But on May 14, 2015, I was able to help a friend reunite with her husband. Because of my experience, I could share things with her about love, life and family that I wouldn't have known without the negatives that surfaced six months earlier. That night, she and her husband got pregnant. The baby was born in the same month as my #Twin. A boy. It's not the same as having my own child, but I know I am at least partially responsible for a new soul entering the world. And, that matters.
My daughter, had she lived, would have turned one-year old this year. Her due date was May 11th, but it looked like mid-April would have been more likely. Makes me smile, thinking about #Emma tearing around the house. I miss what never was, but maybe what I'm seeing is still yet to come...just got a "yes" knock to that. What a miracle that would be!
While the last year-and-a-half has been worse than any cancer experience I've had to date, my consolation prize when looking backward is knowing that a new life exists because of me. I may have lost a baby, but someone else gained for my loss. Not just one family either....
Another family I encountered in fall as a result of having to move because of things like arrows careening into my Atlanta home, inspired my new neighbors to try for a family after hearing my story. Their child will be born, if not on my birthday, very close to it. I had just delivered my infamous red velvet cupcakes to them for Halloween, including an edible sugar skull. Apparently, my cooking helped increase the happiness factor as well.
Though my losses are formidable at this point, two more lives were created from the ashes of my old life with my #Twin. Maybe I haven't yet risen up in a blaze of glory like the mythological Phoenix, but two totally new people have. Just can't beat that positive energy...it opens doors you didn't even know were there.
Days after losing Emma in December 2014, my oldest niece had her first child. Also a girl. Not coincidentally, I get to see that precious angel today, even though her parents live in DC and I don't. My niece is a brilliant scientist; she is putting final touches on her Dissertation in Neuro-psychology. She attended my alma mater, too. I'm very proud of her. For many reasons. But most of all, for being my friend.
Within weeks of losing my daughter and surviving an arrow attack, my beloved father-in-law passed away. When he heard I was moving to Atlanta, he cried. He truly loved me, and I, him. Last January was a brutal month. When I flew in to New York for his funeral, my niece drove in from DC as well. The first thing she did when she saw me was hug me, then, promptly place her newborn in my arms. It was healing. And, kind. I get to see shades of what #Emma might be like through my baby-niece now. At Christmas, my youngest niece and I got to hang out again. She was walking by then, talking a little, and loved taking selfies with Aunt Rebecca. She even posed!
At this time last year, I had many hopes for what life might be like today. Things are better in some ways, but nothing has turned out the way I expected. I know where I'd like to be in May 2017 but I have no idea if I can effectively make the changes necessary to get there.
After my last cancer diagnosis, it was a good two years before I was feeling like myself again. Not the same...not by a long shot. But whatever the new creature looked like who emerged from that chrysalis, on the inside, I still existed. So, I've still got time. And, if along the way, I'm able to open more doors to new life and unconditional love, regardless of whether or not either are ever something I'm blessed with receiving, all the better.
My biggest motivation for getting well again is making sure my daughter's name, an acronym for "Everything (in) My Mind Awaits," is synonymous with giving back to each community my company visits. The goal is to donate $250,000 or so back to 25 major cities in the US. I feel good about my chances of meeting or exceeding my goals by then. At least, the goals I have agency over.
The whole point of the #TwinFlame journey is to create unconditional love. I've done that. Not only have I cultivated it within myself, I've helped others achieve it as well. Helped to influence the creation of new life, new love, new hope. Who knows how things will evolve from here. Anything is possible. Well, almost anything. As unlimited as I am, I'm still only human. But if the unexpected is what I can expect, one day, not too far from right now, it will bring me as much joy as it has brought sorrow. I'm very close to clearing out all the negatives from my last year. Closer today than ever before.
Even if I'm still not 100% today, I am better. Much better. Progress, however slow, is still progress.
My message today is for anyone who feels like life has kicked you in the teeth, and hasn't really stopped. You may think very little has changed, but everything has changed. With each new day, you are one step closer to reaching your goals, even if it feels like the total opposite.
For my #TwinFlames out there, keep the positive energy flowing. If you're separated from your #Twin, own it. Don't worry about that anymore. You'll always be connected, but if your #Twin isn't tracking and you are, go do what you've been put here to do. By the way, that does not include pining away for your #Twin. Those who know have a responsibility to act...it's one of my favorites from Einstein.
I know. If you're awakened, you know, too. It's time to get to work....
Sending #Healing and #PositiveEnergy to all 56 countries checking in to read my blog! I am working on new books now for all of you. Make your May 14th a great one...for this year, and every year yet to come!