You can't be beautiful, smart, attractive, popular, talented, and/or successful and not be hated. The moment any of the gifts that make you special are recognized, you're in trouble. Jealousy is just another form of envy, greed. There's no beating it either. You can be humble 'til the cows come home...it won't make a wit of difference to people who look at you through green eyes.
Little fish don't like to swim in a big pond. Little fish want to swim in puddles, even it means the water could dry up and they'll die. Swimming in a puddle makes a little fish feel bigger. While positive folks look at a big pond, unafraid, even if they're the tiniest fish on the planet, and think, "Awesome! Look at all the space I can grow into!!!"
It won't just be people you don't know either. Haters will often be the ones you care about most.
For positive people, the negative doesn't compute. We're not programmed for problems; we only ever see solutions. Silver linings. The bright side. Golden opportunities. We're perpetual cheerleaders whose resourcefulness makes us valuable and likable. We can survive almost anything the world throws our way as a result. When we love, we love with abandon. We live life to the fullest, too. And we're not apologetic about it either. Because, we're unlimited. That's what positive energy does--removes limits.
Negative energy is the opposite; it imposes limits. Because we're all connected, even positive people can be affected by the negative energy of others. Here are a few examples:
-It hurts when you love and support a person with everything you have only for that individual to sneak away while your back is turned, with no plans to tell you, or, ever even speak to you again(!).
Yeah, that really hurts. Bad. But the true message is this:
"I'm a liar and a cheater and I don't want to admit my guilt/shame to you because you're honest and loyal--which makes me feel bad about myself. So, instead of accepting responsibility for my failures, I'm going to turn it around on you for being better than me by running away. I'll get congratulated for doing "the right thing" by the sycophants in my circle who previously abused me but now need me to do things like fix their homes and cars for free. Dumping thousands of dollars of responsibility onto you while you're 500 miles away and completely unaware is acceptable behavior because people I've told lies to about the situation say so. Oh, and, you'll be humiliated by all this, too...which is meant to crush your spirit, in case the other things don't. PS: I was jealous of you and your life, even though you gave me everything you had, so I'm leaving you to die alone because then I can have a pity-party about losing you for the rest of my life even though I was an asshole and you deserved better than what I gave...also, it's easier to walk away and pretend to be angry than to actually do what I promised: Spend the rest of my life making yours better. That takes effort. And, I'm not used to making any effort at all. "
Being abandoned hurt less when I recognized what was really being said by the empty drawers, still half-open because the person who left was in too much of a hurry to bother closing them. There was implied meaning in the deafening silence that followed my panicked voicemails and texts, too. The person who left was running away from himself, not me. It took me nearly a year to uncover all the lies that were brimming under the surface, the subtext (and context) of the abandonment. If only the person who left had trusted me with his truths, things would be very different today. Better. For both of us. When we first found each other, it was against all odds. Maybe we will again. But until then, it still hurts. And, I'm still living with the consequences. Yet, I'm also still positive, still full of light and love and joy for living.
Ready for the next example???
-It hurts to make celebrations for milestone events, holidays and birthdays, to support people in crisis, to be thoughtful, considerate and loving, for a quarter-of-a-century no less, and still be told you're not welcome to come on a family vacation.
That doesn't just hurt...it stings. And, it was meant to. The underlying message?
"We never needed an excuse to hate or humiliate you, despite the piles of generous gifts and lovely things you've spent the entirety of your adult life doing for our family, though we've never reciprocated and never will, and, let's not forget the fact that we go out of our way not to support you, even through something as sympathetic as brain cancer, which makes us feel like the big bag of divisive dicks we are. So, we're turning it around onto you, singling you out, like we always have...and, because you are good and kind, you'll never say anything anyway. Neither will the people closest to you. Which will hopefully convey that, deep down, we mean more to them than you ever have, or, ever will. We also hope you understand that everything you've done for us has never been appreciated, so you have essentially wasted your life, which removes any meaning from your existence. PS: In case we haven't made ourselves clear over the last 25 years, we'd rather you were dead than ever make you feel welcome in our family...so, why is it you won't pretend to like us anymore??? Since you're not yet dead, we need you to play along. You know, for the kids."
It wasn't just things like being made fun of for observing cultural laws at a party in front of other guests, or, being cornered at a family reunion by people who held both undergraduate and graduate degrees and asked why my "hair wasn't kinky" like other people of my ethnicity (my hair is actually quite curly, even "kinky," but cultural beliefs don't contribute to my genetic code, which I'm proud to say comes from a variety of ethnicities), or, being told I was going to Hell...it was the fact that I was always looked at with suspicion, as if nothing I did was ever genuine. But the proof of my genuine love and care is in the amazingly positive relationships I have with my 17 nieces and nephews. I have been their aunt for nearly 25 years, and I don't need DNA to stay connected. Or, any legal documentation. I love and care for my nieces and nephews, and they know it. My oldest nephew, now 29, even visited me in Atlanta. When any of the kids have an issue or need to talk, I'm usually who they call or text or come and see. No matter how their parents have treated me--the nasty rumors, the inappropriate jokes, years of humiliation, including (mostly) ignoring me while I struggled for two years with cancer--I've been good, kind, compassionate, and VERY patient with every single member of that family. And, I always will be. Not because I'm a glutton for punishment. Because, I know better. And, after twenty years of proving myself, a few members were actually willing to help my family...but only when asked. That was two years ago. Today, we're back to the usual degradation, pain and humiliation. Builds character, right??? Funny part is, they'll all show up to my funeral one day, somber and respectful, talking about how close we were, all the secrets we shared, the intimacies, things I would have done anything to have had with them while still breathing. And I am. Still breathing, that is....
