Blame shifting. Everyone does it. Because it's easy to do. We all have problems and instead of taking a good, hard look at why--we tend to shift the responsibility onto someone or something other than ourselves and our own actions.
Psychologists love saying that people only behave in ways that somehow benefit them as an individual. And it's true. Even when it comes to blame-shifting.
When you shift blame for your problems onto others, you get to play victim; you can now be pitied. You can set yourself up to look like a martyr. Kind of a sweet deal because people like victims--makes them feel better about themselves. So if you're always the victim, you'll always be accepted--whether in your family, amongst your friends, in your community, and especially at your job. And while social-acceptance encourages us to keep blame-shifting when it comes to our problems, it's an artificial relief. In other words, though you may temporarily feel better--the bottom line is, on the inside, your misery will continue until you resolve your problems by first analyzing what they are.
And in order to analyze any problem accurately, you have to be honest...with yourself.
Not easy to do. You know what else isn't easy? Accepting that some problems will never really go away.
You can let that negativity bring you down and keep you there OR you can acknowledge its permanence and move forward anyway.
Winston Churchill once said that when you're going through Hell, keep going. Even if you walked yourself in and out of Hell, the experience will stay with you. Hell isn't something you exactly get over. And yes, you can choose to be a victim with all the self-pity you can stomach...but with self-pity comes self-loathing. Victims become practiced, so practiced, it's easy to begin believing your own lies.
"What? Lies??? But I went through Hell! That's no lie...."
You went through Hell--you even have the scars to prove it. It's understandable to crave acknowledgement of a traumatic experience. You are human after all. And when we don't get the acknowledgement we need from family and friends, it's easy to slide into victimhood. It's easy to lie.
You begin telling people you're held back by your Hell-experience--that it's not your fault you can't move forward. Except, it is your "fault"--though I hesitate to use that particular word...more like, your choice. You'd be right to point out that you didn't choose to go to Hell and back--that you were innocent in the face of great evil. You'd also be right to say that you'll never, ever be the same again. But what separates wisdom from foolishness is understanding that despite Hell, you're still alive. You're still capable. You may be different but you're not deficient...not if you have the fortitude to go through Hell and survive.
When analyzing any problem, instead of looking outside of yourself for "solutions," look within to recognize your own strength and move forward, despite Hell. Social acceptance through victimhood is tempting but overrated--be accepted for who you are. Those who can't do that don't deserve to know you.
Hell will always be there--can you say the same of your one human-lifetime?
Psychologists love saying that people only behave in ways that somehow benefit them as an individual. And it's true. Even when it comes to blame-shifting.
When you shift blame for your problems onto others, you get to play victim; you can now be pitied. You can set yourself up to look like a martyr. Kind of a sweet deal because people like victims--makes them feel better about themselves. So if you're always the victim, you'll always be accepted--whether in your family, amongst your friends, in your community, and especially at your job. And while social-acceptance encourages us to keep blame-shifting when it comes to our problems, it's an artificial relief. In other words, though you may temporarily feel better--the bottom line is, on the inside, your misery will continue until you resolve your problems by first analyzing what they are.
And in order to analyze any problem accurately, you have to be honest...with yourself.
Not easy to do. You know what else isn't easy? Accepting that some problems will never really go away.
You can let that negativity bring you down and keep you there OR you can acknowledge its permanence and move forward anyway.
Winston Churchill once said that when you're going through Hell, keep going. Even if you walked yourself in and out of Hell, the experience will stay with you. Hell isn't something you exactly get over. And yes, you can choose to be a victim with all the self-pity you can stomach...but with self-pity comes self-loathing. Victims become practiced, so practiced, it's easy to begin believing your own lies.
"What? Lies??? But I went through Hell! That's no lie...."
You went through Hell--you even have the scars to prove it. It's understandable to crave acknowledgement of a traumatic experience. You are human after all. And when we don't get the acknowledgement we need from family and friends, it's easy to slide into victimhood. It's easy to lie.
You begin telling people you're held back by your Hell-experience--that it's not your fault you can't move forward. Except, it is your "fault"--though I hesitate to use that particular word...more like, your choice. You'd be right to point out that you didn't choose to go to Hell and back--that you were innocent in the face of great evil. You'd also be right to say that you'll never, ever be the same again. But what separates wisdom from foolishness is understanding that despite Hell, you're still alive. You're still capable. You may be different but you're not deficient...not if you have the fortitude to go through Hell and survive.
When analyzing any problem, instead of looking outside of yourself for "solutions," look within to recognize your own strength and move forward, despite Hell. Social acceptance through victimhood is tempting but overrated--be accepted for who you are. Those who can't do that don't deserve to know you.
Hell will always be there--can you say the same of your one human-lifetime?
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