In the early morning light, I was re-reading March 2016 blog essays and realized that the last few weeks were rougher than usual, despite March 29th (an "11" day) being full of positive energy. On Saturday, April 2nd, I practically tripped over "11's," feeling connected throughout the day, but frankly, I was still struggling.
My #TwinFlame and I used to be in constant contact through physical means like texts, calls and social media; admittedly, I'm not so great with phone calls. He was the one who initiated things there; it was natural for him. I was always responsive, and enjoyed our frequent exchanges, finding the experience supportive in a way I wasn't used to. When we became partners in Atlanta, I'd initiate a call or text to check in, just to be considerate. I'm not clingy and find it unbecoming in others as well. A good example was when I'd gotten a flat tire...on my parked car, sitting in a locked garage bay.
My #Twin was working about 10 miles away but I never even told him. Partly because I suspected his involvement in the installation of what was a shiny, new brass drywall screw in my tire. Long story. No one said the #Twin journey was easy. Later that day, my #Twin noticed the spare on my car, "Why didn't you call me? I'd have fixed the tire for you." The truth is, regardless of how the flat occurred, I didn't feel like I needed my #Twin. Though frankly, I did. Still do. But I'd never admit it. Not even if I was dying....
My #Twin and I no longer live close to each other; there's no reason to reach out on my end without a serious emergency. But I could be staring down the barrel of a gun and wouldn't call my #Twin. Nope. Like with the flat tire, I might want to. Just wouldn't admit it. So, when I have reached out with a call or text, it means something. That's particularly pertinent, given that the moon's apogee was a mere 24-degrees from Libra two weeks ago.
The constellation, Libra, is represented by the scales. Keeping accounts are close to our emotional centers right now as a result. Interestingly, taxes are also due this month in the States. It's hard to believe there are still people who deny a connection between Heaven and Earth....
Nothing is ever "fair" in this world (especially when it comes to taxes!), but sometimes, the scales seem grossly out of balance. I've swallowed the lion's share of inequities on my end. My #Twin agrees. Of course, I was more equipped to do so, like he was initially with keeping in touch. One day, the roles will reverse again. Until then, he's got my number. It hasn't changed. And, neither have I.
No matter how connected we are otherwise, there is nothing like physically hearing a voice you really need to hear. And, even though I'm fiercely independent (also known as stubborn and proud), I may need to hear it more than I care to admit....
On March 30th, I was getting out of my car after a long day and thought, for a moment, that I saw my #Twin turn the corner. I was standing at the door in my garage, struggling to find my keys while holding a 15-lb dog, a leash, my purse, and, a bag of groceries. He seemed so real, I jumped, dropping my keys, the leash, and giving a start to my poor dog. #LittleDog had perked up before I dropped the keys; she was looking in the same direction where my #Twin had stood only moments before. So, it wasn't just me. Which didn't make me feel any better.
It may have been later that night, or perhaps the next night, when I saw my #Twin again, but this time, he was crouching in front of me. Like I watched him do once on the edge of the woods behind the house, cutting apples in half for the deer and fox that lived there. But that was 16 months and a 1,000 miles ago. Yet, there he was. Even his quiet way, his rhythm, was present. I was sitting on the couch with #LittleDog splayed across my lap as I worked. His giant hands gently grasped my upper arms, turning me forward to meet his gaze. My dog, who is in her 80's in human years, jumped off my lap and started barking, as if a stranger were in the room.
As you may well imagine, the next two days were rough. I'd woken abruptly on Sunday, April 3rd, with a sense that someone in my #Twin's life was a potential danger to me. Not an immediate danger. But dangerous, all-the-same. There are several who could be so it wasn't exactly a shock (let's just say, our lives aren't boring...). The real surprise was that it wasn't the person I expected it to be.
Later that night, I'd receive a call from the Atlanta area. No one responded when I picked up. The next day, I sent a text to the same number but got no response again. A friend 3,000 miles away sent me a message within an hour or so of the initial call; I didn't see it until much later; The Walking Dead finale was on. But the message was a warning. About Atlanta. Yeah, I'm never alone....
Last winter, I had a dream that four crows (a metaphor for four women) were going to hinder my #Twin-journey; I didn't even know about #TwinFlames yet, but the connection between who I would later come to recognize as my #Twin was undeniable, no matter how hard I tried to do just that. The dream reminded me of something I've now seen dozens of times during my frequent nature hikes. Something that puzzled me...until last summer:
Red Tail hawks are big, beautiful birds who can easily overpower any crow, yet are often chased by three or four at a time. Why? Because, the hawk's existence is perceived as a threat. The hawk never starts the fight. She's just doing her own thing when a murder will preemptively descend, pecking away at the majestic winged-bird until the hawk flies to new territory. The hawk almost never engages with the squawking, jealous crows; she knows they're beneath her. The hawk can go wherever she wants, whenever she wants. Unlike the crows, she's not relegated to certain trees. She belongs to the world. And, knows it. But I bet the hawk wishes that, just once, she could take her expansive wings, sharp talons and pointed beak, and scare the bejesus out of those crows....
