How many times do I have to say it...if you love someone, don't sit around assuming they're happier without you! It's self-sabotage. You gotta tell people how you feel. We can't act on telepathy or Deanna-Troy-like empathic senses. In the physical world, people have to physically communicate in order to physically connect.
I really want my #TwinFlames out there, or people who believe they have found the other half of their soul in another, to STOP waiting, wishing, hoping, praying, dreaming. Stop trying to send psychic messages. Stop imagining you're with the person you love because you think it will magically communicate your feelings. If, in fact, you are in love with a person you are somehow separated from, pick up your smart phone and call, or text, or email. Use the "Notes" feature and write a letter. Download "Quickvoice" and pre-record a voicemail. Then, send it!
Yes, that's right, I'm asking you to leave "Fantasy Island" (great show, but it's been off the air for decades now) and join me in reality. It is a scary place. Harsh, even. Because, you may learn that the person you're pining away for was too hurt by you to respond. Or, even if you get a response, it may not be the one you want.
Hey, if anyone knows about rejection, it's me. I know how hard it is to put yourself out there and get nothing back. No response. Or, worse, a ridiculous response full of excuses and, yes, lies. But, losing a battle or two doesn't mean losing the overall war.
There's this great commercial running on American TV at the moment; I just saw it last night. All these famous athletes talk about how defeat--failure--is the reason for their particular success. I bet Ed Sheeran would say the same thing....
Failure is but fuel. It humbles you. Makes you grateful. And that's the edge you need to succeed, both in life and love.
If you look at Ed's lyrics, you can see that he's showing a guy who believes the smiles are twice as wide...not that it's actually true. Toward the end of the song, even he is questioning if looking happier actually means happy. But, that line about waiting for her heart to be broken before he let's her know he's there is exactly what I'm talking about...don't wait. Waiting is self-sabotage.
Do you really think there will ever be a perfect moment where you tell an ex you destroyed that you made a mistake??? Waiting, wishing, hoping, dreaming, maybe even praying, that "Destiny" intervenes on your behalf because you are too proud, scared or both??? All you're doing when you believe someone you love is happier without you is avoiding your responsibility. Again. See, it's likely you aren't with the person you love anymore because you were trying to avoid your responsibility in the relationship. Now that maybe months or years have passed, and you're not happier as a result of your initial decision, you wish you could get another crack at it. But, wishing won't effect real change. Until you swallow your pride, you'll never be happier. You'll never get a second chance at a second chance either.
That's #RealTalk. Take it or leave it.
Here's what I know:
"Dumper's remorse" is inevitable. If you were having great sex and were actually in love but allowed friends, family, the stars, the moon, your lies, your selfishness, and/or your fear to get in the way, you're insecure. When you stay silent rather than express your feelings in a direct way, all you are doing is continuing to react to your own insecurity. Being insecure is what got you into your current pickle. Do you really believe acting on those same insecure feelings is going to make the changes you want and need in order to be happy???
Einstein talked about how doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results is the very definition of insanity. And, actually, self-sabotage, self-punishment, self-loathing...all derive from psychological disorders. Pathologies that come from childhood trauma, keeping subsequent adults from finding true happiness because of some secret shame or shaming that--deep down--makes the individual believe they do not deserve it. Happiness. Love. Perhaps even life itself.
I can't stress enough how much every person--even the worst of us--deserves happiness. You see, the miserable need happiness all the more. You just spread your misery to everyone else otherwise. That's why you have to strap on your Amazonian breast plates, find your secret courage (instead of allowing secret shame to stand in your way), and go get the love of your life! Reactive folks need to get proactive. Has leading a reactive life made you happy? Don't answer right away. Think about it.
Have you thought about it? Good.
A reactive life is a life full of drama. You create it, look for it, find it on places like social media. You have a soap opera running on a loop in your head. Why? Because it allows you to remain the star. A sympathetic one. Yes, that's right...you get to play the victim. The irony is, you have to victimize others in order to stay a victim. You have to vilify people who don't deserve it. People like the one you pine away for. The one who made you happier.
Stop buying into the victim-scenario. Start communicating your feelings. If you take responsibility for yourself and your actions, you will be happier, no matter the outcome. Because, you will know--beyond a shadow of a doubt--that you made direct contact and spoke in an honest, straightforward manner. No guessing. No hoping. No wishing. No praying. No dreaming. Real life. You told the person you loved that you loved them. Period. If that person explains that too much time has passed or too much damage was done...apologize. And, keep apologizing. You screwed up. Bad. You know it, too, or you wouldn't be hiding in a corner waiting for some magical moment that will never, ever arrive.
