As a result of that single decision, I am stronger, more confident. I know what I want, and will not settle for less. I know I am not second best because I now understand my full value, my total worth. I know I am beautiful, too, inside and out. And no, I did not necessarily know it before a year ago. Not really.
I know what it means to feel loved, supported, cherished, wanted...and by someone who asked for nothing in return. I know peace. I know joy. And though it is not present at the moment, I have known true happiness. That journey brought me to independence. To learning how to walk on my own again, both figuratively and literally.
I had a travel partner on this journey. A person who sent me positives every morning, every afternoon, every night. No matter what was happening, I could count on my travel partner's reassurance. To make me feel whole. To dream with me. To believe in me. But everything with a beginning has an end. Though my journey is still ongoing, the travel partner who helped me begin it walks a different path today. If our destiny is written in the stars, so was our parting.
We two often gazed at the stars together. It was an almost nightly ritual this past autumn. As the leaves fell from the trees, so fell our partnership. Gently, at first. But winter was coming. I could feel it in my bones. Worse, there was nothing I could do to stop it. I simply braced for the inevitable impact. But we can never fully understand the effect of momentum when in the midst of it.
It was winter when we began, after the solstice, when the days grew longer, hinting at the summer ahead. It gave me hope then. Today, though I now know more than I did a year ago, my sense of hope has suffered what I fear is irreparable loss.
I want to say that despite it all, I am powering forward on my journey...an unstoppable juggernaut with an immortal's heart. And soul. Immortal as I am, and so, destined to survive infinite endings, living through as many as I have does not make my immortality easier to bear. With each death I survive, I lose a part of myself. It is a high cost. But I am compelled to pay it anyway.
And this time, the #Anniversary of such an historic beginning means the pain of the ending is all the more keen. Sharp, even. It makes me a living Akhilandeshwari among a sea of cold-blooded crocodilian souls. Perhaps that explains the Garuda, bright blue and broad-chested, floating over my right shoulder....
Even though there was a bitter end, there will always be today, the #Anniversary of a beautiful beginning. The beauty can never fade. You see, my memory is as immortal as I am. For, one day, when I have grown tired enough, I will finally go home. And my travel partner, shining like the Sun, will be waiting for me. We can then begin anew. The next journey we start together, we will finish together as well. That's a promise. One my immortal soul has the ability to take beyond the edges of our ever-expanding Universe.
I'm not yet ready to go home, but when I am, all I need to do is look to the stars. It's all you need to do, too.