So, it's really NOT a BIG deal, but it's one of those things that make you feel "icky"--not ashamed but not proud either--did anyone ever make you feel this way? It's happened to me repeatedly throughout my lifetime and there's always one or two less-than-supportive people out there who use an Eleanor Roosevelt quote without even knowing the words are hers: No one can make you feel anything unless you let them--it's a paraphrase, of course, but you get the idea. And to some extent, it's true--we do control our own thoughts and feelings. Heck, it's the whole basis of a philosophy started by both a pauper and a king. But what's unacceptable is when you hear words from a loved one's mouth--even in sotto voce--that reveal something you may not hwant to be revealed. Ouch. We are allowed to feel--we're human. So no, no one is "making" me feel badly, but I still feel it. The hurt is very real.
What Eleanor Roosevelt was saying was in relation to her husband's disability and her independence as a woman--in other words, who cares if people make fun of you, talk about you, doubt you--do what you do best anyway. She wasn't saying, "You're a wimp if you feel badly when you learn about betrayals, both big and small."
But I think we who have had this "icky" feeling from time to time, almost feel a sense of guilt for feeling anything at all--like we're supposed to be made of stone. The social expectations of even this rather relaxed century are ridiculous--especially in juxtaposition. It's okay for soft-core porn to win coveted Emmy Awards but it's not okay to feel something when you've been emotionally hurt? It's okay for major sports figures to essentially cheat by taking drugs, or be unfaithful to their families and fans, or for celebrities to literally get away with murder--but if you're a regular ol' person--you're not allowed to FEEL. The only way you CAN without judgement is if you keep it a secret. Then, feel away! Otherwise, forget about it. You're not in control somehow or my personal favorite, you're hysterical, crazy, or too sensitive. Maybe people need a REMINDER about what FEELING actually means. It's not just the pain in your right arm or in the center of your chest when you've been slammed with an emotional bullseye--deliberate or not--it's feeling that PLUS expressing it. FEELING and EXPRESSION are INSEPARABLE.
Oh, I made a blank promise to myself around 35, the year of epiphanies, to no longer allow another human being to silence me. Well, so much for that. I can't actually "tell" anyone but you how I feel because--you guessed it--I'm significantly silenced...again. It's one of those moments where I wished I'd had the strength and speed of a vampire and was able to seemingly appear out of thin air as the reveal was being issued. That would have taken the sotto voce to non voce. Yup, think so. But alas, no super-speed, no super-strength, and so, no moment of satisfying triumph.
I'm constantly reminded of my humanity, constantly reminded of the impermanence that IS the human condition. We need to set aside the hurt, I know--it matters, it's painful, and acknowledgement would be appreciated--but life is LARGER than any of it. The ONLY answer to life's suffering is staying connected by moving forward. Why we're here doesn't matter--we're here. We need to live. And living includes pain, "icky" moments, and all the impermanence that goes with it.
Still, might be nice to flash a fang or two once in a while.... :) Wherever you are, whoever you are, I want to acknowledge for those who haven't the emotional pains you may suffered. It sucks. It's not fair. And the fact that it ultimately doesn't matter in the scheme of things also seems an inequity. But ironically, it's the EQUALIZER.
Feel however you need to feel. Punch your pillow, write in your journal or blog, write a letter you never send--cry your guts out. However you manifest those feelings, give yourself the gift of expression. If others won't acknowledge the pain they've caused--you acknowledge it yourself...for yourself.
Is it annoying? Absolutely. But remember, emotional betrayals of all sizes reflect on the individual causing the pain--because, things like that don't matter in the expanse of space, time and the universe at large--so why do them? The only reason is to make one feel bigger by pushing a more vulnerable indivodual down through betrayal. It's a pathetic attempt. It's an abuse. And while you may feel stripped, totally naked, maybe even humiliated after such a betrayal, you're not actually the nude soul--it's the offender who has willingly stripped bare. Take a good hard look at that person. Scrutinize every pore. And remember what was revealed. That won't prevent it from happening again of course--remember, you're human. But it will take the sting out of the annoyance. It will make you feel less like becoming a blood-thirsty killing machine, and more like a gracious, forgiving person.
