Trusting the wrong people is a bad habit of mine. But if you don't trust, you can't win. And, no matter what, I never lose.
That's not to say I haven't had my share of trouble. When you risk as much as I do, trouble is just part of the deal. I was recently reminded early Friday morning that some of that trouble is of my own making. Even though formidable, I'm still very human. I sometimes make rash decisions. And do things I wish I could take back.
Though I attempt to avoid allowing fear to be a factor in my life-choices, it's not always possible. I'm pretty much scared all the time. But being afraid, and admitting it, isn't bad. Because, despite that fear, I do what I have to anyway. #Courage, you see, is necessary in order to not only find the #extraordinary, but to meet it with an open heart.
My heart closed after the losses suffered when 2014 also came to an end. Little by little, in the months that followed, I slowly opened the bloody red chambers once again. Simply put, wonders followed.
I've had more fun than I ever thought possible. Learned so much about myself and the world. Made more friends than I can count. In the last three months alone, I've met 32 new people. Minimum. Whether policemen, professional poker players, CEO's, chefs, chemists, actors, artists, engineers, baseball players, firemen, CPA's, farmers, writers, teachers, students--it's been an incredible ride. A ride that wouldn't have been possible without the previous loss. And something I'm very, very, very happy not to have missed.
For the first time in my adult life, I got to live alone. Walk around naked any time of day. Sing at the top of my lungs. Dance like no one was watching...because no one was watching. My music was loud. And I'd stay up until all hours doing whatever I wanted. I cooked meals for no one but me, unless I wanted to do otherwise. Yes, I was alone, but only when I wanted to be. The moment I didn't, it was easy enough to find friends willing to meet at places like Marietta Diner or Radial Café, go to the movies, take a hike, or grab a coffee at Starbucks near the Square.
And that's not all: I've expanded my professional horizons, too. Thanks to that open heart, I met a friend in my travels who's helped me realize a dream that had stalled out the moment I turned the key to my "new life" in July 2014. The plans I made for myself then were good plans. Noble, even. I wanted normal things. I tried to be an average person. I really did. But failed miserably. And that, in turn, made me miserable. Because I felt as though I missed out on potential joy. Not now though. Now, I know why it all went down in flames. Because I needed to rise from the ashes. I had to close every single one of those doors I'd opened. They were the wrong doors. Right for some. Just not for me.
The hard part? Being patient, and poor, until then....