That happened to me recently. Last night, actually. I've been praying for a certain change, something I need rather badly. I was unpacking yesterday and suddenly, there was a message from an old friend on my phone. He himself is not old, lol, but we hadn't spoken much in the last 2.5 years. All of the changes I've gone through in that time really started with him. He is an inspirational soul in my life. That's what I need at the moment. Even though we haven't talked in quite a long time (we were both busy pursuing other goals), we texted for hours last night. As if no time had passed between us at all. We even made dinner plans.
The clock turned 7:31 as I wrote the last few lines above...that's an "11." It's also my birthday. And yeah, this is the kind of person who is definitely a birthday present. I was practically sitting in a puddle by the time we said our final "Goodnight."
We've missed each other. He motivates me to be tougher on myself, to not indulge in excuses. To be honest with myself about what I really want. Not only did I lose a ton of weight thanks to him, within months, I had begun to awaken. It's been a process, and will continue to be, but today, I know more about myself than I ever have.
Thanks to killer-pollen counts and poor air quality, I spent a good part of the weekend indoors, where, I ran out of excuses not to unpack. After almost a year of moving around, it's time. Most of my stuff is still in storage, but it has to stay for the moment. Unpacking was hard; I found things I haven't wanted to see in nearly a year. Things that made me cry over and over again. But I have rebuilt my life, for the most part. I'm not where I'd like to be, but I've also positioned myself so that a brighter future is possible. And, as I unpacked the last few boxes, it seemed a miracle to have received a message from a person who can only be described as heaven-sent. I was just thinking of my "old" friend, too. Missing him. He made me hotter three years ago. The best part is, not only is "hot" healthy, but, he thought I was hot long before the rest of the world seemed to take notice. Even my #Twin.
Yup, as I've been telling my friend for years, he's a rare soul.
We were talking about his generation last night...so obviously, he's younger than me. I won't say how much younger, so you know it's probably significant. Without getting too specific, my "old" friend fits within my main demographic: Males 18-35. He had me smiling big the whole time. Not only does he have the bluest eyes I've ever seen, he has one of the deepest souls. Believe it or not, most of our convo was about philosophy. You thought I was going to say sex, didn't you???
We share a love of wisdom, of history, language, and travel. But, that's not all we share. We actually have the same soul number, and yes, he is definitely one of my soul mates. In our case, we appear for each other when we need soul-cheerleaders. My soul is in desperate need of cheering. Yes, yes it is....
As there are no coincidences, today is a #1010 day; my "old" friend's birthdate happens to add up to "10." But then again, so does my #Twin's soul number when added to mine.
My dream before waking today had me at an art gallery I've never seen before. I was helping to run an event for a charity. An auction was about to start. My #Twin was suddenly there, helping me. Surprised, I asked, "What are you doing here?"
His response, "I felt you...you needed me. That's why I'm here."
My #Twin was helping with the "man things," as he would say. This is connected to my unpacking yesterday, because, as I did, I was also hanging up shelving and artwork--items he had hung for me in my house in Atlanta. As I unpacked the last room yesterday, the whole place smelled like him, too. I miss him. So much. But I don't miss the smoking.
A 1997 study published in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute about "Toxic Future Fathers," something I just found last month, showed that men who were long-term smokers (10 years or longer) had partners with unusually high miscarriage rates; their children also had high rates of childhood cancer, including lymphoma. Apparently, the men in the study had mutated sperm as a result of smoking. Doctors followed families for 20 years before publishing their findings. Men who smoked for ten or more years, but quit for at least two prior to conception, had healthier children.
Yeah...I don't miss the smoking.
In the dream, my #Twin was quietly working along side me at this event. Although I felt happy about that, I was still concerned. Even in the dream, there was a distance between us. For me, it's trust. Though I was happy to see him, it was painful to be with him when we're still separated. He saw my pain and began to make excuses about why things haven't changed; he seemed almost numb, blindly accepting what is easily fixable.
I listened to him carefully before calmly explaining, "I don't need or want anyone who doesn't also need or want me. I think it's probably time for you to go; I'll be fine. Though I want to see you again, please don't come back unless you're really free to do so." Then, I went about dealing with the event. Other things happened in the dream that made me feel alone, and, lonely. Even though my #Twin kept his distance, he didn't leave...and, I was glad.
