Lost love is one of the hardest things to deal with in a New Year. I don't have to explain why to anyone; it should be obvious. We all need love from other people to have purpose. You can love yourself as much as you want, but if you don't have anyone outside of your person who truly loves you, emptiness will begin to creep up behind you. If you've ever given everything you had to a person you loved, only to have it rejected, you know what I'm talking about.
Usually, rejection stems from insecurity. Deep-seeded fears that go back to childhood. Mommy and/or Daddy were absent in some way, or simply vacant and ineffective. Later in life, when faced with "true love," a person traumatized by the rejection of a parent during what was likely an abusive and unhappy childhood, may end up rejecting their personal miracle of real love. There is nothing so frightening as making yourself vulnerable to another human being. Except for clowns, perhaps....
Whatever the reason is that you walked away from the person you love, forgive yourself first before asking for forgiveness. Then, muster up the courage to tell the one you love how you really feel; I guarantee that individual will forgive you, too. There's nothing I respect more than courage. Anyone who has the guts to express real love gets my respect, at the very least. And, frankly, my forgiveness, too.
But, sadly, we cannot forgive people who don't want to be forgiven. We can only forgive ourselves for loving a person we likely knew would eventually abandon us. Until and unless we are asked for forgiveness. That is your moment of truth. Do you really believe in your convictions? If you feel like people are always more important than problems, you do. And, when that person from your past comes forward with honesty and love, you will not ignore them. You will not stay silent. You will smile, hug them, and say, "Thank you."
Gratitude over attitude goes both ways....
Yup, the invisible "mark" that narcissistic parents leave on the "scapegoat" child has lasting effects. Adults who were scapegoat children are too eager to please others in hopes of permanent acceptance. We tend to go into debt to "buy" love from people who ask without asking. In other words, your spouse may not ask you to pay for an expensive vacation every year, but it is understood that you are expected to pay, and probably make all the arrangements, too, because the trip does not happen otherwise. Maybe you even get "punished" for not making the vacation happen through "accidental" bruises and cuts and scrapes and burns, not to mention the always-fun verbal abuse...and, lest I forget, withdrawal of physical affection.
Charming, isn't it???
No, it really isn't. The person who treats you like that "loves" you as long as you do what they want. The moment you vary from their self-directed program (which always revolves around their parents, siblings, friends, and work, making you a perpetual after-thought because you are a possession, not a person), you will be devalued through verbal, emotional, financial, and/or physical abuse. It's easy to discern a pattern if you have been with your spouse or partner for at least a year or more. Unfortunately, no matter how much you may love that person, their behavior will never change. You will just get older, sadder, less motivated to breathe. In these situations, it's "normal" to seek out support, friendship and love from other sources. If you fear abandonment, you will want a "guarantee" that someone will be there for you when you muster the courage to get out of what is entirely abusive. After enough time living like that, if you don't get out, you may even begin to experience PTSD symptoms or develop a dissociative disorder. Depression, anxiety, addiction, and thoughts of leaving the world are also common. So, don't wait. It may not feel like a matter of life or death over the course of a typical day, but those days become years. And time spent in a social prison will wear on your spirit. You can't fully appreciate the negative effects of feeling stuck in an unhappy relationship until you see your friend of 20 years choose death as the "better option" rather than continue to live amidst negativity.
It's a new year, and people love to start something new by denying the old. That's simply absurd. We are always composed of our past in our present. And, the past will always affect our future as well--especially when we attempt to sweep it under the proverbial rug.
So, for 2017, know that you have 360 more days to correct those relationships. Whether it is having the courage to say goodbye to a person who has controlled you instead of loved you, or hello to the heart you may have broken yet still love beyond measure--this is your year. Make June 1st your "deadline." Try to a/effect change in the next 146 days. Don't wait until tomorrow. If you are reading this blog, chances are excellent that you have some need to increase your self-awareness. Begin a list today of what you need to do to accomplish your goals. Make phone calls, fill out job applications, talk to friends and relatives and get support for the changes you need to make. Get up earlier. Exercise each day. Brush your teeth. Floss. And eat a healthier plant-based diet. Listen to uplifting classical music, like Vivaldi's Four Seasons. Stay elevated by raising your overall vibrations--which just means, making healthier choices to see positive changes.
