I want to see you
Taste you
Touch you...
But, I want love, too--
More than I can articulate with any eloquence
I guess wanting love repels it
Giving love pushes it away
And, expressing desire somehow makes one undesirable
We live in quite the world of opposites
There's really no chance of winning, is there?
Intelligence isn't enough
Natural beauty isn't enough
Transcendent sex isn't enough
Earning power isn't enough
I suppose that also means I'm not enough
Not worth the effort
Not worth the call
The email
The text
Not even worth a proper goodbye...
Worthy of every abuse under the sun though!
Worthy of unwarranted judgement, too
Of unfair appraisals for being too fair
Of rape (and broken bones, bruises on my breasts and other betrayals therein)
Oh, and worthy of being used...by so, so many people
So many, I can't even remember you all!
Mind you, that's not a good thing
Kindness is free
Cruelty isn't...
I sometimes wish I could be cruel
Ruthlessness leads to prosperity, after all
We're made to feel like nothing
So others feel better for the span of a nanosecond
I suppose it doesn't matter
We all die anyway
Nihilism is my favourite color these days...
"What's yours?"
I ask, pretending to care...
But usually, I work hard pretending not to
Makes people feel better
Maybe it makes me feel better, too
Apathy is armour for those easily cast aside
Discarded
Devalued
Deprioritised
And, ah yes, disappointed...
Heartily so. Indeed, greatly disappointed.
Success is supposed to help us succeed in love
But perhaps success means being free not to?
If that's the case, Death may, in fact, be the answer to Life
That makes most of us a bunch of cowards, doesn't it???
Always running from that which doesn't have to chase us
In this moment, I wish I could run away, too
Maybe to the Maldives
Or, Nepal
No one ever says, "I want to run away to Nebraska!"
Such a shame...nice folks live there
Unwanted places
Unwanted people
Unwanted pets
And, unwanted patriarchal prats
The world is full of us...the unwanted
However, people never cease to desire my time
My body, too
And, lest we forget, the dirty hands digging for pennies in my pocket
But only to satisfy whims (that tend to have more brevity than wit)
There's not a single shred of Decency (or, Honour) left on the planet, is there?
That doesn't reflect poorly on me, by the way
It reflects poorly on you--the idiots who can't get out of their own way
All of the above means the human world is devoid of value in and of itself
Red-flag Alert: You even have to pay for friendship!
Commodification hasn't done us many favors....
I'm not sure why I fought so hard to be here
To stay here
Purpose, I suppose
The search for that one perfect moment
Well, I found it in October...now what?
*original photo below copyright Rebecca Housel 2020
Taste you
Touch you...
But, I want love, too--
More than I can articulate with any eloquence
I guess wanting love repels it
Giving love pushes it away
And, expressing desire somehow makes one undesirable
We live in quite the world of opposites
There's really no chance of winning, is there?
Intelligence isn't enough
Natural beauty isn't enough
Transcendent sex isn't enough
Earning power isn't enough
I suppose that also means I'm not enough
Not worth the effort
Not worth the call
The email
The text
Not even worth a proper goodbye...
Worthy of every abuse under the sun though!
Worthy of unwarranted judgement, too
Of unfair appraisals for being too fair
Of rape (and broken bones, bruises on my breasts and other betrayals therein)
Oh, and worthy of being used...by so, so many people
So many, I can't even remember you all!
Mind you, that's not a good thing
Kindness is free
Cruelty isn't...
I sometimes wish I could be cruel
Ruthlessness leads to prosperity, after all
We're made to feel like nothing
So others feel better for the span of a nanosecond
I suppose it doesn't matter
We all die anyway
Nihilism is my favourite color these days...
"What's yours?"
I ask, pretending to care...
But usually, I work hard pretending not to
Makes people feel better
Maybe it makes me feel better, too
Apathy is armour for those easily cast aside
Discarded
Devalued
Deprioritised
And, ah yes, disappointed...
Heartily so. Indeed, greatly disappointed.
Success is supposed to help us succeed in love
But perhaps success means being free not to?
If that's the case, Death may, in fact, be the answer to Life
That makes most of us a bunch of cowards, doesn't it???
Always running from that which doesn't have to chase us
In this moment, I wish I could run away, too
Maybe to the Maldives
Or, Nepal
No one ever says, "I want to run away to Nebraska!"
Such a shame...nice folks live there
Unwanted places
Unwanted people
Unwanted pets
And, unwanted patriarchal prats
The world is full of us...the unwanted
However, people never cease to desire my time
My body, too
And, lest we forget, the dirty hands digging for pennies in my pocket
But only to satisfy whims (that tend to have more brevity than wit)
There's not a single shred of Decency (or, Honour) left on the planet, is there?
That doesn't reflect poorly on me, by the way
It reflects poorly on you--the idiots who can't get out of their own way
All of the above means the human world is devoid of value in and of itself
Red-flag Alert: You even have to pay for friendship!
Commodification hasn't done us many favors....
I'm not sure why I fought so hard to be here
To stay here
Purpose, I suppose
The search for that one perfect moment
Well, I found it in October...now what?
*original photo below copyright Rebecca Housel 2020
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