In Fantasy Land, there are reasons for everything. It's Fantasy Land. Anything is possible. But in the finite world of reality, there are limits. Except when it comes to betrayal it seems.
I sit here tonight, asking the same question I've asked my whole life:
"How could you do it???"
I don't ask because I'm stupid. Far from it. I ask because, every betrayal I've experienced is unfathomable...something I simply cannot conceive of. And it's not that I'm better than anyone in particular. It's just that I trend toward defense, not offense. When I do offend someone, it's unwitting and I work extremely hard to return a sense of agency to the person I've hurt.
See, that's what you do when causing pain is unintentional. When you intend harm, you strip away agency, adding insult to the already glaring injury. Even worse? You don't care. You're apathetic to the intentional pain you caused--not just to another person--but another soul.
Our very existence is bound to hurt others; it's a sad fact we must accept as part of the human condition. We cause pain as a matter of course when making decisions. You can bet that almost any decision you make for your betterment will be to the detriment of another. Though the absurd is present in all life, cosmic irony is a far cry from betrayal. Betrayal is deliberate. It's pre-meditated. Criminal in its intent to harm. Before a person betrays you, they know what they are about to do. They know it will cause irreparable damage. And they don't care. At all. Because they do it anyway....
Why? Well, regardless of the justification for their actions, the reason anyone would ultimately choose to betray you is because they want to.
So, who's next??? Calling all traitors! If you feel you have the capacity to be selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, you're in.
I'll help you believe in yourself. I'll make you feel bigger and better than you actually are. I'll shower you with confidence, self-esteem, home-cooked meals, and lots of love and support.
Feeling ugly? Fat? Maybe both? I'll make you feel like Brad Pitt when he played Achilles in Troy.
Need a therapist? I'm Freud, Jung and Frasier, all rolled into one. A triple threat to whatever psychological angst ails you.
Consider me your personal banker and travel agent...oh, and I offer other services as well: Party planner, chef, maid, dry cleaner, secretary, copywriter, editor, stylist, aesthetician, masseuse, business manager, social media maven, booking agent, PR guru, and, yes, cheerleader. I'll even put on the little pleated skirt!
Sarcasm aside, it's positively maddening to give and give and give...and, eventually, be resented for it. For being the better person. Easier to resent than take responsibility. That's a betrayal as well. A big one.
The thing that makes a true betrayal? Making a person invisible. Going from the center of someone's Universe, to not existing at all. Like a nameless, faceless ghost. Without even a funeral. No chance to say good bye. No reason. Nothing left to say good bye to.