I was driving home the other day when I started to feel it. A sinking sensation. Loneliness, sadness, grief...all rolling in like the tide. But because of the work we've been doing here to avoid self-sabotage, I stopped the negativity in its tracks. The moment it hit me, I realized that those feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, helplessness are all a mind-trick. Instead of giving in to the voices that have spoken negatives into my life, I said yes to the positives. I gave myself permission to not be responsible for the disconnects of others. That's progress....
As individuals, we can only ever control our own thoughts, feelings and actions. I know I'm worthy of real love because I feel it, give it, show it...that's not what an unworthy person does. An unworthy person shuns real love when its offered. Looks for problems instead of solutions. That's not who I am. I'm a problem-solver. A clear communicator. I'm open, even with the pain I've lived with every single day of my life. I love people. All people. I want to help them when and where I can. I love and respect animals and will not trade their lives for my own--nor have I done so for the last quarter of a century. I help strangers. I'm kind to children. I never stop writing and speaking positives into the lives of others--whether on social media, on this blog, or through personal interactions.
That's the truth....
I can feel proud of who I am. There is absolutely no reason for me to ever feel sad or lonely or have grief. The only reason for any negativity is when others project their misery onto (and into) my world. I let that misery seep in once in a while. It's hard not to. But the best defense is always self-awareness, or being mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Rather than let the negativity of others overwhelm me, I use my energy to think and speak positives into my own world. If no one else is being supportive or encouraging, it's okay to give yourself the support you need. It's okay to remember you need love, too--even if you have to give it to yourself.
When your mind wanders to the inequities, the injustices, the social betrayals--it's "normal" to be angry, but just remember--your anger only hurts you. Being open, kind, generous, and loving is far more rewarding. It's not fun to be taken advantage of--but, you don't have to be. If a person treats you like you're their enemy, they're your enemy. While sad, you're only problem is how to distance yourself without hurting yourself or anyone else. Violence isn't just physical. It's emotional and psychological, too. Those who use words to wound can hurt you more deeply than piercing your skin with a weapon. Your first priority is always protecting yourself from trauma that can (and will!) set you back--especially if you're an adult survivor of abuse.
Learning to speak positives to yourself is difficult after abuse or if you're from any culture that pushes "humility." Advocating for yourself, loving yourself, feeling good about who you are--that's not ego. You're not bragging when you're talking about real accomplishments, real experiences, real victories--you're simply celebrating who you are. Negative people, or people with victim-mentalities, are always threatened by anyone who is proactive rather than reactive because proactive minds are harder to manipulate. You have nothing to be ashamed of if you've done positive things with your life. You should never be made to feel badly because you are proactive either. Anyone who scrutinizes your enthusiasm for positives is not worth your time, let alone any of your head- or heart-space.
You want to live your best life??? You have to first believe you deserve it. Part of how you do that is by focusing on good things about yourself. When you feel worthy of the best, you will never again accept the worst. You'll never settle for good enough either.
I met someone this summer who challenged me on a number of levels. And, I really liked that. His name is Brian and he never made me feel badly about myself--that's not what I mean by "challenging." He simply pointed out the things I accepted that I did not have to accept. Unless one is completely financially independent, there will always be negatives we have to deal with--it's part of life. However, just because you hear a negative doesn't mean you have to listen to it, or, more importantly, react to it. When you react, you're allowing yourself to be manipulated. You're allowing yourself to be pulled into another's drama. Worst of all, you're allowing your sense of peace to be corrupted. When that happens, whoever has baited you, has won. You're no longer in control. And that's when you become vulnerable to abuse.
People can say or do whatever they want--but nothing that is said or done has to affect me. Or, you. It's often shocking, sad, depressing, but we don't have to hold on to those negatives. That part is a choice. We don't have to accept any negatives on any level. If you're a positive person, why should you??? We can reject negative words and actions from others without rejecting the person(s) saying and doing them.
I don't deserve to be treated with anything but the utmost respect. It's the same for each of you, too.
