Can't really say. But the silence doesn't make it less true.
My office, the now infamous red-room, is like an accursed space I neither wish nor want to enter. My drive to write has dried up like a barren well. Not my ideas...no, those still haunt me on a nightly (and daily) basis. So what changed? Why write/right now?
Honestly, I wouldn't even be putting finger-to-key if it weren't for you, dearest readers. You see, in a mere three days, more than 1,000 of you came looking...for more, for me, for some port in this wickedly perfect storm. I wish I had better news for all of you, wish there were words of comfort to offer your willing and eager ears.
Sadly, my words are limited.
But you are not. You are the silver lining in my looming sky. Though that's not quite fair to the sky--is it? It's not actually "looming"--humanity is. The monsters that are we. I weep for us. It's not true that we know not what we do. Our monstrosity is as witting as a Wednesday. We know. Oh yes, we know....
On to the second part of my title-question! Where am I going? I have seven wishes for 2011. Seven. Can you imagine the nerve, the utter gall, to have not just one...but seven whole and complete wishes??? I suppose on some level, I'm as self-entitled as any good GenMe-individual worth her salt. Odd expression--"worth her salt." Salt used to be very expensive. Depression-era phraseology picked up from grandmothers...lucky me...luckily.
THIS is what I've been waiting for--THIS: the fire in my swollen belly; the sheen on my tired skin; the shine in my droopy-eye. It's funny, but those of us who look like monsters are all mushy and gushy on our insides. It's all backwards. Outside in, inside out--hard to know who we are, were supposed to be, or will become. All I now know is: when I look at the family picture on the wall, I'm not her anymore...and that clandestine meaning holds my future course in her secretive little hands.
Just days after my brother said he envisioned me a many-armed goddess sitting in the center of the world, connecting everyone, a Hindu goddess told me I was on a journey.
Brothers...is there anyone better?