How do you "get over" the kinds of deep loss I've had in the last year or so?
There's no easy answer. Though, I will try to break it down for you. Make it accessible. But more importantly, doable. Because, it is entirely possible to turn around EVERY negative you face into something positive. The good news is that, not only is it possible, it's also probable.
At some point, I felt that it just wasn't going to happen. Happiness. Peace. Joy. Whether it's losing real love, the loss of a job/career, the loss of a home, of a child, or in my case, all of the above, you don't just wake up one day, magically healed. As the months went by, it wasn't getting any better either. Sometimes, it actually felt worse!
But, after about 18 months, I was ready to quite literally unpack my baggage. When we have severe loss, though you may still keep your life moving, as I did, you're not really present for most of it. Because, everything feels surreal. As if someone hijacked your life. And, you want it back. So, you wait. You may not look like you're waiting, but on the inside you are. You feel stuck. Paralyzed. Like you can't move, even if you desperately want to. You pour over every detail of what was once your present and future, but in the span of a single day, quite suddenly became your past. You look for clues. Pieces to the puzzle. Hoping that, after enough time, someone, somewhere, whether in Heaven or on Earth, will see the grievous error and fix it.
But there was no error. In fact, loss is the Universe's way of helping you start fresh. You have a second chance to create the life you really want, even if you felt you were already living it. What you were really doing was making the best out of the life you were given. If that wasn't the case, it wouldn't have ended. There's nothing wrong with making the best of things. But you now know you have the power to shape your own world. You have choices. And, the first one you must make in order to move on from any loss is to love yourself. Unconditionally.
When you love yourself without making excuses for doing so, you have chosen to stop being a victim. You can still be victimized, but even if you are, you are brave enough to bear the social criticism of your survival. Yes, you read that right. A survivor must understand that her survival will be met with social suspicion. Scrutiny, even. Rather than be joyful you are alive and well, people will actually question whether or not your experience was real...because you are miraculously alive. It's always easier (and cheaper) to blame the victim rather than initiate social change that creates true accountability. Your very existence is proof of serious social problems. That is why some people will wish you had not survived. You're now a living, breathing blinking red sign. People will try to silence you as a result. Put you in a social box. Keep you down. Make you feel small. Afraid.
But you are a survivor now. That means you are also unbreakable. And, it means you are no longer afraid. Not even of being alone. When you've lost everything, except yourself, you have nothing more to lose. That makes you powerful. Strong. Not weak. Once you get over the unwarranted social scrutiny, you can really move your life in any direction you wish.
Removing limits is never easy. But after a major loss, or losses, you have the freedom to make real change. It takes time. It takes effort. And, it takes money. So, do not despair when change is slow. Do not apologize when change is slow. If you work toward change each and every day, at some point, you will see it manifest in your life.
The easiest change any of us can make is to move our bodies more. It's free to walk in nature. Or, run in nature. Start there. Move on to spending $20 a month at Planet Fitness instead of purchasing four coffees at Starbucks. Give your body an hour of aerobic exercise each and every day. Don't make excuses. Just do it. When you do, you will feel better. No matter what. When you feel better, you look better. Think better. And, people will take notice.
That's the beginning. The rest is up to you.
Someone didn't love you? That's too bad. For them. Now, your biggest problem is deciding who you want to spend your time with and how you want to spend it. When someone who doesn't want to be with you leaves, their decision doesn't limit your choices...it EXPANDS them. Once you assimilate what happened, never look back. Move forward. That's where the future is. YOUR future. You no longer have dead weight dragging you down. That's a gift. Unwrap it and find your true bliss....
Maybe you had to leave a job you loved? You probably didn't love it as much as you thought you did. Think of ways you can use those same talents to create multiple revenue streams that benefit your own pockets instead of someone else's. Boom! A new adventure awaits...now, go get it!
