When I find myself feeling the need to apologise for decisions I made to protect myself, it's a red flag. Anyone who makes you feel badly about your choices (including you!) does not have your best interests at heart.
We can get swept up in the romance of a given situation when we aren't getting the love we both need and deserve on a regular basis. That said, magical thinking is what helps us to imagine the possibility of a better life. Before we can create a new life, we have to first be able to visualize what that might look like to effect real change.
Hopelessness and helplessness come from interactions with those who expect more of you than they do of themselves. Heartbreak happens when we act with courage and enthusiasm in love relationships yet lack a supportive partner (new or renewed).
Vulnerability isn't a weakness--only the strongest and bravest can pull it off. It's the same with communication, too:
That whole, "I was just in the neighborhood," line is pure pretense. We tend to feign "coincidence" because it's easier than saying, "I love you desperately but I'm not ready to say that just yet so I've taken a car, a train, two planes, and a cab to pretend to see you by accident when I knew you would be here--I wasn't entirely sure I was going to go through with any of this so never told you--sorry. I'm now going to talk about things like the weather in great detail so I don't accidentally blurt out that I love you."
Believe it or not, I can relate. We all can to some degree....
But not everyone is being adorable by showing up without warning. There may be another psychology at play:
A person who feels "owed" wants more from you than you were previously willing to give. That individual may then make a "sideways" grand gesture (where he/she/they do(es)n't take responsibility for their actions--a tactic used to get you to do something they want--usually something you already said "no" to). The grandness of the gesture is designed to make you feel special, deepening your feelings (when what's happening on the other end is the opposite).
When you meet the person who is your person, you just know. And, so do they. It might scare you (both) at first. You might also get temporarily more timid or unsure. Maybe you back off a bit--not because you aren't in love, but because you are and need to regroup. Love is scary when you're old enough to have survived a few decades worth of the consequences shoved upon you via the poor choices of others. And yet, despite all the fear, when love is real, it goes nowhere.
How do I know?
Because, I feel real love. And, because I feel it, I'm here. I don't just love for an hour or a day. I love for the duration of a lifetime. Being in love, however, is brain chemistry. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's because there is a unique synergy between two bodies and souls. That synergy kicks off a host of neurochemicals in your brain that can last for a year or more! Some of us only get to feel it once. You just have to hope that the person you feel it with is brave enough to not only feel it, but act on it, too.
Hesitation isn't necessarily a sign that someone doesn't love you. It's actually an intelligent response connected to concerns surrounding pre-existing social obligations. But once you hit that turning point in your relationship (that point where you both know things are more right between you than wrong), continued hesitation starts to look more and more like deception.
#GingerbreadMen
We can get swept up in the romance of a given situation when we aren't getting the love we both need and deserve on a regular basis. That said, magical thinking is what helps us to imagine the possibility of a better life. Before we can create a new life, we have to first be able to visualize what that might look like to effect real change.
Hopelessness and helplessness come from interactions with those who expect more of you than they do of themselves. Heartbreak happens when we act with courage and enthusiasm in love relationships yet lack a supportive partner (new or renewed).
Vulnerability isn't a weakness--only the strongest and bravest can pull it off. It's the same with communication, too:
That whole, "I was just in the neighborhood," line is pure pretense. We tend to feign "coincidence" because it's easier than saying, "I love you desperately but I'm not ready to say that just yet so I've taken a car, a train, two planes, and a cab to pretend to see you by accident when I knew you would be here--I wasn't entirely sure I was going to go through with any of this so never told you--sorry. I'm now going to talk about things like the weather in great detail so I don't accidentally blurt out that I love you."
Believe it or not, I can relate. We all can to some degree....
But not everyone is being adorable by showing up without warning. There may be another psychology at play:
A person who feels "owed" wants more from you than you were previously willing to give. That individual may then make a "sideways" grand gesture (where he/she/they do(es)n't take responsibility for their actions--a tactic used to get you to do something they want--usually something you already said "no" to). The grandness of the gesture is designed to make you feel special, deepening your feelings (when what's happening on the other end is the opposite).
When you meet the person who is your person, you just know. And, so do they. It might scare you (both) at first. You might also get temporarily more timid or unsure. Maybe you back off a bit--not because you aren't in love, but because you are and need to regroup. Love is scary when you're old enough to have survived a few decades worth of the consequences shoved upon you via the poor choices of others. And yet, despite all the fear, when love is real, it goes nowhere.
How do I know?
Because, I feel real love. And, because I feel it, I'm here. I don't just love for an hour or a day. I love for the duration of a lifetime. Being in love, however, is brain chemistry. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's because there is a unique synergy between two bodies and souls. That synergy kicks off a host of neurochemicals in your brain that can last for a year or more! Some of us only get to feel it once. You just have to hope that the person you feel it with is brave enough to not only feel it, but act on it, too.
Hesitation isn't necessarily a sign that someone doesn't love you. It's actually an intelligent response connected to concerns surrounding pre-existing social obligations. But once you hit that turning point in your relationship (that point where you both know things are more right between you than wrong), continued hesitation starts to look more and more like deception.
#GingerbreadMen
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