Our past is our present. If we do not recognize our past, it will also be our future. Denial of the past is what leads to deep social problems, both individually and in larger groups. Maybe that's the ultimate message of the #1212 day: Rather than forget the past, we should study it. Connecting the past to our present makes for a more stable future. Even though it's often perceived as the opposite, remembering the past is solution-based behavior. It's asking not "why" things happened, but, "Why not???" That's healthy.
Lately, I've been seeing a lot of "E's" in my environment...a giant "E" was recently etched into the gravel along the path of one of the hiking trails I frequent. There are even definitive E-shaped clouds in the skies where I hike, one of the highest points in the county, by the way. By no small coincidence, my daughter's name is #Emma. The name itself was an acronym I created for "Everything (in) My Mind Awaits." Today, it's one of my trademarks, and, a division of my LLC, #SoulArrow Entertainment. #EMMA™ will be eventually be responsible for $10,000 in donations to local charities in 21 major cities across America over a two-year period. At least, that's the goal.
The number "1212" has appeared to me for days now. In numerology, it means that it's time to step out of your comfort zone and begin a project you've been putting off. This project is something you manifest through your natural gifts and talents. Basically, it means that it's time to take a leap of faith. When you see "1212" on repeat, it's important to remember that within that leap of faith, positive energy is what will power your journey. Keeping the negatives at bay will be crucial. Believing in yourself and the Universe is more important than anything else.
On a side note, today's "1212" ultimately adds up to a "6." It's a great number. Balanced, nurturing, but it comes with a few karmic pitfalls, like holding on to toxic relationships. Some people may see that as holding on to the past. Psychology sees it as self-sabotage. Martyrdom is actually a symptom of covert or vulnerable narcissism--a psychological disorder where a person blames others, or circumstances created by others, for their own failures, thereby avoiding responsibility for their own problems. It's actually one of the most dangerous of all psychological issues, considered part of the "Dark Triad" in psychology--which also includes psychopathy and Machiavellianism. Ruthlessness is the commonality in all three. With a covert or vulnerable narcissist, that ruthlessness is disguised by victimhood. The supposed "weak," "scared" covert narcissist will outright destroy anyone or anything that provides the option of becoming empowered or independent.
It's raining where I am today. Which means, I can't be outside. Staying indoors only ever means one thing to me: Writing. And yes, I do work out "indoors" at the gym, too. But that's happening later on. A day like today reminds me of walking in the rain. I was at this old horse farm. It was full of ghosts. But I was there looking at the horses; the ghosts were the ones watching me that day.
A "1212" day reminds us that there are things we cannot see happening behind the scenes to help us succeed. That's why it's called a "leap of faith." You have to trust in things you can't see or hear. You have to believe that there is a larger purpose at work. And, in order to achieve that purpose, regardless of what you can or cannot see, one must move toward success. No matter what negatives haunt your past.
We all have a past. If we didn't, none of us would have a future. The #TwinFlame narrative explains that many #Twins choose difficult environments to be born into. That's how unconditional love is realized.
Recognizing that our difficulties, whether past or present, are our choices is not easy. If that's the case, then I chose a life that would lead to cancer, disability, and a shortened life span...that last part, I believe. But I can believe it all. Why? Because, I'm the wolf who chews off its own paw. It is consistent with who I am. I believe I would take that nightmare over others all-too readily available in the expanse of human existence. My proof is in my longevity. Most people die. Yet I've survived for 25 years. Doctors don't even know what to say. I'm an anomaly.
There's nothing good about cancer, or debt, or addiction, or mental illness. When unconditional love evolves, it is not because of tragedy. It is in spite of it. A survivor rises, no matter what. I am a survivor.
Bill Irwin, the father of anything that includes pop culture and philosophy, invited me to attend a conference and moderate a panel on the subject. Bill and I started corresponding after I was asked to review one of his books for an academic journal published by Blackwell, eventually absorbed by Wiley. And yes, Wiley is the publisher who published the books I'm best known for. Like I said, no coincidences.
A time of great awakening, I was only at the beginning of more discovery than I can relay here. While I thought I knew everything, understood everything and considered myself "evolved," it's almost laughable compared to who I am today. Didn't even think I was sexually attractive. Given that, today, I'n infamous for "sexy" interviews with stars like Manu Bennett, who still calls me "sexual napalm," it's pretty ironic. Clearly, what I saw when I looked in the mirror did not reflect what I truly am. After watching the season premiere of #GameOfThrones on Sunday, "You know nothing, Jon Snow," comes to mind....
My early life experiences blinded me. So were the toxic chemicals that my body had marinated in for years. Yes, I mean drugs. But not the kind you voluntarily take. Chemotherapy are the drugs I'm referring to. The "therapy" part of that word is nothing but pure rhetoric. It's about as helpful as a two-dollar bill. My mother, full of colloquialisms in her every day speech, used to say, "Any port in a storm." When doctors tell you you'll die if you don't ingest toxic amounts of even more toxic chemicals for about a year or so, you do it. I imagine that people who become addicted to chemical substances, like meth, for example, may feel the same way. At least, at first.
