While everything seems to be on hold these days, the one thing that's never cancelled is LOVE!
Insecurity is another form of self-sabotage. It may have you asking yourself if you're worthy...but also, you may start questioning if the person you know is "the one," is somehow less than.
Anytime you prioritize problems over people, you're using a victim mentality to justify not moving your life forward.
The thing is, if you continue to delay reaching out, you'll eventually have let so much time pass, you may not go through with it at all. Maybe you'll feel embarrassed. Maybe you'll talk yourself out of it, believing that the object of your affection has found someone new. Delaying the inevitable is procrastination--no matter how you slice it. Some people call it overthinking. Others describe it as indecision. But self-sabotage is self-sabotage. Something I'm rather familiar with....
While there's nothing wrong with thinking things through, sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith....
If it's been a while since you've spoken to your connection, you might worry about push back from the other person. But if the love is real, you won't get push back. Especially if you come forward with total honesty.
When you do finally make contact, DON'T HOLD BACK. It's natural to want the lay of the land before going in--I get it--but love is all about vulnerability. You're going to have to risk rejection to get your wish fulfillment. Yes, yes you will.
So, HOW do you prepare to reach out to a love connection after no contact:?
You don't. No, I'm not kidding.
You might spend a week composing a three-line text. Or, agonize over what to say in that voice message you want to send over WhatsApp. And, we all know you'll be nursing that draft of an email for days upon days. But at some point, you have to hit send. Here's a hint on where to begin:
"Hello...I miss you."
Where you go from there is up to you.
Stop focusing on negatives. Love is positive, so stick with that. The other thing to avoid? Thinking you're not enough. That's the real reason you're delaying going after what you really want.
Self-sabotage is insidious. But learning to recognise when you start falling into that pit of despair (a la Princess Bride) is how you stop stalling and start LIVING, LOVING and LAUGHING for the rest of your life.
The more honest you are about your life and your feelings, the more honest your connection can be, too. If this is a second chance at a new beginning, be patient. And, be positive. I had a second chance (or what I thought was a second chance), so I brought my A-game. Things still didn't work out, but I wanted them to. Bad.
Looking backward, I can see that one of my biggest mistakes was holding back on expressing my feelings. I was even given the opportunity to talk about the massive emotion I felt for this person, but brushed it aside.You see, I'm action-oriented. Sex is how I usually express my feelings in love relationships--this is more typical of male psychology but I'm decisive, direct and confident, too. I also tend not to apologize, even when I'm at fault.
Kidding aside, I made massive mistakes in that situation and still hope I get a chance to one day make it right. I really did do my best to nurture the connection. And, even though I can see where I went wrong, there are two people in a relationship. As much as I tried to make things right, I couldn't do it by myself.
That's the other side of reaching out--you may get good news back, but you may also not get a response for a while. And yes, it's possible you may not hear back at all.
Personally, I'm a die-hard romantic and believe in real love. It can happen in the span of seconds, One minute, you're sitting in a restaurant eating Thai curry--the next, someone walks by your table and boom! Ten hours later, you're still together. It can be scary--the quickness of love. And, we all have to deal with our past histories and corresponding pain. You may feel more like yourself when you're with the person you're in love with, but that doesn't mean you're brave enough to share every detail of your life. It takes time to build trust. Hopefully, the person you love can be patient.
No matter what happens when you reach out, you still have to take the shot. Otherwise, whatever regret you feel today, will double tomorrow. As badly as I feel about my lost connection, I know I did everything in my power to make it right. I may not have been "right" in everything I did, but I put in the effort. That counts. No, it didn't result in a happily-ever-after, But I still feel good about reaching out again.
Even people with the best intentions can mess up love. That's just part of being human. The good news?
When it comes to real love, it's never too late....
Be brave! Don't hesitate if you want to reach out to a love connection you're no longer in touch with. Even if you have to start off as friends at first, the real deal is worth the wait.