This is what we all need to hear, especially when we're feeling bad about our past. Not just yesterday, or a year ago, but ten years ago, twelve, twenty-five...whatever the number is for you, you think back to it and feel the shame, the guilt, the "less than" feelings all over again. By the way, it's not a coincidence if you happen to be feeling like that this week. Mars is influencing us (beware Pisces with Mars in Aries!). As is Jupiter, now in Virgo. That combination tends to make us hyper-critical of ourselves. And, cyclical thinking only leads to more self-sabotage. Or, self-sacrifice. You do not serve yourself or others well when you make such sacrifices. Instead, you become the wounded healer, unable to truly help yourself or anyone else. Chiron, also in the cosmic mix with Mars and Jupiter, is actually referred to as the "Wounded Healer." Perhaps some of you can relate to that connection....
Sadly, wounded people always hurt others; it's usually unintentional. Yet, when you focus on negatives, negative energy will manifest all around you. You may not mean to hurt anyone but yourself. But you are not an island. And, your sacrificial wounds will send negative ripples through every life connected to yours. So, rather than beating yourself up for past mistakes, try seeing the positives. Even a negative experience teaches us something valuable. Do you know yourself better now? Then that's a positive change! It's all in how you perceive your reality. The glass is neither half full nor half empty; it is refillable. Unlimited. Like you.
If you had the chance to do things differently, would you? Tell that to the person you hurt. Let them know you wish you could go back in time to prevent their pain. That's pretty meaningful. Even if you think there's no way you could make up for whatever happened, just saying you wish you could help will ease the pain. Because, the person suffering suddenly feels less alone. Ultimately, that's what love is all about. Connecting. And, spreading positive energy through that connection. It's infectious. In a good way.
Put as much distance as you can between you and any negative energy. The year 2016 is about finding and keeping real love that will in turn nurture your soul, as well as show compassion to those still dwelling in the negatives. But compassion does not mean you must live amidst the negative energy with those who choose to stay in that world. And yes, it is a choice.
This week, even if tempted to don a sack cloth and smear yourself with ashes, decide instead to come up with ideas on how you can spread positive energy and love. There is so much we can do to heal others, and it costs absolutely nothing. A smile. A hug. A kind word. Avoid hurting anything, even insects. Hold the door open for a stranger. Wave and smile at a child. Talk to someone who is alone. Buy two coffees and give one to the cashier helping you. Write a letter to someone you love. Tell them how they made your life better. Tell them you love them. Then, show them. How? Spreading positive energy is a good first step....
We live in a perfectly imperfect world. I have found that when you truly love someone, even when they do things that hurt you, love is all that matters. Because in the end, you forgive them anything. Real love is unconditional love. Unconditional love is compassionate. It's patient. Kind. Generous. Forgiving. And, infinite. There are no limits. That's why, the only negative energy in a real love relationship does not come from the two people in it; it comes from outside attachments. When you really love someone, you see them as Superman or Wonder Woman. That's how you know the person you love behaves in negative ways not because of you, but because of negative energy from their past.
Most people call it baggage. But that suggests something you have to carry around. Negative energy feels heavy but in the end, it's just energy. It weighs almost nothing. You can easily clear it by using your words and actions to spread positives. You will feel better if you do. And so will everyone else around you.
I spend a lot of time talking about abuse in matters of love. But the fact remains that there is no abuse in real love. Period. The moment you are abused--meaning, consistent negative behavior repeated over time specifically directed at you--you are not in a healthy relationship. Because, even if you committed to that love, the abusive partner didn't. That kind of pain carries over to your next relationship if you don't clear out the negative attachments. How do you do this? By connecting to positive energy. When you do, you feel grateful. Happy. Blessed. But you are human, and if you haven't completely cleared your negative attachments, it may bleed back into your new world. You'll eventually fall into old negative patterns, taking for granted the positive energy that turned your life around. That's how people lose real love. By forgetting real love is a real rarity.
What does taking someone for granted mean? It means that instead of looking for solutions, you start looking for problems--a negative pattern you likely picked up from a previous negative attachment. Recognizing the beautiful solution before you is easy with real love. Because real love doesn't feel like anything you've ever felt before. Making it hard to miss.
On the other side of that coin, when someone you love is suffering a relapse from previous abuse, it gives you pain to see their suffering. The wounded healer needs to be healed. You want to hug them until every ounce of the pain in their eyes is drained away. You want to make them healthy, happy and give them joy, but you may find that a partner triggered by previous abuse won't let you, withdrawing instead. The best thing you can do in that circumstance is let your beloved know you care. That, you want them to stay. If they still wish to go, let them know you love them. And, when they're ready, you'll be waiting.
Yes, when you really love someone, sometimes, you have to let them go. But you never stop loving them. You never stop hoping they return either.
For the one left behind, try not to dwell on the negatives. Instead, remember all the positive energy you provided through things both big and small. Like creating a comfortable home, planning and going on a vacation together, and even the deepest expression of love, having a child--giving your whole self over to create a shared legacy of love, joy and hope for the person you believe in more than anything else in the world. Cooking healthy food, putting love into every delicious morsel. Even when you cook less-healthy delights, you cook not from a box, but from pure ingredients. From love. Maybe you'd do other considerate things, too, like get up early when you didn't have to in order to make coffee and a hot breakfast, putting on upbeat music to start the day right. And, change and wash the bed sheets every other day because you knew it would help the person you love sleep better. You gave affection freely, both showing and telling the depth of your love--remember that. The partner who left undoubtedly will, too. Because those are beautiful things. Things only a person who feels real love can do.
Love believes in you even if you don't believe in yourself. As you face this tough cosmic week considered "the week of sacrifice," know that you are not alone. Know, too, that your past is irrelevant. People are judged on choices made today, not mistakes from yesterday. That's what positive energy does. It has your back, no matter what. And, so do I.
Here are some affirmations for the week to help promote positive energy. Take a screen shot and look at it whenever you need a boost, reading each one aloud to start the positive flow:
1. I am worthy of real love.
2. My past does not define me.
3. I am capable of both giving and receiving unconditional love.
4. I will not give up hope. Even a small chance is still a chance.
5. I was put on this Earth to not just survive, but to thrive.
6. Positive energy costs nothing; it's easy to both give and receive.