So when we put ourselves out there, and take a BIG RISK, only to be rejected--sometimes, more than once by the same person (the rules of baseball apply--keep it to no more than three strikes)--it's something we can ALL relate to. And it's hard, even after three strikes, to not look back and wonder....
Timing is important in life, and yes, in love, too. But if you made a real connection, it doesn't just evaporate. So when you feel like you've been a fool for love, that your big risks weren't recognized or rewarded by someone who perhaps had less to lose, know that even if you feel rejected, it wasn't you.
I know, I know...everyone likes to blame-shift in love. Hey, you know that you may have made some mistakes. And you may have even taken responsibility for it. But the person you love shut you out anyway. Even your mea culpa InMail on LinkedIn was declined and rated "inappropriate." But you put yourself out there. There's no shame in that. It takes courage. You were honoring yourself by honoring your heart. It's the other person who isn't honoring theirs. Or yours. How do you know? Read on:
If you have made attempts to talk to a lost love, just to make things right, and your former friend vehemently rejects your apologies--even your gratitude--it's because that person STILL CARES for you. Their pride, and perhaps anger, is getting the best of them. And that's sad. Pathetic, even. Because their best should be saved for love, even if it's not with you. Though you may feel pathetic and sad given the number of times you reached out (and were rejected...ouch), you're not.
The Stoics were some of my favorite philosophers--also suckers for love, by the way. Epictetus was a slave, a disabled slave. His life was awfully hard. In fact, every step he took was difficult. Marcus Aurelius, however, was a king. A man who sat on a cushion every day he ruled. His steps were easy. Yet both men, from two different worlds, believed the same thing:
"Your life is what your thoughts make it."
Only you can control your thoughts. And if you're feeling badly about what you perceive is a lost connection, change your mind. It's not lost. If it were, that declined InMail would have been ignored. To decline takes effort. Thought. Feeling. To rate an InMail takes even more. And the emotion behind both actions speaks of anger, not apathy. Why anger? Because it costs most people $10 to send an InMail (unless you've been given 10 free InMails for being a good customer...). And by declining it and rating it "inappropriate," your lost love was making a very deliberate statement. True, your LinkedIn InMail "rating" and loss of a $10-bill isn't much of a sting, but it's meant to get your attention. That's not the motivation of someone who doesn't care. That's someone who does. A lot. Passion is still passion, even if it's not used for love.
So, when you look back and feel like you've been a fool for love, just remember that it is the party still shutting you out who is being foolish. Because that person is unable to express their real feelings. Out of pride. Out of anger. Out of fear. Take your pick. But if you remain consistent, one day, you may hear from that person again. And then, it's up to you. Because time really does heal all wounds, however deep. And that connection you still feel? Clearly still there for you both. Or you wouldn't be getting attempts to hurt you when all you've done is try to make things right.
The other party's communication issue speaks of self-sabotage, or, self-punishment. Perhaps that person feels ugly or unworthy in some way. They do not believe themselves your equal and think, "It will never work out anyway." Not because that statement is true, but because the other party has allowed fear to prompt their perspective. To their own detriment. And yours.
That kind of behavior can be toxic, meaning, it's poisonous to the individual perpetuating it, and, everyone around them. Including you. Justifying behaviors or "natural reactions" on wrong-thinking (being judgmental, i. e. distrusting) is destructive. It's the mentality of perpetual victims--of losers, not winners. The people who are fools for love, those of us who RISK EVERYTHING? We are not victims. We are proactive. We are winners. And if you lost someone you cared about, someone you loved, know that even if you made mistakes, you did not do wrong.
Mistakes are just that. Mistakes. A lack of deliberation is implied in the very word. So their judgment/distrust of you, the thing that lead to their fear, anger, and ultimately, the end of your relationship, is not a punishment, or, a reflection of your poor emotional IQ. It only reflects that the party who made a unilateral decision, likely claiming to have been victimized in some way, is actually a LOVE-COWARD.
Love-cowards don't always belong with lions. They're cattle, even if they have horns.
And what of us lions? We are open, generous, and live with unmatched ferocity. We're worth the effort. Which means, if a person we care about doesn't agree, it's time to LIVE OUR BEST LIFE anyway. Because, unless you know something I don't, we only have the one....