Not on my watch! I want you to be successful in every area of your life. And, you can be--even if it is different from the way you expected or hoped.
A great majority of the questions were about reuniting with the other half of your soul in 2017, significant dates for love, how you know you've met your #TwinFlame, if a happy ending is possible, is #Twin telepathy real, and...,"Will I ever be happy again after my #Twin broke my heart???" The answers you seek will not be what you necessarily want to hear, but they are the answers that will improve your life and get you back to a healthy space, where anything is possible:
When you give yourself unconditional love, it becomes both your guide and your shield. Truly, no one can love someone else unless you first know how to love yourself. That means saying no to even your #Twin when he or she has hurt you.
"But, I want to be with my #Twin...I don't want to push them away." You didn't. Your "#Twin" left. Don't let anyone into your life who has not first PROVEN they are worthy.
When you love yourself unconditionally, it means removing conditions others place on love, too. When a person loves you, he or she also respects you. That respect includes caring for your health, your safety, your finances, your emotional and psychological well-being, and, caring that you live in a safe, healthy environment. When I first read about the #TwinFlame narrative, what bothered me most was the pattern of abandonment and abuse that seemed to be accepted as a standard or "normal" part of the journey.
I'm sorry, but abuse of any kind is totally unacceptable. You will never forget the person you consider to be your #Twin. You will never not love that individual, no matter how much you have suffered. The connection is real. Harvard University published proof in 2014 that telepathy between strangers was real, so yes, when you are deeply connected to another person, it's likely you can "receive" at least simple images. BUT, if you can't verify what you believe to be telepathy, or some variation of psychic connection with a person you love, you cannot assign meaning to it. You just can't. When you do assign unverified meaning, you cross a psychological line. Where does reality end, and fantasy begin???
Fantasy is any image where a person who was abusive and cruel to you is pictured as being loving and kind. The reality is harsh. It hurts. But I strongly encourage you to search your own mind, not anyone else's, for WHY you would choose a person who would be cruel, abusive and/or abandon you. I can tell you why I made that choice...too many times now to count. If it helps even one reader to feel less alone, I am more than happy to share.
Why I chose an unstable partner is the same reason that, when I bought my first house, I bought it because it was a total wreck. I mean...the house was disgusting. Not only was it filthy inside and out, every single surface needed to be changed. It took almost a decade, and A LOT of money. My house is finally close to being worth what I put into it in repairs, improvements and upgrades. It took time, patience, and so much hard work, you simply wouldn't believe me if I told you. Those HGTV shows that make flipping a house look like a breeze? LIES. It's easy, sure, if you're rich. You give someone a bunch of money and everything is easy.
I like fixer-uppers. I can see potential amidst garbage. I see that because I was devalued as a child. As a result, I thought of myself as a "fixer-upper." When I had cancer, family told me to be good to my husband, because I was "lucky" he was willing to stay with me. Frankly, he was the lucky one. I'm not just pretty...I'm gorgeous. But I'm also brilliant, artistic, talented, resourceful, professional...not to mention my ability to cook like a gourmet chef, speak more languages than 80% of humans on Planet Earth, and a plethora of other positive attributes, not the least of which is my ability to laugh. And, love.
I'm amazing. Period. But I still gave myself away at a deep discount because I accepted social lies. That will never happen again. I'm not broken. I never was. I just believed what other people told me about myself. None of it was true. Yet, I was convinced otherwise. So convinced, I denied myself love and affection for decades. Decades! My life was fine from the outside...but not on the inside. That was no one's fault but mine. I was so sad as a result, that the moment the tiniest bit of hope found me--at 42--I ignored SO MANY red flags, I was practically bleeding vulnerability. My desperation to feel happiness stemmed from the feeling that I might never get another crack at it again. I can't help but wonder now, if the "chance" I thought I was taking was more about self-sabotage. Instead of taking a real chance, I settled for much less than I should have.
Maybe some of you can relate???
Until and unless you become more self-aware, you should not worry about the person you consider your #Twin at all. How long has it been since your #Twin reached out to you? If it has been 18 months or longer, the person you seek is no longer seeking you. Do you want another 18 months to go by, where you are looking for a heart that is not looking for you? Do you really want to spend THREE YEARS or more crying over a person who left you??? Because, that is what will happen. I'm not telling you to forget that individual. I'm not saying you should stop loving them. What I am advising is that you not allow another person's mistakes to ruin your future, one day at a time, one month at a time, one year at a time. It's self-torture. You do not deserve that. If someone left you behind, it is exceptionally sad and you will always miss that person because it was not you who left in the first place. You may have been angry and said some things you regret as a result of what felt like utter betrayal to you. Anyone who betrays real love that has deep social and emotional disconnects. That person is unstable. You may not have understood that...love is blind, after all. But, that in no way means you did a single thing to deserve it. You are not to blame for someone else's choices; let them live with their regrets. Because, it is now your turn to start living again.
