Because, when we take a chance on love, we open ourselves to heartache. Most of us will do anything to avoid pain, and taking risks in love can bring some of the greatest pain known to humanity. Instead of looking for the positives, we'll ask questions to find potential negatives: What if this isn't real? What if she/he rejects me? What if I can't live up to expectations? What if he/she can't live up to mine?
Questioning a new relationship is normal, but why fix something that isn't broken? What we're really doing is looking for problems. Even if those problems don't exist, we'll manage to find one or two. It's comfortable to be alone--you can be a victim that way. Elicit sympathy from friends and family. Psychologists call it self-sabotage.
You meet someone; it's unexpected, but the two of you have a lot in common. You talk for a while--feel it out. And find that you have fun together. You actually like each other, so much so, you find yourself sexually aroused. That's a good sign, right? Sure is. You make plans to go out on a date, feeling good. Feeling like, "Hey, I might have found a friend!" But then, you start to worry. You begin thinking things like, "What if she doesn't think I'm attractive?" Or, "What if she's amazing...and I fall in love, but she doesn't feel the same way about me?" So, a few days before the date, you cancel. Can't miss what you've never experienced, right???
Wrong. You will miss it. You'll think of that lost potential. Think of it almost every day. Because, even if you take a chance and things don't work out, you still threw your hat in the ring. If you can't put yourself out there, you limit your chances of finding happiness. True happiness. Essentially, you want to be alone.
Those who seek stability tend to find love difficult to negotiate. You never quite feel as sure-footed as you might want. But that's the best part. Love is an adventure. The moment it isn't, you're no longer in love. So when you find a person who inspires that sense of adventure, don't let them go. Too late? Already hit the panic button? No worries. It's not irreparable.
If you had that kind of connection, it still exists. Even if you got scared. All you have to do to is swallow your pride (just a little...it will be worth it!) and admit your fear. But don't wait too long! If you made yourself unavailable, it's only natural that the person you rejected will seek happiness elsewhere. Though I have to tell you, if you two had a real connection, even if she is seeing someone else--she'll still want to explore the possibilities with you. That lost potential is tempting stuff. And any renewed relationship will be even more exciting once everyone has their cards on the table.
Talk about hot! Sizzling, baby!!! Now go get her! Or him.
And remember, #LOVE always wins....