As beautiful as his outsides were, his insides were even more so. As we spoke, his face softened at me, not with pity--with empathy. Compassion. He was saddened by the loss of my daughter. Horrified by the circumstances surrounding that loss. But he also saw my indomitable spirit. He admired that. As much as I admired his. Even at 25, he had faced significant trials. None of which held him down. Or back. It made me realize that I was letting the gravity of another soul anchor mine. And, my dreams. It was as if my lungs suddenly discovered oxygen. I filled them. Deeply. As I did, my friend held me close, and every muscle in my body relaxed.
We laughed together, cried together, danced together, and at the end of our serendipitous meeting, I felt renewed somehow. Uplifted. Like I'd had a chance encounter with an angelic presence. And it healed me. It felt like a miracle. Because I finally felt like me again.
That night, I slept for the first time in four months. Yesterday, I shed not a single tear. And this morning, I awoke easily. Not startled awake. No nightmares. Just peace. And joy. A sense of relief washed over me. Because, I'm free again. Free to be myself. To be happy and alive and full of love for the world. I asked my friend if he was an angel. He laughed and said, "I don't so much believe in God...I believe in people."
Yup. An angel. I just couldn't see his wings. Because he gave them to me. So I could fly, too.
My beautiful niece, Jireh, in the picture, right, was born days before I lost #Emma. When I held that precious angel in my arms, also a miracle, her indomitable spirit woke mine up. Thanks to Jireh, I became more open to the possibilities. Like my angelic 25-year old friend. He appeared at a crucial moment for me, a guardian on my new journey. My personal angel helped me to accept this latest call to adventure. He gently, kindly, and rather sweetly, ushered me across the threshold to face the trials ahead. Trials which he assured me with uncanny confidence, will take me to where he said I not only need to go, but where I deserve to be. Successful. That was his wish for me. For some reason, he believed in me. I'm not sure why. Except that, perhaps, he was truly an angel, and not a man at all.
Maybe I will not hold my own daughter in my arms, but I do have a Destiny. And, it is not fated. It's mine. To imagine. To create. To live.
I won't waste this miracle. I promise.