Look at the new song "Locked Away," by R. City featuring Adam Levine. The lyrics very specifically ask women to stick around if their man goes to jail or has no money, "A gal I know that I can trust." Why is that, gentleman??? So you can use her, then dump her when things get hard??? That is the kind of woman who would stick around for a guy that asks her to pay the lion's share of the bills. She does not know her self-worth and has likely been abused, is vulnerable, has low self-esteem, and, even less self-respect.
"Shawty" don't play that...or at least, she shouldn't. Because, ladies, if a man cannot pay for dinner and his half of the vacation, rent, utilities, and groceries, he's LAZY. He's a user. A taker. These guys will sweet talk you. Tell you all the right things. Get you to front the bills with promises of paying you back at some later point. But the payback is more of a bitch than he is....
Instead of getting your cash, you'll get the sound of crickets chirping when you come home one day to an empty house. You text, call, email...but he won't answer. He deletes social media accounts. Or just disappears completely from the scene. And you're left holding the (now empty) bag. But where'd he go???
Usually, it's back to an ex or a new target he had been working on while he ate your food, slept in your bed, watched your cable, and used your high speed internet. They always do it behind your back. And always by bad-mouthing you. Making you out to be the villain. Or worse, that you were the predator. When they were the ones stalking you. But you thought it was endearing that he was texting you all day long. Or somehow available 24/7. And isn't it sweet that he reads everything I write on my blog? Even things I wrote prior to when we met???
No, sugar, it isn't. He's a creeper. He was watching you long before you even knew he existed. And he used all of the data he collected on you (thanks, internet...) to make you feel like he magically understood who you are. That, though you "just" met, you felt an instant connection. Like soul mates.
Pull on those hip boots! Things are gonna get messy....
Before we start beating ourselves up too much, ladies, let's just acknowledge that it comes down to supply-and-demand. Firstly, there are more women than men. And, of course, women are still vulnerable to men. Even in the 21st century. We live in a largely patriarchal society (there has never been a female President, for example). So, to be blunt, women need men. To help us. Protect us. Grow our food. Build our houses. Increase our power to earn. Make the laws that we must then live out. And, improve our overall income levels.
Single women living alone have an increased chance of being stalked, raped, and/or killed. Single men living alone have none of those issues. A small percentage of men are stalked by a woman. Though we all remember Glen Close and Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction, don't we??? Rabbit stew anyone? More misleading #popculture-driven hegemonic discourse. Because, in reality, 76% of femicide is by a male stalker. Know why? A whopping 89% of women stalked by a man are killed by their stalker.
And it's not just about personal safety. It's about personal wealth and financial health. Which we know correlates to physical and psychological health as well. I can quote you the statistics but shouldn't have to: It is widely accepted and understood that women make about 72-cents for every dollar a man of equal education and experience makes. Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft, is now infamous for putting his rich, high-powered foot in his cave of a mouth for telling female engineers that it was a "super-power" for them to "trust" in "karma" at work, and not ask for raises. That wasn't nine years ago either. It was nine months ago.
Basically, ladies, we're fucked. And not in the good way. That's why marriage is so important. It's not easy to back out of what is a legally-binding contract. Though Hollywood celebs make divorce look common, easy--it isn't. Unless you're rich. Being famous helps, too. But when a guy asks you to "live together," be forewarned: He is getting the better end of that deal. What happens if you move in, and he doesn't keep up his end of the bargain??? You can take him to small claims, but if he conveniently loses his job, or owns next to nothing, you're fucked all over again. BUT, if you're married, and your husband isn't doing what he's supposed to do, he is legally obligated to find jobs, work, and pay you your money. Whether it's for your kids, your house, or your car. If he cheats, you are entitled to half of his assets in most states. And, in the State of Georgia, proven adulterers are sent to jail for one whole year! They are also fined $1,000. Sound harsh??? It used to be punishable by death....
The guy that takes advantage of you in the ways I describe above is actually considered a real-life sociopath. It's part of an established pattern of behavior classified by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Look it up for yourself. These guys are charming, manipulative, deceitful. And they have no empathy. So, while you wonder what happened as you cry yourself to sleep every night, holding the tiny pieces of your broken heart as you do, Mr. Sociopath is off with someone else. Holding babies. Playing house. Living his life. With nary a thought regarding what he did to you. Or why. The only thing he cares about is getting a steady "supply" of whatever it is he wants at the moment.
These people--both men and women, but more common amongst men--will hover or stalk you as a means of keeping you connected after what is called "the discard," in case their existing supply runs out and they want to back-track. See if you'll fall for the old, "I made a big mistake...she made me miserable. I miss you, baby. Can I come home??? I promise, things will be different."
Uh huh. And I'm the tooth fairy....
There's nothing fun about being taken advantage of. So, go ahead and sway to the sounds of the new video, "Locked Away" below, but don't let it influence where you stand on what should be equal respect in any love relationship. Or, respect for yourself if you don't want to stick around for a guy who puts you in a compromising position. Though sociopaths are often described as "beautiful," it's only skin deep. True beauty is in a person's character. By backing up #words with actions.
#Words are powerful weapons. In which case, I'm a loaded gun. What do you think? Should I pull the trigger???