Because of Brian's positive energy, I was inspired to disconnect from negative people who were using me. Or at least, trying to. I was inspired to speak up rather than allow a relative to disrespect and devalue me. I was also inspired to cut through red tape and other obstacles that have held me back from improving the quality of my life. In the last week alone, I've made huge strides toward changing a negative pattern--something I've accepted for 17 years. But I am not going to accept it anymore. It could take up to a year of continued effort to finally be free of nearly two decades of physical, mental and emotional hardship, but that year will pass no matter what. Why not use it to help move my life forward?
Keep a singular goal in mind, and even if it takes time, you will reach it. Shut out the negative voices, the negative attitudes, the negative behaviors. Push yourself. Don't give up or give in. No person or thing matters more than you finding a way to your best life.
Today, when I start to feel social resistance from any individual, I immediately put up a "soft" boundary--meaning, I won't shut anyone out or down, but I also won't allow negativity to seep into my life. Then, I can re-evaluate my involvement in whatever the situation is and decide what, if any, risks are necessary from there. When someone rejects you, let them. Things can always change, and in the meantime, you are free to live your life instead of wasting more time/energy on a person or situation that's likely a dead-end anyway. You don't deserve rejection, and ultimately, if a person feels unconditional love--you can do nothing to ever deserve it. People who are limited set conditions. You are unlimited. You don't love a limited person any less--you just recognize their short-comings with compassion instead of taking responsibility for them. When that happens, it means you are rising. You have no need for any kind of anchor--human, or otherwise. And, you never did.
Imagine your life without negatives...the sense of freedom, of possibility, of love. You can have all of that. Every day. You just have to stop allowing the negative energy, words, and actions projected on you to influence your thoughts and feelings. No, it's not fair that you have to dodge social-bullets with regularity. But, it's also not fair for you to be pulled down by them either. You deserve more than that. So when others fail you, give yourself permission to say, "Thanks, but no thanks," and walk away with your head held high. Lions and tigers do not bow to sheep, nor do they roll in the mud with pigs. You're no longer prey. Nor will you be preyed upon. You can and will protect yourself from social vulnerability. Once you do, it changes everything.
The moment you start to entertain negatives projected onto you by others, you are self-sabotaging. You are indulging in victimhood. You are making your health and wellness less important than whatever problem was created to distract you from your purpose--and in case you're wondering, your purpose is to live your best life. Period. End of story.
No excuses. No more settling for bad behavior. You can just walk away. Yes, you can. And, you should. Preserve your inner peace. Don't allow malignant and narcissistic behaviors like insults, shaming, coercion, bullying, and the silent treatment turn you into a vulnerable narcissist--or a person who feeds on being a perpetual victim because it's how you gain acceptance by and from your familial/social circles. You're expected to be the sacrificial lamb for everyone else. The scapegoat. The person others are always suspicious of, always blame, always throw under the proverbial bus, and always look for when they want to cause pain and suffering.
Anyone who loves you will want to protect you. Real love will never make you the butt of any joke, or, try to make you look or feel bad for any reason. Real love wants to improve your life. Real love will not use you or make you appear anything but wonderful in the eyes of others. Real love will defend you. Defend your reputation. Defend your honor. And, you deserve a person who will do that for you. A person who wants to raise you up, protect you and keep you. You deserve that kind of love. The real kind. So do I.
Rise above, my friends!!! Put your hands up in the air and say the following with me:
1. I am a conscientious person who cares for others.
2, I add value to the world.
3. I am worthy of real love.
4. I am worthy of respect.
5. I am worthy of success.
6. I deserve to have victories in my life.
7. I deserve to have people recognize my good qualities.
8. I deserve to have others speak blessings and positives into my world.
9. I deserve real friendship and social acknowledgement.
10. Because I am worthy, because I am conscientious, because I add value, I deserve to live my best life.
11. Because I deserve to live my best life, I will no longer accept or listen to negatives.
12. Because I will not accept or listen to negatives, I can and will focus on victory and success.
Boom! You deserve all of the above and so much more. And, you will achieve it. You will find your bliss. You will save the energy and other resources needed to move your life forward. You will not let others distract, stall or stop your progress with unreasonable demands, and/or use and abuse of your person. Instead, you will move bravely into that imagined future, where real love, real friendship and a full, satisfying life is not only possible, but completely probable.