I knew who three of the four metaphorical crows were from my dream, but the fourth was clouded. At first, I thought it was because that role was interchangeable. Meaning, multiple people could fill it at any given moment. But Sunday, April 3rd, I saw the face of the fourth crow. It was a portent. A glimpse of the road ahead thanks to a wrinkle in spacetime. And, thanks to the cosmos.
In previous years, baffled by a sense I did not fully understand, I wrote things like this off as "just a dream." But that stopped about three years ago:
In April 2010, I dreamt that one of the families on my Housel-side with at least three children were going to lose a parent. The dream was about drowning, and took place on a boat. When I got on the boat to do my usual Leo thing, taking over in a crisis situation, I myself was pulled into the water, now filling the boat. In the dream, I became a kind of ghost after that--not exactly dead--more like, there, but not there. The kids could hear me, see me, but I wasn't really present for anyone else.
Not fully believing in psychic phenomenon at the time, and already a bit of a black sheep, I was unsure how to handle the situation. But I was frightened enough to make the decision that I'd warn anyone from that side--no matter how many children they had--to be careful if going on a boat.
Why not just reveal the full extent of the dream? Because, no one would have believed me anyway. But also, sometimes when you directly tell people their fate, like Oedipus, they unwittingly go straight towards it. A warning should have been enough. And, it would have been had the dream been literal.
Three years later, three of my nephews tragically lost a parent. And, like in the dream, I took over, nearly drowning myself in the process. Eventually, multiple opportunities arose that allowed my move to Atlanta. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it. I could finally breathe again, at least, for a little while. I'd commute once a month back to New York to see my nephews, family and friends. We'd FaceTime, too. But it wasn't until this past summer, more than two years later, that I saw the full connection from the dream. Somehow, living with that death cost me a piece of myself; I became a living ghost thereafter, reappearing for brief moments in time, but never fully present.
Interestingly, while driving my nephews home on Friday, April 1st, a giant Red Tail swooped in front of my car. It was so close, I had to hit the brakes. When I did that, the hawk was able to turn itself quickly using the inertia from my windshield. The Red Tail was being chased by crows. And then, quite suddenly, the tables had turned.
By swooping in front of my car, the hawk was able to create a sling-shot move. Like Apollo 13. The Red Tail was now the one chasing the crows. I have to admit, it was rather amusing to watch, the crows scrambling in mid-air trying to escape the unexpected clutches of the hawk's talons.
My nephews and I always see cool things like that when we're together. We're certainly connected on a cosmic or pure level. The youngest, who has the heart of a philosopher-king, pointed out as we continued on our merry way, that the hawk had no real interest in the crows. She only wanted to remind them of her true power. Rather astute for a 10-year old, don't you think???
Maybe the Red Tail chasing the crows was one of the many signs the Universe seems to send my way. It was a cloudy day. But as we drove along the lake shore after our hawk sighting, the clouds opened up and these incredible rays of sunshine broke through on the otherwise dark surface of the water. We stopped the car to look at the phenomenon, half expecting an angel to fly out of the clouds. It was one of those interesting moments in time. Given the message I received a few days later, its all connected. And, um, no big deal, but, Hell also froze over the night before the dream.
Saturday, April 2nd was in the 60's but as I sunk deeper into depression and doubt and despair, the temperature dropped significantly as well. Nearly 40 degrees. The wind picked up and blew so strongly, the furniture on my screened porch was completely rearranged. Oh, and there was also a white-out. As in, snow. Nearly half a foot.
Other than the usual excuse of global warming-related weather patterns, I really don't know. But I do know Venus was in Pisces (now in Aries), and, on Friday evening, April 1st, she conjoined with Ceres. The night before, Venus was inconjunct with what some star-readers call "Black Moon Lilith." Black Moon Lilith is the apogee of our moon's orbit, meaning, the point where the Moon is furthest from the Earth. The "Wounded Healer," Chiron, conjoined with Venus in Pisces as well. Setting us all up for a very emotional time in order to clear the negatives we've been storing up over what feels like the longest cold spell of my life.