I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the annoyances in your life. May you better all those who have hurt you, and not by fang, but by living a life of excellence, despite them.
What Eleanor Roosevelt was saying was in relation to her husband's disability and her independence as a woman--in other words, who cares if people make fun of you, talk about you, doubt you--do what you do best anyway. She wasn't saying, "You're a wimp if you feel badly when you learn about betrayals, both big and small."
But I think we who have had this "icky" feeling from time to time, almost feel a sense of guilt for feeling anything at all--like we're supposed to be made of stone. The social expectations of even this rather relaxed century are ridiculous--especially in juxtaposition. It's okay for soft-core porn to win coveted Emmy Awards but it's not okay to feel something when you've been emotionally hurt? It's okay for major sports figures to essentially cheat by taking drugs, or be unfaithful to their families and fans, or for celebrities to literally get away with murder--but if you're a regular ol' person--you're not allowed to FEEL. The only way you CAN without judgement is if you keep it a secret. Then, feel away! Otherwise, forget about it. You're not in control somehow or my personal favorite, you're hysterical, crazy, or too sensitive. Maybe people need a REMINDER about what FEELING actually means. It's not just the pain in your right arm or in the center of your chest when you've been slammed with an emotional bullseye--deliberate or not--it's feeling that PLUS expressing it. FEELING and EXPRESSION are INSEPARABLE.
Oh, I made a blank promise to myself around 35, the year of epiphanies, to no longer allow another human being to silence me. Well, so much for that. I can't actually "tell" anyone but you how I feel because--you guessed it--I'm significantly silenced...again. It's one of those moments where I wished I'd had the strength and speed of a vampire and was able to seemingly appear out of thin air as the reveal was being issued. That would have taken the sotto voce to non voce. Yup, think so. But alas, no super-speed, no super-strength, and so, no moment of satisfying triumph.
I'm constantly reminded of my humanity, constantly reminded of the impermanence that IS the human condition. We need to set aside the hurt, I know--it matters, it's painful, and acknowledgement would be appreciated--but life is LARGER than any of it. The ONLY answer to life's suffering is staying connected by moving forward. Why we're here doesn't matter--we're here. We need to live. And living includes pain, "icky" moments, and all the impermanence that goes with it.
Still, might be nice to flash a fang or two once in a while.... :) Wherever you are, whoever you are, I want to acknowledge for those who haven't the emotional pains you may suffered. It sucks. It's not fair. And the fact that it ultimately doesn't matter in the scheme of things also seems an inequity. But ironically, it's the EQUALIZER.
Feel however you need to feel. Punch your pillow, write in your journal or blog, write a letter you never send--cry your guts out. However you manifest those feelings, give yourself the gift of expression. If others won't acknowledge the pain they've caused--you acknowledge it yourself...for yourself.
Is it annoying? Absolutely. But remember, emotional betrayals of all sizes reflect on the individual causing the pain--because, things like that don't matter in the expanse of space, time and the universe at large--so why do them? The only reason is to make one feel bigger by pushing a more vulnerable indivodual down through betrayal. It's a pathetic attempt. It's an abuse. And while you may feel stripped, totally naked, maybe even humiliated after such a betrayal, you're not actually the nude soul--it's the offender who has willingly stripped bare. Take a good hard look at that person. Scrutinize every pore. And remember what was revealed. That won't prevent it from happening again of course--remember, you're human. But it will take the sting out of the annoyance. It will make you feel less like becoming a blood-thirsty killing machine, and more like a gracious, forgiving person.
I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the annoyances in your life. May you better all those who have hurt you, and not by fang, but by living a life of excellence, despite them.
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