See that picture? I took it yesterday morning. Looks better in black-and-white because it's harder to see the sadness in my eyes. Pictures from even two years ago show a different face. I had hope then that things would change. They have. Just not in the way I expected. Or, wanted.
My future shows "The Star," while my past is "Temperance," the angel, and my present, "The High Priestess." Tarot. It's not something I've ever done before now. But my sojourn back into the world of True Blood has me remembering all kinds of things. I'm up to Season 4, and boy, am I shocked by how prophetic that show really was. It reflects my life from fall 2013 through today. No vampires, of course. Or, drunken orgies--more's the shame. But many of the emotional experiences happened to me, too. Like when Bill abruptly tells Sookie he's done...on the phone, no less. That, combined with Crystal wanting to be with Jason yet, she is continuously pulled back into her family's crazy criminal life. Almost as if she's been institutionalized. Brain-washed. Basically, Crystal may want to taste freedom, but only because she can never allow herself to be free from the drama attached to Hot Shot. She's addicted to it, as well as some hard-core drugs. All of which is eerily familiar.
My former partner is a sad combo of Bill, Crystal and Tommy from True Blood. The character of Tommy Mickens (Marshall Allman) can't stop himself from returning to abuser-parents; he was essentially his family's captive. It's almost like Stockholm Syndrome. Tommy knew nothing outside of those people and that life. When he broadened his perspective, he still felt the pull to go backwards. That pull is an unreasonable attachment to completely toxic individuals also known as "codependency." Genetic links do not mean love. In fact, it's often the opposite.
The parallels to my life don't stop with cruel exes from dysfunctional, abusive families. There's even an #Emma in True Blood! A detail I had completely forgotten about until I recently started re-watching Season 4. #Emma's daddy apparently drives by her momma's house all the time, hovers, watches from the nearby woods, comes into the house uninvited--again, prophetic. Odd, too, that after watching the series when it first aired, I ended up meeting and/or working with a majority of the cast. All by happenstance. Of course, there is no such thing as coincidence. It's true, my name is on a book about True Blood, but it seems my connection to the writers and artists who created the show is deeper than I understood...until today, that is.
When you know a chapter of your life isn't over--even if it's over--you find yourself waiting. Whether you want to or not. You can see it in characters like Sookie, Bill, Jason, Jessica. You can see it in me, too. Did you know Summer begins at 12:24am, June 21st??? Those #224 synchronicities just keep hitting me right between the eyes, don't they??? Maybe there's more fae-blood in me than I'd like to admit....
We all have to give ourselves the gift of closure, no matter what. Saying goodbye is never easy, especially to a person that is your person. But it sure does feel better to have someone you've traveled with for a bit to wish you well when you finally do come to the inevitable fork in the road. A decent farewell is much better than running away. Hiding. Lurking in the shadows...except "lurking" is more like a bull crashing through a china shop. EVERYONE but you knows you're there. That's why closure is so important; unresolved issues tend to bleed misery out into the world in often unpredictable ways. Closure is proactive. But not everyone has the courage. Cowardice creates more human problems than not. Like greed. You can see those same themes in True Blood. As well as my life. And yours, too, I'd wager.
I want people to embrace unconditional love of the self in order to break free from self-destructive patterns seen in True Blood, as well as real life. No, no shifters or fairies or werewolves. But the emotions are the same. Alcide (Joe Manganiello--whom I first met at a swanky hotel-bar in Toronto in July 2013), has this tragic white-trash ex with a history of violence and addiction. I can relate. In real life, Joe is married to Sofia Vergara. That's what I call a happy ending! Sookie permanently getting rid of Alcide's crazy ex is an equally happy ending, if not a tad messy. Sookie never even slept with Alcide, yet his psycho-ex, Debbie van Pelt (Brit Morgan), is after Sookie because, that's what Debbie believes. Or rather, wants to believe.
The character of Debbie is just a bully. All bullies are insecure. Insecure people are jealous people. The jealous become paranoid and create narratives in order to justify how they feel, and by extension, act...why? To excuse what would otherwise be considered sociopathic behavior--like stalking, using cohorts to harass an individual, trying to hurt and/or kill another person, breaking and entering, property damage--all of which happened to Sookie. And, to me.
Like I said, the show was prophetic. Maybe I'll eventually get a happy ending, too? Although, I'm still not convinced Sookie is really happy in the end. I suppose I'm not convinced I will be either. But it is every humans job to make our own lives happy. No one else really can.
It's easy to say, "Go make yourself happy," when dollars are needed to make sense of our past, present and future. Dollars, and time. Two commodities humans are in desperate need of. Same for Sookie. Luckily, she happens to have a 1,000-year old vampire-benefactor at her disposal. I'm still waiting for my big, blonde Viking-type to show up. Until then, it's all about black-and-white photos, dreams, songs, and you.
Yes, YOU, my dear readers. We're now at 101 countries and counting and well over 1.8 million visitors to this very blog! That's more than double the numbers from last year. You are telling me what you want. And, I am working on multiple book projects...I promise. As immortal as I am, I'm still human. My humanity tends to get in the way of my progress rather frequently. But it's also the reason we found each other, isn't it? Thank you for your continued support. And, of course, for your patience. I am humbled and grateful each and every day.
Be good to yourselves and others. I believe in you! And, I believe in me. Now, let's go make our lives better, happier, and healthier...together. Remember, the moment you conceive of positive change, you have all the light you need to be successful. Good things will happen when you use positive energy. As someone I love once said, even a 0.02% chance is still a chance. Progress is progress. Don't give up! Never, ever give in either. Haters out there want you to fail. And, as True Blood teaches us, the haters are often people we know and love. Listen to yourself. No one else. If you are being pulled away from the best thing to ever happen to you, you know it. That means you are also the only one can prevent it.
My wish for you, dear readers, is to have a life that is both *hawt* and sweet...it's my wish for me, too.
#TwinFlame #AwakeLife Post-script: In Episode 8 of Season 4, the camera sweeps the license plate on Bill's SUV...guess what it is? #422EJQ Yes, the #224 synchronicities continue. #422 is #224 in reverse. It first aired on August 14, 2011, which, by no small coincidence, simplifies to #224. I cannot make this shit up. By the way, the #EJQ is relevant as well. So, two years before I'd even meet my former partner and nearly three before conceiving my daughter, Emma, these synchronicities were present. Many, many others as well. A 30-second pan of a license plate foretold of what was to come in three years. I shudder to think of the synchronicities that flash by today that I don't yet recognize but that hint at life-changing future events. Maybe the ultimate message is that we all need to be more self-aware. Listen to your gut. When something feels wrong, it's wrong. And when it's right, it's right.