Life is so bad for a person who becomes an addict, that survival requires ingesting toxic doses of chemicals just to make it through a single day. Meth is one of the most accessible drugs because it can be made with everyday things like fertilizer and battery acid. It can also be snorted, smoked, eaten, or injected. The judgement society issues on people who become addicted is very much a part of the overall problem--the "blame the victim" mentality. Socially, it is almost impossible for the majority of adult-meth addicts to find jobs, gain an appropriate education, or do anything to change or improve their lives. Why? The better question is always, "Why not?"
Addiction doesn't happen because a person is weak or evil or bad. Addiction happens because of genetics. Epigenetics, if you want to get technical about it. Generations before you are even born contribute to inherited neural pathways that make you prone to addiction. Even things like genetic markers that indicate fewer dopamine receptors, for example, make a person more susceptible to risky behavior. You can't blame people for following their programming. But blaming the victim is easier than helping that victim beat generations of genetic code. It's cheaper, too.
Meth is one of those drugs that causes brown staining on the teeth and sensitive gums--particularly if smoking the drug. After enough time, meth addicts lose their teeth altogether. As well as their minds. Things like hallucinations are common. So is hyper-sexuality, anxiety, depression, the inability to sleep for long periods of time, dilated pupils, and heavy sweating during periods of inactivity, like sleep. You might also see an addict frequently picking at their skin. This is because a meth addict often feels their skin "crawling." Unpredictable, anxious behavior is common. When someone you know to be gentle and kind suddenly starts saying and doing cruel things, it's very likely a drug like meth is involved.
Social cancer is no different from biological cancer. The "patient" must treat the disease with toxicity in order to survive. But before you do that, the tumor or cancer has to be cut out. Then, you douse any remaining cells with the chemicals. That's how you "cure" the disease. Cutting out a tumor is easier than cutting out things like poverty and mental illness. When there is no "tumor" to remove, drugs seem the only logical course. If you think you're somehow outside of that life, or above it--superior in some way--ask yourself this: Do you ever consume alcohol? Smoke cigarettes? Gamble? Have you ever cheated on a partner or spouse? Do you overeat? Do you over-indulge at all? Maybe through things like shopping? Or perhaps you like expensive cars??? If you answered "yes" to any of the above, you're not any better than someone addicted to meth. You just think you are. The major difference between you and a meth addict is that you can afford to indulge in more expensive addictions. Anytime we go to extremes, it is unhealthy. A sign of a deeper issue.
Getting help is never easy. I can write about anything. I'm a good speaker, too. And a decent social media maven. But that doesn't mean it's easy for me to communicate when I'm in trouble. That "blame the victim" thing again. Even when you ask for help, people won't always give it. When they do, the "help" comes with a hearty serving of "just desserts." I prefer a lot of whipped cream on my judgement. But if I were being honest, I'd rather not swallow anyone's judgement, no matter how much whipped cream is added. Chocolate is always a nice alternative. Lately, I'm liking fresh berries, too. In fact, I'm making a brunch in the near future and dessert will include a multi-tiered white cake with orange zest, covered in fresh berries. But that's not on the menu for today....
No one said life was a cake-walk. Fairy tales were more like nightmares before Disney got involved. The human journey through life and love can feel like a fairy tale at first. Anyone who has ever been in love can relate to that. Things seem magical, mystical, mysterious...you are swept up in a Universal current. And you want to go wherever it takes you. But if you grew up near the ocean, like I did, you know that the current never takes you anywhere good. You know that you can get pulled under. Drown. Or, worse. End up in the middle of the ocean with no life vest. I'm a strong swimmer and can fight the current for hours if I have to. And yes, I have had to. But unless someone comes by and offers to tow you in to shore, even the strongest of swimmers will eventually tire.
I want to tell those of you who are now tired to stay afloat. To keep paddling. Keep moving in the direction of the shore. I want to give you #Light and #Love and convey the feeling of #Joy and #Peace that await you in the future when you finally make it. And, you will make it. But I'm not your lover. I can't inspire you to be better men and women. I can only tell you that, when you believe you can win, you can win. And, when you believe you'll lose no matter what, you'll lose no matter what. When you're in between winning and losing, it feels like there's no end in sight. Your miles from the shoreline. How can you possibly make it???
Just survive. For another minute. Another hour. Another day. Don't ever stop moving, no matter what you believe your fate may be. It is the only way to eventually make permanent change. Even if it feels painstakingly slow, progress is still progress. And, a chance is still a chance, no matter how small. Simply put, don't give in and never, ever give up. You must, must, must take that leap of faith. Because, when you have nothing more to lose, there's only one question left to answer....
#TwinFlame #1111 Post-script: I finished editing this piece at 6:50pm (6+5+0=11), and finished uploading it at 6:56 (6+5=11, and 5+6=11 for 11:11)...no coincidences indeed.