Though tough to swallow, when it's time to admit you were wrong, get ready for a hearty helping of MEA CULPA. And if you live in Croatia, you can literally eat a hearty helping at Mea Culpa, a popular pizzeria in Dubrovnik. Bad joke aside, it's an important social issue. One we tend to avoid:
I was wrong. And I am very, very sorry. Though you have little reason, please forgive me. You were a better friend than I deserved. And I just wanted to say thank you for that.
Have you had to say these words? Maybe you've had to, but never got around to it? It's not easy to do, point out your flaws and how those flaws hurt another person. But it's necessary. Not only to attempt to repair social bonds that may have been broken, but also to remind yourself that though you may act crazy once in a while, you're still quite sane.
Part of the MEA CULPA, Latin for "my fault," is forgiving the self. Once you recognize your actions as hurtful, it's necessary to reach out to the injured party and acknowledge it. Acknowledgement is the one thing all humans crave. So when you do act a little nuts--which happens to the best of us--take time to not only recognize what happened to anyone involved, but what happened to you as well. Why did that happen? How did that happen? And what exactly was the context of my actions?
For many people, when we have a temporary lapse in sanity, it's just that: Temporary. A trauma occurs, like the death of a friend or relative, loss of a job, financial crisis, health issue, or something like divorce, that causes us to lose track of ourselves. We may not have even realized it. You may be fully functional, working, exercising, living your life...but I bet if you looked closely, you might see that though things seem fine on the surface, a few elements have quietly gone missing. Like cleaning your house. Or buying groceries. Or forgetting to pay your bills. And saying that these omissions occur because you are "busy" is the most convenient cover up on the planet. As an academic, I'm intimately familiar with that one. The sad part is, we tend not to pick up on the clues until it's too late. Until we've already hurt another person.
When you have wronged someone, it's time to seek forgiveness. From the one you wronged, and, yourself. If you don't receive forgiveness right away, be patient. It's part of your penance. Until you get it, say goodbye to your guilt. You don't have power beyond your own words, your own actions. Just be consistent, and perhaps, when your friend is ready, you can pick up where you left off:...
I was wrong. And I am very, very sorry. Though you have little reason, please forgive me. You were a better friend than I deserved. And I just wanted to say thank you for that.
Have you had to say these words? Maybe you've had to, but never got around to it? It's not easy to do, point out your flaws and how those flaws hurt another person. But it's necessary. Not only to attempt to repair social bonds that may have been broken, but also to remind yourself that though you may act crazy once in a while, you're still quite sane.
Part of the MEA CULPA, Latin for "my fault," is forgiving the self. Once you recognize your actions as hurtful, it's necessary to reach out to the injured party and acknowledge it. Acknowledgement is the one thing all humans crave. So when you do act a little nuts--which happens to the best of us--take time to not only recognize what happened to anyone involved, but what happened to you as well. Why did that happen? How did that happen? And what exactly was the context of my actions?
For many people, when we have a temporary lapse in sanity, it's just that: Temporary. A trauma occurs, like the death of a friend or relative, loss of a job, financial crisis, health issue, or something like divorce, that causes us to lose track of ourselves. We may not have even realized it. You may be fully functional, working, exercising, living your life...but I bet if you looked closely, you might see that though things seem fine on the surface, a few elements have quietly gone missing. Like cleaning your house. Or buying groceries. Or forgetting to pay your bills. And saying that these omissions occur because you are "busy" is the most convenient cover up on the planet. As an academic, I'm intimately familiar with that one. The sad part is, we tend not to pick up on the clues until it's too late. Until we've already hurt another person.
When you have wronged someone, it's time to seek forgiveness. From the one you wronged, and, yourself. If you don't receive forgiveness right away, be patient. It's part of your penance. Until you get it, say goodbye to your guilt. You don't have power beyond your own words, your own actions. Just be consistent, and perhaps, when your friend is ready, you can pick up where you left off:...
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