continued support. I promise to keep this site free, and free of advertising spam, for as long as I draw breath. You've told me my experiences relayed here help you feel less alone. My hope is that you gain the courage to live your best life as a result. To find real love rather than settle for a fantastical fairy tale that facilitates isolation, obsession, compulsion, depression, anxiety, even suicidal thoughts. Yes, I know. I know all-too-well. If you're in the midst of that situation right now, begin making small changes that will allow you to free yourself at some point in the future. Giving yourself unconditional love means never giving up on your chances to find a second chance.
Only allow the ghosts of the dead to visit you this Halloween season. Let living ghosts who still haunt the recesses of your mind rest in peace, or pieces, as the case may be. Either way, you win.
*Photo-insert copyright Rebecca Housel 2017