Betrayals, like the above examples, are designed to cause personal pain and humiliation by rewarding positivity with negativity, which in turn creates the desired social chaos...also known as DRAMA. Such acts of social aggression are meant to destroy, not repair, relationships. Why choose negativity over positivity? There is no answer to that question, except, when people are abused, they become sick with fear. Negatives are all they see. They cannot sleep or eat normally. They only see the world through skeptical, paranoid eyes. Yet, these are people who may be "high-functioning." In other words, narcissists who can hide their disconnects well enough to maintain long-term relationships, work in leadership positions, even have achieved post-graduate degrees. People that have a family, money, a job, and a house. People who should be happy. Grateful. But whatever happened in their early life to cause their fear, carried over into adulthood. No matter how many times you show these folks that the glass is neither half empty nor half full--because it's actually refillable--they won't believe you. They simply don't want to.
Never forget, being a hater is a choice....
Haters are uniquely insistent on remaining victims of circumstance, often unwittingly causing negative cyclical patterns in order to perpetuate their own victimhood. It's a social form of Munchausen Syndrome, where a person repeatedly and deliberately acts sick, even when they're not. Munchausen-by-Proxy is where a person repeatedly and deliberately insists another individual is ill when not, which in turn causes true illness, sometimes resulting in death. Suicide is actually an off-shoot of this psychology; it is always blamed on the person who took their own life, but the context is often ignored, or, rewritten because that person is now gone. Everyone is so worried about the "survivors" of a suicide no one stops to ask why an otherwise healthy person decided dying was better than taking another breath. More often than not, the "reason" a person would go to such an unreasonable extreme is connected to their social circle. I know it would be for me...and, given the few examples above, the reader may well imagine why.
I can't say how many times negative, nasty people have made me feel so hopeless and helpless, that I began to wonder if there was any real meaning to my life, outside of being used and abused. Because, as far as my experience has shown, the only purpose is to constantly fight the inordinate amount of social resistance and reluctance to any individual pursuing their right to happiness.
But, I refuse to believe death is the answer. How can it be when the wonders of the Universe unfold all around us, every single day??? I've known miracles. Real miracles. I have the capacity for unconditional love...do you know how rare that is? How unique??? I wear a smile, regardless of how bad life gets for me. I make people laugh, say the right things when they cry, and give everything I have to make the lives of others better. I love life. Despite my pain.
Do the haters out there really believe deliberately hurting another person is ever a good thing? Wishing evil on another's life? Humiliating? Bullying? Making someone feel less-than for no other reason outside of their existence??? And, most of these people are parents, aunts, uncles...what kind of a role model are you when you go out of your way to hurt someone else? Especially if you are healthy and whole, and the person you're picking on isn't??? This is a big part of why our world currently has the highest number of people on anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and sleep medication. It's also why the numbers for attempted suicide, as well as successful suicide, are higher than at any other point in human history.
Existentialists believed that in the absence of better choices, suicide may be valid under certain circumstances.Though we all can end our own suffering anytime, if we are here in the first place, it is not to suffer. It is, in fact, to be happy. To be loved, To create opportunities for love. For joy. For peace. For ourselves. And, for others. Negatives only surface to be cleared, not to cause paralytic fear, derision, and strife. Shame on anyone who does otherwise. You don't deserve your humanity.
Being positive amidst the negative people is frustrating. But for every hater, there are at least ten strangers who will appreciate you and your light. Your existence improves the lives of other people, even if you don't always know it. If you operate from a place of positive energy, positively effecting change for others is inevitable. I just had a student contact me through Instagram yesterday, saying how I always improve their day with my positive messages, and, that my class is still one of their favorite life-memories, despite the fact that I have not had them as a student in almost seven years. None of my haters can claim that. Not one.
So, why is it you haters feel you're better than me again???
It's a rhetorical question. Intelligent people recognize destructive behavior and generally refuse to react. Because, no one wins when someone dies, regardless of what the haters want you to believe. We only win when life is happier. Better. When we feel loved. Supported. So, don't ever stop being loving, kind, compassionate, and/or generous. The moment you do, the haters win. And, they don't deserve to win. You do.
Haters want you, and others, to believe there's no place for you in this world. That you and your positivity are a "problem." I'm here to unequivocally let you know that, the moment someone tells you you're a problem, throw yourself a fucking party. Because, guess what...you know you're doing something right.