In matters of the heart, there are no rules. Not really. Society has rules. Not love. The heart wants what the heart wants. So what does your heart want? Mine prefers fun. Playfulness. Wonderment. I want to be challenged. Surprised. Delighted. Show me joy through desire. And if you can do all that and fuck, my heart is content. Oh dear. I said the word. It's okay. Breathe. You can say it, too. Go ahead, give it a try: "Fuck"
See? Not so difficult....
Why is it important to be able to say words like "fuck"? Because, in the context of a consensual, mature relationship, it's playful. Making love is great, don't get me wrong...but sometimes, you just want to be fucked. And that's okay. Really okay. It's part of love. A delicate balance. Showing someone you care without confusing that care with your (hopefully, strong) desire. Of course, there's the opposite problem: Desiring someone you don't really care about. That can be a *bit* of an issue.
And in new relationships, the desire-care ratio is often confused because one doesn't want to appear overly-eager, or "whipped", or some other variation of pride. Basically, it's easy for communication to break-down. Heck, even in long-term relationships, a lack of communication can muddle the mix.
So what's the secret? A shared commitment to sex. Sex is the glue. No matter what you call it. Without good sex, your relationship is as good as over. Because in a world full of technological marvels like Facebook, Twitter and Google+, connecting is easier than ever. Even when you're not looking, someone else is--whether you've put a ring on it or not.
My recent experience with this was actually kind of intriguing. Someone I'd known for years, but who never directly contacted me before, had been watching my posts for several months and noticed a change in tone. He sent me a private message with the opening line, "Is it legal for professors to date former students?" Hello!
Why, yes it is. Legal, that is. ;)
Flattery will get you everywhere. And that can be destructive, especially if you're already in a relationship. Suddenly, the hot former pro-athlete in his late-20's with killer abs is available. Did someone just turn up the heat? Cuz I am sweating....
Love is at least 50 Shades of Grey. Now, I preface my posts with, "This isn't a come-on" or "Please don't send/post hopeful private/messages. I'm not open for your business." Regardless of that very clear STOP sign, I still get a few flirty posts. It's the "no" means "yes" thing. Le sigh. Love isn't like a piece of furniture--it's not static. It evolves. And you must, too.
As my friend, @inkgypsy, says, "Guard your heart well, babe."