When you add in the narrative of #TwinFlames to lost love, it may make you feel better--at first. But, over time, it becomes extremely unhealthy, encouraging people to accept abuse and neglect in order to maintain a connection with an individual who otherwise abandoned you. Abandonment is literally a felony because it is considered a complete betrayal of social, psychological, emotional, and physical bonds. Any human being who proves toxic through things like abandonment is not a person you need in your life. While you know this, you find yourself still thinking of that person, loving them, wanting them. It's like your brain resets itself every night. And, actually, it does. What you are experiencing are early signs of mental deterioration. It's related to Sundown Syndrome, associated with Dementia--both of which tend to occur at advanced ages. But, why is that? It's assumed it's because of age itself, but it's more about suffering decades upon decades upon decades of human trauma, or loss. Then, something seemingly small can happen, and a person is never the same again. But you can strengthen your mind. You can prevent any form of deterioration.
When trauma happens--like the loss of a loved one--no matter how that loss happens, the brain reboots when you sleep, taking you to your happy place to help you heal. That's why it's up to you to create new happy places. Because, after years of reboots back to a life and a love you no longer have, you will wake up one day wishing you hadn't. And, that is not what a person whose only crime was to love another deserves.
Rather than recognize what is a biological imperative for survival, you might assume your #Twin is thinking about you and that's why you are thinking of your #Twin. But, that's not necessarily the case. And, assigning absent people characteristics and motives that are unverifiable is just what you want to be true. It's not a psychic connection. It's your psyche, trying to connect. You don't want to let go of an otherwise toxic person because, well, that person made you feel something no one else ever had. You also hang on to that person to avoid holding yourself accountable for self-sabotage and self-punishment.
I know, I know...you thought you were doing "the right thing" by taking a chance on love. But, you weren't really taking a chance at all. You knew, somewhere inside, that the person you believed made you happier than anyone else in your life, was also going to destroy you. It might have felt shocking, at first, but in retrospect, you can see the red flags you ignored, can't you? Of course you can.
It's hard to admit that we hurt ourselves in order to continue patterns that feel comfortable and familiar, even if totally destructive. That one's taken me two years to recognize. Though, all I really did was put my money on the safest bet for sure-fire failure.
So, what is it that really matters, besides love. Besides sex. Besides the need for physical affection.
I want to feel safe. Secure. Loved. Happy. I want to travel to a few special places I have yet to see. I want to be able to pay my monthly expenses and future expenses...not for some mythical "retirement," but to pay for my funeral. My marker. Maybe leave a little something to surviving family. Help them continue on after me. That's my real legacy. It's yours, too.
Would I love to have the fantasy? The dream-life I attempted to seize in 2014??? Yes, very much so. But, barring a total miracle, I need to feel happy with what my life is right now. And, it's pretty great. I can't complain. Not really. Maybe things aren't perfect, but I'm safe. I'm loved. I get to have some modicum of joy. I get to spend time with beloved nephews. So much of my every day existence is literally an uphill battle, but I'm still here. And, I'm happy. As happy as I can be.
Just because I'm "happy" in myself does not mean I suddenly stop growing or evolving or shooting for the moon. I work at the concept of "more" each day. Whether or not I sell millions of books in the future, I am still successful. Successful because I am not complacent. I do not accept the social limits others place on me, my gender, or, my life. When I die, I will die knowing that I did EVERYTHING in my power to improve myself every single day of my life. THAT is the definition of having no regrets. I can't control the actions of others; I can only control my own. I'm only responsible for myself. Accountable for my own behavior. People that deny their accountability, shirking their responsibilities, push the consequences of their disconnects onto others. I am not one of those people. I know many of them--not always by choice--but today, as an adult, I can choose to avoid those individuals. So can you. That's the definition of taking control.
You know who will have regrets??? The people who are not self-aware. Those who have yet to learn their capacity for unconditional self-love.
IF you embrace positive energy, work at loving yourself unconditionally, and continuously increase your self-awareness, YOU WILL SUCCEED no matter what your goals may be.
How do I know? Physics. Mathematics. Both prove that If you make efforts each day, eventually, you reach "critical mass." Malcolm Gladwell called it "the tipping point." The math of success is simply never stopping. If you want to publish a book, get a job, or start a business, you have to get up each and every day--even weekends and holidays--and write/submit at least one query, one job application, one business proposal. At some point, that math will add up to an opportunity.
When will you meet your #Twin in 2017? What are the important dates??? You tell me. All it takes is a phone call. You can end the drama anytime. You just don't want to. Why? Because of the language in what equates to nothing more, and nothing less than a very old story about the complexities of human love. The #TwinFlame mythology includes the "runner"--the person who abandons their other half--and a "chaser"--the person left behind. Runners are associated with males; chasers are associated with females. Not a great start. It implies mobility and socio-economic superiority for males and clinginess and insecurity for females. In reality, "runners" run because they are exceptionally insecure, fearful people filled with overwhelming anxiety, while "chasers" are not clingy or unstable--they are loyal people who take commitment seriously. If you're the "runner," you have a lot of explaining to do to the "chaser." In the current cultural climate of "not trying means not failing," it's unlikely a runner ever chooses to take the blame and assume responsibility. Society actually makes it acceptable not to.