That's pretty much how it went down in real life, too. The moment my #Twin disappeared, I was done. When he came back to feed me excuses about his abrupt disappearance, I told him to give me his house key. I didn't understand what was really going on. Even though he disappeared, he still wanted to keep the keys to the kingdom. It was strange. Why disappear then??? One minute, he was excited about the baby and talking about future holidays, and the next, he's just gone. So, because we had mutual business, I told my #Twin that if he remained consistent in his behavior, he could visit. But within days, he was gone again.
I relate my feelings about my #Twin's disappearance to how abandoned children feel; they're hurt, sad, and lonely, but no matter what, an abandoned child always loves, forgives, and wishes for the person who left to come back. My mother's father abandoned his family. I grew up hearing about how great this asshole was--the man that basically let his family go. Gave them up. Why? We learned a few years ago that he was an addict. He ended up dying about ten years after the abandonment. But my mother waited for him to return her whole life. He came back once, about a year after the abandonment. Took my mom to a movie. You'd think he gave her a million dollars. Of course, it's easy for me to see that though my mom idolized and truly loved her dad, he was not a good guy. You don't leave people you love behind. Period. Relationships may change, but you can ALWAYS honor your commitments. You just have to want to.
I know my worth. But I still gave my #Twin a deep discount. A discount I couldn't really afford to give. I made a mistake. Because, I trusted that, when it was his turn, my #Twin would actually keep his promises. Sadly, he made a different choice. A choice he thought would be easier. Most of us know the easy choice is never really as easy as it looks. It's never right either. What happened to my mother's father is a good example; karma caught up to him before he had a chance to change things with his family. He died alone, in a VA hospital bed. No one was at his funeral. No one even knew he was gone.
I lost our daughter, #Emma, two weeks later. She wasn't a part of my dream from this morning. But she was on my mind yesterday. While unpacking, I found many things, including paperwork from my OBGYN. I also found a dress I bought for #Emma, and, her first picture.
Wherever I go, I keep this bag under my pillow. That may sound strange, but it's a canvas bag called the "Emma." It's made by a friend of mine in LA; she prints pictures of designer bags on ethically-crafted, recyclable canvas totes. I received my #Emma bag last year; it's been under my pillow ever since. Another friend gave me this beautiful quartz crystal and two small dishes with feather imprints meant to hold things like earrings and rings. One has an "e"; the other has an "r." I touch the "e" each night before I go to sleep.
When I woke today, after the dream, and, after reconnecting with an "old" friend, I saw a new numerical pattern I hadn't seen before. I began losing #Emma on the 11th, but she officially died on 12.12.14. When you separate the "1's" from the other numbers, you get "111" and "224." We already referred to "111" earlier; and, it certainly represents my daughter #Emma, whose name is an acronym I recently trademarked, "Everything (in) My Mind Awaits."
The "224" not only breaks down to two #1111's, it's also my #Twin's birthday. And, it is also part of our #Twin map, specifically written for him. You see, we share the same life path number of "2." When you add two-twos, you get "4," my soul number. But the synchronicities don't stop there.
When I added the year (2+0+1+4=7) to the numbers that weren't "1," I got "11" (7+2+2=11). Half of my #1111 from my birthday comes from July (7), added to my soul number, "4." My birthday is therefore reflected in my #Twin's, all encompassed within the date our daughter was born (and died). When you combine the "11" from the sum of the year and the double "twos" in #1212, to the remaining two "1's," you get #1111.
My daughter was born on a date that, in numerology, proves she is the product of not only my #Twin, but me as well, and, that both add up to #1111. I can't make this stuff up!
I think there's also a message for my #Twin in there. Not only did our daughter want him to know he and I are #TwinFlames (and of course, that she is his...), but she specifically wanted him to remember that his thoughts manifest into reality. How do I know that? Because, at first glance, 12.12.14 can be separated into #111 and #224. #Emma was telling my #Twin that his thoughts were the reason things unfolded as they did--everything else was just an excuse. What he believed to be true, became true. What he wanted, and didn't want, also happened. It's the same for him today. Whatever it is he wants to manifest in his reality, he can. If he wants to change his reality, what he thinks--or, believes--will help him to do just that.