Once you know what you want, focus your thoughts on only positives. Absolutely no negatives! You must not let a single negative thought enter your mind. If you have negative family members that you can't abandon, rise above their negativity. Minimize the time you're in their physical presence. Don't let a negative person bait you into participating in their misery by holding you emotional hostage. Just calmly express that you do not want to participate in unsupportive behavior and walk away. Get outside if you can. Or, if winter is making the outdoors less accessible, get lost in positive social media feeds, like the #mthrwrld or #motherworld hashtags on Instagram. Immerse yourself in nature and you will find more peace, joy and light.
This is not the year for excuses. The world will not reward you because you exist. You have to earn your accolades. Backing up your promises--past, present and future--is a good place to start. For yourself, and the person or persons who truly love you. Doing things when you "feel like it" is simply procrastination. If you are serious about change, you'll start now. Today. The first step to real success is to stop excusing yourself. "Trying" to be better assumes that because you try, you never have to actually succeed. Or, fail. That's naive, at best. Because, effort alone will never add up to results unless you set a schedule and stick to it. It's about checks and balances. Self-responsibility versus self-entitlement. Fortune 500 companies set stratregic goals, both short-term and long-term; their profit margins provide overwhelming proof of the effectiveness in what is essentially making annual resolutions. Denying the value in assessing yourself and your goals at the start of each new year is denying an opportunity to succeed. And, there are enough people in this world who want to impede your progress without your help.
Remember, living your best life is your primary job. #2017 can be your year if you work as hard for yourself as you do for others. The key is to be self-aware. That means being honest with yourself. Acknowledge your mistakes. And, instead of looking to blame others by seeking out problems, seek solutions. Look for the good in people. It makes it easier to see the good in yourself.
2017 adds up to creation and miracles through awakening. There is an undercurrent of karmic cause-and-effect this year as well; if you have been held down or back, it is up to you to overcome whatever (or whoever) that obstacle may be. Once you do, you are guaranteed to see abundance in 2018 and beyond. That is your karma. Let your abusers face theirs as you move forward, minus the heavy chains put upon you by others.
#AwakeLife #TwinFlame Post-script:
To start making positive change, realize what you truly need, not what you believe is socially accepted/expected of and for you. When a negative family member or friend is exploitative, it makes you vulnerable. People who really care for you will be supportive, no matter what. A person who loves you will be consistent in their message of love and ecouragement to help you succeed in attaining whatever your goals may be. But a negative person makes you feel vulnerable to enable your failure in order to justify or validate his own negativity. Threatening to withdraw "love," affection, and/or his physical presence is meant to manipulate. Control you by throwing you off balance. Sometimes literally. And, even then, you are expected to constantly meet outrageous demands, no matter how badly you have been treated. But, nothing you do will ever be good enough. You see, real love doesn't disappear; it is understanding, patient, kind. So are rational, supportive individuals who are generous with not just their love, but usually every resource they have, including their time. It is only sociopaths who aren't....
Sociopaths, or narcissists, hold those who are inextricably attached to them emotional hostage, often threatening to disappear or cut out their victim completely. But social isolation can kill. It's serious, as serious as heart disease, depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide...all of which decrease productivity and income while increasing morbidity. Legally, the term is abandonment. Even the law acknowledges the fact that there is no real way to socially cut a person out of your life without causing irreparable financial, physical, emotional, and psychological harm. That is why one should never reward threats or negative behavior of any kind. Even if you are somehow dependent on the person who is hurting you, you do not have to stay silent; you can express that, because you are supportive, you have the reasonable expectation (and often, legal right) for similar support in return. Once you have made that statement, your only obligation is to move yourself forward.
If you can relate to what I am describing above, 2017 is your chance to create a new world--one where you never have to hear yourself explaining to another adult why you deserve respect, loyalty, love, and emotional support.