"Chasers" aren't chasing anyone when trying to make sense of what happened. You're not chasing a person when looking for context; you're chasing answers. There are plenty to find, but none that will ever help you better understand why a person you loved and who loved you would walk away. "Runners" are not stable people--whether male or female. If they abandoned you and their responsibilities connected to the life you shared when you were sharing it, what makes you think that same person will suddenly take responsibility when you aren't? There is no reason for a runner to come forward after years, except for self-serving reasons. They themselves are abandoned, or need shelter, perhaps financial support. When I read about "runners: who return years later, I always cringe on behalf of the "chaser," usually the author of the "happy" news. Unless your "runner" returns with more than just the excuses he's attempting to use to justify his abuse, the return of the runner is not happy. And, won't be. It may feel happy, but once the "chaser" gets over the joy of seeing a face you missed for years...then what? You're going to kiss the lips that you know pleasured someone else? You're going to sleep soundly next to a person who stole away while your back was turned??? If a "runner" does miraculously become a better, healthier version of themselves, they will come to you offering friendship and devotion without asking anything from you. You can then develop real trust over time with consistent, action-oriented behavior.
I never recommend "chasers" call a "runner" after years have passed; it's not your responsibility at this point. If your "runner" needs an engraved invitation to make things right, there's little hope of things ever being "right" again with that person. If you feel real love, the love was real--so a reasonable person will always feel sad about the loss of what is entirely rare. But the person who walked away (or, ran away, as the case may be), is not stable; therefore, you cannot apply reason to the unreasonable. That kind of behavior is not based on logic or ethics. It's based on fear. The "runner" is gone; that individual had disappeared long before they physically left. Anyone who lacks self-awareness to such a degree that abandoning real love ever seemed like a good idea will never be the solution to any chaser's grief. Recognizing this means letting go of the past. Of victimhood. Of grief. And, that may not be something you're ready to do. That's okay. "Chasers" bear a terrible burden. When you're ready to forgive yourself, you will. In the meantime, here's how to help your brain stop rerouting you to your past so you have a brighter future:
Today is February 1st. What were your January goals? How many did you meet? How many did you exceed? Any???
From February 1-June 1, there are 119 days to create new opportunities for new success. Those are the dates to worry about. If you walked away from a person you love and regret it, you essentially can do at least one thing for the next 119 days to change that. If you were the one who was left behind, and it just feels like life will never be right again, you can do one thing each day for the next 119 days to improve your body, your mind, and your soul. No, the person you miss may never show up again. But you'll have showed up for yourself. Life is infinitely better when you are physically fit, mentally fit, and spiritually fit. It's realistic to accomplish all three levels of fitness in the next 119 days. So, why not do it???
Hey, I don't always want to get out of bed. I don't always want to bike 25 miles. I don't always want to eat organic. So, maybe once a week, I'll let something go. Maybe I work from home one day. Instead of biking 25 miles, maybe I just turn on some music and dance for an hour. And, rather than eating 1,200 calories worth of unpackaged, whole foods, maybe I have a few jellybeans. Maybe I throw some Ovaltine into my milk. Or, maybe I buy a mini chocolate cream pie, just for me (yeah, I did that...and it was fucking awesome). That's part of loving yourself, too. It's part of being self-aware. Maybe the soul you love beyond reason never presses a pink flower behind your ear again, but that's not the end of the world. Healthy is H-O-T. Get healthy, and you'll find that you will be followed by a long line of admirers. Take your pick! They won't all be worthy of you. But the unconditional love you feel for yourself will always protect you.
#119 days from today, what changes do you want to see in your life??? Whatever they are, you will be 100% successful if you use the next 119 days to love yourself, become more self aware and increase the positive energy flow in your life.
June 1st. That's your deadline to effect positive change. You'll have the best summer ever if you make a daily effort to improve your world now. Love follows positivity around like a playful puppy. Do yourself a favor; for the next four months, don't even think of your "#Twin." That person will still cross your mind, but don't let yourself dwell on loss. Create new neural pathways of positivity. Whenever your #Twin comes to mind, go to the window and look outside. Turn on some fun music. Check out photos on Instagram. No self-sabotage or self-punishment allowed for the next 119 days! Pay your bills. Brush your teeth, floss, eat well. Move your body. Spend time laughing with friends. Create memories. Read a good book or two. Take up a new hobby. Volunteer. Cook. Meditate. And, by the time you get to June 1st, you'll barely recognize yourself in the mirror. In a good way....
I believe in you!