The Moon is often connected to water signs like Pisces and is believed to rule our emotions. Hence the origins of the word, "lunatic" and "lunacy," both associated with human behavior surrounding the full moon; "luna" is Latin for "moon." When two heavenly bodies are "inconjunct," it means that there is approximately 150-degrees distance between them--in other words, they are opposite each other. But opposites always attract.
With Venus being the ruling planet of love, those born under Pisces may have experienced distance from their emotions, compartmentalizing or separating their "regular" lives from what they truly want and love. Though our Pisces friends generally get what they ask for, it's not always what they truly want, thanks to the presence of Chiron, encouraging self-sacrificial martyrdom. Giving of yourself is fine on a temporary basis, but long-term, it only builds negative energy and frustration. No good comes from such a combination.
The feeling of frustration may be (temporarily) present right now. Learning about inner cravings and communicating those needs to people who can effectively help you will bring real change for the better. Pisces may see the unacknowledged parts of themselves in others; be wary not to project your own fear and insecurity as well. Pisces may not feel their sensitivity and creativity are being properly recognized, but you must communicate what you desire to the right people in order for that to happen. In other words, go after what you truly want, truly crave, to get what you truly need. And, as a friendly reminder, don't let anyone or anything get in your way. As Joseph Campbell would say, "Follow your bliss."
For the rest of us, we may find that, over the last few weeks, we were a bit more indulgent of our impulses, more extravagant, perhaps even less connected to the things that really matter. That certainly helps to explain my own disconnects. Also interesting for my #Twin and I, for a number of reasons.
Ceres is connected to our story; the dwarf planet orbits Neptune and is part of an asteroid belt between the orbits of Jupiter and Mars. Jupiter and Neptune are the ruling planets of Pisces. My #Twin is a Pisces. I was born in an unusual year where Jupiter and Neptune were in a triple conjunct. No coincidences, eh? Probably why a good majority of my friends are Pisces, too.
On May 11, 2015, NASA discovered that Ceres had a number of active spots on its surface, indicating that under a thick layer of ice, it was made up of oceans with an abundance of a particular mineral, as well as clay. Both of which are found in Georgia. As it happens, so is my #Twin. Our daughter, #Emma, who passed in December 2014, was scheduled to be born on May 11th, a date my #Twin saw the year before as "important," and possibly connected to our baby girl, whom we both saw coming a year before I confirmed she was actually here.
Truly, there are no coincidences....
The connections continue: Ceres is named for the Roman goddess of fertility. Part of the rites of spring in connection with Ceres was an offering of Tellus, the Earth Mother. One of my best memories with my #Twin was a trip to the Tellus Science Museum in Georgia. Our favorite areas of the museum included the mineral display, which had a sample of the same mineral recently discovered on Ceres, also mined in Georgia, and, the space equipment. After months of testing, and lots of consultations with fertility specialists, it was during that very visit that my #Twin and I decided to pursue having a child.
Einstein was right: God doesn't play dice with the Universe. Or, us. Since I began writing this all out, the weather has gone from brutally cold, overcast, white-out snow conditions, to sunny with blue skies. Still a chill in the air, and lots of bluster, but there's hope for better days ahead. Not coincidentally, Venus left Pisces, transiting into Aries on April 5th. My #Twin was born under Venus in #Aries. Hopefully, that means good things in his world.
Aries is considered the child of the Zodiac, often abrupt, immature, promiscuous, but full of playful fire and a stubborn nature. Venus in Aries know what they want and generally don't stop until they get it. But it can take impulsive, stubborn Aries time to slow down and figure things out. The upside is that, once they do, their ability to persevere, like the Ram that represents the constellation, will help make up for any previously hasty behavior. Venus in Aries also expect a lot from their partners; they "ask" without asking, which is part of their child-like reputation. But they are also full of child-like wonder and energy, too. Which I particularly love. Who else would be okay with stopping everything just so you could rap (and dance) together for a few hours???
My advice this month is to be thorough and patient, especially with any communication; be just as mindful of being compassionate in your dealings with others. Venus in Aries can get frustrated when people don't match their pace, often taking for granted their role in the initial slow-down. Be prepared to hold yourself accountable in April, and the coming months ahead, recognizing your responsibility where you may have overlooked it before. If you do, the stars promise you'll eventually be free to go off and find your bliss a la Joseph Campbell.
Expect to see real-world results this year for any efforts made to further your future goals over the next few weeks. It will not happen in an hour or a day. Or, even a week. So don't give in to your impulses and give up! Keep working from a place of positive energy. Persevere, like the ram. Substantial positive actions will follow, bringing the changes you need to permanently improve your world. The effects of which you will see come to fruition in as little as the next six months, continuing to grow and evolve over the next two years.
Good luck! I believe in you...and, so do the stars.