Ready to get your groove on??? Let's hit it:
When it comes to #SEX, "no" can be a dirty word. Women are often asked to compromise their self-respect during intimacy. But if you're in a trusting committed relationship, it's not really a compromise. It's considered playful, fun, and ultimately, that's what makes for great #SEX--the cornerstone of #LOVE. Because women are the receivers in sex, we are automatically in a vulnerable position. Loss of self-respect can be the result, and that does not make for great sex--it's a turn off, for both parties.
You want to be available and open, but unless you're in a committed relationship, you may want to re-familiarize yourself with the word, "No." Here are a few examples of when you need to use it, and use it liberally: "No, you cannot slap my ass and pull my hair whenever you want," "No, you have to use a condom or neither of us get lucky tonight," and, "No, I will not have sex with you until you get tested." Actually, that last one should be prioritized over the other two. Don't even go there if your potential partner refuses to be tested. If they're refusing, it's because there is VD in their system, or worse, HIV. You have to respect yourself, especially when it comes to #LOVE and #SEX, because if you don't, no one else will....
Any guy who doesn't check in with the above is the wrong guy. That guy doesn't want your body. He doesn't care about your mind. He wants to take one thing from you, and one thing only: Your Self Respect. Don't let him. His essential desire is power, politely asking to rape you of your dignity. But unlike a rapist, he asks permission first. Don't grant it to him. Because any man who puts your health and well-being in jeopardy has no respect for you as an individual. He doesn't deserve your #LOVE because he's not giving you anything but trouble. He's a user, taking little pieces of you until there's nothing left. Literally. He'll be the guy who will ask you to compromise yourself, and the moment you do, he disappears. That's not a lover. That's a loser. With a capital "L."
The moment you own your self-respect, you attract like-minded people. Real human beings. The kind who can flirt with you but also throw in subjects like philosophy and history--because they care about your mind, not just your body.
There's nothing wrong with rough sex--in fact, it's pretty great when it's consensual--but if one partner is being pressured by the other, it's an abuse of power. Pure and simple. You can't have truly great sex without an equal exchange--which doesn't mean you can never be submissive. That's where trust and commitment are super-important. Without that trust and the sense of security that comes from commitment, there can be no truly "great" #SEX. It's just sex. And that's not so great. Quantity over quality? Why does there have to be a choice? When you're in a trusting, committed relationship, you should be able to have both. #LOVE grows from that kind of relationship. And #LOVE nurtures your self-respect. It should never, ever, take it away.
So unless your partner is using words like "fuck you" in the bedroom (instead of say, public places like the mall, a restaurant--you get the idea...), the #SEX probably isn't good anyway. And the #LOVE-part is likely non-existent, too. "But he's a good guy." NO, he isn't. Try to imagine the person who is. Because he's out there.
The late great author, Flannery O'Connor, wrote a short story called, "A Good Man is Hard to Find." Boy, she wasn't kidding! No wonder she preferred peacocks to people. The story is about a family who gets lost on a back road in Georgia. Their car breaks down. Thieves come upon them--like all thieves, they appear polite, at first. In the end, the thieves--escaped convicts--kill the entire family, little by little (even the baby). Their initial kindness translates into the ultimate cruelty. The hero of your heart will not be a thief. A thief politely asks you to say, "Yes," when the answer should always be a resounding, "No."
My perfect partner understands all of the above. He's the guy who wants to know how I'm doing before anything else. He understands my position in and out of the bedroom. He appreciates "No." He respects me because of it. And getting breakfast in bed just puts him over the top! Okay, and the abs of steel...athletic-types float my boat. What can I say???
The power of "No" isn't about saying no to sex--it's about saying yes without having to compromise your self-respect. The right guy understands that. The wrong one isn't worth a millisecond of your time. Now, go find the hero of your heart--a champion worthy of your attention AND affection.
Unlike O'Connor's fiction, in real life #LOVE always wins if you want it to....