Let me share what is happening on the other side while you wait (instead of act) for fantasy to become reality:
As you piss away valuable time cyber-stalking your ex and trolling her social media like she's your new religion, she has already been rejected by you. Perhaps more than once. Real love has a hard time accepting defeat. That means she has also already put herself out there. And you very clearly said no, or you wouldn't be wishing, hoping, dreaming, and praying for a magical reunion today. The consequences of your actions--of which you are solely responsible for--is that she has had no choice but to move on. Or, try to. So, of course she will look happy. Maybe even happier. But I ask you, have you ever seen anyone post unhappy pics on social media??? Come on!
Don't be such a selfish git and talk to the girl (or boy)! Be honest. Be real. If you get rejected, at least you know you tried. You can actually move on after that. No, you won't be happier with anyone else. Love is love is love. No, you won't forget or stop loving her (or him). You'll just realize that your behavior caused irreparable damage and guess what? You won't do that to anyone you even remotely care about again. Apologize and keep apologizing until the healing begins. That's quite literally the most important "job" any of us have as human beings--acknowledging each other properly. Our pain, our sorrow, our joy...all of it. Any of it. Get it???
You may be wondering if it would be worth bruising your ego and pride--taking such a huge personal risk. It is. The truth is always worth it. You're worth it, too. As is the person you truly love. If you love that person--for real--you will not continue lying to them just because it is easier, or, you imagine it is. What a crock! Do you think it was easy to endure the heartbreak you put them through in the first place??? If you tell a person you love that you love them--even after a long separation--at the very least, you will have given them peace of mind. Connections like real love are only real because they go both ways. The person you loved and left has ALWAYS known that you loved them. By finally acknowledging that love, you open the door to reunion because you are returning the things you stole--the validation and value of another human being. That's powerful stuff.
Hurts that aren't properly acknowledged become etched in a person's brain--neural pathways or emotional habits that will never not exist. An individual can reroute the signals that signal the hurt, but, it will always physically be there. More evidence as to why we all need to choose compassion over judgment, kindness over cruelty, faith over fear, gratitude over attitude, and positives over any negative. Even if we are afraid. Even if we tell ourselves it will only lead to "drama." Even if we come up with 1,000 reasons not to cross 1,000 miles. At the risk of showing my 80's roots, just do it....
In case you need even more reasons why you have to tell the person you love that you actually love them:
People matter more than problems. That's why seeking solutions is the only answer to finding, keeping and cherishing real love. Anyone can see another's faults--that's easy. We're all only human. But seeing the good in people, despite their flaws...that's the miracle of love.
In this lifetime, the best any of us may do is let the person we love know that we love them. If you also hurt that individual, tell him or her that you made a mistake. That begins the rerouting process. An emotional reboot, if you will. It doesn't necessarily mean a fairytale ending, but it does mean you've chosen healing over hurting and responsibility over recklessness. In my experience, that kind of positive energy will be recognized and appreciated when received by a positive person. That means, you've got a chance.
Living a life full of love, and the hope and faith that go with it, is necessary in order to better serve others. But, according to scholar Joseph Campbell, "Life is pain." That pain allows us to transform our consciousness, transcending the duality between love and hate, pain and joy, peace and war. Such transformation opens the door to our truest happiness--not having your clit expertly licked or your cock treated like a King by a Queen--although, those are pretty darned good, too.
While it's fun to think about (and do...), we are not just here to live out real-life porn scenarios; sex, though a healthy part of adult-life, is secondary to our ultimate purpose. Physical life exists so we may help others--that's how we truly help ourselves. The gift of life is a call to service. You may yet be unaware of how you will serve, but if you are reading me now, you have been called.
Pursue everything in physical life as if you were limitless...never let rejection, or fear of it, stop you from finding out, at the very least, the truth.
Be brave! I believe in you. But, you must, must, must believe in you, too. If you don't, miracles like real love will never get a chance to bloom and grow, no matter what happened in your past, or what is to take place in your future.
#AwakeLife #TwinFlame Post-script: The picture insert is from three years ago this month. No make-up or filters either! I was on my way to Atlanta for a new job, moving into a new house, and starting a brand-new life. I was't just happy...I was happier. One of many happier moments captured that year. I wish I could go back and hug that hopeful girl in the picture. In just a few short months, her world would fall apart in such a way, things would never be the same for her again. But, she was willing to take the chance on a second chance. I'm proud of her (and me) for having the guts to go for it. By the way, today's numbers represent awakening, miracles and completion. May the good souls of this world who need all three get all three today, tomorrow and for the entirety of their existence...I know I need all three, lol. Let's meditate and pray together on awakening, miracles and completion for each other, and the world. Sending positive energy, light, luck, peace, and joy....