By the way, I have a message for my #Twin, too:
While unpacking yesterday, I found a rusty drill bit inside the crystal skull. That, and some washers and a few screws. They must be yours. Because, I don't hold on to random, meaningless things. Nor do I neglect anything to the point of rust. I tend to be more careful--not only with things--but people, too. Negatives surface to be cleared; if you remind me, I'll give it all back to you when we next see each other, along with the Pall-Malls cigarette butt that somehow made it's way into my intimates.
Do I even want to know???
As I texted #GoodNight to my "old" friend, Joel Osteen came on. Whatever your thoughts about the Texas preacher who uses a stadium for a church, you gotta admit--the guy is connected to the Universe. Just got a "yes" knock to that. I'm quite sure ol' Joel is a #Twin as well. We tend to find each other. It was very interesting that his whole sermon was about how we sometimes get a feeling or an impulse to do something positive, and, even if it doesn't make sense to us at the time, it's something we should pursue. Because, that feeling or impulse or sudden thought or idea is actually a divine message from the Universe. One we're meant to act on. Osteen called it "obeying the call of the Lord." I'm more spiritual than religious; I call it "heeding the call of the Universe." We both feel that there are things in motion we cannot always see, but something greater than us can. We may be given a divine message to act because, even if it makes no sense to us in that moment, that single act will set into motion things that will benefit us in the future.
Everything from unpacking this weekend, to finding items belonging to both my #Twin and #Emma, to reconnecting with the "old" friend who inspired the changes that initially led me to my #Twin, to having a dream where my #Twin is working with me side-by-side...it all added up to revealing the hidden numerical (and numerological) messages in #Emma's birthdate for my #Twin. And frankly, for me, too.
Like Joel Osteen said, when you get a feeling like I got this morning, it's a divine message to act. Perhaps my #Twin needs to hear #Emma's message right now. Maybe it's the sign he's been praying for. I got mine yesterday. It'd be no surprise if he was waiting for one, too.
Maybe the message is meant for more than just me and my #Twin. Perhaps it's meant for you, too. Over the weekend, my readers hit over #OneMillion from 57 countries around the globe (Thank you!!!). When I get a divine message, and I translate it through my writing, it is meant for my audience. Meant for you. So, remember, keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts will manifest into your reality. That doesn't mean you can think about #JessicaRabbit and she'll suddenly appear. It means that, when you focus on something, you begin to unwittingly move toward it.
When my #Twin chose to see problems instead of solutions in fall 2014, he began making decisions based on negative energy. And, guess what??? That negative energy snowballed into a total nightmare that flooded our shared reality. But before all that, when he was feeling like the luckiest man alive, positives just kept manifesting for us. Opportunities. Things I didn't even believe were possible suddenly became probable.
We are all social captives to some degree, BUT, we can act according to our thoughts no matter what cage we are forced to live in. As long as we continue acting on the positives, we are acting on divine messages, meant to guide us to our purpose. Our Destiny. For the record, positives are anything that improves our health, our emotional well being, our living situation, and, expands our opportunities to l/earn. But many of us tend to give up too soon. We must stay the course--see things through--in order to get the full benefit. Or, as Joel Osteen might say, we must have faith.
You are what you think you are. Your life is as positive or negative as you feel. Even if things aren't perfect, the way you act sets the tone for your future. It can either open doors, or, close them.
A good friend in Atlanta has this great saying, "When you realize what you're worth, you'll stop giving people discounts." It's true, too. You are what you think you are. If you believe you are destined to live in a trailer for the rest of your life, to be married to an abuser, to stay childless, poor, and allow yourself to be used by friends and family alike, breaking your back for richer men, that is what your life will be. But, if you feel you are worth more than all that, you will stop giving unworthy people discounts. And, you will also do whatever necessary to make your life match who you know yourself to be.
Think big and you'll get there. It takes time. But you can't give up on those positive impulses--the divine messages that are meant to change your life for the better. Believe in yourself. Know your worth. And you will be successful. You are awake now. There's no going back...you can only move in one direction from here.