You can succeed. You will be victorious.
Say it with me now:
#Amen
As individuals, we can only ever control our own thoughts, feelings and actions. I know I'm worthy of real love because I feel it, give it, show it...that's not what an unworthy person does. An unworthy person shuns real love when its offered. Looks for problems instead of solutions. That's not who I am. I'm a problem-solver. A clear communicator. I'm open, even with the pain I've lived with every single day of my life. I love people. All people. I want to help them when and where I can. I love and respect animals and will not trade their lives for my own--nor have I done so for the last quarter of a century. I help strangers. I'm kind to children. I never stop writing and speaking positives into the lives of others--whether on social media, on this blog, or through personal interactions.
That's the truth....
I can feel proud of who I am. There is absolutely no reason for me to ever feel sad or lonely or have grief. The only reason for any negativity is when others project their misery onto (and into) my world. I let that misery seep in once in a while. It's hard not to. But the best defense is always self-awareness, or being mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Rather than let the negativity of others overwhelm me, I use my energy to think and speak positives into my own world. If no one else is being supportive or encouraging, it's okay to give yourself the support you need. It's okay to remember you need love, too--even if you have to give it to yourself.
When your mind wanders to the inequities, the injustices, the social betrayals--it's "normal" to be angry, but just remember--your anger only hurts you. Being open, kind, generous, and loving is far more rewarding. It's not fun to be taken advantage of--but, you don't have to be. If a person treats you like you're their enemy, they're your enemy. While sad, you're only problem is how to distance yourself without hurting yourself or anyone else. Violence isn't just physical. It's emotional and psychological, too. Those who use words to wound can hurt you more deeply than piercing your skin with a weapon. Your first priority is always protecting yourself from trauma that can (and will!) set you back--especially if you're an adult survivor of abuse.
Learning to speak positives to yourself is difficult after abuse or if you're from any culture that pushes "humility." Advocating for yourself, loving yourself, feeling good about who you are--that's not ego. You're not bragging when you're talking about real accomplishments, real experiences, real victories--you're simply celebrating who you are. Negative people, or people with victim-mentalities, are always threatened by anyone who is proactive rather than reactive because proactive minds are harder to manipulate. You have nothing to be ashamed of if you've done positive things with your life. You should never be made to feel badly because you are proactive either. Anyone who scrutinizes your enthusiasm for positives is not worth your time, let alone any of your head- or heart-space.
You want to live your best life??? You have to first believe you deserve it. Part of how you do that is by focusing on good things about yourself. When you feel worthy of the best, you will never again accept the worst. You'll never settle for good enough either.
I met someone this summer who challenged me on a number of levels. And, I really liked that. His name is Brian and he never made me feel badly about myself--that's not what I mean by "challenging." He simply pointed out the things I accepted that I did not have to accept. Unless one is completely financially independent, there will always be negatives we have to deal with--it's part of life. However, just because you hear a negative doesn't mean you have to listen to it, or, more importantly, react to it. When you react, you're allowing yourself to be manipulated. You're allowing yourself to be pulled into another's drama. Worst of all, you're allowing your sense of peace to be corrupted. When that happens, whoever has baited you, has won. You're no longer in control. And that's when you become vulnerable to abuse.
People can say or do whatever they want--but nothing that is said or done has to affect me. Or, you. It's often shocking, sad, depressing, but we don't have to hold on to those negatives. That part is a choice. We don't have to accept any negatives on any level. If you're a positive person, why should you??? We can reject negative words and actions from others without rejecting the person(s) saying and doing them.
I don't deserve to be treated with anything but the utmost respect. It's the same for each of you, too.
Because of Brian's positive energy, I was inspired to disconnect from negative people who were using me. Or at least, trying to. I was inspired to speak up rather than allow a relative to disrespect and devalue me. I was also inspired to cut through red tape and other obstacles that have held me back from improving the quality of my life. In the last week alone, I've made huge strides toward changing a negative pattern--something I've accepted for 17 years. But I am not going to accept it anymore. It could take up to a year of continued effort to finally be free of nearly two decades of physical, mental and emotional hardship, but that year will pass no matter what. Why not use it to help move my life forward?