You had to move out of your dream home? The reasons why don't matter. What does matter is that all it takes to make a change is a single day. Think about it this way, you now know what you want in your future home and can build the next one as you rebuild the rest of your life EXACTLY where and how you want it. You won't have to accept the sub-par finishes the previous owner put in because they ran out of money. You can either build an entirely new house, or, find one you love in a location that is even better than the one you had before, and gut the inside. Make it yours. You're the Master Builder of your own life. Never forget it.
Loss from the death of a child is just devastating. And, it will never not be devastating. But you can honor that child through your new choices. Make them proud. Make yourself proud. Create charitable opportunities in that child's name. It costs nothing to hold a shoe drive for someplace like Soles4Souls or have friends and family drop off old towels and blankets at your home for the local animal shelter. You don't have to be rich to give back. Or, to make your loss into someone else's gain. Whether or not you have more children after losing one, the best way to show your love for that baby is to live your best life. Every single day. Finding ways to make other people's lives better will help you do just that.
If you are where I was a year ago, I want you to know there is SO much hope for not just a future, but a beautiful future. A beautiful life. Full of beautiful people. Beautiful opportunities. And, exciting new adventures. I still have days where I need to be alone. You will, too. The neural pathways in your brain that you used for living every day life in your past will never go away. Sometimes, something you don't even expect will catch you, triggering one of the old neural pathways back into action. It's not a set back. Think of it more like your brain making an update. It's just a glitch. So don't give up.
Never allow yourself to invest your time and effort into negative energy of any kind again. You must invest in only positive energy. That doesn't mean getting rid of people who have problems. We are all only human. We ALL have problems. Compassion, patience...this is part of positive change through unconditional love. Invest your positive energy into making positive change for not just you, but also, for anyone connected to you. The more people you help, the better your life will become. Making and maintaining meaningful connections is the ultimate purpose of all human existence. Yours will be better for it.
Life is not a dress rehearsal. I hear myself saying that a lot lately. Whether you've been stalled by loss or not, what are you waiting for? Really think about it. When opportunity knocks, you have to open the door and invite it in. You can't expect it to wait until you're ready in five or six years, or whenever you imagine that magic moment might be. There will always be a reason to not make change. It's the equivalent of giving up. You might as well go dig your grave right now.
Loss is loss. It's not something to be grateful for. But being alive is. If you're reading this, you're alive. And if you're alive, you can turn any loss around. Heck, you don't even have to wait for loss to happen to make your life better.
We often become domesticated. Like dogs. Things are easier if we go with the flow. We don't have to think as much, do as much. As long as we follow the commands of whoever our master is, we have a comfortable place to sleep. We get fed. We get to go for a walk in the park once in a while. But on the inside, you'll always be a wolf. Therefore, good enough will never really be good enough. That is the true reason loss is inevitable.
If positive energy enters your world and encourages you to feel your fangs, it's time to escape your cage....
#TwinFlames #1111 Post-script: I wanted to share that the #Twin fawn I thought had died in the intersection last week was a false #Twin. The original set of #Twins had only been separated temporarily. One was probably hiding out in a patch of woods until its mother and sibling came back to get it. Fawns will often lay down to camouflage themselves in woods while waiting for their mother's return. As of two days ago, the #Twins have been reunited. Their mother has a distinctive mark as do they. I also identified an older sibling from the same mother, a single doe, who the mother brought to my yard to feed. Two-and-two always equal four, and four is forever #1111.
For my #TwinFlames out there, you will note how this occurrence with the #Twin fawns mimics what is a common #TwinFlame narrative. #Twins unite, are together and feel unparalleled joy. After a time, the #Twins can be separated from each other. During separation, a false #Twin may emerge. But once the negatives are cleared, the false #Twin "dies" off to allow the real #Twins to reunite once again. Just got a "yes" knock to that....
On my own #Twin journey, I have recently been faced with my #Twin's doppelgänger. To be honest, I'm not always sure--of the two--who the real #Twin is. The math is the same for both. There's no question we are all #TwinFlames, but only one is my true #Twin. Time will eventually reveal the answer, but it is interesting how my current #Twin journey is reflected in my environment. Perhaps if you, too, are facing a similar situation, something in the return and reunion of the #Twin fawns may also be a message for you.