Keep a singular goal in mind, and even if it takes time, you will reach it. Shut out the negative voices, the negative attitudes, the negative behaviors. Push yourself. Don't give up or give in. No person or thing matters more than you finding a way to your best life.
Today, when I start to feel social resistance from any individual, I immediately put up a "soft" boundary--meaning, I won't shut anyone out or down, but I also won't allow negativity to seep into my life. Then, I can re-evaluate my involvement in whatever the situation is and decide what, if any, risks are necessary from there. When someone rejects you, let them. Things can always change, and in the meantime, you are free to live your life instead of wasting more time/energy on a person or situation that's likely a dead-end anyway. You don't deserve rejection, and ultimately, if a person feels unconditional love--you can do nothing to ever deserve it. People who are limited set conditions. You are unlimited. You don't love a limited person any less--you just recognize their short-comings with compassion instead of taking responsibility for them. When that happens, it means you are rising. You have no need for any kind of anchor--human, or otherwise. And, you never did.
Imagine your life without negatives...the sense of freedom, of possibility, of love. You can have all of that. Every day. You just have to stop allowing the negative energy, words, and actions projected on you to influence your thoughts and feelings. No, it's not fair that you have to dodge social-bullets with regularity. But, it's also not fair for you to be pulled down by them either. You deserve more than that. So when others fail you, give yourself permission to say, "Thanks, but no thanks," and walk away with your head held high. Lions and tigers do not bow to sheep, nor do they roll in the mud with pigs. You're no longer prey. Nor will you be preyed upon. You can and will protect yourself from social vulnerability. Once you do, it changes everything.
The moment you start to entertain negatives projected onto you by others, you are self-sabotaging. You are indulging in victimhood. You are making your health and wellness less important than whatever problem was created to distract you from your purpose--and in case you're wondering, your purpose is to live your best life. Period. End of story.
No excuses. No more settling for bad behavior. You can just walk away. Yes, you can. And, you should. Preserve your inner peace. Don't allow malignant and narcissistic behaviors like insults, shaming, coercion, bullying, and the silent treatment turn you into a vulnerable narcissist--or a person who feeds on being a perpetual victim because it's how you gain acceptance by and from your familial/social circles. You're expected to be the sacrificial lamb for everyone else. The scapegoat. The person others are always suspicious of, always blame, always throw under the proverbial bus, and always look for when they want to cause pain and suffering.
Anyone who loves you will want to protect you. Real love will never make you the butt of any joke, or, try to make you look or feel bad for any reason. Real love wants to improve your life. Real love will not use you or make you appear anything but wonderful in the eyes of others. Real love will defend you. Defend your reputation. Defend your honor. And, you deserve a person who will do that for you. A person who wants to raise you up, protect you and keep you. You deserve that kind of love. The real kind. So do I.
Rise above, my friends!!! Put your hands up in the air and say the following with me:
1. I am a conscientious person who cares for others.
2, I add value to the world.
3. I am worthy of real love.
4. I am worthy of respect.
5. I am worthy of success.
6. I deserve to have victories in my life.
7. I deserve to have people recognize my good qualities.
8. I deserve to have others speak blessings and positives into my world.
9. I deserve real friendship and social acknowledgement.
10. Because I am worthy, because I am conscientious, because I add value, I deserve to live my best life.
11. Because I deserve to live my best life, I will no longer accept or listen to negatives.
12. Because I will not accept or listen to negatives, I can and will focus on victory and success.
Boom! You deserve all of the above and so much more. And, you will achieve it. You will find your bliss. You will save the energy and other resources needed to move your life forward. You will not let others distract, stall or stop your progress with unreasonable demands, and/or use and abuse of your person. Instead, you will move bravely into that imagined future, where real love, real friendship and a full, satisfying life is not only possible, but completely probable.
You can succeed. You will be victorious.
Say it with me now:
#Amen
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